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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895865">Passing Ships</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejeeperswife/pseuds/thejeeperswife'>thejeeperswife</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Finding Harbors [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age - Various Authors, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Agreements, Airplanes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Baby Names, Chance Meetings, Childbirth, Confessing Feelings, Dad!Cullen, Dancing Lessons, Depression, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Fluff, Friendship, Growing Family, Happy, Happy Ending, Heart Transplant Receiver, High Risk Pregnancy, High-Risk Pregnancy, IVF, Implied/Referenced Death in Childbirth, Infertility, Love Confessions, Mage-Templar Relations, Mages, Marriage, Meet the Family, Misconceptions, Mother-in-Laws, Motherhood, Nursery, One Night Stands, Only One Bed, Organ Transplantation, Overcoming fears, PTSD, Physical Health Problems, Pining, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Troubles, Raising Family, Romance, Romancing Protagonist, Slow Burn-ish, Smut, Snowball Fight, Strangers to Lovers, Surprises, Surviving Childbirth, Teamwork, Templars, Trust, Trust Issues, Unplanned Pregnancy, Wedding, Winning Character Over, drunk decisions, estranged family, labor, nursing back to health, past traumas, sex then love, ultrasound</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:42:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>146,147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895865</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejeeperswife/pseuds/thejeeperswife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two plane passengers meet on a delayed return flight.  They just wanted a relaxing night after a long defeating week.  Drunk and willing to take a leap of faith, they spend a single night together believing they will never see one another again.</p><p>Except all the stars align and POOF!  Now, Evie is an overly anxious mage pregnant with a stranger’s baby.  And the mysterious father just moved to town?!</p><p>For the next few months, a one-night stand turns into a partnership that must overcome fears, misconceptions, and old hurts.  Can two people who initially hit it off establish a friendship for their baby’s sake?  Is love even possible?</p><p>Story Theme:  "Whirring" by The Joy Formidable<br/>Cullen and Evie's Song:  "Wonderwall" by Oasis</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassandra Pentaghast/Male Trevelyan, Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Finding Harbors [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755157</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>603</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>176</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Ships That Pass In The Night...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So first, I've already FINISHED writing this story.  I have some editing to do, but overall it's done.  It just poured out within a month's time.  Ever since my good friends <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kemvee">Kemvee</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarenka">Sarenka</a> put this Unplanned Pregnancy AU prompt in my head, I became obsessed until I found a plot I could enjoy.  I went through four test plots.  I thank you, my Writing Sisters, for inspiring me and cheering me on everyday.  You are the greatest!</p><p>I dedicate this story to my Hubby, my rock and soulmate.  Many themes, medical issues, and fears that are discussed come from the hubby and I's long, painful struggle to have children.  I use this story as a safe and constructive way to approach these pains, while bringing a happy ending to my characters.  I live through Evie and Cullen in hopes one day the hubby and I can have a happy family together.  Love you, Handsome.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Song:  "Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out)" by Citizen King</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p><em>“Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,</em><br/>
<em>Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;</em><br/>
<em>So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,</em><br/>
<em>Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.”</em> [1]</p><p>~Henry Wadworth Longfellow, "Part III, The Theologian’s Tale: Elizabeth Section IV"</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>As soon as Evie saw that her return flight’s first leg was delayed by two hours, she knows she will spend a night in Val Royeaux.  Even if her connecting flight waits, there is no way she will catch it in time.  A toddler designed Val Royeaux’s terminals while on so much caffeine the kid’s heart could power half of Rivain. </p><p>The geologist really does not want to stay in the stuffy Orlesian capital.  She just spent this week yelling at Chantry officials.  Her advice fell on idiotic deaf ears.  Evie wants to get home and drink her liquor cabinet dry, restock the bottles, and do it again.  Alas, Evie sees the writing on the wall, turns to her smartphone and books the last available room in Val Royeaux.  It is expensive, but at least she can sleep in a clean bed and not in those Orlesian cesspool terminals again.  Once was enough.</p><p>By the time her flight out of Hunter’s Fall took off, Evie successfully cleared out the terminal bar of good aged tequila.  She already hates flying and after the week she had, she just started drinking.  Hopefully, by the time she lands, she can sneak to her favorite alienage diner and eat comfort food and bitch to old friends until she passes out. </p><p>At least the inferno mage fairs better than the man sitting beside her in business class.  He grips the arm rests during takeoff like he might fall out of the plane.  He does not relax until they are cruising altitude.  Even then, he pinches the bridge of his nose and groans when the turbulence hits.  Each unexpected bump breaks the pomade holding his curly waves at bay.</p><p>Feeling a little better with a tequila buzz, Evie reaches into her oversized purse and pulls out her Tylenol.  Popping two in her mouth and drinking her provided water cup dry, she waves her open bottle to her seatmate.</p><p>“You look like you need some right now.”  Evie quips with a slight smile.  “It’s just Tylenol.”</p><p>Evie thinks how handsome this hesitant man is with his scarred lip and tossed blonde hair.  His defined cheekbones and hard stubble jaw just adds to the package.  The most enchanting aspect is his dark amber eyes that mirror the ancient tree sap perfectly.  She noticed flicks of brown and gold around his pupils.  The only other person she knows with honey-brown eyes is Alistair, her semi-head boss.  So, to see this stranger with such unique eyes makes Evie forget herself and talk even when her proverbial foot mumbles her words. </p><p>The mage snaps out of her physical admiration.  A quick eye swipe to his left ring finger shows he is not married, a shock really.  Must be a dirt bag to be so handsome and not taken.  Maybe he has a partner at home and has not proposed yet.  Probably engaged.  Lucky bastard or bitch.</p><p>The man sighs and opens his palm for the two offered pills.  “Thanks.  I hate flying.  The pressurization gives me migraines.”</p><p>“Ouch, sorry to hear that.”  Evie drops them in his offered hands, seeing old scars and softening calluses.  She recaps the bottle and tosses in her purse.</p><p>“It just adds to an already terrible week.”  The hurting seat mate mumbles swallowing the pills dry.  He winces at the medicine taste.  “I knew going to that conference at the last minute would be stupid, but I took the chance.  I spent a week arguing with buffoons that have no intentions to change policy.”  He blushes and rubs his neck.  “Sorry.  I’ve been brooding about it all for the last few hours.”</p><p>“The Lyrium Reevaluation Conference?”  Evie asks with a perked brow.</p><p>The man opens his mouth, those stunning whiskey eyes studying her cautiously.  “Yes, how did you know?”</p><p>Evie thumbs to herself.  “Because I spent the week in front of the Red Lyrium Surveillance Council arguing for more funding to remove nodes in low-income regions and developing countries.  They do not care city elves are dying and turning into lyrium nodes in alienages.  Or casteless dwarven populations hope their natural resistance to lyrium will possible save them.  Or that people like myself try to remove them before that horrid stuff poisons potable water supplies.  As long as the Chantry and their precious mining millionaires are okay and making bucks, screw anyone else.”</p><p>The seat mate chuckles.  “That sounds similar to my debates, but I focus on lyrium recovery for templars, mages, and other addicted populations.  Fifty years after the Chantry finally <em>admits</em> they get people addicted to blue or red lyrium, they refuse to fund addiction recovery centers.  They rely on outside institutions to do it all.”</p><p>“Exactly!”  Evie injects with big bright green eyes.  Finally, someone with some brains that understand what is really happening!  “The only reason I sit in business class is because my facility's director begged me to go, already knowing everything falls on deaf ears.  I work for those non-government organizations that rely on donations.  For addiction recovery, an organization that falls under our umbrella just open a new office to focus because the Chantry is doing <em>nothing</em>.”</p><p>The fellow lyrium fighter pouts and grits his teeth.  “You all hiring?  I’ve work within Chantry hierarchy networks since I was eighteen.  I left the templars to become a doctor to find a new purpose.  I want to save my fellow addicted brothers- and sisters-in-arms.  Instead, I used most of my own money to keep my clinics open.”</p><p>Evie wants to pats the doctor’s hand—as a comrade gesture—but feels it is inappropriate.  “I’m sorry to hear that.  I can understand your frustration.  Your dedication to your patients and clinic speaks greatly about your views on medicine.  I’ve seen many medical personnel leave addiction medicine once seeing the lacking pay and little thanks.”</p><p>“Meanwhile, I get your work trying to rid the world of red lyrium.”  The blond, handsome man nods and grins.  His accent is definitely Fereldan, husky and a deep baritone.  Each time he speaks, it rumbles in Evie’s chest.  “Most people are running the opposite direction when people discover a new growing node or infected person.”</p><p>“They are the same people who come back later demanding I pay for the insurance deductibles on lost buildings or land.  Bloody moronic cravens.  Still, I’m married to my job.”  Evie shrugs, dying for another tequila shot.  “I lost a brother to red lyrium.  We were on a rafting trip when I was in undergraduate school for all things music.  He fell into the water, scratched his head against a hidden red lyrium node.  He…died a week later.  They had to stop his heart to avoid it growing beyond safety containment in his brain.  After that, I switched majors, got my doctorate, and vowed to research and do my part to rid this bloody world of <em>all</em> lyrium.”</p><p>The doctor purses his lips.  “I’m sorry for your loss.”  His eyes soften, watching Evie.</p><p>Evie waves her hand.  “No, I shouldn’t have unloaded that.  That experience just reminds me of why I keep going to such conferences and doing everything possible for policy change, especially for the forgotten, most risky populations.  I’m actually allergic to lyrium, and I’m a <em>mage</em>.”</p><p>Yup, Evie’s buzzing.  If sober, she would never announce her mage status so easily, especially to a former templar.  However, she was just done with politics.  Chantry, mages, templars, elves, humans, dwarves, Qunari…all of it.  She will never see this husky broad Fereldan again, so fuck it.</p><p>The doctor stiffens for a moment before taking a lengthy breath.  Mage-Templar relations have taken an age to relax, but it does not mean prejudice does not permeate the populace.  Evie’s people gained the right to marry and have children twenty years ago while she was in Circle educational system.  There are still some countries that enforce those old laws.  Too many conservatives too dedicated to the ancient Chantry call her people’s magic demonic, her own half-sister included. </p><p>All because of the <em>fucking </em>Chantry.</p><p>“You’re…allergic?”  The doctor questions surprised.  “What happened to during your harrowing?”</p><p>“Singed the knight-commander and first enchanter.”  Evie giggles, shaking her head.  She takes down her ponytail to avoid a hangover headache later.  “My older brother was the knight-lieutenant in charge overseeing the ritual.  Thankful, I learned in a more understanding Circle so the on-duty healer recognized the rash, closing throat, and other signs.  I was in the infirmary for three days with so much Benadryl I saw purple dragons eating fairies.”</p><p>That makes the man laugh.  “Maker’s breath!  You always open with everyone that sits by you?”</p><p>Evie giggles, winking.  “You just have one of those faces…and I drank half a tequila bottle the last twelve hours because Chantry mothers have the worst droning tones.  I’m likely stuck in Val Royeaux tonight.  The delay makes it I have ten minutes to reach my connecting flight.”</p><p>The guy groans and rubs his face.  “Maker, I hope you’re wrong.  My connection is the same time we land.  Never book a flight the night before leaving.  They sold every direct flight to Kirkwall this morning.  This was the only available one that did not make me stay in Hunter’s Fall for three more days.”</p><p>Evie winces for over one reason.  “First, that sucks.  Second, you work with recovering addicts in <em>Kirkwall?!</em>”</p><p>The doctor nods and grimaces.  “That was my last military station before retiring and weaning myself off lyrium alone.  Never go to medical school and stop lyrium at the same time.”</p><p>Evie chuckles, but mentally asking herself <em>how </em>he bloody survived under such conditions.  “Duly noted.”</p><p>The man glances out the window like seeing the black skies will settling his trembling. “I saw everything there.  The violence, addiction, horrible leadership,…everything imaginable.  That’s why I changed my mind and went to the conference.  I’ve been doing everything within the government policy and finally recognized the writing on the wall.  This was my last opportunity to change everyone’s lives there…most of all, my patients.  It did not work.  I knew it wouldn’t.”</p><p>Evie risks touching his shoulder this time.  His head whips around, amber eyes staring at her warily.  The mage researcher smiles, trying her best to be as non threatening and empathetic.  If this man works in Kirkwall, he knows the worst mages can do.</p><p>“All we can do is keep trying.”  Evie encourages with pleading eyes.  She over her hand.  “My name is Evie.”</p><p>The doctor watches her before smirking.  He nods and slides his hand into hers.  His palm is coarse, likely from gun or rifle use over the years.  She does not hear much lyrium in his blood, only soft tapping keys like a child testing a piano for the first time.  It frightens her because she has never heard another person make such a sound.  A lyrium hum, yes, but not music.  Her magic resembles a violin inside her soul.  Her brother Rian never made music, nor Cassandra and Dorian.  Why this man?  A kindred spirit in the fight to change the world to a better place?  Evie feels a connection with him, one she never thought would happen after just a short defeating conversation.</p><p>The mage waves off the inner tune and bubbling feelings.  She listens intently to the doctor.  “I’m Cullen.”  His name sound delightful in his Fereldan rough accent.</p><p>Evie smiles and blushes.  “This calls for some drinks.”  She lets go of his hand and waves for an attendant.</p><p>Cullen chuckles.  “While I usually avoid drinking and flying, after this week, I will let it slide.”</p><p>“What’s your poison?  My treat.”  Evie smirks as the lady finally sees her hand and overhead blinking light.</p><p>“Whiskey, neat.”</p><p>Evie laughs.  “Never water down a drink, right?  I’ll switch to a boiler marker.  I doubt if they have my aged tequila.”</p><p>Cullen shakes his head with a dashing smirk.  “Are you still in college or want to rot your stomach?”</p><p>The mage eyes him right before the waitress arrives.  “So I’ll need a liver transplant in the next five years.  I will address that then.  No, we both just had a shitty week.  It’s five o’clock somewhere.”</p><p>Cullen does not respond, just laughs and shaking his head.  It seems his migraine leaves him the longer they talk.  Finally, a carefree moment after a terrible week.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>           </p><p>“Well, I called it.”  Evie’s lightly freckled cheek twitches, while staring at the arrival departure flights board.  Beside her, Cullen is about to rip his hair out.  With his laptop bag thrown over his shoulder and his rolling carry-on behind him, he just stands there staring at the departure blinking lights.  “The turbulence fucked us.”  The mage offers as a condolence.</p><p>Cullen’s scarred lip jumps a few times.  “It’s just my luck.  They already have me on a midday flight tomorrow, but still.”  Those amber eyes flick to her.  “There is one city I hate, and that’s <em>Val Royeaux.</em>”  Since he put back two whiskeys, the man loosen up.  His anxiety disappeared once landing.  He does not shy away from her as much now.</p><p>Evie busts out laughing and shakes her head.  “Spoken like a true Fereldan.  What your plan then?”</p><p>Cullen takes a huge breath, pinching his nose.  “I guess I’m sleep in the terminals.  You’re right.  Everything’s booked for that damn Imperial Lion celebration in the city.  They might celebrate their once glorious empire, but every Fereldan knows we beat the crap out of them in the Blessed Age.”</p><p>Evie also discovered the ex-templar was a huge history buff.  Her own historical knowledge stems from masters geological and archaeological excavations.  Cullen makes it easy to talk about such matters.  He is quite passionate and caring about many things besides his medical goals.   The more they talked over the last several hours, the more Evie wondered about his huge character flaw that explained why he was not married-</p><p>-Not like Evie is looking to date.  Her job is her life.  She has no time for dating, marriage, and most of all <em>kids!</em>  Of course, her mother dislikes that attitude greatly.  <em>“We’re not getting any younger, Evelyn,”</em> Lady Gwen Trevelyan states during most family dinners nowadays.</p><p>Evie grimaces and gazes around the empty airport.  It is late.  No more flights leave tonight.  Her gut flips thinking this delightful man will sleep here like she had to two years ago.  Airports and unknown areas creep him out easily.  Cullen has already jumped at loud unexpected noises in the terminal.  When Evie stayed here, she never slept and was so mentally frayed she resembled an escaped mental patient. </p><p>Furthermore, both people complained they were starving.  She knew Val Royeaux—unfortunately—from when her sister lived here a few years ago.  She knew where to eat away from the crowds, especially during this festival.  Evie discovered such places running away from her sister’s house filled with too many masked nobles too suck up to realize they are eating shit and think it is expensive.</p><p>Maker, is she about to offer this idea rolling around in her mind!?  The guy could be a Dexter-Trinity serial kill; doctor by day, murderer at night.  She has been drinking.  So has he.  This all spells inadvisable.</p><p>Still, Evie’s gut nudges her towards this opportunity…and her liquor-floating brain too poached to care.  She could not live with herself if something happens to this friendly guy just laying here hungry and miserable.  They both already had horrible weeks screaming at Chantry bureaucrats.  Those jackasses are why they were late arriving and took all the good flights back to the city.  The Chantry officials did not want such matters ‘souring discussion’ ruin Orlais’ celebration, thus they chose such a remote city like Hunter’s Falls.</p><p><em>Evie, you can trust someone for just one night.</em>  Besides, she is a mage, while he has been off lyrium for five years and likely not armed.  If he tries <em>anything</em>, she will fry his arse and dump his body in the river.  Although, Patricia planned a similar body dump trying to kill her husband and father-in-law.  Thank the Maker that psycho was serving life in prison.</p><p>Evie turns to Cullen, nerves buckling and sauced brain screaming not to do this.  Her gut ducks the neuro-organ back under the tequila and boiler maker bath to shut its mouth.  “Look, I know it sounds creepy and odd, but my hotel room has a couch.  It might not be a bed, but it’s much better than a hard terminal seat.  I know.  I’ve slept on them two years ago and never will again.”</p><p>Cullen’s head whips around, shocked by her bold offer.  Evie swallows and continues.  “I know we’re practically strangers, but we’ve had terrible weeks and stuck in a city we both hate.  I believe in spreading kindness wherever I go, even if I am a blunt bitch.” </p><p>Cullen chuckles at that, his scarred lip tugging smooth.  It makes Evie’s stomach flip.  He is truly perfect.  Something must be wrong.  He was a templar, someone who would have watched her like a hawk as a kid.  However, he fights for basic rights like mages do.  Lyrium addiction and withdrawals kill knights, some mages, and general populations all the time.  He must have a high perseverance to survive for so long alone.</p><p>“I also know a few great restaurants that tourists avoid.  They’re in the alienage.  One shop is run by this elf who raises her own bees.  Nothing fancy, just filling food so as not to sleep on an empty and depressed stomach.”</p><p>Cullen thinks for a moment, watching Evie.  His shoulders sag a little.  Then he smirks again.  “Comfort food sounds great right now.”</p><p>Evie beams, picking up her carry on and purse from the dirty floor.  “Sorry I can’t offer the bed.  I have defined lines.”</p><p>“Strange guy in a strange city would put anyone on edge.”  Cullen comments, turning away from the terminal screen.</p><p>“I think the person you’ll find the strangest is me, Good Sir.”  Evie laughs, waving towards the front of the airport.  “Let’s find a taxi and dump our stuff off.  Food then much needed sleep.  My flight heads out first thing tomorrow.”</p><p>Cullen nods, following beside her.  “Works out perfectly.  Thank you, Eve.”</p><p>Evie’s heart jumps in her throat.  He notices her surprise.  He rubs his neck.  “Uh, sorry.  I-I-I didn’t mean to mess up your name.”</p><p>No one has called Evie ‘Eve’.  She likes it on his husky-rolled tongue.  “No, I like it actually.  New and refreshing.”</p><p>Cullen blushes as they pass through the sliding doors.  “I’m glad.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>[1]  Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth. "The Theologian’s Tale: Elizabeth Section IV, Part III." Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth. Tales of Wayside Inn. Boston: Ticknor and Fields, 1863.  (I do not own this work, thus the citation to recognize source and original creator.)</p><p>Thank you all for reading!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Layover</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos for this story's first chapter.  I hope you continue to read this whirlwind love affair.</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Marry Me" by Bruno Mars</p>
<p>If you are not familiar with my fan fictions, I alwats have theme songs for each story and chapter.  Each story has their own playlist.  You'll find "Passing Ships" playlist on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=wtx6OuvNS9qXL0drwv9UPA">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>.  Make sure to subscribe and be in the know when a new chapter and song is added.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen’s friends always call him square or a rule follower.  He appreciates a disciplined existence that follows social and cultural guidelines.  He experienced many times when other broke laws.  Those mistakes always led to dreary circumstances that Cullen still tries to forget.  Risks and spontaneity never pan out for him.</p>
<p>Until today.</p>
<p>The Chantry conference was a nightmare.  Cullen knew attending late that things would be messy.  Murphy’s Law did not disappointment.  Cullen just wanted to get back to Kirkwall and report to his fellow addiction caregivers that their funding will officially cease at the end of the year.  They would need to find non-Chantry rehabilitation facilities for the several hundred templars slowly dying from long-term <span>lyrium</span> use and the hopeful addicts wanting to break <span>lyrium</span>’s chains before their brains turned to mush.</p>
<p>Then that damn flight delayed several hours.  On any other late evening, the ex-templar would throw his hands in the air and just throw in the proverbial towel.  He hates flying anyway because of the tight spaces and that guaranteed loud, old lady who lets no one sleep.  Right as they boarded, a tension headache flared.  Cullen forgot his migraine medicine in his forced checked bag.  He feared he would <span>be stuck</span> on a three-hour flight with a massive migraine that makes his vision swim and horrible tinnitus.</p>
<p>Now, wandering down Val <span>Royeaux</span>’s back streets, Cullen wonders if the Maker smiles on him tonight either in sympathy or reward.  A slightly sauced woman offers him some aid and continues to do in selfless ways.  She is as frustrated with the Chantry as he is, while somehow stays upbeat.  In any other situation, Cullen would decline Evie’s kind offer to sleep on her hotel couch.  Too many horror movies started out under similar circumstances.  However, if this woman trusted him enough, especially a mage, he can go on a little faith too.</p>
<p>Too-square Cullen finally takes a leap of faith.  No one back home would believe it.  <span>Rylen</span> will instantly know <span>alcohol is involved</span>, especially since Cullen has not melted from bashfulness talking to a beautiful woman.</p>
<p>Evie is not like any other women Cullen dated in his life.  That does not say much though.  Most women he attracted were sexy blonde and blue eyed that seemed good-natured on the outside, while only using him to fan their egos or to upset an ex.  His last girlfriend cheated on him while he was in residency.  At least he did not like her<span> anyway</span>.  The last real long-term relationship ended with him letting go.  Maya discovered her sexuality after leaving her religious family.  She admitted she never really liked men.  Cullen attended her wedding to her <span>Orlesian</span> wife, <span>Leliana</span>, just last summer.</p>
<p>Cullen watches and listens to Evie’s rambling about her <span>numerous</span> horrible Val <span>Royeaux</span> experiences.  His previous girlfriends loved the city—that should have been a neon-blinking hint.  Meanwhile, this Free Marcher geologist hated it more than Cullen.  She directs him around the imperial celebration crowds and parade until they were in the alienage.  She pointed to the open seated dive bar in front of the sacred <span>Vehandahl</span>’s plaza.  The blonde elf manning the bar races out and tackles Evie.  The two seem to know each other well.</p>
<p>“Who’s Commander Tight Pants, <span>Flamey</span>?”  Her <span>Denerim</span> draw echoes throughout the sparse square.  “You datin’?”</p>
<p>Evie blushes and smacks the elf’s arm lightly.  “Shut it, Sera.  We’re stuck here until tomorrow.  Missed our flights.  We’re starving.  You and <span>Widdle</span> still serving?”</p>
<p>Sera gives two thumbs up.  “Heck ya!  We’ll fix you all up.  Great to have peeps around and not those snobby tourists here for the masked idiots.  Have a seat!”</p>
<p>Evie waves to two outdoor wire seats and table nearby.  “After you, Sir.”</p>
<p>“I’m buying.”  Cullen lifts his finger as Evie goes to interject.  “As thanks for not leaving me in terminal hell.  My old back thanks you.”</p>
<p>Evie calls back towards the outdoor shop.  “Sera!  Bottle of <span>Fereldan</span> mead!  I know you’re still producing it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah yeah<span>…</span>shut your mouth, huh?”</p>
<p>Cullen sits and gives Evie a pensive look.  The mage shakes her head.  “She doesn’t have a license because <span>Orlesians</span> don’t want <span>Fereldan</span> beers and wines competing with their over-priced disgusting wines.  The stuff’s safe.  You’ve had more alcohol in your whiskeys than a bottle of this stuff.”</p>
<p>“You know many people here?”  Cullen questions, confused that there are no menus.   It must be one of those taste and nibble everything places.</p>
<p> "Only people who care about others.  Sera’s wife Dagna is a research colleague that develops machinery <span>to safely remove</span> red <span>lyrium</span> without breakage or dust.”  Evie explains to settle Cullen.  “I originally worked with another dwarf romantically involved with my <span>facilities</span> director<span>…</span>until I discovered she slipped pure red <span>lyrium</span> to the Carta.  I’ve spent the last few years cleaning up <em>that</em> mess.  Meanwhile, Sera works with the local food banks.  She dislikes the rich and has underground ties that lets me know if the Carta or other gangs try to smuggle any types of <span>lyrium</span><span>…</span>like, for example, to recovering <span>lyrium</span> addicts.”</p>
<p>Cullen leans back in his seat.  “I know that well.”  He grumbles, then waves his hand.  “But let’s not talk about work.”  He does not want to talk about his wasted efforts.  After a week arguing with rich, religious leaders advocating for change, he wanted nothing reminding himself how much he has let things fall part.  “I think we’re done discussing dire and impossible situations.”</p>
<p>Evie watches Cullen for a moment like a curious <span>cat,</span> which works with cat-eye eyeliner.  In response, it gives him time to study her closely in an unfamiliar environment.  He cannot stop gazing at her the last few hours.  He never realized how sun-kissed tan and olive tone she was until under the airport fluorescent lights.  Her outdoorsy employment explains her tan skin, but her Free Marcher accent suggests she is from the free-states.  However, the dialect is more eastern to the harsh Kirkwall tones Cullen grew used to in the crime-plagued city.</p>
<p>Every time they passed under a street lamp walking here, Cullen noticed the red undertones in her brunette hair or how her toned muscles flexed with each arm swing.  Her bright green eyes glimmer so unique and expressive like they mirror her inner thoughts.  She wore yoga leggings and baggy open-neck shirt with a razor-back tank-top with lacy seams.  The contrasting tightness gives Cullen hints of a sculpted body under just a layer of fabric.  However, Evie wears things that make her comfortable and are practical for travel, especially after a long week.  Yet, the style <span>i</span><span>s still thought</span> out and accented parts of her that Cullen keeps telling himself to not stare.  He scolds himself through his tipsy mind how easily he can remove the articles to explore this enchanting beauty.  Maker, his whiskeys and lack of food impact his better respectable judgements.</p>
<p>Before Evie can respond to the doctor’s request, Sera slaps down two tall glasses and <span>a huge bottle</span> of mead.  “If anyone asks, it is apple juice<span>…</span><em>flammable </em>apple juice.  Your food of steak and potatoes, mac and cheese, spicy <span>Orlesian</span> fries, and apple pie will be out in a few.”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles and shakes his head.  “Comfort food.”</p>
<p>“That’s why I knew you would like <em>Bees and <span>Widdles</span></em>.”  Evie laughs, popping open the mead bottle.  “She’s only open at night.  Superb place for late <span>nights</span> drunks starving for fried food, especially if the <span>Antivan</span> taco cart isn’t around.”  Her bright green eyes scans the elves and dwarves running around the square having their own parties for the empire.  She probably wants tacos on top of the incoming food.</p>
<p>“Been drunk here a few times, Eve?”  Cullen smirks, smelling the mead being poured all the way to the glass’ lip.  It smells sweetly fermented with differently sourced honey.  Clove, locust, and orange blossom stick him out the most.  There are hints of spices and herbs too.  He sips, and his eyes water.  He throws Evie a glare.  “That’s strong.”  His raspy voice highlights its strength.</p>
<p>“She must have let this batch sit longer.”  Evie eyes her own glass.  She sips, then burps into her fist.  “<em>Extra</em> fizzy.”</p>
<p>“I’m blaming you if we go blind.”  Cullen mumbles while drinking more.  This is exactly what he needs now.</p>
<p>“You must find me first.”  Evie giggles before drinking more from her own tumbler.</p>
<p>The mage is <span>right</span> though.  Cullen will probably never see her again.  The bittersweet fact lets some tension fall away the more they lounge and sip the homemade mead.  The only reason they were together tonight was because they missed their connections and placed in a strange situation.  He spoke to plenty of seatmates on planes, although most were one-sided; Cullen begged to the Maker for the person to shut up. </p>
<p>However, the doctor enjoys his time with Evie.  They wait for their food, sharing horror stories about Val <span>Royeaux</span> or other airport misery stories.  They stay away from mage-templar politics, too closely related to <span>lyrium</span> and their own statuses.  Most facts and information they throw out are not specific or identifying, which is fine.  Sometimes being no one is freeing and lets a person learn about you through your interests or random history facts that would be only Jeopardy questions.</p>
<p>By the time the food arrives, the first mead bottle is empty.  Sera slaps down a fresh bottle after <span>unload</span> big plates of meat, potato dishes, and other pub food.  Cullen’s steak is about the size of his head.  The huge rack of ribs fall apart and paints Evie’s face with barbeque sauce like war paint.  He wonders how much this will cost, but he rightly does not care at the moment.  He is having traditional <span>Fereldan</span> food with highly proofed mead and splendid company.</p>
<p>Gorgeous, grand company.</p>
<p>Amazing, smart, and great company.</p>
<p>The more Evie talks and laughs, the more Cullen watches her lips or how her bright green eyes shine in the table’s candle lamp.  In any other situation, he would not give her a second look.  He hates himself for it.  She is very independent and opinionated, going off on rants about women’s rights or arguing against removing happy meal toys from <span>kids</span> meals.  The ex-templar understands somewhat why she does not wear a wedding ring.  She is a strong, independent woman who values herself.  That intimidates most men.  She works in what she enjoys, not in something that lets her be at home with a partner and kids.  That scares many insecure potential partners into calling her a bitch or unlikeable.  Prats.</p>
<p>Sharing quips and jokes with Evie over their food <span>shows</span> Cullen was once such a guy.  All his ex-girlfriends were what he thought would be great wife material.  Yet, they were just looking for <span>a good time</span>.  They used Cullen and then left him afterwards.  Meanwhile, Evie claims she does not want to be on the dating scene, but she might have left it because no one got the courage to challenge her.</p>
<p>Then why did Cullen want to explore that?  Evie is right.  This is only a single night before they travel their separate ways.  Maybe that is all they need? </p>
<p>By the time they finish the second mead bottle, Cullen bites off every sentence he wants to say because it will be an inappropriate pass or flirtation.  He rubs his neck more times than he wants to admit.  He is typically confident and charming, but this woman makes him doubt anything and everything he ever knew about women.</p>
<p>So, Cullen relies on his few crazy stories to make her laugh and snort that way.</p>
<p>“<span>…</span>so the recruit salutes, pivots on one foot, and marches right out of the mess hall like he was in full A-designated uniform and not just his socks and <span>tightie</span> whities.”  Cullen barely gets the story out, cackling like hyenas with Evie.  “The entire mess hall is silent for a few seconds, then <em><span>boom</span></em> everyone’s laughing.  The recruit got a month washing dishes and peeling potatoes.”</p>
<p>“That had to be you!”  Evie laughs, pointing at the red-faced ex-templar.  She slaps the table, rattling the dirty dishes.</p>
<p>“I would have never.”  Cullen chuckles, holding his hand up.  “I follow rules.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit!”  Evie gestures him, shaking her head.  Her flipping long auburn waves shimmer in the lamplight, catching Cullen’s attention again.  His fingers itch to run through the silky strains.  “I bet you were that kid who dropped cherry bombs in bathrooms and toilet papered the principal’s house.”</p>
<p>“That was my brother.”  The doctor corrects, combing his tossed hair with his hand to knock his rising urges aside.  “I was the kid who tattled-told on my brother and his friends.  Everyone calls me too square and <em>boring</em>.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her big bright green eyes.  “If you’re so square, why come to the conference late and book everything in a rush?  You sound like a guy who would have the whole tripped planned six months in advance to get the best prices.”</p>
<p>“Plans change?”  In actually, Cullen was at the end of his rope and registered in a fit of frustration.  He lost a patient that night who overdosed on <span>lyrium</span> after months of being cleaned because the Chantry promised him impossible lies.</p>
<p> “No, I think there’s a spontaneous heart under all that templar bullshit dying to wake up.”  Evie finishes her mead glass, never breaking her locked gaze.</p>
<p>“Oh, you think you know me better than I know myself, Milady?”</p>
<p>“<span>Pfft</span>!”  Evie spits, slamming her empty glass down.  “Why agree to take a ‘Lady’s’ offer to sleep on her couch?  If so <em>boring</em>, you would’ve declined and suffered in the terminal.”</p>
<p>This is Cullen’s opening.  “Because said Lady is unlike any other I’ve met.”</p>
<p>Evie freezes and studies him closely.  “I’m not a unicorn.  Other descent people <span>do </span>exist.”</p>
<p>“Maybe not a unicorn, but definitely too rare to not pass a night in her company.”  Cullen comments back, leaning against the table.  He keeps his voice smooth and charming.  Maybe this will get his mounting attentions across.</p>
<p>“And here I have been trying to figure out why you’re not married.”  Evie checks the mead bottle and finds it empty.  “Damn.”</p>
<p>“Because maybe I’ve discounted people who frightened me before.  Maybe having a fantastic dinner with someone unlike any other has opened my eyes.”</p>
<p>Evie rests her hand on the table and rests her chin on top.  Her thumb caresses her defined jawline and taps her plump pink lips.  Her unique eyes blinks slowly, showing her long lashes, while her bashful freckled cheeks bloom with blush highlighting her flawless skin.  “Maybe there is a reason such a rare creature has been so alone.  You might say unicorn, but most people call me a gorgon.”</p>
<p>“No one challenges you, Eve?”  Cullen’s scarred lip always tingles every time he says that short name.  He loves her reaction, flushing and biting lip in that seductive way.</p>
<p>Evie listens around her.  The elves play music flutes and <span>drums</span> ancient song from their once great civilization.  The atmosphere is like one of Rosalie’s sappy romance movies, but fits their intoxicated moods.  She slides out of her seat, <span>Her</span> behind flexing in her those skin tight leggings.  Evie wiggles her index finger at him.  “Maybe no one can dance like me.”</p>
<p>Cullen freezes, watching her offered palm, waiting for his hand.  Suddenly, he is back in middle school at his first dance being mocked and called <span>some</span> guy named ‘Shepard.’  He gulps.  “I definitely fall into that category.  I’m a <em>terrible</em> dancer.”</p>
<p>“And we’ve been both drinking.”  She shrugs, offering her hand more forcibly.  Evie will not take ‘no<span>’</span> for any answer.  “We’ll be the laughingstock of this whole alienage, but who gives a fuck.  We won’t remember in the morning.  It gives these joyful a funny tale.  <span>Lastly</span>, <em>you’ll</em> meet me on my challenge.”</p>
<p>Cullen grumbles and slips out of his seat.  His larger hand slides into hers, feeling that satin skin for the first time.  His body just itches for contact.  The doctor pulls this unique woman against his body hard.  She gasps and smiles, eyes alight, calling him closer.  “When you complain about bruised feet, don’t blame me.”</p>
<p>Evie giggles, her eyes locked on his as they sway together.  “Worth the pain to dance with a man who smells like oakmoss and elderflower.  Bits of lavender just on the edge of so much manliness.”  She rests her head on his shoulder, her nose nuzzling his neck.  Cullen instantly goosefleshes and groans deeply. </p>
<p>Now possible, Cullen takes a long whiff of her auburn hair, trembling with joy and content.  “And I thought the orange and clove scent was the mead.”</p>
<p>Evie’s body moves with his like they are the same person living in each other’s skin.  Each time he shifts his weight awkwardly, she follows like running water over a smooth rock.  He gives little cue on her hip or holding her other hand, and she responds fully.  That beautiful smile grows, gentle but so expressive of her inner emotions and desires.  Her hips grind against his stiffening length, intentional and wanting.  He can barely contain how attracted he is to this gorgeous woman rocking and spinning together.  Their eyes never break or shift like they are afraid they might miss something.  She barely comes to his chin, but Cullen does not mind gazing down at her.</p>
<p><em>Kiss her already</em>.</p>
<p>Cullen does not know if he should.  They both drank lots of wine and liquor.  They are not in their usual minds, but they seem like they do not care.  Cullen swipes some auburn waves from her vision, tucking it behind her multi-pierced ear that shows her wild, independent side.  Her warmth permeates through his dress blouse and under t-shirt.  This is not enough.  He wants to be closer, <em>deeper</em>.</p>
<p>The doctor’s rough fingers drift down her arm, around her shoulder, flicking her silky neck, and finally traces her sharp jaw.  His thumb swipes across her freckled cheeks.  She licks her lips so they swell and turn a deep pink.  Cullen cannot contain the urge any longer, shifting his hip hand to the base of her spine.  He tugs her hard against his form, then over.  He waits each slow second to contact those heavenly lips.  She draws herself on her tiptoes to reach his height.</p>
<p>When their lips meet, Cullen nearly falls over.  Her lips are smooth and so silky soft.  They barely touch, both people afraid the other does not want this.  They hold like this until Cullen cannot stay back any longer.  He presses into her more.  He feels her lips open and moan into his mouth.  Her head falls back as she widens and allows his tongue to outline her lips.  Each second Cullen wants more.  She tastes of mead and elderberry pie, something he had not craved since a child.  The kiss becomes more intense as her tongue joins his.  Cullen groans against her lips as his hip rolls with hers.  She sighs.</p>
<p>They sway and kiss like this for what was likely a few minutes, but just a few seconds for the two adults.  Cullen’s hip hand rubs along her clothing, analyzing the seams.  Meanwhile, Evie’s hand threads into his hair, tossing the tamed curls.  She grasps the strains tightly, while Cullen moans into her mouth for more.  They are too far apart.</p>
<p>Regrettably, they break for air, panting against one another’s lips.  “Don’t take the couch.”  Evie whispers against his scarred lips.  Her chin and nose rub against his stubble jaw.</p>
<p>“Maker, I hoped you would say that.”  Cullen confesses, drawing her back into another more intense kiss.  Evie hangs off him, clawing his neck and shoulders.  He only breaks a moment to see Sera cackling into her hand.  “Check please.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Love...or is it lust...is in the air.  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. *Just One Night*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NSFW!  NOT SAFE FOR WORK!  NSFW!</p><p>Chapter Song:  "Stranger Ways" by Anberlin</p><p>I highly suggest you listen to this song while reading this chapter.  The tone and lyrics match this scene so well in regards to the situation and thoughts.  It's on this story's playlist found on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=5ZuVjHJUQIKaczEU6veU2Q">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>!</p><p>NSFW!  NOT SAFE FOR WORK!  NSFW!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie cannot stop kissing this man.  Every few minutes while hurrying back to the hotel, either Evie or Cullen slams the other into a wall to kiss the other senseless.  Those feverish emotions grow inside the mage to the point it takes her entire willpower to contain her magic.  Cullen fairs little better based on his wandering hands trial of nips down her neck.</p><p>In her thirty-four years, Evie never imagine frantically rushing back to a hotel room to screw a complete stranger.  Whatever relationships she had before were very long term and took her months to even introduce sexual acts.  Her mistrust and abandonment issues made being intimate with any partner impossible.  She prides herself for being a demisexual, careful and desiring a deep connection.</p><p>What makes this man who just pinned her to the elevator wall so different?  Was it their common frustration with the Chantry?  His handsome looks and husky voice?  That strange piano dancing inside her soul?  Or that fact being in his company eating lots of amazing food and over-proofed mead after a week of filth and defeat?</p><p>Whatever the reason, Evie throws caution to the wind tonight.  Her body trembles every time those rough hands touch bare skin.  Her hips roll against that thick mass tenting inside his cargo khaki pants.  She untucks his undershirt and unbuttons his dress shirt.  She wants to explore what has been taunting her across the dinner table.  Every time Cullen moves, his arms flex and his shirt tightens like his biceps will rip the fabric and expose his templar broad frame. </p><p>Evie wants it all <em>now.</em></p><p>Cullen carries her down the hotel hallway once the elevator doors open.  Neither person cares if there are other watching their foolish display.  Like-minded, both people just need a bed.  Evie holds the room key card in hand, giggling.  She nibbles his exposed neck, kisses his temple, and tosses his wavy hair with each hand comb. </p><p>Cullen refuses to remove his hand gripping her right breast.  He gasped when he discovers her tank top was actually a lacy bralette barely containing her medium-size breasts.  “And here I was wondering the fastest way to remove a razor-back tank…”  The man mutters into her neck before licking up to the shell of her ear.  The mead emboldens him just like it releases Evie’s anxiety.</p><p>They reach their hotel room.  Evie’s back smacks the entry door.  Her hand searches for the door card lock.  Meanwhile, Cullen’s other hand slips from her thigh and tugs down her leggings and underwear.  Evie bucks against his chest, feeling his callused palms glance her soft butt cheek.  She thanks the Maker that she left her silky smalls for her trip home.  They might not be a thong or lace, but at least it is not her period granny panties.</p><p>“Hurry, Eve…’  Cullen groans as his thumb flicks her nipple.  Her baggy, neckless sweatshirt hangs off just one arm now at her elbow.  Between his butt and breast massages, Evie barely knows her own name.</p><p>“Give me a moment.”  Evie kisses him hard, tongue down his throat and lips roaming over his scarred mouth just to distract him.  She feels the door knob and slips the card in.  With a hand flick, the door opens, nearly sending both drunks to the floor.</p><p>Cullen catches Evie easily.  For a man who says he cannot dance, he is sure-footed while inebriated.  The stumble endues joyous laughing as the adult recognize the hilarious situation.  Everything is comical while so intoxicated.  Thank goodness this room is a corner so their sleeping neighbors will not hear everything.  Evie does not think she can be quiet tonight.</p><p>The ex-templar tosses Evie on the bed, sending her into another giggle round.  He towers over her on his hands, his amber eyes roaming her curvy body and studying her.  Cullen turns tender, scooping some auburn waves from her vision.  His finger follows her pierced ear, along her neck, and around her angled jaw.  Evie cannot stop staring at his wonder-like expression, lips bruised from their kissing and cheeks a deep red.</p><p>“Is this what you want…?”  Cullen whispers just hovering over her lips.  “You’re intoxicated.”</p><p>Oh my Maker, a consensual-conscience lover!  Evie runs her finger along his jaw matching how he maps her face.  Even in such a state, Cullen still checks and listens.  Very few men are that alert and respectable.  Most take advantage of women’s drunken states, but not him.</p><p>How is he not taken?!</p><p>Evie leans her head forward just enough to connect their still lips.  She stays like this, gentle against him for a minute, savoring the feeling.  He tastes of mead and sunshine.  That ravishing scarred lip differs him from any partner she ever kissed.  It is smooth with a textured edge that tickles her lips.  No hair grows along the scar so the outline stubble startles her when she gets lost with their waltzing tongues.</p><p>Evie lays back down.  Cullen is slow to open his amber eyes.  “I’ve wanted you since the plane, Cullen.  If not drunk, I would have lost my nerve hours ago.  You asking this now just confirms I want you tonight.”  Evie feels his panting, his last chivalrous restraints evaporating.  “Is this what <em>you</em> want?”</p><p>“Maker yes…”  Cullen cups her cheek like she might fade away.  “You’re unlike any woman I’ve met.”  He kisses her softly like those tender kisses are seals of respect and understanding.</p><p>
  <em>Think, Trevelyan!</em>
</p><p>“Condoms?”  Evie questions, swallowing slowly.  She does not carry any with her because she <em>never </em>ended up in such a situation.  “I’m on the pill and clean, but…”  Does she mention about her HPV/pre-cancer?  He <em>is</em> a doctor.  “I’m been diagnosed with pre-cervical cancer once.  I’m fine now, but…”</p><p>Cullen reaches for his wallet, tossing it on the bed.  “Always carry one and clean.  I’m a doctor after all.  Also as a doctor, I also know eighty percent of the sexually active population have HPV.  It tells me a great about you too to mention that.  Most women wouldn’t.” </p><p>Evie chuckles, burying her blushing face into the crook of his neck.  “I’m not like most women.”</p><p>Cullen turns her head and kisses her hard, cradling her neck so her body presses against his broad form.  “Thank the Maker I met you.” That baritone rumbles against Evie’s peaking breasts.   Evie moans into his mouth as his tongue waltzes with her.  “Besides, you women should not hold all the responsibility about condoms and disease.  Most infection spreads are men’s faults.  I care about my partners.”  He winks and gives that smug charm that Evie enjoyed all evening.</p><p>Evie flops back down, bright green eyes widening.  “I don’t get it!  How are you not married?!”</p><p>Cullen smirks and lifts his left brow.  Cocky bastard.  He knows that face makes Evie’s entire body tingle and her hands paw and flip off his dress shirt.  She slings off her over sweatshirt.  Cullen moans noticing her half pushed up bralette and her exposed breast.  “Why did you take so long to enter my life?”</p><p>Oh my Maker, Evie has not heard such a pickup line that <em>works so well!</em></p><p>Evie flushes and pounces him, her hips grinding against that thickness just a few layers away.</p><p>Cullen lays down on her dancer body, his hand slipping around her back arch, while the other pushes her bralette up just under her armpits.  His lips engorge her left breast.  He suckles the sensitive peak, enjoying the sounds Evie mewls and begs while his mouth pulls more skin to suck.  She feels his day stubble tickling and agitating her tanned skin.  She wants to feel that <em>everywhere</em>.</p><p>Evie flips off her bralette.  Cullen kisses lower.  His lips touch every part of her.  She kicks off her sneakers.  She must remove as much as possible.  Bright green eyes blaze and watch for what he teases.  He eyes her as his body slides off the bed.  He kneels at the foot of the bed.  His hands grasp the yoga pant’s elastic band.  He also clenches her underwear.</p><p>“May I?”  This cheeky man asks between her legs.  Evie feels his heated breaths through the fabric, just taunting her folds.</p><p>Evie lifts her behind so nothing catches the fabric.  “Fucking <em>yes</em>…”  She lifts her head just enough to watch him tug off her clothing with one hard yank.  Her underwear flies and lands on the hotel lampshade.</p><p>“Maker’s breath…”  Cullen whimpers, gazing at her nude form lounging on the hotel bed.  Evie lies on display for his touch and evaluation, her confidence strong because of the multiple liquors coursing through her veins.  For a brief moment, Evie remembers her old heart surgery scars under her breast and along her sternum.  She worries he will ask or say something, but that husky baritone never speaks.  </p><p>Cullen’s callused hands skim over her nude body like she is a marble sculpture.  “You exercise?”  He asks while his fingers follow the dips of her inner thighs.  He slowly nudges her legs apart.  Evie flexes her defined flat stomach with its pockets of shaping fat.</p><p>“Former dancer, and I did some gymnastics as a kid.”</p><p>Cullen moans, his hand curving around her belly button before teasing around her trimmed pubic hair.  Evie whines, her toes tugging her socks off.  Her feet grip her bed edge until she is a near split.  An open invitation. </p><p>The Fereldan man’s index finger just slips between the slit, following her natural curves until Evie’s pelvis jumps off the bed.  He is skilled and knowledgeable about his lovers’ body.  He found her hooded clitoris instantly.  His thumb lingers over the pearl, while his other fingers slide up and down her groin.  Evie fists the sheets, dying to kiss and claw any part of him.  He stays right beyond her grasp as he kneels.  His fingers work her nectar thoroughly, readying her for what he plans next.</p><p>“Maker, you smell divine…”  He murmurs.  Evie mewls and wiggles as his tongue presses and dips deep along her whole groin.  Agonizingly slow.  “You <em>taste </em>heavenly too.”</p><p>“Cullen…<em>more!</em>”  Evie begs, her body tightening, waiting for his next glance. </p><p>The blonde doctor waits until she is not expecting it, the fiend.  When Evie nearly leans forward to grab his hair, that is when he continues, sending all her nerves alight.  Her magic sends ash and sparks everywhere.  She waits for the punishment, the purge.  He is a templar, who will instantly state she does not control her magic.  Other lovers have said that before.  Yet instead, Cullen just giggles, his stubble grazing her thighs.  Maybe he is too drunk to care?</p><p>Every so often, Cullen licks and kisses her hips and inner thighs so she goosefleshes and does not expect the next lick or thumb tease.  Evie wants to tear his hair out.  Her body can barely contain the rising emotions and desire.  As a single finger slips into her, Evie howls and withers.  She drips, and he sucks it up like a greedy bastard.  He suckles her pearl as his fingers pump in and out of her at such a frustrating speed.</p><p>Cullen wants her begging.  Usually challenging and defiant, begging is the last thing she does.  However, tonight she want that release.  She wants this man to bang her into the mattress hard.  She wants to whine on the plane about her aching hips and lower back.  Evie needs these memories to canonize this amazing man in her mind. </p><p>“Cullen, please…!”  His mouth suckles her nethers.  She grasps the curls twisting from their mounting sweat.  “Cullen…!”</p><p>Cullens flicks his fingers.  It is the last restraint.  Evie cries out, her back arching high off the bed.  Her hair mats rubbing against the ruffled sheets.  Cullen keeps pumping and licking her pearl through the high.  He extends it, this blissful heaven no other lover gave her.  Usually, most partners would not dare go down on a woman, especially a stranger.  No, Cullen dived in.  He wanted all of Evie.</p><p>As Evie slowly returns to Thedas, Cullen crawls up her body.  He wipes her explosion from his lips and chin, but Evie stops him, licking the inside of his lips and mouth to taste herself.  Cullen grasp her jaw, his tongue dancing with her feverishly.</p><p>This amazing man wears too many clothes.  Evie paws at his undershirt.  Cullen only breaks their frantic kissing to pull off his shirt.  Evie works at his belt buckle and cargo zipper.  She freezes as the most naturally defined chest greets her.  He might workout, but these muscles come from years of <em>work </em>and <em>discipline.  </em></p><p>Evie’s hands leave the unbuttoned pants just peeking his boxer-briefs.  Her soft fingers follow the planes, avoiding but mentally noting the scars and old burns.  He was a templar and fought the Imperium.  <em>Mages </em>likely did this to him.  Oh, how her magical cousin misuse their gifts. </p><p>Evie wants to kiss each scar.  The mage knows what is like to wear the scars of past hells, her heart pumping and reminding her of the guilt and loss.  She wishes there was more time.  She only has tonight to worship this healthy man who chose her over anyone else.</p><p>“You’re Orion to Luna’s Artemis…”  Evie whispers, kissing his stomach.  He kneels over her just so she can lean forward and explore this exquisite being.  Her fingers skim the pants seam and tight boxer briefs.  The shaft tents the briefs and calls her.</p><p>“Not one I’ve heard before.”  Cullen chuckles down at her.  He watches her hands, those nails picking the seam waiting for permission.</p><p>“My other thought was an Avvar thane in a lion-skinned loincloth, but I felt a great cosmic hunter made more sense…someone thought worthy by mystical gods.”  Evie comments as Cullen’s hand shifts her chin upwards.  His hands push down the last garments, finally giving her permission.  A long, girthy cock bounces out.  Evie instantly grabs it and sucks the tip.  She will have her teasing revenge.</p><p>Cullen groans and hips hitch.  He falls over, his hands catching him over Evie’s head.  She aids his legs kicking off the offensive garments.  Her mouth and tongue outline and suckle his tip.  She watches it turn purple as Cullen focuses to not release just by her oral attentions.  Her hand gently jerks him, her pinky just grazing his balls.  It is Cullen’s turn to fist the blankets.  One hand slides and grips her hair, lightly tugging and encouraging her farther down his shaft.  He silently ask if Evie wants to, always consent.</p><p>Evie winks and complies, tasting his precum on her tongue.  If he said she was heavenly, he is a fucking god.  She relaxes her throat, accepting more of him.  She listens closely to his grunts and one-word calls.  Her new nickname <em>Eve</em> sounds amazing while he receives pleasure.  She will not forget the sound.  No one else will call her that, only this man she will never see again.</p><p>“Eve, you must…stop…I want <em>you!</em>”  Cullen warns as more precum coats her throat.  Evie releases and lets go.  His penis is a deep purple and overly thick.  Cullen grips the base, panting and squeezing his eyes tightly close.</p><p>Evie slides up the bed, her left hand bumping his wallet.  Her feet run along his kneeling legs.  She cannot stop touching him.</p><p>After a few stabilizing moments, Cullen’s amber gaze flashes to her.  “You took more of me than any other partner.”  He chuckles in awe, his hand gripping his cock to control his own desires.</p><p>Evie rubs her neck.  “No gag reflex.”  She winks.</p><p>“Oh, Maker’s <em>fuck…</em>I want you <em>now.”  </em>Cullen reaches for his wallet, he frankly searches for the condom.  The foil looks slightly beaten up, but Evie gives it little thought.  She aids him by slipping it on. </p><p>Cullen dives for her, hooking her legs over his broad shoulders.  Evie’s body bends to his will.  He gives her no warning, and she does not care.  He plunges into her heat hard.  Both adults cry out.  Evie loves the sting and stretching.  It has been a year since her last partner.  She knows she is tight, and he is extra swollen.  She feels full and perfectly connected.  She really hates condoms, wanting to be extra close to this man.  That silky penis pumping inside her…Evie trembles.</p><p>Cullen lays over her, giving her time to mold around him.  He bends her until her thighs and knees slip to his elbows.  He kisses her softly.  Evie adds pressure to the kiss.  He responds in kind.  He waves between gentle and primal.  Evie loves it all.</p><p>“You feel absolutely perfect…”  Evie sighs as they break their kiss.</p><p>“That’s my line…”  Cullen whispers back.  He adjusts his hip, moving just so over her pearl and inner bundle of nerves. </p><p>Evie gasps and claws his shoulder.  “<em>More</em>…”</p><p>  Cullen smirks and kisses her again.  “As my lady commands…” He leans back, slipping her legs back on his shoulder.  His knees position beside her behind, he pumps out of her slowly.  Evie grunts, bright green eyes ablaze.  Cullen waits, torturing her at her entrance.  He thrust forward, Evie yells, his head brushing her inner pearl.</p><p>“<em>More…!”</em>  Evie calls as he slowly withdraws again.  His torture continues, leaving her guessing.</p><p>The next pump smacks her skin hard.  Her breasts jump, her nipples so hard.  She feels them against her thighs when he bends hers.  Cullen waits for it.</p><p>“<em>MORE, damn it!!!”</em>  Evie screams, not caring if the hotel neighbors heard her.</p><p>Now Cullen stops his teasing.  He smacks into her again and again.  His own restraint wanes the longer within her heat.  She feels herself shuddering, her body so attune and into the pleasure, the ashes and sparks dance like fairies.  Cullen does not care, his amber orbs focused on her bouncing breasts and moans.</p><p>“I have to hear more, Eve…<em>More</em>.”</p><p>Evie lets go of any sound concerns.  She grunts, moans, sighs, and cries out when he hits her just right.  Her walls clamp with each thrust.  Her behind stings from the skin friction.  She bites and claws his shoulder and neck just to participate in each drive.  Cullen randomly kisses and bruises her lips.  She bends in half each time to give him everything he wants.  The sex is rough, burning, and just what she wants after the months.  <em>No,</em> <em>years!</em>  A stranger provides her exactly what she misses being so alone.</p><p>Cullen shifts his position just so.  Her clitoris burns with her inner nerves.  It is too much.  Her legs quiver.  Evie cries out again, back arching off the messy bed again.  “Cullen.  Yes!”  She clamps around that latex-covered cock.  She sees stars.  She feels her mana blast out of her, only pressure with bits of ash.</p><p>“Eve…!”  Cullen follows her over, lean over her whole body and biting her shoulder.  He licks the wounded olive skin.  Evie knows she left nail scratches down his back.  She feels so alive.  It is nothing like her other orgasms.</p><p>Drifting down, Evie realizes one round is not enough.  Cullen stays thick and long inside her.  He lets go of her legs so they relax around his hips.  She uses the opportunity to roll them both on Cullen’s back.  Her inner walls grip his shaft.  Her orgasm made everything extra slick.</p><p>“<em>More…</em>”  She groans once on top.  She leans over his sweat chest.  “I feel you still hard.”</p><p>Cullen chuckles, bringing her face to his lips.  His lips engorges on hers again.  He grunts into her mouth.  “Please!  <em>Fuck, Eve!  </em>I want more!”</p><p>Evie feels her nectar lubricating everything.  It will keep everything soaked for this next round.  Her mind reminds her this is not exactly a good idea.  She has had plenty of urinary tract infections from such circumstances.  However, so drunk on mead and this delicious man, she pushes that doubt away.  Cullen is on board, hungry like her for their bodies and orgasms again.</p><p>The mage rolls her hips and Cullen moans, eyes rolling into the back of his head.  He still so hard.  He must be extremely sensitive too.  He will not last long, but so will not Evie.  Being on top, his thick long cock is extra tight.  He nudges her cervix, a happy sting that will leave her sore in the morning.  What a magnificent way to remember tonight.</p><p>Evie wants to play the teasing game again, but she can feel buzzing sleep tugging her down.  Instead, she rolls her pelvis and runs her hands over his chest.  She kisses her pectoral muscles when she leans forward. </p><p>Cullen pushes her back, grabbing and playing with her bouncing breasts.  She rides him hard, exciting his cock to full performance.  Usually men need a rest, but the alcohol must spur him on.  Every so often, she feel the condom rough rub a non-lubricated spot.  She just adjusts herself.  She hops and rolls with him.  His hips meet at every pass.  He leans forwards and sucks her breasts.  His hand ventures, flicking and rubbing her clitoris.  He already is at the edge, twitching inside her.</p><p>The ex-templar flips her moisten clit just so.  Evie already ignited body plunges back into the white.  She falls forward, hanging onto his shoulder and he pounds her from below.  The skin smacks already swollen bits.  It just extends Evie’s release.  She wants to keep falling with him.  Through her cloudy euphoria, she reaches behind her and finds his balls.  She rolls them lightly in her palm.</p><p>Cullen jerks and joins her in the orgasm.  His legs shift with her on top that she feels more wetness.  She milks him, her walls so tight she cannot sit right.  Her body respond to his every move.</p><p>Maker, she prays her drunkness allows her to remember this fantastic night.</p><p>Slowly, the lovers relax.  Evie slips off her sexy partner, turning into goo on the mattress.  Cullen pants beside her, his amber eyes in slits as he watches her.  Evie’s bangs are in her face, so he tucks the sweat hair behind her ear.</p><p>“You are amazing…”  He whispers, his hand flowing over her tacky curvy body.</p><p>Evie fights sleep now.  A full stomach, alcohol, and amazing sex all work against her alertness.  Thank goodness she already set an alarm for her morning flight.  “You’re not so bad yourself…”</p><p>“I will clean up…”  Cullen kisses her forehead and slips away.</p><p>Evie gains enough sense to crawl off the bed and slide under the sheets.  She fights the sleep.  She need to use the bathroom too.  There is too much leaking from inside her, but she had the two best orgasms of her existence.  She can tell by the lightly singed wallpaper and curtains.  Magic and blissful orgasms usually cause some environmental damage.  Oops.</p><p>She wants to cuddle against this rare man.  She does not want this to end.  Why does this have to be one night…?</p><p>Evie cannot hold off sleep.  She slips into the Fade, her magic settled, calm, and close.  Maybe when she wakes, she can ask all those burning questions.  <em>Who are you?  Does this have to be only once?  </em>The Fade gives her sweet dreams of amber eyes and smug smirks.  Her name in that husky Fereldan accent…<em>Eve.</em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Evie hates her alarm clock.  She made it the most annoying sound possible just to rouse her from the Fade.  Her hand searches the end stand beside where she usually keeps it.  She does not want to go to work.  Her head feels in on fire and her body aches like ten miles of bad road.  Dorian will say something instantly, remarking she looks like a maimed horse that needs shot out back.</p><p>After four attempts, Evie turns her head enough to notice her phone is not on the end stand.  The lamp does not look familiar, although her underwear sits on top.  Strange.</p><p>Evie flips forward, her bare breasts bouncing.  She dives off the hotel bed, searching the floor for her discarded purse.  The night before flies back to her.  She got drunk and screwed that handsome seatmate.  She is in Val Royeaux.</p><p>“What time is it…?!”</p><p>The mage finds her smartphone in her discarded purse by her carry on.  Her alarm had been going off so long an hour must have passed, but both people were exhausted they never heard it.  <em>“7:45!  My flight is in an hour!”</em>  Evie screams, flipping her phone back in her purse.  She grabs whatever clothes within reach and unzips her carry on.  She flings her soiled clothes in it and grabs anything clean. </p><p>Maker, if Evie misses that flight, Varric will hang her like the Hanged Man!  She promised to be at the merger dinner meeting with Theirin Foundation tonight!  If she does not show, Dorian and Seleem will do the presentation!  They will skin Evie alive!  “I gotta go!  Fuck!  Fuck!”</p><p>Evie gives no mind to sleepy blonde hunk as she rushes into the bathroom.  She pisses like a racehorse, while feeling the first rumbles of hungover stomach.  She finishes pissing with just enough time to puke her brains out.  She does this three times, drinking some water from the tap to cleanse her nasty mouth.  She throws on a t-shirt and baggy sweatshirt.  She wears her old yoga pants from last night.  She forgets underwear.  Oh well. </p><p>Evie rushes back out of the bathroom after throwing her hair into a top bun.  She slips on her shoes.  “Last night was glorious…!”  She squeaks, freaking out she will miss her flight.  “You’re awesome!  I had fun!”  She dives for her carry on and packs it again. </p><p>Her bright green eyes do not look at the naked man she slept with.  She knows she is blushing terribly.  She does not do these things!  Why?  It was great, but what was she thinking!?</p><p>
  <em>You moron!  </em>
</p><p><em>…It was fucking fantastic.</em> </p><p>“I’m late.  Have a great flight, Cullen!”  She half waves behind her.  Her bright green eyes barely catch his surprise and confusion.  “I’m so fucking late!  Wait for me, Plane!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So...how did I do?  One-night stand fueled by alcohol and need for release?  No, this cannot create some issues.  ;)</p><p>Thank you for reading?  If you like this story, please leave a comment or kudos.  I love hearing from you all!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Parting Gift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Song:  “Wishful Thinking” by Duncan Sheik</p>
<p>**Warning:  Discussion of options and consequences of Unplanned Pregnancy and life choices.  Nothing descriptive, but may make readers uneasy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<span>…</span>and that’s it.  I barely made it to my plane.  It wasn’t until I was over the <span>Frostbacks</span> I processed everything.  I even forgot to take my birth control pill.  I rushed to do so when I got home.  I stupidly took my pill at such weird intervals at the conference because those Chantry idiots stressed and frustrated me.  My meetings and presentations ranged the entire day so I would get back to my room at all hours.  Before, I just thought, ‘This can’t cause any problems because I’m not sexually active.’  Yet, there I was in Val <span>Royeaux</span> being <em>fucking</em> stupid!  I <span>drunk</span>-puked my brains out for three days straight!  Everyone on the plane thought I had the Blight I was so hungover!”  Evie paces so quickly around her open living room she might as well be laps.</p>
<p> “I left my one-night stand like someone in a bad <span>B-movie</span>.  I don’t even know his full name.  Every time I pissed, more than just usual vagina <em>me </em>came out.  I stupidly didn’t pee after sex!”  Evie grabs her hair and tugs.  “What was I thinking, Dorian!?”</p>
<p>Evie’s <span>Tevinter</span> best friend and distant cousin came to her loft as soon as she got the news.  When he arrived, Dorian got her to sit down and drink some water.  Between panic attacks, Evie spilled her wild tale, the first time since that night happened two months ago.  Regret and embarrassment kept her mouth shut about that mystery man.  Now, she cannot keep this Cullen secret anymore. </p>
<p>Out of anyone, Evie trusts Dorian, especially regarding so life changing.  Dorian knows deeply what this all means, especially after his own parental experiences.  Maker, Evie wants to move, kick, and punch everything.  Dorian barriers himself when she flings soft fireballs across the living room. </p>
<p>“Evidently, with your clitoris than your finicky birth control schedule…”  Dorian remarks with a disappointed scowl.  “However, birth control is only effective if used <em>correctly</em>.”</p>
<p>“Fuck my picky body and limited choices for birth control.”  Evie mumbles, head between her knees to avoid fainting.  “Maker, I almost bled to hospitalization on shots, while the IUD tore me up<span>…</span>My OBGYN doesn’t want me on <em>anything</em> because of my heart, but my PCOS and ovarian cysts made that impossible.  Contorted ovary or blood clots…?”  Evie’s hand act like a balance <span>to sarcastically denote</span> which is the lesser of two evils.  “‘Which one do you want to live with, Miss Trevelyan?’  Fuck, I hate my body.”</p>
<p>“My big scolding fact is using a condom <em>twice</em><span>…</span>Evie, I know you know better.”  The <span>Tevinter</span> mage clicks his tongue and shakes his head. </p>
<p>Evie stays up and points in Dorian’s face.  “Fuck, please don’t lecture me.  I called you over here to calm me down, not reiterate how much my drunk ass fucked me over!”</p>
<p>“It sounds like this handsome <span>Avvar</span> did that just fine.”  Dorian wiggles his brows.  Evie does not appreciate the joke.</p>
<p>The <span>Tevinter</span> mage sighs and takes a sip of expensive wine.  <span>Of course he</span> taunts her with liquor and she cannot touch a drop.  At least she refused alcohol of the last months.  After drinking herself into oblivion in Val <span>Royeaux</span>, she avoided the stuff.  Her tongue craved spice mead, but it just reminded her amber eyes and husky <span>Feraldans</span>. </p>
<p>Dorian slaps his knee and shrugs, “Look, what’s done <span>is done</span>.  Now is to plan the future.”</p>
<p>“I already know I cannot go out to anymore red <span>lyrium</span> node removals.  Thank the Maker I haven’t been on one since the conference.  It been over a month since my last before the conference.  Vivienne did a toxic evaluation on me before I left for the conference, and I was fine.  That means no exposure to myself and…”  Evie references her abdomen.  Again, the inferno mage paces, her hand on her stomach.  “<span>Varric</span> will bar me from the lab.  If anyone even coughs in there, <span>Varric</span> bars the person from red <span>lyrium</span> experiments for a week.  I really appreciate his safety rules now despite complaining he was excessive in the past.  He knows red <span>lyrium</span>’s adverse effects best after committing <span>Bartrand</span>.  That poor dwarf sit all days rambling about The Elder One and popping spit bubbles.”</p>
<p>The inferno mage’s bright green eyes widen, and mouth hangs open.  “<span>Andraste</span>’s tits!  That leaves me with <em>teaching, fundraising, </em>and <em>public health speaking</em>!  Ugh!”  Evie sends a cooling spell to her fingers and rubs her temples.  “Kill me!”</p>
<p>“So, you’re keeping it?”</p>
<p>The inferno mage stops and eyes her friend.  His face is stolid.  She knows why he is outwardly blank.  He buries what he experienced from his own family.  He covertly asks if Evie will do the right thing.  She refuses for this situation to turn into what she and him suffered with their own families.  They only have each other.  Evie’s extended family rejected her when her magic manifested, while Dorian divorced his parents after the illegally attempted blood magic to change his sexuality.  He has been the child brutally shamed and rejected by his parents.  He thinks about that for the embryo in Evie’s womb.  His question essential <span>says</span>, <em>Will you <span>do </span>right by this child?  Love it unconditionally?</em></p>
<p>Evie sighs, sending another triage spell through her body.    She refused to cast the spell until she missed her scheduled birth control period.  One positive pregnancy test finally pushed the mage to triage and<span>…</span>found <em>it</em>.  Now, she magically studies this new bodily buddy.  She is instantly aware of all biological changes.  Swollen breast, bloating, peeing every few minutes, miasma, moody… Well, the last one could be <span>her</span> on any day.</p>
<p>Evie nods her head quickly.  Her voice is nothing but a mouse squeak, her terror effecting her entire body.  “Yes<span>…</span>yes, as soon as I heard that heartbeat…”  She sits down on the love seat.  “When I was sixteen, my OBGYN told me I would never have children.  My hormones and organs <span>are too screwed</span> up.  Dr. Wynne Boyd says I‘m high risk.  Too many things are against me, Dorian<span>…</span>but <em>I want this baby…</em><span>”</span>  The first tears trickle down her cheeks.</p>
<p>Dorian frowns and smiles at the same time.  He shifts seats and holds Evie close.  “Then have this baby, Sunshine.  You have wonderful friends and family that will support you.  We won’t let anything happen to you.”</p>
<p>The necromancer pathologist thinks for a moment.  “Have you searched for this Cullen?”</p>
<p>Evie’s head whips around.  Instantly, panic sets in.  That motherly protective side flares, sending ash and sparks into the air.  Her mind reminds her of the multiple horror stories kids told in the Circle educational system about mages’ babies, especially fathered by templars.  “He was a templar!  They <span>aren’t allowed</span> to take babies anymore, but they still do!  Non-mage parents in divorces always get custody, while they discriminate the mage parent.   Mages never get fair trials.  If he orders full custody…!<span>“ </span> Evie freaks out, her magic protecting her.  “I can’t lose this child, Dorian!”</p>
<p>Dorian waves her off and avoids her flames.  “Breath, woman!  That’s not what I meant!”</p>
<p>Evie rocks and holds her stomach.  “Still…”  She pants, feeling her blood pressure in her head.  That iconic buzz hampers her hearing.   Evie’s vision tunnels.</p>
<p>“He deserves to know, whoever he is.”  Dorian declares, his grey eyes watching her closely.  He has seen her faint before when her blood pressure got wildly out of control. </p>
<p>Evie knows Dorian is right, but it does not quill the anxiety inside her.  For Dorian to say that says a great deal, especially with a poor excuse of a father.  “From this Cullen’s chivalrous actions both outside and inside the bedroom, I doubt if he is that <span>type of </span>templar.  He even let your mana fly while orgasming.  That’s a rare one.  Even Bull feels strange and off-putting when I do that.”</p>
<p>Evie rubs her face, the tears cascading at an alarming rate.  “I<span>…</span>I got curious<span>…</span>about him<span>…</span>afterwards.  I hoped a little…”  She cannot say the words, the loss too much still.  Every time she dreams, the Fad taunts her with that smug smirk and scarred lip.  “I checked everywhere when I missed my period and waiting for the blood tests.  I hated myself for not asking for his number or something.  You know, for work purposes.”  Dorian perked an eyebrow, seeing through her bullshit.  “What, the sex was fantastic!  I can’t tell this kid that though.  ‘I boned your mysterious father so much I ripped the condom…’”  She flings herself against the couch back.  “Ugh, what am I doing!?”</p>
<p>“So, you searched for him and…”  Dorian waits for Evie to get a grip.</p>
<p>“The Chantry conference officials don’t give out participants’ information.  Nor does the airline.  There are several Cullens that work in <span>lyrium</span> addiction clinics, but none have any information online.  Kirkwall has three doctors with Cullen first names, but no photos or clues they are <span>Fereldan</span>.”  Evie explains, feeling like an internet stalker.  “I tried all social media.  He doesn’t have one.  I can’t blame him after that stalker ex-girlfriend Courtney harassed me online.  Without his surname or employment company, <span>Linkdin</span> was useless.”</p>
<p>“So, he is still just a pretty face and magical dick.”  Dorian sighs, flipping back on the couch with his friend.  “Well, maybe your father can find out some stuff.  You know he has <em>resources</em>.”</p>
<p>Evie throws him a look.  “<em>No, Dorian!</em>  No one knows until I am out of my first trimester!  My miscarriage possibly is too high to give people hope.  Definitely <em>absolutely</em> you <em>do not</em> tell my father <em>anything</em>.  He’ll kill this Cullen within twenty-four hours.  Shot-gun fathers are angels compared with what my father will do to that doctor.  Father will kill every Cullen in <span>Thedas</span> just to be sure he killed the man who impregnated his daughter!  Meanwhile, Mother will support me, but give a lengthy speech about responsibility and proper lady sexual encounters like I’m sixteen again.  This will just remind her of her own bastard status.  Fucking <span>Andraste</span>, the first grandbaby will be from their unwedded mage daughter!”</p>
<p>“You forget Rian and Cassandra.  You cannot hide this from them.”  Dorian pokes her side.  Evie instantly protects her abdomen.  “<span>Furthermore, they</span> have multiple connections with the Templars.  Rian <em>was </em>a templar, while Cassandra used to police them before going to law school.  They can search this guy out.  Even better, Iron Bull and his private-eye business can dig up-”</p>
<p>“-No one else knows about him.  Period!  I’ll tell them about the baby and something about him being a templar, but nothing more.  The fewer facts, the better for <em>him!  </em>Dorian, I promise I will keep a lookout.  <span>However</span> with the people we know, the guy will die horrifically and left to rot.  He’ll <span>have no idea</span> why!”</p>
<p>Dorian turns his head and kisses her forehead.  “And if you don’t use these resources, your child will never know their father.  Yes, it was a one-night stand so filled with alcohol and poor judgement you will ponder it for the rest of your life.  However, what will your kid think knowing you did nothing to tell this man he fathered what I call a miracle child?”</p>
<p>Evie squeezes her bright green close.  Dorian holds her and rocks to keep her calm and rational.  His <span>Tevinter</span> accent remains soft and encouraging.  <span>“</span>This is a miracle.  I know kids were never in your plan, but you also thought you would never be a mother period.  Too many medical limitations.  You just assume no one would want to date and marry you.  I still want to punch that guy who called you not a woman for being barren. </p>
<p>Dorian pulls out his silk handkerchief and dabs away Evie’s tears.  “However, you created life in the least likely place.  This Cullen gave you a child, the impossibility with too many variables for it <span>to actually catch</span>.  I would give anything to have you to be my mother, Evie.  You’ll <span>do </span>right by this child, but that includes finding this man and giving him a chance to be a father.”</p>
<p>Evie’s best friend pokes her cheek, trying to get her to smile.  “<span>Additionally, you</span> and this Cullen hit it off.  He made you feel safe and cared about, which is worlds apart from your past relationships.  If he did not give you that deep connection, you would have never slept with him.”</p>
<p>“What if I lose the baby<span>…</span>like my body can’t carry it anymore?  He’ll blame me!  O-o-o-or something happens to me!?  What will happen to my baby?  What if he wants and takes him or her away!?”  Evie heaves and grips the loveseat arm.  Every worst-case scenario pops into her mind. </p>
<p>Tear pour from Evie’s bright green eyes.  She grips Dorian’s shirt tightly, wiping her snot all over his silk tie.  Dorian rocks her again like she is a toddler.  She needs to lady up and accept responsibility.  “<span>Now now</span>, Dearie.  Stop thinking about the worst.  We will go through this one day at a time.  That’s all we can do.  If we find this guy, we’ll send him to Cassandra and legally make it he cannot take the baby.  A joint custody agreement.  Cassandra knows all the legal needs for such circumstances.  No one will challenge her say because they’ll get socked into the next age.  Maybe he wants nothing to do with the baby, so he signs over his parental rights.  If he disagrees with these arrangements or shows he is a scumbag, we know who can kill him and make it look like an accident.”</p>
<p>“<span>Leliana</span> would do that for any mage<span>…</span><span>She’s</span> has a ‘special place’ where she hides all the bodies…”  Evie mumbles into the fine fabric.  She scowls, her mind reminding her <span>Cullen</span>’s sexual skills.  “What a waste of <span>a good cock</span> and tongue…”</p>
<p>“You must increase your toy collection.  I heard pregnancy makes women extra horny<span>…</span>or extra prudish.”  Dorian chuckles and kisses her temple.</p>
<p>“Maker<span>…</span>let me get through the vomiting and nausea first.  All I do is sleep<span>…</span>My nipples hurt just rubbing cotton.”  Evie mumbles to herself.  “You’ll be there<span>…</span>through this?”</p>
<p>Dorian hugs Evie again, his arms safe and comforting.  How many times has she hugged him during his familial issues?  They are siblings, connected and bonded in their souls.  Dorian and Evie’s friendship is unlike any relationship she has ever had<span>…</span>well, except that fling with Cullen.  “Until the delivery.  I’m not holding that stinky kid.”</p>
<p>Evie chuckles into her friend’s collar.  “Thank the Maker I have you<span>…</span>I’m so scared…”</p>
<p>Dorian rocks his cousin closely, ignoring that she smells like puke and sweat.  She winces when he bumps her unbound breasts.  “This is alarming and uncharted territory for you.  Alas, out of anyone I know, Evie, I know you will a fantastic and dutiful mother.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe that.  Not drinking alone will make me murder a city.”</p>
<p>“Let’s avoid that, Sunshine.”  The <span>Teviner</span> mage chuckles.  “Giving birth in prison sounds unadvisable…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, Evie is keeping the baby.  Do you believe her concerns have merit or is this typical initial pregnancy concerns and panic?  How will this impact what comes next?  Let me know your theories and opinions in the comments!</p>
<p>I tried to envision and display that initial surprise and panic about an unplanned pregnancy and consequences.  I reflected on my own experiences and those I've assisted while for other while they determining what to do.  Even being married, that immediate panic of being pregnant causes multiple of freaking and happy emotions.  </p>
<p>Then, I applied them to a world where mage rights are a recent phenomena after ages of repression.  It might seem Evie is thinking horribly of Cullen.  However for someone she doesn't know as well as her natural general anxiety, I wanted to be realistic with her reaction.  We all know Cullen is not a scumbag, but does Evie at this point?  I drew from my experiences as a child of divorced parents and their harmful actions during child custody.  Child custody battles get bad!  O_O   </p>
<p>In conclusion, Evie jumps the shark before even getting in the ocean, you know?  When you suffer with GAD and depression like I do, your mind jumps to the worst despite fighting to be rational and realistic.  I'm rambling...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Jump or Fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Maker, you all are amazing!  Thank you fro reading and sharing kudos.  I'm so happy many of you are coming here, reading, and returning for this fluffy love affair.  I hope you continue to read.  Thanks for leaving comments and sharing too!  You all are my writing fuel!</p><p>Chapter Song:  "“Feel It In My Bones” by Tiesto (Featuring Tegan &amp; Sara Quin)</p><p>You would like to review what inspired Evie and Cullen's fashion, <a href="https://thejeeperswife.tumblr.com/post/617936618245013504/pss-chapter-5-fashion">check out my blog post!</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen takes one last look at himself, grimacing how the tailored tuxedo feels too tight despite Josephine saying otherwise.  That is the last time he lets the Theirin coordinator choose his suit.  Yes, he lacked any time to do it before the Theirin Foundation Gala.  Moving and settling in took longer than he expected.  Cullen even had to settle for a short-tern housing lease to even begin work on time.  If setting a few hours aside to avoid him looking like a penguin in extra small suit, the ex-templar will find the time.</p><p>The Fereldan doctor’s world flipped in the last five months.  Once returning to Kirkwall after an unexpected moment of happiness after so much <em>Chantry</em>, Cullen discovered all Chantry fund would cease to his clinic.  What he expected from the religious institution occurred in a matter of weeks instead of months.  His staff and he rushed to find new rehabilitation clinics for his patients, while searching for medical employment where he will not fight tooth and nail for each sovereign. </p><p>An unexpected blessing arrived from a dwarf Cullen avoided like the plague.  Millionaire Varric Tethras’ forefather of the same name indirectly introduced red lyrium to Thedas during the Dragon Age.  Discovering that his family did nothing to stop the spread after his forefather’s death, Varric put his foot down and established his own non-government organization.  That organization works in tandem with the iconic philanthropy Theirin Foundation, who discovered Cullen’s plight about the same time.  After a few phone calls, video interviews, and e-mail exchanges, Cullen and his staff moved to Haven, Ferelden, a growing major city that had ties to the Chantry, but people relate more to the Second Inquisition.  Now, all major lyrium struggles filters through there.</p><p>Cullen technically worked his first two weeks already, but this will be the first shindig that will expose him to all the multiple organizations that fall under the Theirin Foundation.  He never looks forward to such high-end festivities.  He is a simple man who wants to hit the ground running.  He rather work with his staff tomorrow morning bright and early than rub shoulders with some of the richest people involved stopping lyrium’s ill effects.  The Fereldan doctor knows such galas is required for funding and job security, but it still makes his stomach turn, specifically because he runs into too many <em>Orlesians</em>.</p><p>Giving up on his moody curly hair, Cullen shifts away from the bathroom, checks if he is carrying everything needed for the evening, and exits his new apartment.  The place is only temporary until he closes on a house or condo.  He finally can settle down instead of wondering which month the Chantry will give up on its addicted and dying soldiers.  After decades bending to the Chantry’s will, Cullen will set down roots and change other templars’ lives.</p><p>Once he steps into his SUV, Cullen’s phone rings.  He punches a few the dash’s on-board screen so the call does not require hands.  “Rutherford.”</p><p>“<em>Mate, you on your way?”</em></p><p>Cullen smirks at the dash when he pulls out of his complex and onto the highway.  “Rylen, don’t tell me you bailing already.”</p><p><em>“No, just that I can only ass-kiss about</em> you specifically <em>for so long.”</em>  The Starkhaven ex-templar laughs.  <em>“I might be your head nurse, but these vultures want their new handsome clinical head doctor.  Andraste’s bosom, there are some hella high-end people here.  If wealth was contagious, I would be a billion by now.”</em></p><p>Rylen could have been a doctor easily, but the Starkhaven former knight took a differ approach.  After retiring from the Order and graduating from Cullen’s clinic, he wanted more bedside interactions and therapies with their patients.  He passed nursing and physical therapy school.  Cullen hired him no questions asked.  The doctor always prefers an ex-templar in his clinics to demonstrate to other recovering addicts that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if they want and work hard enough.  “Have you seen Varric yet?”</p><p>
  <em>“The dwarf already has a betting pool running.  One of his scientists is preggers and is pulling big-wig patrons aside to donate in trade of entering a betting pool on the gender, weight, and date.  I just watched her chase the swine out the hall with fireballs in each hand.  Her brother was a templar, so I did not offer to settle her down.”</em>
</p><p>“Ouch, pregnant mage.  Varric deserves it.”  Cullen chuckles, shaking his head.</p><p><em>“I think the only one who hates Varric more right now is Cassandra!”</em>  Rylen laughs through the phone.  “<em>The woman is just waiting for the mage to give the cue to punch the crap out of him in the alley.”</em></p><p>“It seems I’m missing one hell of a party already.”</p><p><em>“If you did not fuss over your hair so much, you would be here instead me hiding in the corner from your impatient fans.”</em>  Rylen mutters into the smartphone.</p><p>“I wasn’t fussing over my hair.  My hair’s naturally-“</p><p><em>“Bullshit, mate!”</em>  Rylen cries out, then lowers his voice.  Someone must have shushed him.  <em>“I remember you in ’38. </em> ‘Noodlehead’<em> was the perfect nickname for you.”</em></p><p>“Ugh, Veronica…”  Cullen groans, pinching his nose.</p><p><em>“Hey, you were the idiot to date </em>two <em>Amells at different times and never knew it.  They were mages.  You definitely have a type.”</em></p><p>“Well, they’re both married now, while I am still a single, lonesome bachelor.”  Cullen mutters, his eyes trying to focus on the road instead of saggy bags under his amber eyes and overworked, aching head.</p><p>
  <em>“And thus why I said you should have hunted down that Val Royeaux click, who made you smile while the Chantry gave us the axe-“</em>
</p><p>“-No, Ry.”  Cullen bit off, rubbing his face.  “Don’t go there.”</p><p>
  <em>“All right, all right.  I’ve said my two coppers months ago, but I’m not being a jackass.”</em>
</p><p>“Says the guy chasing after my baby sister!”</p><p>
  <em>"She’s beautiful!”</em>
</p><p>“Goodbye, Nurse Mackenzie...Arrival t-minus ten minutes.”</p><p>
  <em>“Hurry up, Mate!  These people are watching the doors for you!”</em>
</p><p>Cullen punches the end call button, brooding to himself.  The one person Cullen tells about that layover in Val Royeaux five months ago, and Rylen reminds him ever time women come up. The doctor knows he lost his chance back then.  He prefers to forget his screw up.  He should have asked for Eve’s full name instead of calling her a new nickname.  He could have asked for a business card while a dinner before shutting down any more lyrium conversations.  No, instead he watches race out of the hotel for a flight he never asked <em>where</em>.</p><p>The ex-templar slams his head against the driver seat a few times, exhaling heavily.  What could have come out of that anyway?  Long-distance relationship?  No, Cullen knows too well how quickly those fall apart.  He saw enough <em>Dear John</em> letters from fellow soldiers while deployed in the Imperium to write a book.  Cullen could not keep his local girlfriends from cheating.</p><p>Still, silky olive sun-kissed skin and dazzling bright green eyes torture Cullen while falling asleep at night.  Cute snorting laughter and a mischievous Free Marcher accent still buzzes in his ear when he masturbates.  Nothing can replicate those cries of ecstasy and sexy begging for more. </p><p>That single night will always be the best time of his life…one that he wishes he did differently.  Too many broken rules occurred, but somehow turned a crappy situation into joyful bliss.  Yes, the ex-templar still scans airport terminals for auburn waves and a woman looking for any bar with aged tequila in pitiful hope Cullen finds that stranger again.  Alas, that night still haunts him with what ifs and regrets. </p><p>Cullen looks to the future instead.  He uses that night to take more risks, jump or fall into the unknown.  For example, the doctor would never give Varric a second thought.  Then, he thought if one glorious opportunity came from breaking from his mundane life, maybe more fortunate moments will arise.  It worked!  Now, Cullen will meets the brightest minds fighting lyrium’s multiple problems at the same gala.  He finally feels like he on a sustainable track that can actually do some good.</p><p>
  <em>Keep stepping out of your comfort zone, Rutherford.  You might have screwed up and let that unique woman slip your grasp, but you will hold firm on everything else.  The Maker has a purpose for everything.</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>           </p><p>“Cullen!”</p><p>Even after fifteen years after being a prisoner of war, crowded, tight spaces still bother the Fereldan doctor.  Cullen takes his long breaths, searching the formally dressed people.  He reminds himself none are Venatori terrorists and blood mages.  Still, he still freezes for a few moments until those traumas recede.</p><p>Luckily, the first person who noticed Cullen by the ballroom door is the woman who encouraged him to give up lyrium and support his transition.  Former Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast paved the way for Cullen to change hundred lives by supporting his templar retirement, ween off lyrium, and begin healing others.  The doctor’s face lights up when his best friend walks up in her fashionable female tuxedo.  She loves feminine things, but she will never risk herself in any environment.  In her tux jacket alone is likely three pistols.</p><p>Cullen hugs his longtime friend, chuckling over her shoulder.  “Cass, as wonderful and deadly as ever.”</p><p>Cassandra huffs and rolls her espresso brown eyes.  “Ugh, please.  I’ve already threatened bodily harm to Rian and Varric tonight.  Varric thought it cute to start a betting pool, while my dear husband begged me to wear my velvet dress that has a cleavage dim so low I might as well walk around naked.”</p><p>Cullen chuckles and shakes his head.  “That would make your husband quite happy.  Is he here tonight?”</p><p>Cassandra’s face brightens with a little blush.  “Yes, but he hovers around his sister like a mabari.  I’m sorry we just up and eloped last month.  When his family heard we got engaged, I knew they would want a traditional wedding for aristocracy.  While I would not have minded wearing a wedding dress for that, I would not invite every silly idiot that shares my surname.  I left Nevarra for a reason!”</p><p>“That doesn’t stop you from having a party or something where you dictate who comes.”  Cullen suggests as Cassandra leads him to the open bar.</p><p>“Perhaps.  Since most people I like now either work for the Theirin Foundation or live here, I will consider it.  Just don’t tell my in-laws.”  Cassandra grunts, fluffing her pixie hair.  “I know why they disliked what Rian and I did.  Rian is their nephew meant to inherit their corporation.  Their blood son died years ago following red lyrium exposure.  With one daughter in prison for attempted murder and the other currently…”  Cassandra waves to the bartender for a gin and tonic.  “Maker, I wonder if I married into a soap opera or an influencing Free Marcher family.”</p><p>“Sell the rights to the story to a soap opera, and I know my sister Rosalie will watch it.”  Cullen chuckles after ordering a whiskey neat.  He ignores the last time he had one of those.</p><p>“I thought you stopped drinking?”  Cassandra comments, watching the bartender pass the doctor his drink.  “Rylen remarked you sulk around since.”</p><p>The doctor wants his head nurse to show up and have Cassandra sock him.  “It’s a long story that does not matter.”  Cullen grunts and waves his hand.  He cannot think about such regrets now.  “Rylen doesn’t know when to lay off his crap.”</p><p>“This that about Rosalie dating a man ten years her senior?”  Cassandra questions with a perked brow.</p><p>“They aren’t dating.”  Cullen grumbles into his drink.  “Besides, I need a drink to get through tonight.  This is now how I planned to spend my first week with the Foundation, but we do what we need for funding and support, right?”</p><p>“It is better than kissing up to Chantry clerics…barely.”  The Foundation’s General Counsel sighs.  “Speaking of must-know people…”</p><p>Cullen glances over his shoulder to see a very tall man with swirling grey eyes.  He smiles down at Cassandra, while squeezing her shoulder.  “The Theirins are looking for you.”</p><p>Cassandra rubs her neck.  “Probably that one legal nightmare that won’t go away.”  She waves to Cullen.  “Rian, meet the Foundation’s new head doctor of clinics and recovery, Dr. Cullen Rutherford, former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall.  Cullen, my husband and heir to Trevelyan Mineral Enterprises, Rian Trevelyan, former Knight-Commander of Ostwick.”</p><p>Cullen shakes the offered hand, eyes wide.  “Trevelyan as in Trevelyan shipping involved of lyrium distribution for the Chantry the last four ages?”</p><p>“Until several decades ago.”  Rian amends and holds up a finger.  “The Chantry finally changed their Circle reformations for public schools and recognizes lyrium addiction.  My uncle, Bann Ian Trevelyan, broke ancient treaties regarding lyrium distribution in boycott and disgust.  A few years later, he lost his son in an accidental red lyrium event.  He <em>really </em>advocates for no lyrium use within the Chantry…or by anyone for that matter.  Unfortunately, my family name gets the same reaction as you just did.  I wanted to take Cassandra’s name until she told me the Pentaghast surname is not much better.  My younger sister goes by my aunt’s maiden name as a red lyrium researcher just to avoid such reactions.  Being a Trevelyan in the fight against lyrium brings out all the hypocrites and sharks.”</p><p>Cullen clears his throat.  He did sound judgmental.  After having several Trevelyan agents show up to his clinic in Kirkwall threatening his life does that.  Evidently, not all the family members share those greedy and selfish feelings.  “My apologies if I sounded accusingly.  I did not know your last name before.  I’m just somewhat surprised.”</p><p>Rian waves and shrugs.  “No offense.  I was already in the Order academy in a low lyrium dosage when that class-action lawsuit opened classified, ages-old secrets and lies behind lyrium addiction and health effects.  If it was not for what you do, Cassandra would have met a vegetable.  I never went to a clinic, but followed you recommendations and found to the way to free myself.  Now, I donate all my financial interest each year to the Theirin Foundation and its affiliations.”</p><p>Cassandra nudges over her husband’s shoulder.  “Speaking of family, if you came for me that means you’re relaxing about your sister?”</p><p>Rian eyes his wife before glancing at a huddled group on the other side of the dance floor.  “No, actually.  I only can stay a second.  You know she is fragile, Cassandra.  This is her first outing since everything happened.  I only left when Dorian said he would monitor her.  Alistair swore he would stick around and make her laugh until I could get you.”</p><p>“You left her in Dorian’s care?  Dorian, who keeps drinking wine in her honor?”  Cassandra quizzes, studying the gathered group.  “With Alistair, who also has a beef with Varric at the moment.  And Varric just returned after what I assume Iron Bull giving him the all-clear?”</p><p>“Oh bugger, Varric’s back?!  She’ll set his chest hair on fire.  Alistair and Dorian won’t stop her either!”  Rian shakes Cullen’s hand hard and fast.  “Nice to meet you!”  The Trevelyan businessman pivots and races across the ballroom like a new world war will break out.</p><p>“Rylen mentioned a fire mage angrier than blazes at the dwarf earlier.”  Cullen cackles after taking the last drops of his whiskey.</p><p>The doctor follows Cassandra around the dancers towards the group where her husband raced towards.  His whiskey eyes lock on a Tevinter man talking and laughing beside a huge Qunari whose muscles make him cover most other group members.  “That would be her.  Usually, she would just scream creative cusses at the writer, but since her condition doesn’t allow her drink, her already short temper is extra explosive.”</p><p>“She a danger?”  Cullen asks, his nerves reaching out for any remaining lyrium left stuck to his bones.</p><p>Cassandra shakes her head.  “No, just more expressive than usual.  She’s actually a close friend, someone I trust as much as you.  You two need to meet anyway because you would be great lyrium comrades.  Just…”  The former seeker sighs.  “Her hormones betray her from time to time.”</p><p>Cullen approaches the group cautiously.  He notices Rylen laughing at something the massive Qunari says, while Rian seems to pull a shorter person away.  Cullen recognizes Alistair Theirin and his beautiful wife Astrid talking and watching the scene.  They interviewed the doctor a few months ago.</p><p>"Well, nice to join us, Rutherford!”  Alistair calls, offering his hand to Cullen.  “When Josephine mentioned you arrived, Asty and I sighed in relief.  Whatever you need to get running smoothly, you’ll have it immediately.  I know some patients arrived in the last weeks to the hospital and continued treatment.”</p><p>“We thank you for this opportunity, Mr. Theirin.”  Cullen nods to honor his new boss.  “You care more than the institution who created this public health problem.”</p><p>“Please, I told you during the interview and acceptance call.  Call me Alistair.”  The strawberry-haired man encourages with a grin.  “I might have been born from that blasted Fereldan royal bloodline, but I’m no monarch.  I just use my family’s fortune to do some good in this world.  Leave things better than you found it, right?”</p><p>“Of course, Sir.”  Cullen salutes, self-conscious around such well-off and famous people.</p><p>Alistair rolls his eyes and points at Cullen while talking to Cassandra.  “Is he always this damn stubborn?”</p><p>“<em>Always</em>!”  Rylen hollers from the other side of the group.  Cullen glares at his friend.</p><p>A cry pulls Rian out of his argument with whoever.  One voice Cullen recognizes is Varric trying to defend himself, while another is a slur of curse words.  <em>“You narcissistic conniving jackboot who doesn’t know his ass from a shit pit!”  </em>Creative indeed.  Rian waves to Cassandra and Cullen, while shooing the handsome Tevinter man and laughing Qunari aside.  Now notices several other people in the huddle.</p><p>“Oh!  I have someone for you to meet!”  Rian tells a woman in a long emerald green velvet dress with a plunging back that shows off her tan skin and shapely body.  Her auburn waves are half down and shines red when the overhead lights flicker.</p><p>No, it cannot be…</p><p>“Dr. Cullen Rutherford,” Rian begins as Cassandra nudges the doctor closer.  “Meet my sister, Evelyn Trevelyan, or you might know her by her research name Dr. Evie Monroe.”</p><p>Bright green eyes flash over her bare shoulder; her gaze follows where her brother gestures. </p><p>Cullen knows those eyes anywhere.</p><p>It is her.</p><p>
  <em>Eve…!</em>
</p><p>Those iconic bright green eyes widen seeing him, her mouth gapping right as her foot shifts and turns her body full towards him.  Her velvet dress hugs her entire body.  Those fantastic breasts provide even better cleavage than he remembers in the formal gown's deep V.  The long teardrop amber bumps the swollen breasts just so to accent their supple shape.  Her hands shift low to a small, round bump right above her hips.  If it was not for the form-fitting dress, no one would have seen it.</p><p>Evie looks like she sees a ghost.  She instant turns ashen, those beautiful bright green eyes roll into her skull.  She falls back, Cullen only sees what is happening because he is so struck and relieved to be in her company again.  He catches her before her head hits a nearby table.</p><p>“Fasta vass!  Evie!”</p><p>“Shit!  Her blood pressure again!”</p><p>“I told you she shouldn’t have come out tonight!”</p><p>“Just because Evelyn’s pregnant does not mean she cannot get out of the house, Rian!”</p><p>“Well, shit!  Curly, bring to one of the side rooms before we alert the whole damn gala!”</p><p>Cullen barely hears anything that the others’ say.  Those past orgasmic cries echo in his ears instead.  All he smells is that orange and clove aroma he always thought was the mead and not the woman scratching his back and meeting his bucking hips.  As Cullen lefts the fainted woman, moans shift to his own heartbeat.  His doctor mind connects dots.  If his estimates are right, Cullen suddenly discovers what are the real consequences taking a leap of faith leads…!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>well, definitely a surprise!</p><p>A few of you guessed about Varric's connection to both Evie and Cullen!  It has been a few months, but they definitely recognize each other stil...and have a plus one!</p><p>Any theories on Evie's reaction?  What will Cullen do now concluding more came out of that night than a drunk love affair?  Let me know in the comments!  XD!  I love hear from you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Well, Shit.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title says it all.  Evie is in one giant hole right now.</p><p>Not my best edited chapter, but I'm kinda hungover right now.  Oops.</p><p>Chapter Songs:  "From Nowhere" by Dan Croll &amp; "Humor of the Situation" by Barenaked Ladies.</p><p>I couldn't decide which song was better fitted for this chapter, so I chose both.  Remember this story has playlists on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=CVJvFz8xSXyoERZkHHvk4A">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>!  Check them out and subscribe!  XD!</p><p>Note:  I am not a medical professional.  Any medical information is based off of what I searched in medical journals, personal experience, and speaking to contacts.  If something isn't right, please let me know in the comments.  :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Murphy’s Law really enjoys screwing over Evie.  The first night in months Evie leaves the house, and all void breaks loose.  For the last four and a half months, she either taught at <span>Skyhold</span> or lounged around her house just to keep her blood pressure down and thin cervical plug in place.  Evie finally comes to the gala and enjoys some interactions after getting an okay from Dr. Wynne, recruiting Dorian to help find a gown, and begging Rian to let her outside.   She knows many fellow researchers and advocates were not expecting her slight bump in her tight gown, but she needed to explain why she was missing in action.  The number of red <span>lyrium</span> nodes discovered just keeps doubling while she stays inside and protects her baby and herself.</p><p>Then the unbelievable happens.  How does a chance seating fluke lead to a miracle baby that survived so many improbable odds?  How does a man Evie thought would never cross her path again suddenly staring wide-eyed and slacked-jawed beside her brother?!</p><p>Is this serendipity or just the Maker making an absolute sick joke?</p><p>Evie feels herself falling, unable to stop the tunnel vision.  She feels her donated heart in her throat.  <span>Her ears buzz like her brain was </span><span>colonized by Sera’s million bees</span>.  Her breath hitches and diaphragm tightens, while she mentally screams to keep breathing.  It is not just for her now, but that little angelic music deep within her slowly growing into a healthy baby.  Evie’s every thought changed over the last few months.  Instead of <em>her </em>career or <em>her </em>life, it will always be <em>their</em> world.</p><p>Anything for this baby!  Nothing else matters.  Just keep pushing through.</p><p>Strong, familiar arms hold the falling mage, crawling her in warmth and safety.  Elderflower and oakmoss mix with sage and lavender inside her nostrils bring back memories she ignores every night or fear and nostalgia.  One side of Evie’s brain fights the emotion welling up inside, the fear and uncertainty too much.  The other side sings in praises to do the right thing, to open again and embrace this rare stranger.</p><p>The flexing muscles carry Evie somewhere as the ear buzz lessens.  She does not feel like she needs to swallow her heart to take a breath.  Outside sounds slowly come back as the gala’s low conversations and quartet music disappears.  A few safe voices replace as they all rush around <span>her</span>.  Finally, those protective arms lay her on a soft surface.  A couch, possibly?  A stiff pillow cradles her neck.  Once fully laying down, someone tucks another pillow under her legs, likely for blood pressure purposes.</p><p>“Cass, catch.”  Keys jingle.  “Got to my SUV and grab my doctor’s bag.  You know where it is.”</p><p>Evie knows that voice so well:  husky, warm, and a deep baritone that rumbles in her lungs.  The Fade <span>fails to</span> replicate it each night.  To hear it again is bliss.</p><p>Instantly, the other side of her brain hollers:  <em>Reject!  He’ll take your baby!  You can only trust yourself!</em></p><p>So much conflict with her scared soul.</p><p>“I brought a jug of ice water.”  Dorian’s chipper voice calms her.  That man will kill everyone around if <em>anyone</em> touches her wrong, even Rian.  He <em>might</em> have a chance against Cassandra.</p><p>“I grabbed crackers.  She always gets nauseous after one of these spells.”  Rian.  Maker’s balls, he must <span>be having</span> a stroke right now.  It surprises Evie that he has not called an ambulance and rushed her to the hospital.</p><p>“How many fainting attacks has she experienced?”  <span>Of course the</span> doctor focuses on anything medical.</p><p>“Three?”  Dorian responds, his voice hesitate on giving any confidential information.  He knows Evie is cautious about her medical history.  “Possibly four…?  I know she has had a few at home alone.”</p><p>“She was born with a weak heart value, Aortic Value Stenosis.” <span> …</span>and then there is Rian, Mr. <span>Big Mouth</span> himself!  Her brother blurts her sorrowful history, not understanding who he is talking to<span>…</span>and could do to Evie and the baby.  “She had the value replaced when a child with <span>druffalo</span> value but that one degraded when she was in college.  By then, the heart muscle <span>was severely damaged</span> and sent her into heart failure.  She received a new heart<span> …</span>from her younger brother, Esme, when he died in an accident.  She was doing great after that, but when she got pregnant….”  Rian sighs.  “Her chronic hypertension worries her OBGYN.  She is extreme high risk.”</p><p>Evie stirs.  She wants to yell and fire fireballs at Rian for telling her health concerns or that a part of Esme not tainted by red <span>lyrium</span> keeps her alive now.  It was all her fault that Esme-</p><p>“Cullen, your kit!”  Cassandra cries as her hammering heels rush into the room.  If the lawyer had been present, she would have punched Rian silent. </p><p>There is jingling beside Evie like someone is searching for something.  “How long is she?”  There is a pensiveness in Cullen’s voice.  He remains calm, but there is the urge to learn the truth, what she has denied him.</p><p>Dorian swallows.  The mage is nearby.  She feels his defensive magic ready.  The <span>altus</span> reaches out and holds her hand, his thumb gliding over her skin.  He waits a few seconds before responding.  Evie described Cullen a few times during their late night crying sessions.  Dorian is not daft.</p><p>“She’ll hit five months—twenty weeks—Wednesday?  <span>Of course, that</span> is a <span>guesstimate</span>.”</p><p>Evie can hear the gears turning in Cullen’s head as he examines her.  She wants to hold her breath, wait for him to respond.  Alas, the doctor says nothing.  It makes sense.  These people are strangers.  He does not know all the facts.  Meanwhile, they do not know Cullen’s major role in this.</p><p>
  <em>It’s time to wake up and face the music, Evie…</em>
</p><p>Evie slowly opens her bright green eyes, searching her <span>new world</span> for threatens and confirms her predictions.  Her Fade-colored orbs flick to the first person who sent her in a tailspin.  Cullen turns away, shuffling through a black doctor’s bag that looks like something out of an old movie.  Maker, how did he get more handsome, while Evie is so bloated and clumsy.  Her eyes’ heavy black bags required a tube of concealer for tonight?  On instinct, Evie shifts her gown slit to cover her growing spider veins and hide her pregnancy ugliness.</p><p>“Hey there, Sunshine…”</p><p>The inferno mage’s gaze shifts to a worried, but smirking, Dorian.  He looks half ready to smack her and half scared he might need to resurrect her.  “Dori?”  Her voice is rough like she drank sand.</p><p>Dorian waves to someone nearby.  “<span>Varric</span>, pour me a glass of water.  No ice.”  His glassy eyes flash back to Evie.  “You gave us a scare, Sunshine.”</p><p>Evie closes her eyes.  She can feel <em>his</em> whiskey eyes on her now.  Oh, just swallow her, Universe!</p><p>“Miss Trevelyan, my name is Dr. Cullen Rutherford.”  His speech is formal with just a hint of irritation.  He did just found his one-night stand in a precarious situation surrounded by friends and family.  “Do you know where you’re at?”</p><p>
  <em>Wishing I was anywhere by here…</em>
</p><p>“<span>…</span>the gala?”</p><p>“Here, Sunshine, some water.”  Dorian touches her sweaty hand to a half-filled frosty glass.  “Good doc, please help me get her into a sitting position, please?”</p><p>Cullen growls enough for just Evie to hear.  “Slowly, her pressure can drop again<span>…</span>And you are…?”  His tone is defensive and protective.  It might be instinct and being an exceptional doctor looking out for his patient<span>…</span>or he sees Dorian as a threat.  Dorian <em>is </em>a <span>Tevinter</span> <span>altus</span>, someone Cullen fought during his templar tours. </p><p>Oh, fuck.  This will not go well.  <span>Varric</span> has a new betting pool to devise…</p><p>“Dr. Dorian <span>Pavus</span>-Bull.”  Dorian responds with a sharp, chipped edge.  “This lady here is my best friend and distant cousin.  <em>I’ve </em>been with her since she discovered her <span>little miracle</span>.”  Dorian is not dumb.  He likely put the puzzle pieces together too.</p><p>
  <em>Please, Dorian!  I know you want to rip open this secret the last few months.  However, please don’t antagonize the father!</em>
</p><p>Once shifting a little and sitting up, Evie takes the water and slowly sips it.  The water is refreshing, while giving her mouth something to do and not explain this awkward situation.  Her eyes remind downcast and focused on her slight bump pulling her gown taunt than those enchanting amber eyes watching her.  Every so often, her eyes flick to the amber teardrop pendant rolling between her peeking cleavage, Cullen’s representation in her first trimester and how he never left her thoughts.</p><p>
  <em>Now he’s here!?</em>
</p><p>“Crackers?”  Evie mumbles a few minutes later.  Maker, she hates salted oyster crackers with a passion.  That is all she could eat when puking her guts out.  That night in the ER diagnosed with <em>hyperemesis gravidarum</em> still haunts her.  The day her constant sickness settled so she could eat something not broth and crackers, she did <span>a happy dance</span> throughout her loft.  “And maybe the ginger candy from my purse…?”</p><p>“I’ll snag the purse.”  <span>Varric</span> replies as he inches towards the door.  The man usually jokes about everything.  However, since Evie got pregnant, he handles her with kid gloves<span>…</span>while setting up betting pools.</p><p>“I still plan on burning your balls, Dwarf.”  Evie grumbles as <span>Varric</span> winces and leaves.  “Or I’m getting a cut <span>of</span> the winnings, you slimy arsehole!”</p><p>“Well, that’s <span>a good sign</span>.”  Cassandra remarks with a huff.  She stands by Rian with her arms crossed, waiting for the next order.  The former seeker is a doer and lacks bedside manner.  However, she will do anything and everything for Evie.</p><p>Meanwhile, Rian looks like he will internally combust, the remaining <span>lyrium</span> stuck to his bones fueling the rising heat.  “Okay, that is it!  I am taking you home, Evelyn.”  He declares, getting several glares from the various people around the room.  Cassandra’s glower will light Rian’s wick.  “I knew it was wrong for you to come tonight!”</p><p>
  <em>Sock him, Cassie!  Please!  For the love of <span>Andraste</span> and John Cena..!</em>
</p><p>Now Evie is livid! </p><p>“I am not an invalid, Ri.”  The inferno mage snaps, causing both Cullen and Dorian to lean away from her.  Her mana heat ripples out and almost ignites Dorian’s oiled moustache.  “Yes, I’m fucking knocked up and a high risk, but I <em>will not</em> have you or anyone else <span>order</span> me around on how to run my or my baby’s life!”  She might point this speech at Rian, but it is a warning to Cullen too.  “Yes, I’m not doing great.  Yes, everything is a train wreck, and I ran out rail five miles back.  However, women dealt with this shit <em>alone </em>for millennia.  Yes, I fainted, but does that mean I should stop my fucking life!” </p><p>Evie forcibly flips off her brother and anyone else listening.  “I’m doing my best with the cards in hand.  However, I <em>will</em> make my own choices.  I am more than just a baby incubator.  I have my <span>own </span>mind, soul, and Esme’s blessed heart.  I carry this child, not anyone else!  Respect me please!”</p><p>Rian rears back, running his hands through his fluffy brown hair.  He pivots to Cassandra, mouth gaping and ready to argue.  He looks to his <span>new wife</span> for backup.  However, the ex-seeker lawyer beams with pride and has always supported Evie told them both. <span> After all</span>, Cassandra stayed with her when Evie’s father threw her out<span> ]</span>at <span>Satinalia</span>.</p><p>“I <em>will</em> make a concession though.”  Evie evens her Free Marcher <span>lilt</span>, keeping heart rate out of her head.  She waves to Cullen.  “If possible, may Dr. Rutherford follow me back to my loft?”  Now, it is Cullen’s turn, slack-jawed a second time tonight.  “That way I can drive my own bloody car home, while if something happens, a doctor is nearby.” </p><p>Evie glances at the dumbfounded <span>Fereldan</span>.  Evie perks a brow, her bright green eyes and mana widening for him to catch on.  Cullen swallows and calms a bit.  He senses what Evie is doing.  Go somewhere private to talk.  She wishes it was not her loft, somewhere neutral, but she does not have much of choice right now. </p><p>The inferno keeps her magic reined in and voice soft as possible.  Now, she must not antagonize this surprised and confused father.  “I know you just arrived, Sir, but would that be possible?”</p><p>Rian looks like his head will explode, but Cassandra pats his shoulder and gives that seeker terror scowl with her iconic disgusted grunt.  Dorian is far enough from both men to swipe eyes between Cullen and her.  He gestures and asks, <em>this IS him, isn’t it?</em>  Evie just flares her mana a little and grits her teeth.  Dorian gets the message, twisting his moustache and eyes search for his husband right outside the side room door, guarding and waiting patiently.  He cannot wait to tell Iron Bull.</p><p><span>Lastly</span>, Cullen exhales and rubs his neck.  “I suppose so.  I am not much for such parties, anyway.  I will follow you?”  His husky rumble is wary and annoyed.  <span>Andraste</span>’s swollen bobs<span>, this</span> explanation will be a nightmare.</p><p>Evie nods, slowly shifting her legs and adjusting her emerald gown to not give everyone a show.  Dorian and Cullen are on either side, hands ready for anything.  Evie feels Cullen’s templar powers tugging at her mana and Dorian’s magic battle one another for supremacy.  <em>Fucking void.  Men!  </em>She rises, only feeling light-headed but okay.  She bats off both egotistical idiots, receiving offended frowns from both.</p><p>Those bright green focus on her relenting brother.  “Calm down, Rian.  I’ll text you when I get home?”  Evie suggests, knowing this is killing him.</p><p>“I cannot lose you, Evelyn.”  Her brother whispers, rushing forward.  He hugs her tightly and kisses her forehead.</p><p>“You won’t, Silly.”  Evie half-grin and pats his shoulder.  She takes a few crackers out of his hands and shoves them into her mouth.  Crumbs falling into her cleavage, Evie waves Cullen towards the exit.  “You ready, Doc?”</p><p>Cullen takes a steady breath, his hands in tight fists.  “I will meet you in the parking lot?”</p><p>Evie nods, back turned away from her former lover.  Dorian hands her the oversized purse with every life-survival related item inside.  His piercing grey eyes sparkle, dying to be a fly on the wall for the next adult <em>discussion.</em>  Evie bats his arm, then winks.  The <span>Tevinter</span> mage knows he will be at Evie’s loft later to hold her and listen to her breakdown following dropping the anvil on the <span>Fereldan</span> doctor. </p><p>Evie makes slow steps towards the door, her feet burning and busting in the one-inch heels.  Oh, she misses her stylish heeled boots and dress shoes.  Ballerina flats from this point onward, damn it.  Maker, she cannot wait for sandals again. </p><p>The death march plays in her brain.  It will take her some time to get to her jeep too.  She might have a screaming panic attack in the ladies' bathroom while pissing since her pea-sized bladder just woke up.  The inferno mage somewhat waddles to the personal restrooms, gritting her teeth and wishing damnation on the Maker.  She feels her phone vibrate in her purse.  She can guess who it is.  Turning it on, her guess is correct.</p><p>[Dorian]:  <em>Please avoid screwing him.  At least tell him your favorite flower first.  THEN anoint your mattress with his miracle seed.  You need a good hate fuck.</em></p><p>[Dorian]:  <em>Maker, you found a gorgeous catch.  Even Iron Bull is into him.  You must tell us about his blessed cock.</em></p><p>Evie flips off the screen and tosses her phone back in her deep bag.  “Fucking void…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, this initial conversation went...okay?  The next?  Who knows!  How do you think Evie and Cullen's next conversation will go?  Do you support Evie's attitude in this chapter, or is she being disrespectful and uncouth?</p><p>Let me know your thoughts in the comments.  Thank you for reading!  You all are amazing!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Who Are You?  Who Am I?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I vow you all of you, there are only two angst chapters in the whole thirty-chapter story.  This is one and the other is at the story's apex.  This is all plot-driving so the fluff is that much more beautiful.  Ninety-percent of this story is fluff and smut.  Promise!</p>
<p>TRIGGER WARNING:  Arguments about Family Relations, Previous Traumas, Medical History, and Slight Passing Suggestion about Abortion.  </p>
<p>Read with caution because I never want to harm readers.  All these things are for explanation purposes.  Unplanned pregnancy reveals many emotional moments.</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” by Panic! At The Disco &amp; “River” by Eminem (Featuring Ed Sheeran)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen expects Evie to live in a marvelous, expensive house.  She is a Trevelyan after all, an old family that made their millions shipping blue poison over the ages.  However, her old rusty hard-top Jeep Wrangler leads him to the wharf district, a place his realtor told him as a neighborhood never to wander around at night.  She parks by an old industrial building, slipping out the driver seat slowly because of her special <em>condition</em>.  He parks his new black Range Rover and follows her into the building’s side entrance.</p>
<p>The doctor knows this is not just to make sure Rian’s sister gets home safely.  Five months changed both adults drastically.  Val Royeaux’s single passionate night ironically feels both a lifetime ago and just yesterday.</p>
<p>No matter what, Cullen will not her slip away again.  He made that mistake once.  He never repeats failures.</p>
<p>Once entering the dilapidated building, the Fereldan doctor finds himself in an old industrial elevator with a single uncovered lightbulb that buzzes and flickers every time the elevator’s pulleys whine and sputter.  The mage says nothing, her strange Fade-touched eyes focus on her flashy black heels that look two size too small.  She makes no sounds, just allows the elevator’s squeak and grunt to fill the growing silence like the cables will snap and kill them both so they need not have the upcoming conversation.</p>
<p>The tight, compact space makes the tension palpable, invasive, and raw.</p>
<p>Cullen’s achy mind runs a million miles per hour.  He started tonight regretting letting an amazing person slip his grasp to only discover her at the gala.  He went from thinking she was just a lyrium geologist who risked her life for the destitute to learning she is a daughter of one of the most powerful families that contributed to the lyrium epidemic.  The doctor feels shocked and wary.  These rolling emotions feel like being battered against jagged coastal rocks during a hurricane.</p>
<p>The Fereldan doctor bites the inside of his cheek.  He cannot believe he slept with a Trevelyan.  Cullen wonders if Evie actually knew who he was and attempted to sabotage his clinics here like those Trevelyan businessmen did in Kirkwall.  If the family was not taking his clinic to court for some silly medical malpractice lawsuit, they swayed potential donors and sympathetic Chantry members away from assisting his operations financially.  The doctor suffered more from that family’s schemes than the drug gangs threatening his life walking to work.</p>
<p>Cullen knows he has a huge prejudice against nobles, but with good reason.  Rich, spiteful college students always harassed him during medical school.  Their wealthy parents made sure their subpar children got the best residency placements by donating millions to city-state hospitals, while the Fereldan thanked the Maker at least someone reviewed his application.</p>
<p>The Trevelyans top the lists of disgusting Houses who roll in their millions while innocent people die.  Yes, Rian explained his particular familial branch is trying to change.  Cassandra married him, so that means the man must have some morals unlike his kin.  She would have shot him if the ex-templar lied or acted selfishly.</p>
<p>However, Evie could be <em>anyone!  </em>The doctor never probed to learn more about the woman he bedded.  She just bought him drinks and wore herself on her sleeve.  Cullen was instantly enchanted.  But that is almost every Trevelyan Cullen has ever met.  Their grand presence always command rooms, while belittling former Order knights from a small Fereldan farm town.  The Orlesians might think the Free Marches are quaint, but the city-state’s aristocracy makes the Great Game look like a little kid playing with Barbies by not hiding behind masks and openly threatening a blond doctor who just want to redeem himself by doing something right and fair.</p>
<p>Does this woman work within anti-lyrium circles to disrupt or destroy potential profit losses?  Did she sleep with him and announce unplanned pregnancy as a ploy?  Is her rich family going to blackmail him by stopping his medical practices because of a single night’s drunken lapse in judgement?</p>
<p>Cullen wavers between shock, betrayal, confusion, and rage.</p>
<p>The brooding and mistrusting ex-templar awakes when Evie kicks the wooden supports a few times to get the gate up.  When Cullen goes to help, she waves him off, grumbling under her breath.  Once the elevator frees them, Evie reaches for her shoes and throws them into an open space that looks like her living area.</p>
<p>“No more heels for me…”  She hisses, rubbing her feet.  She forgets she wears a tight gown with a long slit up of the side that constantly reminds Cullen what lays just beneath.</p>
<p>Those unique bright green focus on her battered phone, her grimace widening either at her own message or incoming texts waiting for replies.  It dings again, which just makes her huff and toss it on a kitchen island covered in papers and books.  “You want something to drink?  I have apple juice, milk, lavender tea, and water.”  Evie grunts like it pains her to be courteous.  “I have no liquor left.  So sorry, no whiskey.”</p>
<p>At least she cannot intoxicate him to sway his judgement again. </p>
<p>That grumbling Free Marcher lilt continues as she pulls out her fancy earrings and tugs open her refrigerator.  “Once I learned I was pregnant, my friends came over and had a party without me.  Luckily, they didn’t trash the place too much.  I fled for Redcliffe to mourn the fermented losses by giving an exciting speech about dwarven mine safety.  At least Dorian recycled the bottles for me so I didn’t need to depose the dead liquor soldiers personally.”  Her cheek keeps jerking like she is angry.</p>
<p>The only person who should be extremely raging is him.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t jump to conclusions.  You don’t know this woman.  She might have a rational explanation.  Anything is possible right now.</em>
</p>
<p>“Tea is fine.”  Cullen responds a bit harsher than he wishes.  His lip twitches twice.</p>
<p>Evie’s bright green eyes watch him, then turns to her kettle and stove.  “Look around.”  She gestures to her loft with little care.  “I don’t mind.  This will take me a few minutes.”</p>
<p>The ex-templar almost retorts why does she not use her magic, but maybe it is for the better.  Cullen is already tense and internally smothering while his mind weaves anything and everything to explain his present.  He does not need his old misconceptions and anxiety against magic to ignite a panic attack or snap his already stressed patience.  That monster might be his military past, but it will rear its head, especially when challenged.  All the therapy in the world will not undo a developed trigger reaction despite Cullen trying to do so.</p>
<p>After suffering as a prisoner-of-war, Cullen needs control to keep his level head.  Right now, control is like an amputated left arm fried by ancient magic, useless and barely twitching.  He vowed when he quit the templars he will never be that horrific bastard again.</p>
<p>Alas, everything flew out the gala window an hour ago.  Instead of attending a work function, he found himself behind enemy lines surrounded by a family who has tortured his medical operations for years, a Tevinter mage who made him internally relive his POW days under Venatori blood magic, and two friends who sided with the ‘enemy’.  Alas, Cullen cannot fault Varric and Cassandra for they did not know Cullen’s role in this precarious.  He wore his physician persona to bury his fear and shock.</p>
<p>Control and balance are superpowers he craves right now.</p>
<p><em>I’m a father?  No, don’t jump into that deep pool yet.  She’s a Trevelyan!  They lie to get their way.  No, Evie is a mage, who is allergic to lyrium.  Why would she want to help their operations?  Is that why she never gave her last name when she introduced herself on the plane?  Shame?  Deceit?  The Maker is a right bastard, much like that poor unborn kid actually.  Ironic really.  </em>The doctor rubs his neck, pulling his hair out of sight to jerk him out of his running thoughts.</p>
<p>So, the doctor takes a page from his own clinical therapies.  Snowballing thoughts are hallmarks of depression and anxiety.  Center one’s self.  Use the five senses and find the present again.  Regain control.  Do not let running crazy thoughts govern the mind.  Find balance. </p>
<p>Cullen takes several long, deep breaths, counting to ten in his head.  He focuses on the physical environment surrounding him.  A person’s home tells a great deal about someone.  This place talks about Evie in a way his rolling brain can believe rather than the dark, buzzing thoughts.  He cautiously wanders around the industrial loft, wondering if the chipping paint is lead-based or when was the last time she replaced the rusty pipes.  He understands why people enjoy the old rustic aesthetic, but Evie might expose herself—thus <em>their</em> baby <em>Ugh, Stop it!—</em>to unknown poisons.</p>
<p>The doctor shakes his head, then pinches his nose.  Control.  Center.  Balance.  Think, Rutherford.  She is a lyrium geologist specialized in toxic environments and decontamination.  She likely knows how such an old building is not safe and rectified it.  The woman is extremely intelligent and observant…for a Trevelyan.  <em>Stop it, Rutherford!</em></p>
<p>Alas, Cullen cannot turn off his medical mind.  The templars wired his brain to consider all threatens and nullify them.  He served first as a knight-commander, then a doctor.  The safety and wellbeing of his troops and patients just factors into his psyche.  He naturally cares about everyone, thus why he went to medical school.  He wants to <em>help!</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Maker, she’s been pregnant and doing this alone for almost five months.  Why did she not contact me?  Why didn’t I?!  Maker’s breath, Rylen will brutally beat me up now, and I’ll let him!  He gave me that bloody list of lyrium scientists!  The field is small.  Her name, even if it was her publishing surname, would have been there.  What did I do?  I threw it away, too busy brooding and feeling sorry for myself!  Did she do something similar?  Or was I just an afterthought she pushed out of sight after boarding her flight?  Oh, the Trevelyans definitely knew about me…</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen tugs his neck hair again.  He needed to live in the present.  His amber eyes focus on the loft more, shoving the thousand thoughts back into Pandora’s Box for just a few more minutes.  He will get his answers, but patience is essential for a reasonable discussion.</p>
<p>Besides the loft’s historical problems, the space itself is open and bright.  Evie set up different apothecary planters along the tall square windows that overlook Haven’s Lake Avvar.[1]  Some plants look taller than others, like she uses the shorter ingredients often.  The ginger looks like it never recovers; its roots lay exposed and soil disturbed more than any other herb present.  The herbs all look healthy despite it being winter.  Evie must have a special spell or enchantment over them to keep out the Fereldan chill.</p>
<p>The loft space is divided in half for the original open warehouse space.  The hardwood beams and floor looks as old as the building.  New varnish fills the numerous scratches.  The imprinted wood denotes where old machinery once sat.  Drywall blocks off the floor midway across and narrows into a short hallway, likely the bedrooms, bathrooms, and other rooms.  The artificial walls do not reach the ceiling where an open catwalk library sits in the rafters.  Her home office desk looks like a paper storm went off.  The remaining open section where he walks includes a sitting area, small dining table, and an open kitchen where she sets two cups and their homemade lavender tea.</p>
<p>“Interesting place to live.”  Cullen attempts small talk despite the growing tension and impatience.  The proverbial elephant keeps encroaching on the open, expansive loft, looming over the adults too ashamed and nervous to meet each other’s glances.</p>
<p>“It took me four years of my own two hands to build it.”  Her Free Marcher accent chips as she stares at the kettle, the whistle never sounding.  Cullen cannot help but think of the other saying, ‘a watched kettle never boils.’  Fitting for the circumstances.</p>
<p>Evie keeps her arms crossed over her chest.  Her manicured fingernails play with an expensive gemstone pendant that just reminding Cullen she is a terrible wealthy aristocrat.  Her strange green eyes avoid him at all costs.</p>
<p>“You renovated this place yourself?”  Cullen pivots and studies her.  Again, that damn scarred lip jerks and tugs.</p>
<p>“What?  A woman doing manual labor for herself so shocking?”  Evie pivots on her bare foot and sets her hands on her widening hips.  Her grimace could set Cullen on fire.  Cullen rears backs.  Evie bites her lip, the grimace shifting a shameful frown.  She sends a cool spell to her fingertips and begins rubbing her temples.</p>
<p>“Sorry.”  The mage sighs.  Her hands tremble like a mage backed into a corner.  The ex-templar cannot help his body instantly tugs at the remaining lyrium ready for the blood magic and the summoned demon.  That instinct never goes away.  “You don’t deserve that.  Over the last few months, I’ve proven repeatedly that just because I’m pregnant does not make any less than of who I was before.  People either see me as weak and delicate like one wrong word will make me crumble or a magic lamp to rub and summon a baby out of my crotch.  People don’t know social boundaries and just assume they can touch a baby bump like the mother is a thing and not a person.  Then there’s the usual, <em>‘Maker, you gained weight’</em> from people who hate me, but I like wreaking their entire world and making them extremely humiliated in public.”  She smirks proudly.  “People are fucking prats.”</p>
<p>Cullen actually chuckles and shakes his head.  For a moment, the tension lessens and that friendliness they shared before emerges.  Maybe this will be okay.</p>
<p>Then Evie’s face falls.  She turns away and opens a cabinet for some cups and the tea.  “Anyway, my cousin—well, my adopted brother you met with Cassandra—has been overbearing and extra protective.  He knows I’m a strong person, but he mothers me worse than my own parent.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like my older sister, Mia.”  Cullen offers with a frown.  It sounds like these months have been a major challenge to her independent spirit, thus why her funny ranting and smirk fell away so quickly.  That confidence he appreciated about her in Val Royeaux struggled alone the last few months.  <em>If she had found me, I could have protected her.</em></p>
<p>Cullen shakes away that fleeting fact.  He rolls his amber eyes, remembering his last phone conversation with Mia.  “I slipped and mentioned I moved back to Ferelden.  Suddenly, I’m expected to visit for her full inspection like I’m a broken-down car on the highway.  I feel like I’m reliving my Order academy exams.  Like if she finds my spark plugs are too old, she’ll send me to the junkyard.”</p>
<p>“So, you <em>are</em> originally from Ferelden.”  Evie states like it confirms a previous assumption.  Just like Cullen searches right now, Evie listens and learns about him.  They sense each other like kids poking each other with a stick, waiting for the other to react.  <em>Maker, we’re strangers.  We’re pregnant-  Stop!</em>  “I wasn’t exactly sure since you mentioned Kirkwall, but never…”</p>
<p>Evie twists her fingers together, the amber pendant still resting in her palms.  She takes a deep breath.  “I…I want you to know…I searched for you…even before…”  She points to her abdomen.  The emerald dress’ gems makes the bump glow in the dim overhead stove light.  The distance between them makes the roundness so noticeable despite being small…much like the elephant crowding their exchange.</p>
<p>A part of Cullen settles.  That means that night did not just haunt him.  She thought about him too.  Did she find him like Rylen coaxed the doctor to do with that lyrium scientist list?  Or did she toss that information like Cullen did?  A new haunting thought sours his brief relief:  did she purposefully <em>not </em>notify him?</p>
<p>Cullen watches her, waiting for the confirmation.  Her body language tells him the crippling truth, but Cullen still waits for the spoken bombshell.  He feels like that day Veronica Hawke and he confronted Meredith about her red lyrium addiction and the Gallows’ abusive corruption.</p>
<p>Evie lets the pendant fall from her hands and bounce against her swollen breasts, barely peeking out of that tantalizing plunging neckline.  She grips the island’s stone counter top and squeezes her eyes shut.  “You knocked me up.”  She is blunt, something he appreciated before.  Now, Cullen wishes she could be more tactful.   The news still shocks him despite telling himself that possibility the entire drive here and wandering around the loft.  “And before you ask, there’s <em>definitely not</em> a chance there was someone before or after.  I hadn’t been with anyone for over a year before you, and well…you left an impression on me to not consider someone else afterwards.”</p>
<p>That brief part of Cullen jumps for joy before <em>everything</em> collapses inward.  He left a positive influence on her, a change from his past mishandlings.  It was not just him who wished things to happen differently that next morning.</p>
<p>Then, that rational, central control he cherishes like a security blanket drains away as every confounding emotion bubbles from deep within.  Rage, confusion, shock, annoyance, blindsided, distrust,…it all weighs so much that his brain shuts down.  It is not every day he discovers a stranger carries his child.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen finds himself back in Val Royeaux that drunk, blissful night.  Things he noticed in a drunk haze becomes crystal clear.  When he went into the bathroom that night, he noticed a tear in the condom.  He remembers thinking then she is on birth control, so no worries.  That is why people used multiple barriers.  His brain’s rational side, not pickled on mead, thought he should tell her.  He stumbled out of the bathroom, mouth ready to give the grim news.  Alas, there was that beautiful woman already sound asleep.  The moons shined over her slick, sweaty skin, calling him to join her in the Fade.</p>
<p>That intoxicated state convinced him that such warnings can wait until morning.  Cullen <em>stupidly</em> determined it was the wiser course, his own alcohol post-sex high dragging him towards the pulled back sheets.  He barely made it into bed, his mind just reminding him about that one massive fact he must voice when they wake up.</p>
<p>Then Cullen let that majestic woman flee the hotel room without speaking a word.  She never met his shocked eyes, indirectly telling him as she regretted the entire night and wanted away from him as quickly as possible.  He felt like a cad and idiot, cancelling his flight and meandering Val Royeaux defeated and deflated.  He <em>almost </em>went back to <em>Bees and Widdle </em>to ask Sera for her contact information, but just gave up.  It was his old girlfriends all over again.  They take his attention, a night in the sheets, then leave.</p>
<p>That little voice nagging the doctor since that night now plays on repeat as Cullen’s new alarming present sinks in.  It nags, “<em>This is why you use multiple prevention methods.”</em>  While most conception barriers are foolproof, statistics state nothing is perfect, especially regarding anything involving person intervention.</p>
<p>Now with that shock, all those little passing thoughts the ex-templar’s drunk moronic mind drowned in liquor suddenly fly back.  Even he knew it is stupid to store condoms in a wallet where they can get beaten up.  Every time he saw it there, he always said he should find another transport method.  Yet, Cullen never did.  Everything is clear and promotes action in hindsight.</p>
<p>The silence is deafening.</p>
<p>Neither new parent moves nor speaks.</p>
<p>Cullen knows he should say something about his role.  Words should pour from his scarred lips to share the blame for everything happening.  Speech never came to Cullen naturally, thus why he relies on his new coordinator Josephine Montilyet for everything.  Alas, that diplomatic Antivan is nowhere in sight and Cullen dug himself into this gigantic hole five months ago.</p>
<p>No words leave his scarred lips because the shock and weigh oppresses his whole psyche.  Only one responsive emotion rules his brain, one that is the farthest from diplomacy and sympathy as humanly possible.  That monster the former knight used to be comes forward, now reacting defensively just like his old armor and commanding persona.  He still has some control, but internally Cullen’s inner self shuts down.  He felt like this during his imprisonment and torture decades ago.  The last fraying vestiges of manners and care keeps the creature on a tightrope.  There goes the rational part of him in regret, ire, guilt, and shock.  Unfortunately for this sensitive circumstance, fury presents itself first.  He feels like when Meredith would undo his efforts to improve mage living conditions or allowed an abusive templar off with just a slap on the wrist for violent actions.</p>
<p>One question keeps echoing with that damn nagging:  <em>why was I not informed?</em></p>
<p>After what felt like a century, Evie slams down her hands.  “I fucked up.  I wasn’t vigilant about my birth control at the conference because I was so stressed.  I drank so much that the pill I did take later was null.  I encouraged for a second round on a single condom.”  There are unshed tears in those unique marble eyes.  “My doctors told me the likelihood of me getting pregnant would be like if the Archon sat on the Sunburst Throne!  I have a medical laundry list beyond my heart that made conceiving unlikely, let alone carry after eight weeks!  My OBGYN tells me every visit this is extremely rare and still unbelievable!”</p>
<p>
  <em>Say something, Cullen!</em>
</p>
<p>“How hard did you look for me?”  His voice was flat, like a machine.  <em>Why did you not search for me?  </em>Nearly five months lost.  Months leaping forward on faith alone from a dead clinic to a new country and career.  Meanwhile, this woman gradually brings his child into the world.</p>
<p>All those television baby announcements float to his mind, the surprised father so overjoyed.  Cullen always imagined himself like that.  A wife shows him the positive pregnancy test.   She loves him and does not see him, not the shame or passing fling like now.  They go to the medical visits together, working and loving each other every step of the way.</p>
<p>He always wanted that blissful fantasy, not <em>this</em>.</p>
<p>Evie bites her lip, her eyes glowing but mana calm.  “You cannot do much with a first name and profession.  Social media was a bust, but I’m also not on those sites.  Anxiety-inducing cesspools.  I knew you had ties to Kirkwall, but there are three Cullen doctors at the different hospitals.  There with no photos, so I-“</p>
<p>“You couldn’t have called those places?”  That mechanical voice counters.  It is not Cullen talking anymore, but that defensive side, that commanding templar officer that kept him alive during major traumatic events.</p>
<p>The mage glares as her nails drag across the countertop, squeaking like her shortening temper.  Just five months ago, those same nails raked his back in ecstasy.  “Oh, I can hear that conversation:  ‘Hi, I’m Evie, but you called me Eve.  Look, you’re a fertile as fuck because <em>I’m up the duff</em>!’”  Cullen used to appreciate her sarcasm too.  “I could hear your nursing staff on the intercom, <em>‘Paging Dr. Orion Avvar God, you’re a father!’</em>”</p>
<p>That meek rational side echoes from under the weighed shock.  Cullen did nothing, too.  Why is he accusing her?  He is as guilty in this.</p>
<p>The rage and confusion answers.  He really thought she regretted that night.  He would not blame her if that was the truth.  Most women just notice the handsome face, someone to introduce to ex-boyfriends for jealousy purposes.</p>
<p>Cullen actually enjoyed not giving any private information about himself that night.  The more people learn about him, the more they turn away.  Cullen heard it all when he retired from the templars.  Everyone called him Meredith’s lap dog.  Hawke laughed in his face when he vowed to redeem himself.  Her response:  <em>‘You putting a bullet in your head too?  Save us all the trouble, Arsehole.’</em></p>
<p>With Evie, the Fereldan doctor could bury those insecurities and past interactions.  Cullen be no one, leave his horrible past and redemption in his suitcase, and discuss his passions and hobbies without fear of judgement like most mages threw in his face.  The Chantry and mages did that at the conference.  They laughed at his efforts with some revered mothers offering him great lyrium deals if he wanted to return to the Order.  That was all he could think about on the plane, gripping the armrest in frustration and defeat.</p>
<p>Then, a mage who suffered the same failures that week offered him a night of relief… to only flee that hotel like the others and never looked back.</p>
<p>“For a Trevelyan, you definitely limited your investigative possibilities.”  Cullen spat, hands on his hips.  That fact just replays with that nagging, <em>‘This is why you use multiple prevention methods.’</em></p>
<p>Maker, House Trevelyan knows everything lyrium-related.  They likely know when Cullen took a shit today because they have been up his arse for years.  One man begins a clinic for former templars to kick the habit, and suddenly, a Trevelyan representative threatens legal ramifications monthly.</p>
<p>Evie speaks about social media and the conference, but Cullen knows the Trevelyans know every detail about him and his operations.  The doctor removed himself from social media because Trevelyan lawyers used an old family photo with his parents to show templars already have a support system.  Why do they need a recovery clinic?  They used his past templar traumas and private information in court when they attempted to shut down his clinic.</p>
<p>The doctor recognizes Rian knows of Cullen through his wife, but likely heard his name years before.  The head of the house, Bann Ian Trevelyan, has his hands in every pot, his spiders working across his lyrium web to eliminate any obstacle that can slow their distribution and hurt their profit margins.</p>
<p>Rian would not be overly protective of any distant cousin.  The man rattled off Evie’s medical history like he was there at every doctor’s visit.  He must have been the templar who oversaw her harrowing!  If Rian is Evie’s cousin, she must be Bann Trevelyan’s daughter.</p>
<p>
  <em>And I slept and impregnated her!?</em>
</p>
<p>“I told <em>no one </em>but Dorian who you were!”  Evie hollers back, slapping her palm against the island.</p>
<p>Now things just jump to the next level.  It is not a discussion anymore, but a heavy, defensive argument.  The rope holding back that bastard templar breaks.</p>
<p>“Ashamed?!”  Cullen roars.  He wants her to say what he knows about himself.  He needs the confirmation of what he has always known for nearly a decade.  Retiring from the templars, breaking addiction, and becoming a doctor still does not pull him out of his shame and regrets.</p>
<p>Evie rears back, then jumps when the kettle whistles.  She holds her chest for a moment.  Cullen steps towards her, but she waves him off.  Her glare could set his hair on fire.  Maybe Bann Trevelyan trusts his daughter to kill and cremate the doctor so there is no evidence.  She turns away to pour their tea.  Once done, she slaps his cup down on the other side of the island.  Some scolding tea slushes out all over the papers and books.  It surprises Cullen the cup does not shatter on impact.</p>
<p>“No, it had <em>nothing</em> to do with you.”  Evie bit bitterly.  “I might be a <em>fucking</em> Trevelyan by blood, but my extended family made it crystal clear when my magic manifested I was not welcomed.  Generations of templars and clerics learning there is a mage in their bloodline really dampens family love.  Many told my parents they <em>regret</em> they gave a young child a heart value.  <em>‘An animal heart for a rage demon’ </em>they sang <em>to my face!</em>  The nobility still frown at mage children despite decriminalization.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s rolling thoughts screech to a halt.  Oh.  Again, regret courses through his lyrium-tainted veins.  The mounting guilt mixes with the pain, mistrust, and rage.  He was not even part of the equation.</p>
<p>The ex-templar <em>should be </em>though!</p>
<p>The doctor goes to apologize, but Evie does not give a moment.  His outburst now fuels her own inner fire.  Cullen winces, remembering she is an inferno mage who is very…<em>expressive </em>of her feelings<em>.</em>  He shoves away how she cried in his ear during climaxes.  His whiskey eyes ignore her long leg tapping and batting her gown skirts over her smooth thigh right now.</p>
<p>Maker, she is so beautiful when expressive.  <em>Shut up, you horny moron!  Now is not the time!</em></p>
<p>Evie marches out of the kitchen.  “That isn’t all!  There is an old aristocratic rule that states if a noblewoman conceives out of wedlock, she forfeits any title inheritance.  Rian planned to pass the corporation—thus the family title—to me to finally do away with our lyrium past.  What better way to stop lyrium distribution than a mage geologist ending it for her addicted, greedy relatives!  No one in my extended family wanted that.  They want their <em>fucking</em> money and hoped to regain Chantry lyrium trade rights my father let relapse twenty years ago.  They employ lobbyists for that purpose in Val Royeaux.  One was my own fucking half-sister!  They don’t care about the pollution and people dying.  All they want is <em>money</em>!  Don’t lump me with those <em>bastards!  </em>I’ve spent my whole <em>career</em> dividing myself from those cretins!  You ever wondered why I never gave you my last name?!  Because I’m <em>ashamed </em>of who and what I am!  Every time someone learns my given name in the anti-lyrium circles, they do the same fucking exactly thing you just did.  My House made that bed, and I have to lie in it despite wanting to break the fucking frame and igniting the mattress!”</p>
<p>Cullen deserves that.  Rian diplomatically discussed the doctor’s view at the gala without throwing his relatives under the bus.  If in a normal situation, Cullen would openly recognize his prejudices and prides and avoid that thought line.  Right now, he is all over the place.  He will be a father with a practical stranger.  Everything he thought about Evie lives in an inebriated memory that Cullen questions constantly now.  All he has is his basic instincts, but they dig him deeper into the cesspit he shovels with an excavator!</p>
<p>However, when an explosive inferno mage like Evie starts down such a confrontational path, there is no turning back.  Not even the Maker can smite her to listen.  Cullen realized that meeting Evie ranting about the Chantry…and riding her his cock in that hotel room like a jockey.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maker’s breath.  You sick fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>Now, Evie’s face turns purple.  The dam break and every offensive this woman suffered over the last few months pours from her pink lips.  Cullen hears all the answers to those burning questions whether or not he wanted explanations.  “My father asked me without <em>asking me</em> if I really wanted this child!  He really thought I would abort this baby to save lyrium-sick people.  He wanted me to save face and end this pregnancy instead of being happy he will be a grandfather!  Instead of support, he throws me into an impossible decision!”</p>
<p>Evie’s arms flap as her temper explodes.  Somehow, she keeps her magic in check despite Cullen watching her world crumbling internally.  “I knew red lyrium disposal would suffer if I kept this child, but I did so <em>anyways</em> because no single life should be lost in this fight, fetus or ancient immortal elf!  There are other ways to stop red lyrium spread.  It does not have to be me doing it all like everyone expects!  At the gala, people guilted me for not being out in the field removing nodes or in the lab researching ways to minimize medical complications!  They waited until Rian left my side to say such snide remarks.  If it wasn’t for Varric coming back, I would have run away bawling!  Why does it all have to be <em>me!?”</em></p>
<p>Evie paces in circles.  “Now, Rian will take the noble title to make sure we will never resort to our old ways.  Cassandra and he wanted to establish their own organization for legal representation of all Chantry victims, but they can’t now.  Cassandra retired from the seekers to focus on representing marginalized populations poisoned by lyrium.  They weren’t getting their day in court, while Chantry officials and their slimy noble supporters will never see the inside of a prison cell!”</p>
<p>Cullen knows about Cassandra’s long-term goals.  Currently, her position at the Theirin Foundation made her play nice for the organization’s benefit.  Cassandra and her husband wanted to branch away and really challenge ages of crimes committed on minority populations.  No wonder Rian seem so defeated with his role within the Trevelyans when discussing his family’s history.  The newlyweds cannot do this if Rian runs the corporation causing more atrocities…the same failures Cullen just threw in Evie’s swollen face.</p>
<p>Evie’s raspy screams wake him from his reflection.  “Meanwhile, my father refuses to speak to me until ‘I’m rational about this’!  He threw me out of my family home on Satinalia!  My father, the ‘Exalted’ Bann Ian Trevelyan, forbid his own wife—<em>my mother</em>—from speaking to me until I gave up my only pride and joy.  <em>Our baby, Cullen</em>!  I have no help from my own damn parents!”</p>
<p>Those bright green orbs level Cullen in a fiery scowl.  “But if doesn’t answer why I did not use the mighty Trevelyan ties, this one will:  My father <em>hunts</em> for you!  I told him nothing about you.  I knew he would send out his goons for the baby’s father.  If you know so much about the Trevelyans, you must realize they make accidents happen to anyone who disrupts their money.  He has been combing my last five years of relationships searching for this child’s father.  Ex-boyfriends and girlfriends call me asking me why my father questions them when they’re live happily away from me!”</p>
<p>Evie points at Cullen, swaying on her bare feet.  “I knew he would kill the man who blessed me with this child.  No person escapes my father.  Even if I told him you were nice and understanding, he would envision a limping fox getting chased by dozens of hunting hounds.  My mother and I have been trying to stop him for months, but he might as well be running around Thedas with a shotgun!  Instead of standing at an altar, he would just blast your gonads to Satina and your clinical staff will need to file a missing person report because they would never find your tortured and mutilated body!”</p>
<p>Evie gets in Cullen’s face, her mana so hot Cullen feels his tossed hair getting singed.  Somehow, the ex-templar does not purge her mana.  “Yes, it was wrong you did not find out until now, but I have <em>damn</em> good reason why!  I might have met you two days later after that night or ten years, it would still hurt and be the same risks as now.  This has flipped my life upside and backwards, but I made these choices.  I will live with them!”</p>
<p>Cullen swallows and hangs his head.  He breaks eye contact first.  He knows for sure Bann Ian Trevelyan hunts him.  The man terrifies most government officials across the city-states.  The bann made Meredith pause for a fraction of a second.  It is a miracle the doctor is not dead already.</p>
<p>If Evie worries about Cullen’s life, why did she not ask Cassandra to find him?  The former seeker hunted templars like a Pentaghast dragon hunter!  Evie acts like she wants nothing to happen to him, but why not go to the police?  Death threats warrant legal intervention! </p>
<p>All she rattles off is how her life changed forever by this pregnancy.</p>
<p>“And what was your plan when you found me?  Or would you have been happy never to see me again?”  The actual question he suggests:  Does she regret it all?</p>
<p>Evie’s voice weakens, her hand sliding over her stomach.  “I fall asleep thinking about those questions every night.  What will I tell this child about his or her origins?  Would they agree with my choices?  I might have never thought I would be a mother or wanted to be one, but the moment I sensed this fetus, I knew I would have it.  I kept your existence clean to everyone who asked.  If they pressed, I stated the basic details like you were a templar…your kind, charming, and light on your feet when we danced.  I knew you were a decent person that night.”</p>
<p>Evie wavers, swaying around the living room.  “I’ve taken the blunt of all the horrible shit, just reminding me the inequality between men and women.  They have judged me for being unwed and pregnant.  They’ve called me horrific things like ‘easy’ or ‘slut’ when I know I am a healthy sexual woman.  However, they would still condemn me if I had an abortion.  It’s a lose-lose situation.”</p>
<p>The mage holds herself, cold in her tight sleeveless dress.  She could easily summon a warming spell, but refines from using magic.  Cullen should offer his tuxedo jacket, but he cannot move.  “I can’t go on lyrium clean ups or investigations.  I cannot work in the lab minimizing red lyrium effects.  I <em>teach</em> and advocate for policy changes that falls on deaf ears, as you know quite well.”</p>
<p>Evie paces in front of him, the first tears slipping from her glassy eyes.  Her Free Marcher accent softens with each sentence, the anger bleeding to worry and sorrow.  “I complain, but I will continue this for the rest of my life.  I really thought you would never appear again.  I imagined my life would be just with this child, alone.  No relatives.  I grew content and accepted it…like I did when the doctors told me I would be childless.”</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Cullen feels his blood boiling again.  She sounds like that is the best option for this child.  “Is it really better though?!  A child not knowing their father?”  Cullen counters, his baritone louder than he means.  The betrayal and rejection muddles with the simmering angry.  All he hears is how this child has ruined her, not why she still carries it.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m so relieved and glad she does.  Maker, I’m so overjoyed and frightened.  I-I-I will have a child.  I’ll be a father?!</em>
</p>
<p>That magical fury returns.  Evie pivots and stares at him like a Tevinter blood mage.  “Not when I fear <em>you</em> taking this baby from me!”</p>
<p>Cullen feels like she punched him in the solar plexus with a stonefist.  “You really think I would do that?!”  Where in the Maker’s name did this accusation come from?!</p>
<p>“You were a templar!”  Evie waves to him before pointing to herself.  “I’m a mage!”  She rushes for the couch, picking up a newspaper.  “Read for yourself what happens to mage parents!  It might be against the law to take children away, but non-mage parents win divorce custody battles constantly!  O-o-or the court removes them!  One sense of magical danger or demon temptation and there goes the child to never be seen again!  What am I supposed to think about a man who did not want to discuss lyrium and by extension mage-templar relations?!”</p>
<p>All he wanted was one night not to live in his past.  He just wanted someone to see <em>him </em>and not the former knight, Meredith’s Fereldan dog, an addict, and a failure who could not protect his Kirkwall patients!  When is the last time Cullen was just <em>himself</em>?!</p>
<p>“I am not the type of person!”  Cullen cries, shoving the newspaper out of his face.  The shock and rejection rolls and overcomes his last control.  His cry might sound angry, but it is shame in himself!  Everything she tosses now are just all facts he knows about his life since he left home.  Somehow he is still standing.  The clichéd crippling weight shatters every bone giving him shape.</p>
<p>The defensive monster rears its head.  Now, all cards fly.  She accused his basic morals and foundations, what has kept him alive through torture and the worst moments of his life.  <em>No one </em>challenges his basic tenets.  The words fly out of his booming mouth.  “You just accepted the worst case and kept everyone in the dark!  You may say you told no one about me because you feared what would happen to me.  It sounds like you didn’t want to face it.  You did the bare minimum to find me because you hoped not to face the outcome.”</p>
<p>He ignores his rational mind, begging to regain control.  No, that defensive templar roars like a starving lion now.  “It sounds like you regret this child completely and wished you aborted it after all-“</p>
<p>-It is a hand slap heard around Thedas.</p>
<p>Cullen knows he went too far as soon as he uttered the words.  That rational side just sits down and hangs its head, while the boiling defensive templar falls silent, the rage gone.  His cheek stings like if thrown on a white-hot fire.  She must have added a heating spell to it or she just has that much gripping control over her mana right now to avoid him accusing her of blood magic like she so fears.</p>
<p>He deserves that.</p>
<p>The doctor turns his face back to Evie to apologize.  However, she grasp his wrist.  Cullen fights her, but her grip is firm.  He feels the rising magic coursing through him.  Suddenly, he is back as a POW.  The Venatori use him as target practice, while tearing his comrades limb from limb.  Demons roam and play in his mind.</p>
<p>Somehow, the panic does not overwhelm him.  Control keeps the trauma in the past.  He lives in the present.  It is the Maker working to keep a terrible situation from getting worse.  Or the great god finally steps to keep Cullen from dig through the world and suffocating under a year’s worth of fecal waste.  Andraste should have shut Cullen’s running mouth several statements ago.</p>
<p>Evie lifts her gown skirting and forcibly places his left hand on that soft tan skin his fingers itched for all these months.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tiny heartbeats.</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen feels everything happening.  If he blinks, he nearly sees a pair of closed eyes, arms, and legs.  The doctor feels slight movement, a single, forming body trying to use its weird nervous system.  Nothing so <em>wonderful </em>struck him in his entire life.</p>
<p>“I will be a father…”  He wisps.  The shock burns through his rage to melt his guarded heart.  His amber eyes shift to the woman pouring with tears.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry for using magic without permission.”  Evie’s voice is like a mouse, sorrow dripping from each word.</p>
<p>Maker, she is absolutely frightened of him.  Cullen did this.  He ruins everything.  The guilt destroys the joy.</p>
<p>Evie takes two deep breaths, her bright green eyes glistening and locked on his amber gaze.  “Cullen, please believe me:  the moment I read that positive pregnancy test, I knew I wanted to keep this child.  I only triaged myself afterwards.  I wanted to sense this fetus, to <em>confirm</em> I wanted this child, not to guilt myself into having it.  Yes, I’ve lost much, but I would do it a million times.  When you’re told as a sixteen-year-old you will never be a mother, finding out you actually can be unexpectedly is jarring and frightening.”</p>
<p>This beautiful scared woman cups his flushed cheek, her magic pumping through his hand to feel their new child together.  She swipes a few tears from his jaw, ones he never knew he shed.  “I made awful calls, but I <em>never</em> regretted this miracle child.  They will call me a slut and far worse, but it will not change that I will have this child and hold him or her once born.”</p>
<p>Evie’s voice turns deep and rough, her shoulders buckling under tonight’s confessions.  “I might not survive this pregnancy, Cullen.  I put in my will everything I knew about you along with a stipulation to save this child over my own life.”  Cullen gasps, his hand still resting on her stomach, feeling this growing being.  “I’ve lived longer than anyone expected.  They took my younger brother’s life, Esme, off life support when he matched me as an organ donor.  My parents told the doctors to unplug him so his viable, red lyrium-free heart could save me.”</p>
<p>This bawling woman uncovers her left breast to show that scar Cullen noticed that night five months ago.  He knows a surgery scar when he sees one.  The suture scars still dot the long white incisions.  He wanted to ask her what she survived, but she left him in bed before he could voice it.  He had so many questions he bit back that night.  Now, he learns the origins after burning bridges with his irrational accusations.</p>
<p>“I was a donor list for a year when we went on that rafting trip.  It was my last hurrah.  The animal valve would not last the year.  They only have a ten-year shelf life.  I ended up killing my perfectly healthy baby brother by suggesting that trip.  He fell into the water and scrapped his head.  The red lyrium dust seeped into the wound and attacked his brain first.  There was no brain activity within twenty-four hours.  It was a miracle the red lyrium sepsis did not escape the blood-brain barrier.  The Maker’s blessing like this fetus…although, it doesn’t stop Trevelyan cousins saying I will turn into a lyrium statue like fucking Meredith Stennard.”  Evie spats.  Oh, if she knew how well Cullen knows about that damn statue.</p>
<p>Evie sways and hangs her head.  Her tears drip down her wrinkled gown and onto the hardwood floor.  “I did not know what happened until after my surgery.  I felt they saved the wrong person.  This baby is a miracle, a proof that my life still has meaning…purpose.  I searched for you within reason to protect you, Cullen.  Cassandra and Dorian know I have a new will and power of attorney documents, but I never showed the seeker.  Cassandra and Rian do not know you and this baby’s father are the same person.  Only Dorian knows about your existence…what I remember about you like it was yesterday.”  Evie kisses his sweaty forehead.  Her salty tears dribble into his hair like blessings from a misunderstood woman that Cullen thought used him.</p>
<p>Evie lets go of Cullen’s hand and retracts the triage spell.  She drops her dress skirting.  Cullen freezes, wanting to keep his rough hand on her smooth skin and beg for forgiveness for his prejudices and rage.  “I’m scared, Cullen.  I’m scared with this information you will take what I might never hold.  I’m an unhealthy mage, unwed and alone.  You can blame me for everything…”  Her voice turns rough and sour.  “…but you cannot be ignorant to why.”</p>
<p>This strong woman takes a few stumbles backward.  She wipes away her running mascara, those red-shot eyes focusing on the hallway before flashing back to Cullen’s stunned expression.  “Forgive me…or not.  I won’t change what I have done.  You know now.  Just promise me…don’t take this from me.  Take it out on me, but don’t hurt our child.”  Evie whips around and dashes for the hallway.  Cullen watches her flee like that morning.  He does nothing again.  “I’m tired.  I need to…”  She slams the bedroom door shut behind her.  Cullen listens to her wailing.  She finally breaks down.</p>
<p>Cullen blows out his cheeks and rubs his tear-stained cheeks.  He combs his hair with a quick hand swipe.  The tears keep running down his cheeks, but no sounds leaves his quivering lips.  He cannot blame Evie.  He is a monster like he knows he always has been.  She has reasons, but were they good enough?   The doctor knows his arguments definitely have no foundation, but how was he to know?</p>
<p>He can barely think, the shock too much.</p>
<p>
  <em>Miracle?   Mistakes?   Life or death?   How do I fix this?</em>
</p>
<p>Sleep.  He needs to sleep…or whiskey.  Numbness calls him.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tomorrow.  Fix this tomorrow when cool heads live again.</em>
</p>
<p>One fact rules all as he shuffles towards the elevator:  Cullen will never let Evie go again.</p>
<p>He <em>will </em>fix this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alternate Story Title:  "How Cullen Wins Over His Child's Mother"</p>
<p>Cullen, you moron!  O_O!  I really did some soul-searching with this story and chapter.  This chapter changed a dozen times over the last few weeks as I debated and mentally reviewed how Cullen would think and act.  I knew he would have negative reaction to the Trevelyans because if you're an addiction doctor, and a powerful lyrium distribution family gives you problems, you're going to be adverse to any member at first, especially a woman who never mentioned her surname.  </p>
<p>As someone who suffers from PSTD, anxiety, and depression, I know when emotional, my irrational mental side flies.  I do things I wouldn't in other circumstances.  Cullen is in a mage's house that he feels trapped and thrown off.  I knew this would trigger his PTSD and make him fall back on his defenses, i.e. that old templar bastard.</p>
<p>So...what do you think about Cullen's reaction to this massive news?  Do you agree with my direction?  Or do you think this went too overboard and jumped the shark?  I think we can all agree Cullen lost it too much on Evie, but does he have semi-valid reasons to think this way initially?</p>
<p>I promise you, Cullen will fix this.  And quickly.  Do you think Evie will accept whatever he does to rectify this?  Do you have any suggestions to how Cullen fixes this terrible mistake?</p>
<p>Now if you need me, I will be hiding under my bed...</p>
<p>EDIT:  Soooooooo, I added a new part to this story/series especially for snippets and one-shots.  The first one-shot is for directly after this chapter ends.  You can find it <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/58612204">HERE as "The Port Authority"</a> if you wished things would go another way.  Enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Jackass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey Everyone!  Thank you for the recommendations and support for Chapter 7!  I was very nervous about everyone's responses.  I'm glad I was at least in the ball park on how Cullen thought and reacted.  Like I promise, angtsy on the low now.  Time for rebuilding!</p>
<p>Another thought process hit me after posting Chapter 7.  I mentioned to a few on you in the comments and on <a href="https://thejeeperswife.tumblr.com/">my Tumblr</a> that I needed some fluff and smut after that chapter.  Because so many readers enjoy this story, I'm beginning a weekly small snippet/one-shot supplemental  called <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943">"The Port Authority"</a> that will have multiple POVs, excluded scenes that did not fit in the main story, and other fluffy happiness.  I posted the first title "After" that occurs between Chapter 7 and today's 8 last night.  If you need some context and smut, check it out!  XD!</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Disarm" by Smashing Pumpkins</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<span>…</span>and then I left.”  Cullen recounts before taking another swig from his nearly empty mead bottle.  Is this his second or third bottle?  Maker, he cannot remember because his mind just replays how much of a shitty person he was to Evie.  “I left that sobbing woman in her grief, dragged my horrific bastard arse to my Rover, drove to the nearest liquor store, and bought out their <span>mead</span> section, which should fill the entire place because this is bloody <span>Ferelden</span>!” </p>
<p>The sloshed man took another chug.  “It’s ironic I drinking heavily again for the first time since Val <span>Royeaux</span>.  Eve drives me to both drink and do anything to be a better person.  Last night, I just shut down and wanted to be numb<span>…</span><em>again</em>.  I came home and just started drinking, passing out when my blood-alcohol level got too much to only awaken from dreams of how much I wish I could time-travel and fix my fucking mess.  I cancelled work for the first time since medical school to just drink and debate on how the fuck am I going to climb out of this massive <span>shitpit</span> I dug.”</p>
<p>Cullen rolls his head along the white wall supporting his back.  His amber eyes land on his best friend.  “I should have called you sooner, but<span>…</span>I figured you would kill me if I told you.”</p>
<p>Silent Cassandra blows out her cheeks and rubs her pixie neck hair.  Her head hangs between her knees, likely thinking through this catastrophic information.  Cullen just waits for her to pull out her service pistol to shoot him for being the worst son of a bitch in <span>Thedas</span>.  “In some ways, you men deserve death when you idiotically do such nonsense.  <span>Nonetheless, I</span> think living will be more punishable right now.”</p>
<p>The two former Chantry officers sit on Cullen’s carpeted living floor that Sunday.  Cullen sold all his furniture except his bed when he moved from Kirkwall to avoid shipping stuff across the Waking Sea.  All he owns still sits in boxes beside his drunk arse. </p>
<p>“True.”  The ex-templar grumbles before taking another swig.  He purposely bought <span>mead</span> <span>to really rub</span> salt in his gapping wounds.  He both wants Evie’s sweetness around him <em>and </em>her drag him through lava.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, his best friend and confident just sits with her arms on her bent knees, staring into space.  Cullen notices when Cassandra glares at a pair of framed black satin panties leaning against the wall.  When Cullen finally checked out of that hotel room, he found the smalls decorating the lampshade.  Feeling like a creep, he took them, slightly denoting Evie’s unique scent when he licked her clean.  Maker, she craved him that night too. </p>
<p>Well, good ole <span>Rylen</span> found Evie’s discarded underwear when he helped pack Cullen’s stuff while moving to Haven.  That was when the doctor told his friend about the woman who got away.  Cullen could not contain those memories and just spilled his guts about the woman who haunts his dreams.  <span>Rylen</span> stole the panties and had them framed as a celebration for turning <span>a new leaf</span> and stepping out of Cullen’s comfort zone.  <em>“You’ll not make that mistake again, huh Mate?”</em></p>
<p>Now, those silk smalls just scream how much of a prat Cullen can be to the most amazing person <span>to ever walk</span> <span>Thedas</span>.</p>
<p>What until his <span>Starkhaven</span> head nurse hears about this…</p>
<p>The only sounds breaking the silence is when Cullen drinks from the bottle, knowing not to offer the seeker any since she drove across town alone.  If she had brought her husband, Cullen would wear cement shoes and sinking to the bottom of Lake <span>Avvar</span>.</p>
<p>Cassandra looks at her best friend, blinking in annoyed disbelief.  “Well, this explains a few things.  It could be much worse.”  Cullen perks an <span>eyebrow</span> which just rewards him that iconic Cassandra disgusted <em>huff</em>.  “It’s appalling, yes, but this doesn’t mean things are over.”</p>
<p>Quite wasted on spiced orange blossom mead, Cullen eyes his best friend like she just announced <em>she</em> was pregnant.  “I think being a horrendous hypocrite who did now claim his responsibility and knowledge in an infant’s conception and accusing the mother for lying and being a pompous rich ingrate quantifies as things hitting a brick wall at a thousand miles an hour!”</p>
<p>Again, Cassandra snorts and rolls those <span>large</span><span> espresso eyes</span>.  “This will take work, Cullen.  You both threw accusations that only escalated an already sensitive situation.  This will require you both being honest with one another.  <em>You</em> especially for her to understand where your assumptions originate.”  Her glare drills into his whiskey eyes.  “That’s <em>if </em>you want a functioning relationship with Evelyn.”  The <span>Nervarran</span> eyes him like ‘<em>no<span>’</span> </em>is not an option.</p>
<p>“<span>Of course I</span> want a functioning <em>something</em> with her.”  Cullen spats, capping the mead bottle with his palm slapping the cork top.  “It’s not every day you’re told your kid grows in a practical stranger’s womb.”  He smacks his head against the wall that keeps him in a sitting position.  “Me<span>…</span>a father?  I will be a father!  I’ve always wanted to be, but now I seem like no one should put me on the same planet as a genetically related baby.  I’ll just pollute it with my guilt and failures.”</p>
<p>An aftershock realization pops in his intoxicated mind.  His mouth gaps, and amber eyes nearly pop out of his skull.  “Maker, what the Void am I going to tell <em>Mia?! </em> <span>Andraste</span>, please, she’ll castrate me for <em>all </em>of this!”  He grips his frizzy curly hair and tugs.</p>
<p>“Nothing…”  Cullen throws Cassandra a <span>daggered</span> look.  The lawyer lifts her index finger.  “<span>…</span>yet.  This will take delicate handling for a positive outcome.  From what you told me about your sister, she will rock the boat that threw everyone involved overboard.  She’ll want to help, but this is only something Evelyn and you can determine and resolve <em>alone</em>.”</p>
<p>Cassandra takes a deep breath, fluffing her pixie hair along her neck.  “First, Evelyn’s concern for your life is <span>actually </span>real.  Rian spearheads Bann Trevelyan’s search for this fertile man who impregnated his daughter.  Rian loves his cousin like a sister, much like Anthony cared for me.  However, he isn’t unreasonable.  <span>On the other hand, Bann</span> Ian <em>cannot </em>be reasoned with unless things occur a specific way.  From what I know, the ‘hunt’ for the father is still ongoing, but no one has mentioned your name.  If investigation pointed to you, Rian would drag you out of the gala and throw you in a dragon pit last night.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t blame him.”  Cullen grunts, pinching his nasal bridge.</p>
<p>“It’s stupid.”  Cassandra snips, slamming her fist against the floor.  “Evelyn is a grown woman, but those two act like she is a child.  While Rian’s care stems from Evelyn’s childhood illnesses, Bann Ian’s focus lie on that corporation.  The inheritance rule remains on the books in <span>Ostwick</span>.  I searched for ways around it, but that old aristocratic doctrine <span>is also ingrained</span> in the corporation’s by-laws because old rich men are sexist and hate change.”</p>
<p>Cullen already knows the answer.  “Will the <span>bann</span> kill me?”</p>
<p>“Yes.  Absolutely.”  Cassandra declares, her eyes drilling into his skull.  “You are a dead man if you misstep right now.”</p>
<p>“Like last night?”</p>
<p>“No, from this point onward.”  Cassandra clarifies.  “Last night was inevitable because you <em>both </em>entered the conversation hot and ready for a fight.  You did not know, but Rian blew up Evelyn’s phone the entire time she drove home.  I took his phone away and told him she was driving.  His incessant texts will just her in a car accident.  I couldn’t help but read what he was saying.  That moronic man just kept defending his idiot position.  He kept reminding her of her failing health, how she risks too much carrying the baby, and needs to confess who the father is to save herself.  You said some hurtful things to Evelyn, but she was already being challenged by those who supposedly love and care about her.”</p>
<p>Cullen freezes, his mind reviewing the inferno mage’s twitching face and anger when they arrived at her loft.  She stared at the kettle, listlessly waved to her loft, and her chipped voice when she would speak.  That was especially true when she thought Cullen did not believe she could build her loft alone.  Evie must have been raging about her brother <span>as well as</span> nervous about their conversation.  She knew she needed to tell Cullen about the pregnancy and her life the last five months because it was only a matter of time Rian or her father would find him now that he was in Haven.</p>
<p>No wonder she fainted seeing him at the gala.</p>
<p>The doctor hangs his head and uncorks the bottle.  “Maker’s breath…”</p>
<p>“Evelyn handles conflict like a man on fire:  in horrific pain but a danger to everyone around her.  Once she reaches that point, it is like a kettle boiling.  Whoever stands in front of her will get burned beyond recognition.  I <em>told </em>you she has a quick temper.”  Cassandra remarks about her wonderful friend and sister-in-law.  She stated the facts with love and care.  Cullen can tell by the slight hum after each sentence.  Evie means <span>a great deal</span> to the former seeker.</p>
<p>“Add a scheming dwarf betting on her pregnancy, selfish <span>co</span>-workers remarking she is letting red <span>lyrium</span> grow wild, and a moronic prejudice ex-templar surprised to run into her again<span>…</span>Maker, she let me off <em>easy</em>.”  Cullen comments before taking another heavy <span>mead</span> swig.</p>
<p>“Thus why Bann Ian and Rian should leave her be.  She can take care of herself.”  Cassandra smirks, while scowling at the doctor.  “Like I said, it’s what you do <em>now</em> is what matters.  You’re <span>a </span>dead if you do nothing.”  Cullen rears back, but Cassandra pats his arm.  “Only because you haven’t taken responsibility.  If you show you care and are legitimately not going to take the baby away, you may avoid an assassination<span>…</span>mostly.”</p>
<p>“<span>Of course I</span> will not take that baby, Cass!”  Cullen shouts, twisting towards the seeker.  “I’m not <em>that </em><span>type of </span>monster!  I can be a right arse when challenged and surprised, but nothing like Meredith did in the Gallows.  However, a child should know <em>both </em>parents.”</p>
<p>“And I agree.  However, you continue with this offended, self-loathing manner, you <span>will </span>lose that opportunity forever.”  The seeker warns with a finger wag.  “To keep that option and untangle this mess<span>…</span>you’ll need Rian’s help on that.  I’ll talk to Rian later…”  She blows out her cheeks again and groans.  “<span>…</span>and make sure his pistols and rifles are not within fifty<span>…</span>no, a thousand miles of his location.  I might have to call his old special ops friends and make sure he doesn’t call in a favor too…”  She picks up her phone and opens the contacts.  “Do I still have Hemmingway’s number still…?  Knotts might be already flying to Haven as we speak.  Ugh, men are so stupid.”</p>
<p>The doctor groans and rubs his face a few times.  “Goodie, I move to <span>a new city</span> and already people are shooting at me.  It’s Kirkwall’s drug gangs all over again.”</p>
<p>Cassandra nudges him with an elbow.  “At least the drug dealers sent you bomb threats first.  The <span>Trevelyans</span> will just put a bullet in your head while getting the mail.”  Cullen just stares her down.  “Knotts might wait until you’re on the toilet just to make your death that disgraceful.”</p>
<p>Cullen rubs his neck and shudders.</p>
<p>Cassandra grunts and elbows him in the side, knocking him out of running fears.  “I know you, Cullen.  You would never take that baby forcibly.”  Cassandra smiles at her friend.  “You’re not harsh or evil despite what you think.  You fight abusive templars and racist people daily.  You show you’re an agreeable man to Evelyn and half of her concerns fall away.  We figured the father was a templar or former templar by how she would just lose her lunch obsessively reading mage rights stories and asking me which arling sympathized with mages more than others.”</p>
<p>“For her to fear mage abuses still after so many policy changes sickens me.  I thought during that brief night together she would know I wasn’t a cruel person.”</p>
<p>Cassandra huffs and rolls her dark brown eyes.  “Evelyn is stubborn<span>…</span>on par with you actually, which means this kid will be <span>completely </span>unreasonable, win every argument, and find the cure to the Blight.”  Cullen whines and pinches his nose, while Cassandra ignores him.  “She mistrusts everyone.  Half the time, she second guesses even her best friend Dorian.  A brick wall will budge before that mage relents.” </p>
<p>Cullen frowns and combs his puffy hair with his sweaty hand.  His ears focus on the seeker’s advice.  Cassandra adjust herself on the carpet, sighing.  “Her life contains multiple instances where she couldn’t trust anyone.  Her extended family members are the worst.  Her parents really hoped she would confide in them about your existence.  We all believed someone slept with her for Trevelyan secrets or her incarcerated half-sister’s way of ruining her.”  Cassandra hisses and shaking her head.  “I wouldn’t put it past Patricia.”</p>
<p>Cullen laughs once.  “While I thought she knew who I was and slept with me.  I thought she planned to blackmail me to close my recovery clinics.  It seems we both had reasons to keep their past hidden in <span>Orlais</span>.  We instantly jumped to conclusions about each other when the truth came out.” </p>
<p>The doctor shook his head and exhaled.  “I knew the <span>Trevelyans</span> were horrible people, but I never imagined such filth doing it to their own kin.”</p>
<p>“You see why I eloped?”</p>
<p>Cullen nods quickly, amber eyes wide.  “Yes, absolutely.  I thought them garbage before for what they did in Kirkwall, but this is a whole additional level of manipulation.”</p>
<p>“Thus why Evelyn fears everything.  They <em>made </em>her fearful.”  Cassandra concludes, returning to the conversation’s prime topic.  “She really thinks she will not survive this pregnancy, but refuses to tell anyone why she suffers alone.  Evelyn believes she does not deserve to live.  She always talks about her brother Esme like he’s a saint and she’s a plague on the world.   When her father cut her off in <span>hopes,</span> she would give up you and the baby, she turned inward.  It confirmed to her she was not worth love and understanding.” </p>
<p>Cassandra twists enough to sit cross-legged towards the drunk man.  “Another thing you must understand, Evelyn’s dirt poor, Cullen.  She gives her money away as penance for breathing essentially.  Before, her father supported her occasionally so she can work in low-income jobs and volunteer stopping red <span>lyrium</span>.  With him being an idiot, she lives on coppers now.  Debt collectors chase after her on a weekly basis.  Don’t assume she is rich and powerful.  Out of anyone I know, Evelyn is the worst off, but she refuses help.  She’s determined to do this alone.  Rian works day after day to soften her, but she will not budge.”</p>
<p>“I let my Trevelyan prejudices cloud my judgement.”  The <span>Fereldan</span> admits sorrowfully.  “The family railroaded any funding we earned from donors in ligation and audits.  I just assumed she was like the rest of them<span>…</span>well off and reaping the rewards while thousands die.  Alas, she suffered under their pride and disgusting manners worse than my clinic did.  She’s right.  I did the same thing that every anti-<span>lyrium</span> person does when they learn her familial surname.  Their actions forced her to legal change her name for research.  She’s everyone’s enemy when she just wants to do the right thing.”  Cullen slaps his forehead.  “Maker, out of anyone I could have accused<span>…</span><em>Idiot!”</em></p>
<p>“Rian, Evelyn, and Evelyn’s mother Gwen are the most respectable of that House.  They fight their own kin and governments daily to change <span>lyrium</span> use and abuse.”  Cassandra defends her in-laws.  “Evelyn is like you, Cullen.  Don’t lump her into your former interactions.  Don’t assume she has cash lying around.  She sunk her total trust into her warehouse and stopping red <span>lyrium</span>.  By the time your child is born, she will have nothing.  No home, income, and support<span>…</span>she <em>needs</em> you.”</p>
<p>Cullen pinches his nasal bridge.  “I burned that bridge<span>…</span>but Maker, I want to rebuild it somehow.  I’ll take anything to rebuild.  I’ll turn into the three little pigs and keep rebuilding that bridge until I can solidify I want to help.”</p>
<p>Cassandra nods and smirks<span>, pride</span> of his pledges.  “That’s better.”</p>
<p>“What will your husband do to me?”  Cullen questions, legitimately wondering if he should always <span>be armed</span>.</p>
<p>“<em>Nothing</em>, as long as I have a say.”  Cassandra glares at her phone screen with her husband’s photo.  <span>“</span>But I won’t hesitate giving him back his service pistol if you be a <span>jackasre</span> again.</p>
<p>“And I’ll stand blindfolded for you two to shoot me.”  He exhales and rubs the nape of his neck.  “I want I <em>fix </em>this, Cass.  But how?!” </p>
<p>The former seeker smiles.  “Knowing the father is you <span>calms</span> all those fears because I know you are a genuine unselfish man.  <span>The fact that</span> Evelyn slept with a stranger still boggles all our minds.  Evelyn does not trust anyone without thorough vetting and months of approval.”</p>
<p>“We both went against our better judgements that night.”  Cullen admits before taking another long swig of mead.  There is nothing left at the bottle, but he knows there are more in his bare kitchen.  When was the last time he ate?  He reads the honey wine label, then caps the bottle again.  He does not want to drink away that night.  He wants to fix his mistakes and assist this woman. </p>
<p>Cullen mumbles, rolling the glass bottle around on the floor.  “That’s why I stopped drinking for so long.  I wish I had not drank so much just to get her business card.  I wanted to know where she was from.  I wished for her to tell me about her surgery scars, just like how her hands touched my lightning burns.  She said nothing, but I could feel her magic contracting when she saw my torture wounds.  I even thought of a long-distance relationship despite knowing how those fall apart horribly all the time.”</p>
<p>“So, you still like her?”</p>
<p>“I <span>pretty much </span>have to if she is the mother of my child-”  Cassandra slaps him so hard upside the head he slides down the wall and sees triple.  “-OUCH!  What in the Maker’s name, Cass!?”  Cullen whines, lying on his back.  “Why you do that for?!”</p>
<p>“Because that’s how you stupidly make the situation worse!”  The seeker scolds and points in his face.  “I ask again, would you have pursued Evelyn even if she was not pregnant with your child?”</p>
<p>Cullen rubs his neck and sighs.  He knows that answer like he knows how to breathe.  “I thought about her almost every night since Val <span>Royeaux</span>.  I should have woken and told her about the condom.  I never told her that in the loft.  I should have stopped her rushing out of the hotel room before learning her full name and phone number.  I’ve spent five months raking myself over the coals for missing out knowing a woman unlike anyone I’ve ever met.  Maker yes, I would have chased her across <span>Thedas</span>.”</p>
<p>“That’s better.”  The seeker nods in approval.  “I think you should start by being her friend.”  Cullen sits forward and goes to interject, but Cassandra holds up her hand.  “Listen, Evelyn is fragile and suffered much since Val <span>Royeaux</span>.  She needs to know you are in her court and not whatever you showed in her loft like a buffoon.”</p>
<p>Cullen clinches his jaw shut and hangs his head.  Cassandra cracks her neck and continues.  “Friendship is the start of every relationship with Evelyn.  She didn’t trust me when we met.  We <span>actually </span>loathed one another.  It took patience and careful moments of comradery.”</p>
<p>The lawyer snaps her fingers and searches <span>her</span> phone.  “Also, you need all the help you can get.  Dorian has been her safety confidant since she found out she was pregnant.”</p>
<p>The doctor frowns.  “That <span>Tevinter</span> mage with the <span>Qunari</span>?”</p>
<p>“Yes, they’re close relations since they both got rejected by their families.”  Cassandra explains, closing her eyes.  “As much as I dislike the man, he will want to help you.  I could tell he liked you at the gala.  I bet by the end of this week, he will introduce himself to you because Dorian cannot leave anything alone.  He likely sits with Evelyn right now as I do with you, but he’s the one drunk as a skunk.”</p>
<p>“One of those nosy friends who will do everything possible without getting caught?”  Cullen surmises, his mind thinking about a <span>Tevinter</span> mage as an ally and not a <span>Venatori</span> blood mage.  Maker, his future hinges on someone just a few years ago Cullen would mana purged and shot on sight.</p>
<p>Cassandra continues with her lecture.  “You need to show Evelyn you do not threaten her or the baby.  Be there as a friend.  Learn about her and support her choices.  Everyone dismisses her or thinks they know better.  You <span>actually </span>recognized her bright qualities buried under her sass and cynicism.  Once you feel <span>like </span>you two have a foundation, introduce flirting and your charming personality.  She might scuff at my romantic tendencies, but she is as helpless as me.  Do not push for a relationship before you has given her the support and care she deserves.  You also need this friendship moment to even know if what you feel is physical or genuine.”  Cullen nods a few times, agreeing.  He should not base his feelings on a night of great sex and drunken shenanigans.  “Once you feel secure that she won’t set you on fire, go from there, Cullen.  Don’t push for more until you <em>both</em> know that is what you want.”</p>
<p>“Friendship<span>…</span>It seems so backward to what I should do right now.”  Cullen mumbles, spinning the now empty bottle in his hands.  “I nearly raced over there this morning and <em>proposed</em>.  My parents are likely rolling in their grave <span>that </span>I haven’t manned up and done so yet.  If I was in my right mind last night, I would have been on one-knee in seconds after she told me.”</p>
<p>“And I would likely become Evelyn’s defense attorney and claimed your murder was an act of momentary insanity.”  Cassandra <span>warns</span> with wide, warning brown eyes.  “That just tells her she is just a <em>womb</em>.  You heard her rant last night!  By proposing to ‘do the right thing,’ you suggest that her worth is only in the child she carries and that you did not want to marry her <em>for her</em>.  As chivalrous as you want to be, you must remember this is not the Dragon Age.  Evelyn is independent and wants to <span>be loved</span> for being herself, not for what she carries.  Find out if you <span>actually </span>want to marry her <em>before</em> you propose, please!”</p>
<p>“It goes against everything they taught me.”  Cullen exhales, pinching his nose.  “I’ll definitely will keep this from Mia now.”  He blows out his breath and shakes his head.</p>
<p>“You can still be chivalrous.  Be your kind self.  She’ll never know this is what a relationship <em>should be.  </em>She’ll love it within reason, but constantly question <em>why </em>you’re holding the door for her or paying the bill.  Be that proper enchanting man that Evelyn met in Val <span>Royeaux</span>.  She needs a friend and partner <span>beside</span> her, but not someone who tries because of what she carries.  Show her what I know about you.  It won’t be easy, but for anyone who could do it, it would be you.”</p>
<p>Cassandra holds up a finger.  “This all begins with her <em>first</em>.  Let her make the first contact.”  Cullen opens his mouth, but she points at him.  “If you go over now begging for forgiveness, she will kill you on sight.  Evelyn needs time to cool down and discover about you through other means, not a stressful conversation after a night of surprises.”</p>
<p>“And for her murdering relations?”  Cullen quizzes with a perked eyebrow.  “Apparently, my balls wait for a <span>Satina</span> gunshot launch.” </p>
<p>“I’ll talk to Rian<span>…</span>who will want to talk to you sooner rather than later.”  Cassandra admits with a pensive stare.  “Dinner Tuesday night.  I’ll arrange it.  You two <span>jackarses</span> <em>have to </em>talk this through.  Settle him and you will stave off Bann Trevelyan for a while.  Don’t let your family know about anything until you know Evelyn’s feelings.  Evelyn must not feel pressured because people expect things from her.  That has been her entire life.  Do all these things for her, and you will make up for your blunders last night.  The battles ahead will be tough.  Yet once you show her you are not a threat, magnificent things will happen for you two.  I know it.”</p>
<p>“And if we discover we hate each other?”  The ex-templar guesses, his rational mind still working through the worst cases. <span> After all</span>, Cullen eats his shoe sole every time he talks right now.</p>
<p>“Go on a leap of faith…”  Cassandra smirks and nudges Cullen’s shoulder.  “You know what got you in this mess.  Maybe things are providence?  The Maker’s will?”</p>
<p>Cullen rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck.  “I learned long ago relying on faith could get me killed.”  His hand unconsciously slides into his jean pocket, flipping his lucky silver coin.  His thumb rubs <span>Andraste</span>’s face, while he says a mental prayer.  “I wonder how much luck I’ve used to be here and not dead years ago.”</p>
<p>“The Maker touches this.  I know.  You two share a miracle child that under all other conditions would not still be alive and healthy right now.”  Cassandra counters with a gentle smile.  “You stepped out of your square once in Val <span>Royeaux</span>.  Maybe this just requires you to keep walking out beyond those bounds.”</p>
<p>Cullen tosses the empty mead bottle across his naked apartment.  His amber eyes flick to that framed pair of undies and whispers a quick prayer.  “Maker, I hope you’re right.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Note:  If you don't know Hemmingway and Knotts (Cassandra mentions them when looking at her phone), they are original characters in "Burnt Twin Flames" and referenced in "Fire In Your Eyes".  In those stories, they are Evie's bodyguards.  Knotts is a mute city elf assassin, and Hemmingway is a huge Rivaini pirate brute.  Essentially here, Cassandra is checking if Rian will deploy them to kill Cullen because they will do anything for Evie and House Trevelyan</p>
<p>Romantic Seek Cassandra to the rescue!  Just like Evie has Dorian, Cassandra stands in Cullen's corner.  Now Cullen has a game plan that won't get him charbroiled instantly.   </p>
<p>What do you think will happen?  What does Evie think of everything?  How will she respond to Cullen's efforts?  What will Cullen do to establish a friendship and hopefully more with this bitter mage?  Let me know in the comments!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading, kudos, comments, and shares!  You all are amazing.  HEART!  You all give me writing fuel.  If you have any prompts or suggestions, let me know here or on my <a href="https://thejeeperswife.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>.  We all need some smiles, and I love writing for you all!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Three Little Nudges</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"PASSING SHIPS" HIT 1000 HITS THIS WEEKEND!  THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!  I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS CRAZY LOVE AFFAIR!  XD!</p>
<p>Maker, this chapter took two days to edit.  The first draft was five pages, but now it's eleven.  I promise this will be the end of very long chapters.  My goal for this story is to work on being concise...which I fail at.  I will defend myself there is much to cover in this chapter to prepare for Friday's entry.  ;)</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “Other Side” by Anberlin</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie always wished there was a spell for hindsight.  It will make her life easier and not the train wreck she keeps creating every day.  Dorian warned her this will bite her in butt.  She prayed maybe the Maker pitied her for once and would leave her alone until she was not a bloated, emotional mess whose hormones snap her short fuse before throwing her back into the world’s cesspool.  Evidently, the all-mighty got bored and buggered up her life to get any sexual enjoyment.</p>
<p>By Sunday morning, Evie calms and registers all her failings from that verbal fight.  Rian shattered her last nerve on the drive home, her phone dinging every thirty seconds with his faithless advice.  Usually, she removes herself from conversation before it indirectly pours on someone else.  However, it is not every day she meets her child’s father at a work function.</p>
<p>Evie rights that rage as soon as she takes a shower and cleans her puffy face.  Rian does not know what hit him when she cusses him out.  If she is burning bridges, she might as well make sure not even the Army Core of Engineers cannot rebuild them fast enough.  She orders Rian to stop his wild goose chase after the father or she will never speak to him again.  She hangs up when her brother tries to apologize and say Cassandra already rearranged his colon before rush away this morning.</p>
<p>Then she calls Dorian.</p>
<p>Like that night she learned she is pregnant, Evie gives her best friend the rundown of absurd lecturing and screaming.  Dorian brought over vanilla ice cream and pickles for her to wolf down while he drinks wine.  She concedes that, yes, both Dorian and Cullen are right she did the bare minimum to find the father.  Evie repeatedly defends herself regarding that she what was best to protect Cullen.  Going to the police regarding what Bann Trevelyan and Rian are doing would have just tipped off her father’s spies and got Cullen killed before a police report got filed.</p>
<p>Dorian defends the ex-templar sometimes.  He remarks there must be missing information to explain his shifting behavior.  From Evie’s observations and explanations, there must be more than the existing puzzle allows right now.  Dorian encourages her to give Cullen the benefit of the doubt, such as her own anger towards Rian spilling into him.  There must be more that explained his accusations.</p>
<p>She hates when Dorian is most likely right.</p>
<p>Essentially, Dorian advises her to treat Cullen’s response like the inferno mage wishes others would receive hers.  Evie’s short-temper, sarcasm, and bitterness have origins laid in decades of bullshit and mistrust.  Evie hates being herself, but experiences make the person.  Since Evie knows little about Cullen, how is she so sure his actions are not from his own life challenges?</p>
<p>Dorian even uses himself as an example.  With his sarcasm and charm, he acts defensively around anyone he does not understand or know their intentions unless in their company of years.  Even then, Dorian relies on his sarcasm as a defense for a serious situation.  Alistair Theirin, their Foundation boss, uses puns and laughs during those circumstances because he grew up in a family who never cultivated positive behavior and proper emotional responses.</p>
<p>Evie wants her best friend to support her, but Dorian’s out-of-the-box thinking during her emotional messes always improve her outcomes.  There must be some reason, right?  Cullen’s accusations about her Trevelyan surname must come from personal experience.  Her family rubs most people wrong and entices such hostility.  But to accuse her about wanting an abortion?  Being ashamed for their dalliance?</p>
<p>Evie just does not know Cullen enough to give him that benefit or condemnation.  If any other romantic partner, she would know their partners' names and birth dates before even showing her breasts.  Evie never lets people into her bed unless she intimately knows them emotionally. </p>
<p>Why did she sleep with Cullen then?</p>
<p>That inner piano that ripples through the Fade still ignites the mage’s soul.  Evie heard its sharp and flat notes every silence moment between them.  She turned it off several dozen times, but as soon as she opened her soul, that majestic music dueled with her Fade violin…and the new hum growing in her womb.</p>
<p>No, Evie cannot rely on a <em>sound</em> to know a person.</p>
<p>So, who is Dr. Cullen Rutherford?</p>
<p>It all starts with an e-mail.  The Inquisition Institute receives official word about the new clinical staff who joined the Theirin Foundation.  Since the Institute falls under the Foundation’s banner, what happens in other facilities across the city matters to all divisions.  Evie spends work essentially desk-bound or teaching at the nearby Skyhold University now.  She checks her e-mail often.  When in the field, she might check it twice a day, much to the chagrin of her associates desperate for her input on time-sensitive matters.  Now, she hits the Outlook refresh button every five minutes, so bored that she answers student e-mails in minutes just to stay out of her head and depressive mood.</p>
<p>So, when the official announcement e-mail pops up, Evie debates ten minutes if to open it.  She knows he will be there.  Cullen leads this new division, thus the exposé’s primary focus.  When she opens the attachment, the mage notices they attach his curriculum vitae for everyone’s review.  It is the first concrete example of this mystery man’s character.  She will learn his work ethic and military career that she avoided like the plague.  After learning Cullen’s full name, Evie purposely avoids searching for his full name online, knowing most sites contain people’s negative qualities.  She learned that from searching her own name years ago.  Oh, the heinous things her cousins’ post daily.</p>
<p>“Let’s see what type of doctor your father is, my Light.”  Evie whispers to her minor bump.  She does not want to know the sex, but starts calling her child ‘my Light’.  The nickname references to flashing lights ships use to communicate when passing in the night outside her bedroom windows.  Since Cullen and Evie’s hotel affair was just a passing thing, she thought it fitting to nickname her child after old poem.  Besides, the kid is a miracle, a light in a gloomy world, her life.</p>
<p>Cullen must be an agreeable guy, right?  Cassandra knows him apparently, which says an impressive deal about his character and decorum.  The former seeker avoids unscrupulous people because she will punch them into the next age.  Cassandra leaves people disabled if they act selfish or rude in her presence.</p>
<p>Which means Cullen is none of those things, right? </p>
<p>Furthermore, Evie remembers vividly Cullen checking and asking for consent for everything.  He even remarked sexual protection should not just be the woman’s responsibility.  Although neither barrier did not work, the gesture still warms her heart.  His behavior that night while terribly drunk and that roaring man assuming so much conflicts constantly in her heart.  Her mind screams his yelling is his true personality not drowning in feel-good alcohol, while her soul reminds her of his open music that sings his authentic emotions.</p>
<p>The geologist shoves aside both personal warring sides and turns on her professional research.  Evie’s brain acts objectively at a coworker and not think about how amazing his dicks feels rutting inside her.  Nope, nothing thinking about that charming smile and how divine he looks in a tuxedo either. </p>
<p>
  <em>Focus, Trevelyan!</em>
</p>
<p>Evie reads the Fereldan doctor’s CV and detail e-mail introduction.  She winces when she reads his Circle templar base was under Knight-Commander Meredith Stennard, the horrific templar officer that gives every mage nightmares.  Evie really hesitates web searching his name now, knowing countless horror stories from the most restrictive in the Free Marches.  Heck, probably all of southern Thedas before the most recent Chantry and human rights policies.  Her brain instantly screams warnings, but she ignores the mounting anxiety. </p>
<p>Miraculously, Cullen survived as a prisoner of war and the platoon’s sole survivor during his first tour and received the minimum psychological treatment deem needed at Greenfell Veteran Rehabilitation.  The lacking mental care Cullen received spurred him towards psychology in undergraduate school. </p>
<p>Evie’s heart and soul cries this explains the doctor’s trembling and defensive templar behavior during their fight.  With her being a mage, her emotions must have reminded him of his own traumas.  Evie’s memories reminds her of his many magic-related scars across his body.  Neither realization gives her little comfort since once again being a mage causes more pain than relief for others.</p>
<p>By the time the retiring knight entered medical school, Cullen’s educational focus narrowed to cognitive and behavior therapy, specifically to help templar veterans, abused mages, and long-term drug addicts.  His current research includes finding responsive non-addictive drugs to aid ex-addicts’ improved quality of daily life from their psychological and physical conditions.  He cares about his patients, providing them opportunities to establish themselves and begin new careers beyond the Templar Order.  Many successful ex-templars go on in higher education and return to Cullen’s clinics as new advocates and medical personnel to aid new lyrium addicts.</p>
<p>Evie’s first thoughts:  what a selfless ex-templar.  Her mind struggles to separate horror templars she watched her as a child from the decent ones who just want to protect mages and the public.  Nowadays, most templars fight Imperium terrorist mages.  Regrettably, the populace assumes <em>all</em> mages are with the Venatori thanks to the Chantry’s propaganda.  Furthermore, Rian is one of many ex-templars who has regain control of his life and changed careers instead of dying under the Chantry’s heel.  The new Circle reforms benefited both templars and mages both wrongly imprisoned by the religious institution.</p>
<p>Reading Cullen’s profile and CV does little to stop the war raging inside Evie. There are too many factors that support both debating sides to draw a resemble conclusion.  No, Evie’s concerns must focus on this baby and herself.  That alone gives her enough to panic about constantly.  She slept with Cullen as a night of passion and fun, not just because he was how charming and adorkable while he rambled about the Hero of Ferelden’s account about the Battle of Denerim.  She never looked for a date or something more, anyway.  The rotting fish in the sea killed her romantic desires a long time again.</p>
<p>No, better to focus on the next tough months.  Every time she thinks about childbirth, her donored heart jumps into her throat.  Her visions blurs and the tinnitus blocks out every external sound.  Her tokophobia ruins any future happiness. </p>
<p>Alas, Cullen will be a part of the geologist’s life one way or another.  He is absolutely right their child should know both parents.  Evie fears what those relationships will be towards her and this infant.  Will he just wait for her to die during childbirth to claim his child?  Or turn Evie’s confessions into legal fodder for parental custody?  No matter what it will be, Evie already took a royal shit over whatever it could have been.  There is no way Cullen will ever see her as that same sarcastic woman he danced with under Val Royeaux’s autumn stars.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The next information session comes from a very unlikely source:  Rian.</p>
<p>Her brother visit Evie’s warehouse loft that Wednesday.  Evie nearly shuts the front door in his face, but notices Rian carrying a new gallon of organic soft-serve vanilla ice cream and her new favorite decaf coffee.  His grey eyes do not meet hers, just frowning at her minor bump. </p>
<p>“I am a righteous prick.”  That Trevelyan bass mumbles, kicking a pebble out of the doorway.  He offers the fresh decaf coffee and waits.</p>
<p>“Cassandra still not speaking to you?”  Evie questions with an auburn perked brow, while snagging the brew.  Thankfully, she has not had her microscopic daily coffee intake today.</p>
<p>“Only you now.  I did as she asked <em>yesterday evening</em>.”  He spits, his grey eyes glaring into the hallway towards the elevator.  He expects a monster to jump out of the darkness and eat her.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to know your sex life.”  Evie sighs and stomps away from the door, leaving it open for her brother to enter.  She should at least hear what he has to say.  He does not have much lyrium left on his bone so if she fries him for being a dumbarse, she will still catch his hair on fire.  Cassandra will think she held back and understand.</p>
<p>“Oh, I am still sleeping in the guest room on that front.”  Rian grumbles as he slams the door with his foot and enters the elevator with her.  “No…she asked for the impossible,…and I did it.”</p>
<p>“You’re not waddling so that means she didn’t pegged you yet.”  Evie jokes with a sassy smirk.  Rian just turns his head and glares at her.  “My mistake.  She did, just used extra lube.”</p>
<p>“I thought you do not want to know my sex life.”</p>
<p>“I don’t. Just wanted to remind you I could taint that for you <em>easily.</em>”</p>
<p>“Do <em>not</em> call your friend Zevran or give my wife ideas.  I am still trying to recover from the last time.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Zev and Cyrian Tabis just wanted to make sure your seeker had the Antivan Romance subscription service for life.”  Evie giggles, her eyes watching the elevator cables above her head.  “Cassandra ask you to try-“</p>
<p>“-Enough, Cousin.  I am trying to apologize for belittling you, while you just keep reminding me of how my wife sighs reading unrealistic romance stories that are essentially porn with plot!”</p>
<p>Evie opens the gate and return to the couch.  Rian whines as soon as he notices what is on the television.  “Say your peace and deal with it.”  She flops on the loveseat and snuggles herself under a blanket. One outstanding thing about pregnancy is that her bump makes an excellent rest for her oatmeal bowl with blueberries, and raspberries. </p>
<p>Once Rian unloads his apology ice cream in her freezer, he paces around the wide space much like Cullen did that weekend before.  “I met <em>him…</em>”  He lifts his hand to stop himself.  “Well, <em>again.”  </em>He steps into her vision, thus blocking the television when he notices Evie ignoring him.  “So, <em>he’s</em> the father.”</p>
<p>Evie takes a big breath, while internally screaming that the Maker is a buttlicker.  She wanted to be one to tell Rian.  Evidently, Cullen spoke with Cassandra, who turned around and told her husband.</p>
<p>Well, Cullen might not last the week.  Even her brain feels terrible that her choices will murder a good person.  She shoves down her sex drive bawling that such a skillful mouth and perfect cock will not grace her nethers again.  <em>Really, Clit.  Knock it off!</em> </p>
<p>Her bright green eyes glance at her brother.  “Please don’t kill him.”</p>
<p>Rian stares at her, frowning.  “Cassandra hid all my rifles and pistols.”  He shakes off his winter coat.  “It does not mean my options are void-”</p>
<p>“<em>Do not tell Father, Rian</em>.”  Evie’s flares her magic to prove her point.</p>
<p>“The fact I have not told Uncle Ian already puts me in his crosshairs right now.”  Rian admits, hanging up his coat.  Evie rolls her eyes.  “I meant my comment as a joke.  Cassandra knows I do not need a gun to break every bone in that man’s body.”</p>
<p>“Joke or no joke, <em>don’t</em> hurt him, Ri.”  Evie warns, eyes glowing.  “The man just walked into a hellscape that he does not understand he created.  I have a chance swaying you from stilling your hand.  You might apologize for your demeaning comments, but Father will kill Cullen and continue to patronize me for wanting this happy accident.  Fucking prat.”  Evie hisses, while her heart aches for her parents’ unconditional love right now.</p>
<p>Rian sits down beside her.  “I know you’re pissed off that he cut you off to force you to talk, but he hates himself for it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, the great Bann Ian really <em>beats</em> himself up.”  Evie retorts sarcastically.  “Maker forbid, he actually—<em>gasp</em>—recognize his daughter as an adult who can make her own life choices.  Fuck, what would happen to the world if a woman doesn’t need <em>men</em> to decide for her?”  She drills daggers into Rian’s unamused eyes.</p>
<p>“Message received.”  Rian exhales and hangs his head.  “We do such things because we love you, Evelyn.”</p>
<p>“Ha.  Leaving your daughter hungry and alone on Satinalia is quite an interesting way to show love.  Although, Father always did act indifferent to everything.  Maker fuck for him to show emotion openly.”  Evie grumbles into her oatmeal and berries.  “It just shows I am alone, Ri.”</p>
<p>“No, you’re not…”  Her older adoptive brother flops down beside her.  She rests her head on his shoulder.  “Cassandra told me a great deal about this guy before forcing me to have dinner with him last night.  I can see why you be smitten with him.”</p>
<p>Evie groans and rolls her eyes again.  “Yes, he is handsome, but alcohol clouded my judgement.”</p>
<p>“True, but Cassandra and I feared it was someone who knew who you were and wish to blackmail you for money or stop your lyrium research.”  Rian confesses and kisses her temple.</p>
<p>The mage lifts her head and watches him, surprised.  “Really?”</p>
<p>“You would tell no one anything, Evelyn.”  Rian counters, shrugging.  “We wanted to know why you refused to talk about him.  The only thing that made sense was that someone scared you into silence.”</p>
<p>“I’m really embarrassed.  You know me.  I don’t do these things!”  Evie waves to her bloating body.  “Besides, Father <em>has </em>to know everything, and I refused to play that game.  I wanted to protect Cullen.  Instead, Father and you just double down on the stupidity!  You two confirmed I made the right call!”</p>
<p>Rian opens his mouth to speak, but no words spill from his lips.  He turns his head and blinks.  “Well, damn.”</p>
<p>Evie pats her brother’s shoulder.  “I’m happy this happened.  Yes, it wasn’t ideal, but I’m overjoyed except my father and big brother cousin think it is the end of the world.”  Evie rubs her covered stomach, resisting the urge to send another triage spell to feel the baby again.  “Rian, my little light inside is the first time I feel like I deserve to live.  It doesn’t make the fear go away.  What I need is acceptance and support, not more stress.”</p>
<p>Rian reads between the lines instantly.  “Esme’s death was not your fault.”  Rian reconfirms with that deep bass.  Evie huffs and takes a huge bite of oatmeal.  “Your parents turned off his ventilator, not you.  Yes, his heart saved your life, but you need not spend it as some penniless penance.  Do not think of his life versus your own.  It is not fair to you or the people who love you both.” </p>
<p>Evie somehow keeps the tears at bay.  She cried enough on Sunday with Dorian.  No one will understand what she feels every day since she woke up from her coma ten years ago. </p>
<p>The mage shoves a few more spoon-fulls of oatmeal into her mouth just to keep from responding.  She takes her time nibbling on her berries, watching Rian out of the corner of her eye.  His grey eyes focus on her television, somehow not bitching about the program yet.  He knows better.</p>
<p>Once sure the water works will not spring, Evie sighs and shifts the conversation.  “So, you said you met Cullen again?”</p>
<p>“Yes…” Rian grimaces as his eyes want to ignore the television playing <em>The Golden Girls </em>reruns, but keep fixated on Sophia telling an old sex story.  “Cassandra, Rutherford, and I had dinner last night.  I could tell he was an absolute mess and nervous.  Dark circles under his eyes and just kept rubbing his neck raw.  Cassandra got us both talking about our time the Order, a common ground that also gave me clues of his ex-templar ways.”</p>
<p>Evie studies her brother, hopeful his CV was not a lie.  “And?”</p>
<p>“He served under Meredith, which almost made me want to rip out his throat…except he was the officer that shot after her red lyrium addiction drove her nuts.  He blasted her right between the eyes like a sportsman putting down his favorite hunting hound.  Rutherford expected a court marshalled and sentenced to death for mutiny.  Instead, the Order covered up the mess to hide the lack of oversight and gave him command.  He remained in the Gallows for a year to reestablish the Circle and shift policies to protect mages, not terrorize them.  He left his officer, Ser Agatha, in charge because her templar views aligned with what the Gallows needed.  That’s why Kirkwall’s Circle improved so drastically over the last five years.  Once retiring, Rutherford went to medical school.  Maker, to detox from lyrium while taking the MCAT…”  Rian exhales and shakes his head.  “…that man has balls of steel.”</p>
<p>“No, just the most fertile swimmers in the world.”  Evie mentions off hand.  Rian shudders beside her, likely hating mentally thinking about his little sister having sex. </p>
<p>Evie swallows hard, her Free Marcher lilt a little more than a whisper.  “Did your conversation venture…?”  She points to her abdomen.</p>
<p>“Yes, we talked about you and the baby.”  Rian replies, knowing she is extremely curious.  Even as a kid, Evie wanted to be knowledgeable, something her father and she have in common, unfortunately.  “I gave him the big brother speech, which he said he should take notes.  He is the eldest son in his family.  His parents died a few years ago…heart disease and cancer.”</p>
<p>Evie frowns, flicking the oatmeal spoon with her index finger.  “Sorry, my Light, I…guess you won’t know your paternal grandparents…”</p>
<p>“But this kid will have lots of cousins.”  Rian mentions with a smirk.  “Cassandra and I do not want any kids, but Rutherford’s siblings has several.  They live in South Reach and-”</p>
<p>Evie cuts off Rian, waves frantically, and slides down the loveseat.  “-Maybe…I should hear this from him.”  Evie relents, suddenly feeling too sneaky.  “This is why I didn’t hunt him down, Rian.  It feels like prying into someone’s life.  I don’t want people to do that to me, thus why I’m not in social media.  He doesn’t have a web presence either, so I assume he either has secrets …or is an introvert like me.”</p>
<p>“He definitely gives that hermit vibe.  He gave information about himself to clear the air rather than freely.”  Rian observes, confirming Evie’s assumptions.  “Apparently, most of Rutherford’s moving boxes were history books.”  He chuckles and shakes his head.  “His brother and Cassandra refuses to help him move out of his apartment.  He’ll be around Haven for the long run.  He’s been searching for a house the last few months since the Foundation hired him…”</p>
<p>“I knew about the history stuff…”  Evie reminisces with a sorrowful smile, hanging her head.  “We debated for a few hours over random historical and archeological facts.  The man obsesses over the Second Inquisition’s military and its mysterious general.”</p>
<p>“See, I bet you know an impressive deal about him…”  Rian replies happily.  He nudges her side.  “You definitely know more than I learned.  I know you.  You would sleep with him if he acted genuine and caring, not this dangerous, evil monster I know you keep thinking.  You thought about me like that during my templar service.  It’s a natural fear most mages hold about all templars.  We templar do the same about mages, waiting for them to cut their wrists and summon a demon.  You have amazing judgement and instinct about people, especially when drunk.”  Rian reassures Evie in soft tones. </p>
<p>“I know this scares you,” Her brother confirms with a tilted head. “But maybe find out if these fears have a foundation.  Do I want to have drinks with Rutherford again?  Probably not, especially after Cassandra gives me back my rifle.  I will work on my demeanor towards you and the pregnancy.  I promise.  It come from a place of love, Evelyn.”  Evie crosses her arms and stares at the television.  Rian continues, knowing she is listening intently.  “However, <em>you</em> should sit down with Rutherford.  Learn about him.  Discuss whatever happen to between you two.  You need to get out your head and be that inquisitive woman I love with all my heart.  If he was a great commander and doctor as I hear, he would be a prominent support through this.” </p>
<p>Evie huddles into his body, body trembling and tears threatening.  “I’m so frightened …”</p>
<p>“Then fight those fears, Evelyn…I am not saying marry the guy tomorrow.  More like find out if you can find a friend who is as much involved as you are.”</p>
<p>Evie does not respond.  She has no voice.  The terror inside speeds up her heart, while she listens to her inner tune between her violin and the little soul in her womb.</p>
<p>Despite his disdain for the show, Rian stays and watches the complete <em>Golden Girls</em> marathon.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The last curveball hits from the even grandiose Dorian.</p>
<p>“When is your first date?”</p>
<p>Evie lifts her head from midterms and eyes her best friend fluttering across her open catwalk office.  She stayed at home that Friday because her morning sickness flared again.  Whoever named <em>morning sickness </em>never had true full day purging like most pregnant women.  That person got off easy.  She can barely wear her glasses without barfing into her waste bin.  Her students’ horrible writing helps neither.  </p>
<p>Dorian always comes unannounced.  She gave him keys for emergencies or when he and Iron Bull fight.  The Tevinter mage claimed one spare bedroom as his since, keeping crap there that Bull cannot stand.  One rule Evie declared was that he bought his own wine because she would be flat broke if she supplied his daily imported Antivan expensive red wine.</p>
<p>By Dorian’s tapping foot and hands on his hips, this visit will be a nosy, pushy, and persuasive debate.  Stupidly, Dorian never bought wine for this heavy discussion.  So if he frustrated, Evie worries her neighbors will call the police for him throwing lightning.  That will bring the templars.</p>
<p>Maker, Evie cannot have them around right now.  She does not want to know what a pregnancy silence feels like.  Besides, one angry ex-templar haunting her is enough.</p>
<p>“Date?  What date?”  Evie questions with narrowing bright green eyes.  She knows he has done something that will muck everything.</p>
<p>“The date to get to know this handsome man more!”  Dorian flings himself into her reading chair nearby.  “You’re having his kid!  Yes, you two did everything backwards.  That does not mean the romance should stop.  Go on a date with him!”</p>
<p>Evie flips down her red pen marking her student midterm like an adult coloring book.  “I haven’t talk to him since the gala.  You know we fought like cats and dogs.  I <em>unloaded everything </em>on him in one go like I had diarrhea mouth!  He must hate me!  He flumed I did not try hard enough to find him-“</p>
<p>“-which you deserve.”  Dorian interjects, receiving an annoyed huff from Evie.</p>
<p>“This is all my fault.  I made these choices!  He likely wishes this baby was in any other woman but me!”</p>
<p>“First, it takes two to tango.”  Dorian holds up a finger.  “You both did the horizontal shuffle, so he too created this beautiful life.  Yes, medically things slipped up, everything your birth control to the condom.  You might blame yourself for this happy accident, but he could have stopped too after the first round.  Instead, he gave the best orgasms in your life.”  He grins.  “You lucky bitch.”</p>
<p>Evie flips him off.  “You don’t know if they were the best I’ve ever had.” </p>
<p>Yes, yes, they were.  She fantasizes about them every time her pearl wakes up.  Masturbation cannot do what that man accomplished like a majestic sex <em>god</em>.  Her few sexual partners barely could find her clit.  She faked too many orgasms to even say she has a sex life.</p>
<p>“Evie, the man’s a doctor.  I’m a doctor.  We men focus on anatomy during medical school for <em>many </em>personal reasons.  Mine focuses on the prostate, while his swings towards the female reproductive organs.”  Dorian points at her.  “I <em>dare</em> you prove me wrong.”</p>
<p>Evie sits there, mouth gapping.  Her mind blinks.  Just discussing that night makes her entire body tingle.  Shyly, she stares at the midterms scattered across her desk.  “…no comment.”</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought.”  Dorian nods and giggles.  Evie can tell he wants more information, but thankfully moves on.  “Second, you’ll never know if he hates unless you find out!  The gala was almost a week ago.  You’re officially in your fifth month.  Half way through your first pregnancy!  Celebrate by cooperating with your baby’s father!”</p>
<p>“He’s likely still fuming.”  She predicts, feeling like she might have a panic attack.   Just the idea of talking to Cullen after blowing up and slapping his hand face makes her want to vomit her grilled cheese sandwich lunch. </p>
<p>Evie plays with her red pen, eyes downcast and ashamed.  “Rian told me he’s searching for a house.  Now, his life’s fuck because some mage didn’t follow proper birth control practices.” </p>
<p>“<em>You’re</em> still fuming about this, Dearie.  You both deserve to be pissed off with the universe.”  Dorian remarks, rolling his head against the chair back.  He makes sure his hairstyle stays flawless.  “Your lives are forever altered by this little life.  You’ve had five months to process this.  Meanwhile, this guy who just moved to a new city, finds his lost love is pregnant with his child, and this making him a father!  You can’t say his reaction on Saturday does not mirror yours months ago.  It’s a natural reaction that somehow slipped into shouting and ugly words.  Even in worst case scenario, I doubt he hates you.  You’re too adorable to hate.”</p>
<p>“Tell that to my incarcerated sister, who, as kids, pushed me down the stairs every chance she could.  That murderous bitch still wants me dead.  I testified against Patricia and helped put her behind bars.”  Evie explains, her stomach flipping thinking about her evil half-sister.  “Furthermore, there are <em>loads</em> of people who <em>loathe</em> me, Dorian.”  Evie counts her fingers.  “…half of the Carta, most of Ostwick Circle’s templars because I burned their underwear all the time, that racist guy at the donut shop around the corner…”</p>
<p>Then Evie’s mind catches up with Dorian’s statement.  She freezes, blink, and snaps her head towards him.  “And why do you think I’m his lost love?!  You sound like Cassandra!”  Evie blurts, flipping her hands.  “You chuff at public displays of affection.  This isn’t like.  Although, I know Iron Bull treats you tenderly!  If he doesn’t, he’ll get a lightning bolt up his anus!”</p>
<p>The Tevinter mage points at her, warning.  “Hey, he likes that stuff!  I could give you some-“</p>
<p>Evie plugs her ears.  “No!  Don’t go there, Dorian!  I’m still scrubbing my brain from the last sex marathon you two love birds described!  I still don’t understand how you got the beads to do that!”</p>
<p>“Party pooper…”  Dorian pouts and watches her, twisting a moustache.  “Well, I know for a fact he considers you his lost love…<em>I </em>asked Cullen.”</p>
<p>Evie freezes, cheek twitching.   “Dorian…”  Ash dances around her like a tornado.  “What did you do…?”</p>
<p>“Oh calm down, Sunshine.”  He waves off and rolls his grey eyes.  “You’ll burn your student papers.”</p>
<p>“I should burn them…”  She growls about to rip her friend in two.  “They’re shit.”</p>
<p>“Look, I ran into him when I was at the Foundation…”</p>
<p>“Bullshit.”  Evie objects with swirling eyes.  She knows Dorian too well.  He never just happenstance into anything.  If Evie was not so nauseous, she would stand and strangle her best friend right now.  She wonders if she can fire a force blast to mess up his hair before he throws a barrier.  “You found his office and facilities location in the Foundation directory.  You and Varric devised some stupid bet because that dwarf loves this pregnancy.  Whatever you two planned, it required you going downtown and stumble into Cullen like you just <em>happene</em><em>d</em> to be around.  There is no way you would be in downtown traffic unless with a solid purpose with excellent gains!”</p>
<p>Dorian sighs and clicks his tongue.  “Surly, I would not-“</p>
<p>Evie glances outside, then snaps back to Dorian.  “Varric bet you vacation days for anywhere by icy, snowy Ferelden!”</p>
<p>The Tevinter mage snaps his jaw shut before cusses in Tevene under his breath.  “Fine, I won a week in Varric’s beach house in Rivain, okay?!”</p>
<p>“I will murder you…”</p>
<p>Dorian huffs and flicks his hand.  “Please, you run like a snoufleur!  I’ll be back from my trip before you get out of your chair.”  Evie creates a fireball.  Dorian freaks!  “Please, no!  I don’t know how flammable this new gel is yet!  Please!”</p>
<p>“I won’t forget this, you sneaky shit stain.  Next time I’m at your house, I will reorder all your books to spell curse words.”</p>
<p>Dorian points at her and glares.  “Don’t you touch my babies!  I’ll sic Princess on you!”</p>
<p>“A dead reanimated cat will just decay before scratching me, Butthole,”</p>
<p>To simmer down Evie, Dorian lays a few cards on her desk corner.  “You’ll forgive me for this as I got his contact information…including his personal cell phone number…”  He gives Evie that flashy, adorable smile. </p>
<p>Evie snatches the card and reviewed the information.  In terrible doctor’s writing is Cullen’s signature and phone number.  She bites her lip, both panicking and giddy like a little girl getting her crushes information.</p>
<p>The inferno mage clears her throat.  “Why would I want this…?”</p>
<p>Dorian knows she is deflecting.  “So, you cannot use the excuse you don’t know how to call him through non-professional means.”</p>
<p>Fuck.  Evie cannot use that dodge anymore.  This jumped the rails and drove into the ocean days ago.</p>
<p>Evie throws off her glasses and bangs her head against her desk.  She senses inside herself if the baby woke up.  She feels flutters every so often.  Murmuring against her student exam, Evie asks, “What’s your opinion?  I know you have one.”</p>
<p>“Of course, I have the right opinion about everything.  Like beautiful little jewels…”</p>
<p>Evie barely lifts her head, her ponytail slipping off her shoulder.  “And opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.  However, that would thrill you, especially if they were all men’s bums.”</p>
<p>“Please, I’m not the one knocked up, Dearie.”  Before Evie can throw a fireball at his head, he waves off the conversation.  “My opinion…?  You two will fill the world with <em>beautiful</em> children.  I can just see you popping them out like confetti after the world sees this beautiful miracle newborn.  This baby might rival <em>my</em> natural beauty.”</p>
<p>“You know the evil queen cursed Sleep Beauty asleep for being more beautiful than her.”</p>
<p>Dorian just blinks, unamused.  “That would require me <em>touching</em> a stinky, pooping, crying, whiny baby.  No. Way.”</p>
<p>Evie grunts and sits up.  She flicks her pen around the desk.  “People are more than looks, Dorian.”  Her bright green eyes beg for help.  “What do you <em>really </em>think?”</p>
<p>The Tevinter pouts at her defeated state.  “He’s a doctor so he can support you both, while monitoring your conditions.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her eyes.  “He focuses on lyrium addiction psychology.  He knows next to nothing about pregnancy.”</p>
<p>“Ah, but that’s the beautiful part.  You two work side by side, stopping lyrium mining and curing people from addiction and poisoning.  I can see the peer-review journals praising the selfless couple doing what the Chantry is too idiotic to accomplish.  I bet in five years you two win international peace medals.”</p>
<p>Evie chuckles, knowing what her friend is trying to do.  Dorian wants her out of her head.  He wants her to dream and hope for once.  Maker, the future lies in darkness.  “Aren’t you think too far into the future?”</p>
<p>“You know me.”  Dorian lays his fingers against his pressed shirt and tie.  “I don’t think that far ahead without being very assured of myself.  While speaking with him, I noticed a few qualities that will help you.  Cullen’s stubbornness rivals you, and that just unbelievable.  He’s smart and honorable, but you already know that.  He might brood and get huffy, but he keeps his temper in check, which just confirms last Saturday was a fluke and the result of flaring hurt egos.  He’s single for whatever reason.  Too bad he doesn’t swing my way.  Bull and I would <em>love</em> a dalliance with that delicious man.  Your lucky cunt.” </p>
<p>Evie half-listens, biting her lower lip.  Dorian notices and shifts strategy.  “Yes, Cullen Rutherford was a templar, but at least he did the right thing and made up for his military mistakes.  According to my Tevinter contacts, The Venatori called him ‘The Fereldan Lion’.  <em>He</em> ambushed the terrorists, frightening them to surrender.  If they didn’t, the skirmishes ended with all the Venatori dead or wounded, while his men remained unharmed.” </p>
<p>Dorian shifts in the seat, elbows on his knees.  “The most of all—and I want to talk about this later—is that he is absolutely, positively <em>gorgeous!</em>  Like how was he in bed?  Is his manhood what I dream?  Bull and I can’t stop wondering.  You lucky bitch!”</p>
<p>Evie nearly rolls out of her chair laughing despite still wanting to murder her best friend.  He shakes her head, tears falling in happiness and no longer fear.  Her eyes flick back to her friend to see him smirking.  The cheeky man wants her to think of fortunate qualities regarding Cullen, not the irrational scenarios that her brain thinks up alone.</p>
<p>Once settling her snorting laughs, Evie studies the business card.  She reaches for her phone and establishes a contact for her baby’s father.  She notes his office number and access to his schedule via Outlook.</p>
<p>Evie needs to talk to Cullen and soon.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Dorian.”</p>
<p>Her best friend smiles and winks.  He leans his head back, satisfied by his mission.  “<em>Anything</em> for my favorite people.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Evie needs to put on her big girl pants.  If Dorian and Rian can sympathize with Cullen, Evie needs to confront her fears.  Any idea how this conflict will resume?  Let me know in the comments!  Thanks for reading!</p>
<p>Weekly Edit:  This week's <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/58883800">"The Port Authority"</a> is up for you all's enjoyment.  How did Dorian get Cullen's contact information?  Hmmm?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Blooms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Song:  “We Can Do Better” by Matt Simons &amp; “Send Me On My Way” by Rusted Root<br/>(Note:  I highly suggest you listen to "We Can Do Better" while reading this chapter.  I discovered the song while editing this week.  The lyrics and tune just fits.  You can find the song on "Passing Ships" playlist on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=oij3hIwESeWtkcqt_87h7Q">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>!)</p>
<p>TRIGGER WARNING:  Discussion of gynecological disorders, miscarriage, pregnancy symptoms, and toilet humor.  The gynecological disorders and miscarriage are based off my crazy medical hells and are used as way to for me to process these problems.  Pregnancy symptoms originate from discussion with friends and family about pregnancy, especially during their second trimester.</p>
<p>Remember to check out this week's one-shot <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/58883800">"The Best Friend Test"</a> now on AO3 under <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943">The Port Authority</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That next Tuesday, Evie finds herself at the <span>Theirin</span> Foundation building <span>located </span>in Downtown Haven.  She does not teach today, so no obligations at <span>Skyhold</span> University.  Alistair’s secretary called and reminded her the postal service delivered a package to the wrong building.  It is too heavy to send via interoffice to the Inquisition Institute.  How she will load a five-hundred pound rock sample in her Jeep CJ-7 Wrangle while pregnant is anyone’s guess. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, Alistair’s secretary adds when the geologist comes, he wants to discuss some upcoming government policy engagements she can represent the Foundation at next month.  Alistair must hate her because she would rather eat her shoe laces and walk barefoot through blight-infested lands.  After trying to find any activity that requires her to avoid Downtown Haven, the inferno mage relents and finally embraces this opportunity<span>,</span> <span>essentially </span>gift wrapped by the cruel Maker himself.</p>
<p>Evie must talk to Cullen.</p>
<p><em>Fuck.  Do not want to adult.  I’ll be in my pillow fort<span>…</span>coloring.</em>  Evie <span>whines</span> waking up that morning.</p>
<p>The inferno mage feels her heartbeat inflaming every hair follicle while in the shower.  Evie wears makeup for a second time in over a week, with the gala being the other rare time.  Before that, she avoided the stuff when she got pregnancy.  Morning sickness makes her look like a zombie all the time, while uncomfortable sleep exhausts her beyond any makeup may disguise.  There is just no point most days.  Who is she impressing while gradually impersonating a walrus?  If she stilled lived in <span>Ostwick</span>, maybe the seals will eye her than any person.  Since the fire mage put so much effort into her cat-eye makeup, she <span>blow-</span><span>dries</span> her auburn hair into silky waves.  All these beauty routines do not make her feel prettier since each week she inches closer to blue-whale territory.</p>
<p>However, this effort <em>might</em> win Evie brownie apology points with the newfound handsome father.</p>
<p>Evie downs her medications and vitamins before leaving the loft, her only way to function on days like this.  She rewards herself <span>a</span> daily micro-cup of coffee and walnut banana bread from her favorite coffee shop.  Despite these de-stressors, her anxiety, deep-seated fears, and pregnancy keeps her heart working double time.  Every time she tells herself to calm, it backfires.  By the time her bouncy Jeep arrives downtown, she sweats through her peacoat and jersey-cotton long-sleeve dress.</p>
<p>While parking, Evie kicks herself for how easy this could be if she just called when she could over the weekend.  Evie picked up her phone a half dozen times to only run away like a coward.  Two such moments she even had Cullen’s number and profile up.  All <span>she just needed to do was hit</span> the green button.  With a phone call, it is easier to find something else to do.  Her squeaky-clean loft looks immaculate.  She finally finished categorizing her library.  On her smartphone, she can check an application quickly to distract herself.  Evie bested her fastest time in Sudoku. </p>
<p>In-person speaking takes all those distractions away.</p>
<p>Evie must talk to Cullen.</p>
<p>“Put on your big girl panties, Evie…”  She remarks, stepping out of the empty elevator.  She glances down at her more pronounced belly today.  Technically, she wears that support underwear that has an upper stretchy strip that supports her bump and back.  She knew the jeep ride would murder her lower spine.  She will need a chiropractor appointment to pop every achy joint. </p>
<p>None of her pants fit again, tragic because it feels like <span>Hakkon</span> himself froze Haven today.  She needs another maternity shopping trip with money she does not have.  Instead, the mage wears a pronounced baby doll dress that blows winter winds up and freezes her crotch like a deserted ice wasteland.  Even her thick winter tights do not block out the weather.  Her water retention decides today to make her ankles and knees looks like gooey weights.  Indigestion makes her extra bloated, while flaring her already terrible acid reflex. </p>
<p>Pregnancy books mentioned constipation, but nothing like what the mage suffered the last week.  Then stupidly, she knew craving baked beans at midnight will end in disaster.  Constipation and then the running shits while pregnant should be the next torture device.  Now, farts become their own version of <span>Nervarran</span> Roulette.</p>
<p>“My baby Light, I accidently fart-gassed your father to death.”  She mumbles to herself, while rubbing her <span>small bump</span>.  “Or drowned him in feces because I haven’t pooped since First Day…”</p>
<p>Thankfully, the Maker smiles at Evie today while passing by the reception desk towards Cullen’s office.  The floor is quiet as <span>different staff members</span> fulfill their rounds on other floors or attends meetings.  No one is around, meaning if Cullen shouts, no one will overhear. The only person Evie notices is <span>a young man</span> in a familiar assistant uniform for the Foundation.  The receptionist stares at the <span>breakroom</span> coffee machine, trying to figure how to use it.  On his breast <span>pock</span> is a nametag, “Jim.”  Evie sneaks by before Jim notices her.    </p>
<p>According to Cullen’s available schedule on the Foundation’s shared calendars, he holds office hours today for administrative requirements.  She knows it is a terrible idea to disrupt a doctor at their desk.  They rarely sit down as it is, while most <span>absolutely </span><em>loathe</em> paperwork duties.  That explains their awful handwriting.  Evie knows she despises administrative work now, her new norm.  Being the head of clinics must really overload Cullen’s life too.</p>
<p>Along with his one-night fling pregnant with their love child…</p>
<p>Evie slaps herself when her deprived genitals, wondering what desk sex would be like.  Instantly, her mind conjures a fantastic fantasy of Cullen swiping everything off his desk and just ravaging her on site.  Her blush burns through her concealer so anyone who walks by will know what plagues her thoughts.  That is another pregnancy symptom that keeps ramping up each day.  Her ignored genitals must sense Cullen’s nearby and jump for joy at their mounting chemistry, even if it is hatred.  Her clitoris still hate her for not suggesting angry sex at her loft.  She takes a moment, leans against a wall, and shoves her libido down.</p>
<p>Fuck pregnancy.</p>
<p><em>Make this as painless as possible…</em>  Evie coaches herself as she is just a few steps from the right office door.  The door is open, a friendly sign that people can poke in their head in and speak.</p>
<p>Right as the mage goes to step into the door’s outpouring office light, a mass probably the size of an elephant barrels out.  It rushes towards her on four legs with pointed ears trained on her like she is its next meal.  Evie is so wound up, she <span>actually </span><em>forgets</em> how to summon a barrier.  Instead, she pivots and encircles her arms around her stomach and used her purse and peacoat to protect the baby.  She yelps as she waits for the mortal bite.</p>
<p>Instead of a massive monster bite, a wet nose runs along her entire body.  The nose nudges her arms to smell her face and the baby bump she protects with all her might.  The gigantic animal keeps grunting and lightly barking so Evie relaxes, but induces the opposite effect.  She keeps her stomach pointed away, which just makes the huge grey and white mabari follow her around and around in the office hallway.</p>
<p>“<span>No</span> no no!  Not the bump.  Anything but the bump.  <em>No, </em>not my crotch either!  Get out from under my dress!  Heel!?  Sit!  Stay away?!”</p>
<p>“Surana!  Come!”</p>
<p>Evie jumps and snorts loudly as the mabari backs off and trots back towards the open door.  She prays it is a nasal snort and not a yipping fart poop that just polluted the hallway with a rotten eggs and feces fudge.  She flips down her dress skirting, feeling all the wet spots where the hound sniffed against her skin.  Maker, Evie wishes she had left her coat on.</p>
<p>About three feet away stands Cullen by his office door.  His amber eyes watch the war hound rejoin him.  “Sit.  Stay.”  The mabari turns around to face her and sits.  Its little ball tail waggles like a helicopter, while her nose keeps sniffing the air.  Hopefully, the animal does not sense her terrible flatulence right now.</p>
<p>That’s it.  When she gets home, she throws out every bean product.  Never getting in this situation again.  No matter if she is still constipation when this kid graduates high school, she will not live like this again.  Oh, the humiliation and unnecessary stress!</p>
<p>“Hi…?”  Evie just waves a few fingers, while her other arms stays around her <span>small bump</span>.</p>
<p>Cullen rubs his neck, flushing and swaying awkwardly.  His amber eyes lock on her, while his mouth hangs open.  He definitely did not expect her.  “I-I-I’m sorry about that.  She’s been around strangers before.  That’s weird for her.  Truly, Eve.  Forgive me.” </p>
<p>That baritone hums inside her again, thankful it is not harsh and accusing like that night.  Instantly, her soul and Fade connection listens for his unique piano like it cannot survive without it.  The music plays all over the place, showing his shock and panic.  Cullen’s begging sounds like it is more than his mabari stiffing where the sun does not shine.  His voice trembles and squeaks like he was the one that smelled her crotch.</p>
<p><em>Technically, he has, Evie.  Licked and suckled her to completion<span>,</span><span> to be precise</span>.  </em>Her clitoris and inner vagina nerves jump at the possibility again.</p>
<p>Evie shakes the thought, piano, and attraction out of her head.  “You have a mabari?”</p>
<p>Cullen purses his lips before his whiskey eyes shift from his companion to the mage.  “Yes, imprinted pair.  Actually, I saved her in Val <span>Royeaux</span> after…”  His eyes shift to the industrial carpet floor, while blushing.  He coughs into his fist.  “She was wandering the streets starving.  I <span>actually </span>canceled my flight and stayed a few extra days to adopt and get her papers <span>in order </span>to bring her home with me.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”  Evie whispers, slightly smiling.  “Two <span>Fereldans</span> lost trapped behind enemy lines?”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles a little, his <span>adam</span>’s apple bobbing each time he swallows.  “Yes, I guess so.  Are you<span>…</span>afraid of mabari?”  He pouts like a kicked puppy. </p>
<p>“Oh no.  I love mabari.  I <span>actually </span>wanted one as a kid, but my parents said no.”  Evie waves her hands just to do something besides swaying side to side to determine if she crapped herself.</p>
<p>Cullen smiles and blows out his cheeks, smiling.  Not liking dogs must be a deal breaker for him.  At least she checks off <em>a box </em>in his <span>‘</span>likes’ list, likely the <em>only </em>one.  “She just surprised me, a-a-a-and I already a nervous wreck.”  Evie groans and facepalms.  “I mean, one thing motherhood makes you do is being overly protective.  When you see something that can snap your neck and towers over you on its <span>hindlegs</span>, you kind of<span>…</span><em>freak</em>.”</p>
<p>“Understandable.”  Cullen nods while still watching her with soft, warm eyes.  He scratches the hound behind the pointed ears.  “She responds to barriers.  She usually knows to back off and wait until she’s invited.  She’s still going through training.  I’m so sorry.”  He aims the next sentences at the whimpering, excited hound at his side.  “She knows better to not approach people so intrusively.  I don’t know what got into her.”</p>
<p>“Likely my hormones.  You should have seen the Orlesian poodle trying to hump my leg when I walked around the corner after parking my jeep.  I openly laughed as it hung <span>his</span> masked buffoon owner, who was too busy livestreaming a blog.  Priceless!”  Evie gives an okay sign and grins.  Cullen <span>actually </span>chuckles.  So, Orlesian jokes still work on him even sober. </p>
<p><em>Just be a witty, sarcastic self, Evie</em>, she coaches herself.  <em>Maybe he’ll accept your apology for once.  </em>“I should write a book on things pregnancy books <em>don’t </em>cover because there are fresh ones every day.”  Like constipation and diarrhea hells while talking to the baby’s <span>hot father</span> who looks as charming and handsome as Evie remembers, while she resembles a <span>druffalo</span>.</p>
<p>“Maker’s breath!  You’ve been walking a-a-and...!”  Cullen steps out the doorway and waves inside his office.  “Please come in!  Sit down.  You need any water?  Snacks?”</p>
<p>Evie bites her lower lip.  She keeps the gooey feelings back, while rationalizing and downplaying that he is just being nice.  “No water and food needed.  I carry around a survival bag.”  She pats her huge purse, while slowly walking up to him and his huge mabari.  “But thank you.  I can only stay a few minutes.  I have a meeting with Alistair over speaking engagements.”  Evie turns into the office.  She holds up her hand to her mouth and whispers, “Please keep me here, or so help me, I might cry.  I can’t stand political engagements!”</p>
<p>Cullen snickers again, shaking his head.  Those slick blond waves bounce with each movement.  Her fingers itch to comb and claw them again.  “You don’t want to upset the boss, Eve.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her eyes, while her legs tremble hearing her unique nickname in that fine husky, <span>Fereldan</span> accent again.  That alone will make her strip and bend over his desk waiting for him to fuck her blind.  <em>Clit, calm down!  </em>“You think being Alistair’s childhood friend would spare me from government policy speeches.”</p>
<p>“You knew him as a kid?”  Cullen snaps his fingers so his hound follows him.  He points to <span>a big dog bed</span> in the corner, while he walks behind a mahogany L-shaped desk.</p>
<p>Evie’s bright green eyes follow the hound as the pregnant woman sits down in an uncomfortable visitor chair.    Her growing hips barely fit.  No wonder her leggings did not fit this morning.  Oh, her butt will be numb from the lacking padding. “He was my only friend for a long time.  He was a disowned bastard, while I was a filthy mage.  Every time my family visited Redcliffe, Alistair<span> and</span> I played because everyone kept their distance like we had rabies.” </p>
<p>The mage shifts a little, laying her coat on the chair to cushion the seat.  Cullen quickly gestures to his office chair for her comfort.  Evie shakes his head and waves him off.  <span>Always</span> chivalrous.  “We met again when I <span>volunteered</span> removing red <span>lyrium</span> nodes after my master’s degree.  Alistair just inherited his family fortune following his half-brother’s death.  Alistair gave money to poor populations, always a charitable man that suffered in foster care.  We ran into each other in <span>Denerim</span>’s alienage during a cleanup.  Alistair and his <span>new wife</span>, Astrid, just started what would become the <span>Theirin</span> Foundation.  Although, my director’s Inquisition Institute did not fall under its umbrella until a few years later.”</p>
<p> "You mean <span>Varric</span>.”  Cullen sits down and threads his fingers together.  The blush fades from his handsome features.  His whiskey eyes are attentive, not damning like before.  He watches her <span>ever</span> movement, not in fear or alarm, but like her every move is an enchanting dance. </p>
<p>
  <em>Keep it up, Trevelyan.</em>
</p>
<p>For a <span>brief </span>moment, Evie opens her magical connection and listens.  His piano plays <span>soften</span>, spiking every so often.  Anxiety?  Fear?  She closes it again, feeling this new ability too intrusive.</p>
<p>“Yes, <span>Varric</span>’s Inquisition Institute gave me a job and facilities to experiment.  My research aided my doctorate focus analyzing and destroying red <span>lyrium</span> efficiently and ecologically.  Under his patronage, I quickly became one of the leading <span>lyrium</span> geologists despite my age and young career.  The rest is history.”  Evie shrugs and waves around her.</p>
<p>“It seems the <span>lyrium</span>-fighting world is <span>truly </span>small.  I knew <span>Varric</span> from Kirkwall.  I was not a good man back then…”  He hangs his head.  “I served a horrific knight-commander who jeopardized the entire Circle.  <span>I was </span><em><span>involved</span>…</em>”  Cullen motions air quotes.  “<span>…</span>with his friend, Veronica Hawke, there for a brief time, but I wish I had never had.”  Cullen winces and pinches his nose like he needs a few moments.  Evie observes him, noticing his shaking hands.  She observed such symptoms from Rian.  Even several years away from <span>lyrium</span>, the aftereffects still plague Cullen.</p>
<p>Maker’s fuck, this poor man.</p>
<p>Evie softly smiles, her eyes sympathetic and patiently waits.  After a few moments, Cullen takes a deep breath and refocuses.  <span>“</span><span>Varric</span> is why I am sitting here.  As soon as I returned from the conference, the Chantry shut down my clinic.  I thought I had until the end of the year, but they lied and shut our doors at the end of the month.  <span>Varric</span> ran into me in Kirkwall during a business trip a week later.  He told me about the Foundation and gave me direct access to Alistair and Astrid.  Within a few weeks, my staff and patients found a new, healthy place to recuperate and grow.  Yes, we moved across the world, but we have resources here that we only dreamed about in Kirkwall. </p>
<p>“Depending on our success, we could reopen that Kirkwall clinic in the next year on sustainable funds and not begging the Chantry constantly.”  Cullen waves to his clutter desk.  “Thus, <em>paperwork.”</em>  He spits the word, but still smirks at her.  “Sorry, you didn’t come here for a lecture…”  He rubs the nape of his neck.</p>
<p>Evie beams, relaxing while listening to his deep baritone.  “If you have one prepared, I would like to hear it.  We’re semi-<span>coworkers</span><span> after all</span>.  We fight the same battle.”</p>
<p>Cullen smirks and shakes his head.  His smile grows each moment, while his trembling subsides.  “Maybe another time.  If you call me first, I’ll have the conference room projector ready with some PowerPoints.”</p>
<p>The mage giggles and shakes her head, feeling lighter each minute.  Is this what it was like in Val <span>Royeaux</span>?  Why she felt so lost these last few months?  There is something about Cullen that just lifts her<span>…</span>then her depressive, anxious brain brings reality crashing down.  His previous statements sink in. </p>
<p>“You want to go back?”  Evie asks, suddenly dejected and uncertain.  <em>He will only be here for the fun parts and not actually <span>a possible father</span> and friend.</em></p>
<p>Cullen hears the tone switch.  “Maker, no!  I live my home country for the first time since I was eighteen.  I’m done with that hellish city-state.  I’m here to stay as long as possible!”</p>
<p>Evie releases a heavy breath she <span>had no idea</span> she held.</p>
<p>The geologist’s traitorous brains exclaims he is staying to take the baby.  He will fight her every week<span> hereafter</span>.  Just leave.  Evie bites her lower lip, ignoring anxiety’s poisonous words.  Keep her head in the rational, realistic present.</p>
<p>“I hope you know that…”  She waves to her stomach.  “<span>…</span>this shouldn’t hold you back.  Just because my life changed, you shouldn’t shift your goals.”  Evie waves <span>then</span> to the air.  She trips over her words <span>once</span> reading the doctor’s frown.  “Not saying that to chase you away, especially after what I said at my loft.  Or that I’m pushing you away.  More <span>that</span><span>…</span>Fuck…” </p>
<p>Evie slides down in her seat and rubs her temples.  There goes her <span>big mouth</span>.  She squeezes her bright green orbs shut, takes a few deep breaths to center herself, and leans forward.  “I’m meaning don’t limit your goals because surprising things changed.”  She accents every word to articulate her meaning.</p>
<p>“I think I get what you mean.”  Cullen remarks with a slight grin.  Evie opens the music a little to sense his reaction.  The man speaks calmly, which transcends into his strange piano.  <em>No, don’t listen!  Bad Evie!</em></p>
<p>“No, I’m happy to leave Kirkwall behind.”  The blond hunk declares proudly.  He glances over his shoulder outside.  The winter barren land makes him smile while Evie rubs her chilly arms.  “That endeavor will be the beginnings of future international <span>assistance</span>.  Kirkwall is a major trader and illegal drug hub.  It is just one of several identified locations needing available recovery facilities.  The staff who could not follow me here can run that location.”</p>
<p>The doctor leans forward and looks around the office, smiling at his new home.  His whiskey eyes soon settle on her.  “For the first time in my adult life I feel stable and in a place I can do some good.”</p>
<p>Evie tries to simmer her idiot smile.  Maker, Cullen acts night and day compared with his defeated expression during their flight.  “I’m glad.  Haven grows each year.  You can do much here.”</p>
<p>The inferno mage has so many words running around her head, but no idea which ones to choose.  One side of her brain wants him as far away as possible, while the other is just excited to see him again, partially smiling and not accusing her of not wanting this child or being a Trevelyan.  She cannot ignore the flutter in her gut.</p>
<p>
  <em>Might as well jump into the deep end.</em>
</p>
<p>Evie just blurts the next thought just to get to her apology.  “Look, I know you must blame me for so much that has happened.  How I did not follow my birth control, how I left the hotel room abruptly, how I did not search for you enough, that I’m a filth greedy Trevelyan, but-“</p>
<p>“-Eve,” Cullen leans forward, his hand stopping her.  He takes few steady breaths.  “I’m as responsible.  More so than you.  I knew there was something wrong when I went to the bathroom and saw the torn condom.  I should have <span>woke</span> you, but…”  He takes another breath and rubs his neck, while fluffing his blonde waves.  “Our judgements were flawed.  We both lead to this…”  His amber eyes study <span>her</span> showing baby bump.  Then he grins, that scarred lip taunting.  “But I don’t think this is wrong and conflicting<span>…</span>just surprising.  I’ve been thinking about this constantly since the gala.  The more I process, the more I agree this is a happy accident.”</p>
<p>“You sound like Bob Ross.  With your horribly concealed curly hair, I’m waiting for you to reveal a squirrel in your pocket.” </p>
<p>
  <em>Maker, shut the fuck up.  You’re embarrassing yourself!</em>
</p>
<p>Evie takes a big intake of air, grimacing.  “So,<span>…</span>you knew<span>…</span>or at least suspected something?”</p>
<p>“I remember thinking ‘it was a precaution’ when I saw the condom failed.  I dismissed it, which no doctor should ever do.”  Cullen hangs his head.  “I should have woke you.  Instead, I just shrugged and passed out.  It was very irresponsible of me.  <span>Furthermore, I</span> should have never stored it in my wallet, likely weakening it.  We both made the mistakes most sex education courses warn against.  As a doctor, I definitely should know better.”</p>
<p>The mage somehow does not cry, but she knows tears hang on her eyelashes.  Her poor makeup job.  “And you don’t blame me…?”</p>
<p>Cullen scrunches his brow, confused.  “Why should I?  Because of your birth control?  Birth control is only as effective as the hormones a woman ingests.  Many factors can disrupt them.  Medication, stress, alcohol,<span>…</span>dozens of interactions can inactivate them.  I’m surprised you’re on them with your heart condition and blood pressure.”</p>
<p>“Believe me, it is better than an IUD or shots possibly killing me.”  Evie blows out her cheeks.  “I’m on them anyway because of recurring ovarian cysts the size of my fists and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.”</p>
<p>“You’re so thin.”  Cullen comments, scanning her again.  Evie always gets that look from doctors who know that cyst disorder.</p>
<p>“I’m that ‘lucky’ ten percent that does not fall into the typical obesity-induced bracket.”  Evie thumbs to herself.  “When the ovaries don’t have those micro-cysts, I develop cysts the side of my fist.  I had surgery a few years ago to remove one so big it started leaking and nearly made me septic.  No <span>bueno</span>!”  Cullen’s brow reaches his hairline, while his mouth hangs out flabbergasted.  Evie continues like she speaks about the weather.  “I’ve been fighting my reproductive life since I was sixteen.  Add in a bout of precancerous cervical cancer that led to a scarring LEEP procedure, too thin uterine lining, or over bleeding when the lining flips the opposite direction<span>…</span>and well, I am just<span>…</span>abnormal.  Broken.”</p>
<p><em>Broken and alone</em>…  Evie frowns.  She shoves her depression in the same mental closet as her anxiety and the strange piano.</p>
<p>“I think you are fine.”  Cullen smirks, tugging his scarred lip.  “More than just fine<span>…</span>a beautiful, amazing woman who has gone five months with the world hanging off your shoulders.”</p>
<p>“I think the <span>Venatori</span> shocked you one too many times if you think I’m okay.”  Evie chuckles and shakes her head.  Her auburn waves bat her face, hiding the blush and unshed tears.</p>
<p>“The condom is not my only sin against you, Eve.”</p>
<p>The mage’s head whips up, mouth gapping.  “What…?”</p>
<p>Cullen combs his hair with his left hand, breaking the pomade bonds.  Twisting curls highlight his forehead and templar.  “I accused you of many things that night that had <em>nothing </em>to you with you.  I believed you withheld your surname because you worked with your father and House Trevelyan to stop my <span>lyrium</span> addiction clinics.”</p>
<p>Evie grits her teeth.  “That doesn’t surprise me.  Father likely knew about them.  However, I would bet whatever threats you received came from my cousins Burton and Logan.  They will lose the most money if the corporation dies.”  She picks at her fingernail.  “I’m as guilty too.  Evidently, my brother thought my parental silence was because the father blackmailed me to stop my red <span>lyrium</span> activities.”</p>
<p>“With what you heard at the gala, I’m not surprised.”  Cullen retorts, cracking his neck.  Evie notices the stress and tight muscles in his shoulders.  “I did what every person has always done to you, Eve.  I had no right.  I’m truly, deeply sorry, Eve.”</p>
<p>“And you’re right to assume such about me.  We don’t know each other.  It makes sense things escalated.  We both entered this dalliance with baggage we wanted to ignore in Val <span>Royeaux</span>.”</p>
<p>Evie notices Cullen’s heavy <span>breaths,</span> before he grumbles, “No, it is more than just baggage.  I am freight train overloaded with bull crap.  I’m slowly<span>…</span>recovering from that, but those hells spoke that night.  You just defended yourself.  Instead of appreciation, I gave you venom.”</p>
<p>Somehow Evie does not cry.  “If you’re a freight train, I’m a cargo barge.  Honestly, that’s why I didn’t search for you more.  I<span>…</span>didn’t want to poison you with my mental and physical ailments.”  The mage taps her temple.  “It wasn’t fair and selfish.”</p>
<p>Cullen points to himself.  “I didn’t either.  I only told one person about our night together.  That person, ever sneaky, searched and downloaded every <span>lyrium</span> geologist’s photos and names to help find you.  I just tossed the list, assuming there was no point.  I believed you were ashamed of our night together, thus why you never turned around fleeing for your plane.”</p>
<p>Evie laughs and dabs her eyes.  “I was ashamed of myself, but not what we did, especially since it has given us a beautiful gift.”  She rubs her bump. </p>
<p>The geologist cracks her neck and shifts in the tight seat.  “As much as I fear you Cullen, I want to know you.  I should involve you in this pregnancy.  I’ve cheated you out of your role in this pregnancy.  There is nothing I can do to make it up to you.  I forgive you, but will you forgive me for my choices?”</p>
<p>Evie watches Cullen.  His lips keep pursing, but his amber gaze never leaves her face.  He focuses on her so <span>intently</span> like in Val <span>Royeaux</span>.  This must be the real Cullen.  This is the man she recognizes.  “Absolutely.  I thank you for those choices.  Yes, things burned when we met again, but<span>…</span>I’m so happy to meet you again.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t cry.  Don’t cry.  Keep it together, Evie!</em>
</p>
<p><span>Now,</span> for the offer.  “Look<span>…</span>you’ve missed out on several milestones over the last five months.  In some ways, I’m glad.  You didn’t want to feel what I experienced those first twelve weeks wondering if I would lose what my friend Dorian calls a miracle baby.”</p>
<p>Cullen interjects.  “You shouldn’t have shouldered that stress alone.  No matter the outcome then, I would never blame you for losing this child.  The human body does things to save itself and give <span>a new life</span> the best chances.”</p>
<p>Evie bites her lip.  “I always wondered if you knew about this, you would blame me.  I’ve seen and heard it before.  Children lost, but the grieving mother gets rejected by the father.  Being called broken.  The nobility do it all the time.”</p>
<p>Cullen shakes his head, disappointed.  “Those are not men, but monsters.  I would never do that to you.”  His gentle grin beams at her.  “But, I’m glad you and the baby are okay.”</p>
<p>“I’m still a miscarriage risk because my cervical plug is not great from the LEEP scarring.”  Evie warns him.  Everything is still a possibility.  “Delivery scares me beyond the usual pain because my doctors watch me for preterm labor or emergency C-section.  This road is scary as hell, Cullen.  I tell you these things so you are <span>aware, </span><span>informed</span> what this entails, and not to gross you out.”  She laughs once, fearing she went too far with the details.  Most people stop her just mentioning her cervical plug.</p>
<p>“I’m a doctor, maybe not OBGYN, but I understand more than the public.  Besides, I spend most days with feverish detoxing drug addicts that puke, piss, and crap uncontrollably.”  Cullen retorts with a perked brow.  He relaxes his speech for her comfort and support.</p>
<p>Both adults giggle and smile.  Evie prepares herself.  This is <span>extremely </span>difficult.  “I’m here because<span>…</span>I have my monthly ultrasound on Thursday.  If you can escape for a couple hours, I think you might like to see what your fertile seed produced beyond a forced triage spell after a night of surprises.”</p>
<p>Cullen beams, his chest rises and falling fast.  His amber eyes soften and glisten.  Maker, she might melt if he cries.  A guy that gets emotional over the big moments does something for her.  “A-a-absolutely! I wouldn’t miss it.  Thank you.”</p>
<p>“You have rights, Cullen.  I hope maybe<span>…</span>through this process, we could learn about each other.”  Evie plays with her dress seam.  “I want to fight my fears.  I know deep down you must not be a terrible person.  You showed that during that alienage dinner and afterwards.  Your mabari would not imprint on you if you are what I accused you of before in my loft.  They’re smart animals who can sense selfless souls.”  She points to <span>Surana</span> still watching the adults intently.</p>
<p>Cullen glances at his war hound, still sniffing the air.  “Do you want to know why I think Surana raced out of her and just sniffed you?”  Evie nods, biting her lower glossed lip.  “I think she recognizes your scent from my clothes that next morning.  I wandered the capital thinking I let someone special slip away.  Surana found me when I was at my lowest.”</p>
<p>Somehow, Evie does not cry.  If Cassandra heard that, she would do that dramatic sigh like when they watch romance regency movies and eat gallons of ice cream.  “Smart hound.”  She squeaks meekly.  Surana barks at her with her tongue hanging out.  “She might know her owner’s child anywhere too.”</p>
<p>Cullen hangs his head.  “Possibly.  So, we get to know each other<span>…</span>and go from there?”  His baritone is light<span> and</span> <span>hopeful</span> like this conversation is a fantasy or dream.</p>
<p>Evie stands, her knees wobbly because of how successful this ended up.  “We can go separate to the appointment or<span>…</span>you can pick me up?  Just go in one car?”  Evie hates how that sounds, like she cannot take care of herself and dumping herself in his lap.  “N-n-n-no pressure!  Just avoiding travel and parking problems.  If that’s not possible, my appointment is at 13:00, a-a-and I’ll meet you there?” </p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t mess this up now!</em>
</p>
<p>“I would love to pick you up.  Less hassle and more time to talk?”  Cullen sounds like a young adolescent that just scored a date with his crush.  <em>In your dreams, Trevelyan.  Why would he want to date you?  </em>The doctor stands and follows her closely as Evie walks to the door.  “I will be at your loft at 12:00?  A late lunch afterwards?”</p>
<p>Evie nods quickly, her stomach dying for a black bean burrito with every fart-inducing vegetable imaginable.  “Maker, yes.  I’ll be ravenous.”  She picks at her thumbnail.  “I <span>do </span>have one request, please, if possible?”</p>
<p>“Anything.”  Cullen offers quickly, like he fears Evie will rescind the invitation.</p>
<p>“I’m still scared about how this pregnancy will all end.  I asked Dr. Wynne to not tell me the baby’s sex.  It gives me something to look forward to if…”  She does not finish the sentence.  Instantly, the unknown’s tension resumes.  “You can learn afterward the appointment when I am out of the room, but I need-“</p>
<p>“-You will be okay, Eve.  I will do everything possible to keep you going and healthy.  I promise you.  I’m so sure that I look forward to that surprise too.  I’ll learn when you do after delivery.”  Evie wipes a tear from her cat eyeliner.  Cullen just smiles at her, sending the butterflies flying inside her stomach.  She prays it is not the baked beans again. </p>
<p>For a moment, Evie wonders if Cullen will hug her or take her hand.  “Know that I’m here for you.  You’re not alone.”</p>
<p>The mage bites her lip.  Her bright green eyes flash to Surana, who bats her head against her hip like the hound senses her worries.  “Thank you<span>…</span>both of you.”  Evie turns away and begins the trek back to the elevators.  Alistair must hunt her down by now.</p>
<p>Then that rich baritone calls her back.  “Eve!”</p>
<p>“Yes?”  She sounds too happy and tries to tone her expression <span>down</span>.</p>
<p>Cullen rubs his neck again.  It must be a nervous tick.  Surana whines up at him, itching to race after the geologist.  “W-w-what’s your favorite flower?”</p>
<p>Evie blinks, looking down the hall then back to the puppy and this bashful ex-templar.  “Why…?”  Her suspicions spike, overriding her fluffy happiness.</p>
<p>“Your friend Dorian demanded I should know.”  Cullen’s hand combs his hair just to avoid twitching.</p>
<p>Evie giggles and shakes her head.  Oh, Dorian.  <span>Always</span> working from the sidelines.  “Irises<span>…</span>Specifically <span>Dalish</span> irises, but they don’t bloom until <span>Bloomingtide</span>.  I enjoy my mother’s favorite flower too<span>…</span>lilies.”</p>
<p>“Not roses?”  The doctor quizzes with an eyebrow perk.</p>
<p>“Roses has thorns.”  Evie replies over her shoulder.  “I have fire and curse words to protect me.”  She briefly ignites a flame in her left hand to prove the point.</p>
<p>“Color?”  That baritone croaks.  He rolls those beautiful eyes, “Maker’s breath…”</p>
<p>Evie openly laughs, feeling lighter.  “Earth tones.”  She taps her chin.  “Like the variants ‘Ruby Slippers’ and <span>‘</span>Stop the Traffic.’”  Cullen looks lost.  “I <span>know,</span> stupid names, but breeders are strange.”</p>
<p>“I’ll say!”  Cullen laughs with her, so happy.</p>
<p>She walks away, giggling.  “Bye, Cullen.  See you Thursday.”  Evie feels his amber eyes against her back, glancing over her shoulder every so often to see him gawking.  Their eyes meet one last time before she disappears into the elevator. </p>
<p>For once, something ends better than it began.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day, an antique crystal vase containing rare irises and lilies arrives at her loft.  In the center are those strange colorful variants.  Cullen likely paid a fortune.  Evie does not know how he found them, but she does not care.  She smells them all day.  Her loft smells like a lush garden shielded from Haven’s glacial <span>hellscape</span>.  No one has ever gifted her flowers before.  Cullen knows she can protect herself, covered in thorns that easily pricks because people dismiss her. </p>
<p>That does not mean he should deny her beautiful blooms.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yay!  Evie and Cullen adulted and talked everything out!  I envisioned this discussion like Cassandra and Dorian putting kids Cullen and Evie together to work out their problems.  I liked how it turned out.  </p>
<p>Also, Surana the Mabari appears in my other stories.  She is named so because usually the male Surana dies during his harrowing and Cullen never forgets the event, thus naming his mabari after the mage as a reminder to always do better for mages.  :)</p>
<p>Thank you for reading, Everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Hello</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, Everyone.  I will warn you this isn't the best edited chapter.  I've been terribly sick the last week.  I just haven't had the strength to do much writing and editing.  I'm not sure if I will have an one-shot this week just because my body hates me right now.</p><p>Thank you for understanding.  Enjoy the chapter.  :)</p><p>Chapter Song:  “Zoe Jane” by Staind</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie sighs and relaxes in the self-warming leather passenger seat.  The winter’s chilly bite colors her cheeks and nose with a rosy complexion.  Cullen admires the blush, remembering how pale she looked just a few days ago.  His eyes flick between the red light and the shivering woman scowling and leaning into the seat.</p><p>“You’re still cold?”  Cullen quizzes, his eyes checking the Range Rover’s inside temperature.</p><p>Evie throws him a fiery look, while her teeth chatter like a windup toy.  “I don’t know how you <span>Fereldans</span> stand these temperatures.  I’m jealous of this kid because <em>I </em>know they're warm, while I feel like a popsicle!”</p><p>Cullen chuckles.  “How long have you lived here?”</p><p>“Five years.  Since I finished my final doctorate research in <span>Orzammar</span>.”  She trembles again, rubbing her pant legs.  Her peacoat <span>is fully buttoned</span>, a wool scarf around her neck, fur-lined leather gloves, and knee-high wool socks and boots.  At least she wears heavy pants today.</p><p>“You’re not used to it?”  The ex-templar keeps his chuckling to himself, not sure if her chilliness is normal.  He gestures his <span>rolled up</span> sleeves and open button dress shirt.  “It’s comfortable.”</p><p>Evie’s bright green eyes widen like he grew a second head.  “You’re freaking crazy!  I swear if the temperature drops anymore, my nipples will cut glass <em>from under my two sweaters!”</em></p><p>Instantly, Cullen’s mind conjures how her nipples peaked every time he suckled a breast during sex.  He forces his head to blank.  He cannot think about what he remembers vividly. </p><p>The ex-templar clears his throat.  “You really tell what’s on your mind.”</p><p>“Believe it or not, liquor is my filter<span>…</span>sometimes.”  Evie wiggles her chin and nose into her puffy wool scarf.  “I <span>live</span> life like everyone hears my thoughts.  I would rather people know what I’m thinking instead of guessing and assuming.”</p><p>“I imagine that gets you in trouble <span>a great deal</span><span>…</span>especially addressing the Chantry.”  Cullen surmises as the traffic light flicks to green.  Evie mentioned getting in the SUV that her ultrasound is at the same hospital he admits more serious withdrawal patients.</p><p>“Oh, that is when I <em>really</em> remove the filter.  I just avoid direct cussing.  Instead, I criticize their moronic policies with creative flowery language that takes them a day to register I hexed their entire family for five generations.”  Evie rolls head against the seat back, readjusting her toboggan hat covering her ears and hair.  “That was the only way I could survive my sister’s wedding and when she lived in <span>Orlais</span>.  Well, until she tried to kill her husband and father-in-law.”</p><p>“Cassandra might have mentioned that.”  Cullen swallows hard.</p><p>“Don’t worry.  Patricia will spend the rest of her tart life behind bars.  No love lost with my half-sister.  Fucking bitch…”  Evie glances at him.  “She would have hated you instantly.”</p><p>Cullen scrunches, glancing at his seatmate.  “Why’s that?  Because of the pregnancy?”</p><p>“You’re handsome and a doctor, but <em><span>Fereldan</span></em>.  While I love <span>Ferelden</span>, she only came here long enough to insult every mabari owner before getting chased out with <span>pitchfork</span> and almost burned for being a witch.  She would have slept with you just to tickle her <span>nethers</span>, but never admit it to her friends.”</p><p>“Ugh, one of <em>those</em> <span>Orlesians</span>.”  Cullen shudders at the thought before both of them bust out laughing.  He enjoys when Evie laughs.  She tries to contain these <span>little snorts</span> when she <span>cackle</span> until it comes out at all once.</p><p>Both adults simmer down, watching the traffic.  A nervous silence falls over the car.  Cullen shuffles through his mounting questions to get to know this woman.  Every time he <span>decides to ask</span> something, his tongue will not work.  Maker, he is nervous.  He wanted this time to get to know Evie, but he fears he will insult her again. </p><p>“Can you <em>please</em> turn up the heat…?”  The mage whines, hoping in her seat and wiggling her hands in her coat pockets.  “My warming spell wore off at Fifth Street.  I’m dying over here.”</p><p>“Have free rein, just on your side.  I’m cooking.”  Cullen waves to the dash.  She throws him another flaming look.  He coughs into his fist and blushes.  “Er, how do drive around in a jeep if you get so cold?”</p><p>“Car-pool with Dorian, who gets colder than I do.  While I freeze as a Free Marcher, a <span>Tevinter</span> <span>altus</span> whines as soon as it drops below seventy degrees.”  Evie shrugs once, kicking up the heater on her side.  She leans into the warm fanned air.  “If that’s not possible, I set three heating <span>runes</span> around me and self-warming recurring spell until I get to my designation.  You have wonderful seats<span>, by the way</span>.  My lower back thanks you.”</p><p>“I take it your jeep seats are uncomfortable?”</p><p>Evie winces and sighs.  She mumbles to herself, something about her <span>big mouth</span> and independence.  “They weren’t a problem before getting pregnant.  My leaf-springs are rough, but I was waiting for spring to replace those.  Now, I feel every rock and pothole, even avoiding them.  When I read about pregnancy back and pelvic pain, I didn’t expect <em>this</em>.”</p><p>“You do your own car work too?”  Cullen sounds positive and <span>awing</span> to avoid misinterpretation about her loft construction.</p><p>“I bought the jeep when I was in undergraduate school, dirt cheap.  My father offered to buy me a nice car, but I wanted something to make my own.  I like things with history.  I love that surprise and gratification I experienced digging for artifacts in the Western Approach.”  Evie relaxes again, her eyes staring forward.  “That’s why I did all my <span>own </span>loft construction.  I don’t think we should deny things beaten and bruised a future just because it’s old and forgotten.  Yes, it requires work, but that’s the exciting part.  You contribute to its history.  The Inquisitor lost an arm after closing fade rifts and the Breach.  People discounted her just because she <span>was disabled</span>.  However, she still rearranged an ancient <span>elven</span> colon with a fireball up the rectum.”</p><p>Cullen grins, happy he found someone who enjoys history as much as him.  He misses those debates from college.  His careers keep him from enjoying visiting museums and historical sites.  Maybe that is something Evie and he can do, especially <span>Haven</span>’s multiple sites from the second Inquisition.  It could be<span>…</span>like a date?  He blushes.  No, this is about <em>friendship.</em>  Cassandra warned him about pressing for more before understanding what each person wants.</p><p>“I guess I have a similar outlook on things.”  Cullen exhales, while one hand rests on the leather steering wheel.  “I romanticized the Templar Order because it was old and respected.  It took my second tour to realize that sometimes old does not mean it’s done right.  Change must occur to avoid repeating errors.  By the end of my Order service, I realized history is only so good if you to use it to improve and learn from other’s mistakes.  Recruiters preyed on potential youth with a romanticized history, while never addressing the drawbacks from joining.  Since the Order never stopped <span>lyrium</span> use, the problem killed millions more people.  A wise officer told me once, ‘Historians are the world’s conscience.  The world relies on them to show the problems, so the future never repeats.  Too bad no one listens to them.’<a href="#_ftn1" id="_ftnref1" name="_ftnref1"><span>[</span>1]</a>  I guess I’m saying by you not giving up on the old, you never learn from the past, you repeat the same mistakes, and you never change course and progress.  Just because it’s tradition doesn’t mean it’s right.  The rose-colored glasses don’t blind me now.  I tell everyone who listens now what the Order hides from the public<span>…</span>thus why people hunt me like a maimed fox.”</p><p>Evie gently smiles.  Cullen recognizes it as the same smile when they danced to the alienage music.  He wishes such smiles occur more often.  It makes her glow.  “I agree with a hundred percent, especially when thinking about Chantry traditions.  Mages also fall for tradition like the Institute’s on-site physician Vivienne de Fer.  She wants the former Circles back.  She and I bicker about Circles constantly.”  She rolls her head towards him.  “People are stubborn.  I’m stubborn.  Thank you for not giving up on my annoying bum.  I expected you to toss me out of your office window.”</p><p>“Thanks for giving me this opportunity.”  Cullen smiles at her, nodding.  “I should have contacted you and apologized for my assumptions.  I thought you would never give a chance and turn me into a burning effigy.”  He combs his hair, his nerves rising.  “I should have not made those snide remarks about the <span>Trevelyans</span>.”</p><p>“Oh, your assumptions about those dicks were right.  My half-sister is just the only one who got caught.”  Those unique bright green eyes stay on him now.  Cullen can feel them on his stubble right cheek.  “My relatives don’t like their dividends ending after generations of death and addiction.  I’m partly happy my father cut me off from his ‘donations.’  I don’t need his money if he won’t see how screwed up the family is.”</p><p>“So, you’ve been alone this whole time?  Well, except your brother.”  Cullen shudders, thinking about that awkward dinner with Cassandra refereeing between the two former knights to avoid a shouting and punching match.</p><p>“Even Rian in a way.”  She sighs.  “I’m sorry if he <span>guilted</span> you.  He’s too idealistic, forgetting the world does not live in theory.  Speaking of old-fashion people who will never progress past tradition.  The only time Rian breaks from tradition is when it applies to him, like when Cassandra and he eloped.  I call him on his hypocrite behavior, but he still expects everyone to follow archaic social constructs.”</p><p>“As an older brother myself, I cannot blame him for wanting to protect his younger sister.  If <span>Rylen</span> impregnated my little sister, Rosalie, I would have hunted him down too.”  Cullen bites the inside of his cheek.  He should give his best friend the speech, anyway.</p><p>“<span>Rylen</span>, your head nurse?”  Evie quizzes, turning towards him in the seat.  They were in heavy traffic now, while her appointment starts in ten minutes.  “I remember him from the gala.”</p><p>“Yes, he keeps text flirting with Rosie.”  He growls, while his scarred lip jumps.</p><p>“I take it you don’t approve?”</p><p>“Does Rian approve of me?”  Cullen counters.</p><p>“We’ll find out when Cassandra gives back his weapons.”  Evie winks and giggles.  Cullen swallows hard.  He avoids carrying a pistol now, but maybe he should for a while.  The mage notices his rising anxiety.  “I’m kidding.  I don’t think you should worry.  Rian promised me he will be civil.  He’s over protective and still views me like I’m five.  If Cassandra speaks for you, it says <span>a great deal</span>.  Is it the same issue with this <span>Rylen</span>?”</p><p>“The age difference bothers me<span>…</span>ten years.”</p><p>“Is she an adult?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“You’ve given <span>Rylen</span> your warning?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Evie pokes his arm.  Cullen feels her leather glove through his thin shirt.  He wishes it was her warm touch caressing his skin again.  His dreams remind me of their satin touch every night.  “Then that’s all you can do.  Rian knows if he pushes or harms you, he loses whatever respect I have for him.  If your baby sister is anything like you, she knows the world and all the risks.  Does that mean not to leap feet-first into a possibly swallow pool?”  Her eyes shift to her covered hands.  “Sometimes, something unexpected has to keep walking beyond one’s comfort zone.  Will everything end up great?  Usually not, but should the fear keep someone from trying<span> anyway</span>?”  Her eyes shift back to him.  “No.”  She points to her growing bump, warm under multiple layers.</p><p>Again, another red light stops the SUV.  Cullen sighs and meets Evie’s simmering eyes.  “I know you’ll be honest with this since you are as blunt as a sledgehammer.”  Evie giggles.  “Are you afraid of me, Eve?”</p><p>Those bright green eyes lock on his whiskey orbs.  The color drains from her olive face.  She opens her mouth, but snaps shut.  She does not look away even if her behavior says she wants to.  “It’s not a fair question.”  She whispers, watching him.  “I have two voices in me right now:  my head says you could ruin me and everything I cherish.  That you’ll deny me a relationship with this baby.  You can say I <span>do </span>blood magic and destroy my life.  Say anything, really.  The laws changed, but the public attitude hasn’t.  I grew up in that tightrope world.  My own relatives spat such truths to my face.  Talk about no one listening to historians…”  She hisses through her teeth.</p><p>Evie takes a deep breath.  “Then there’s my gut.  I have a love/hate relationship with it.  It’s told me to trust some people, which ruined many relationships.  However, when it’s right, it is the happiest moments in my twisted life.  Like in Val <span>Royeaux</span>.”  Cullen smiles, relieved that special night brings her joy too. </p><p>The inferno mage watches him, pursing her lips.  She trembles from either the cold or the conversation.  “I took a leap of faith and laid with you partly because I heard music from you that no one else has ever produced.  It’s a piano that duets with my inner violin, my connection to the Fade.  I heard it on the plane.  It led to one of the happiest nights of my life.  Afterwards, a third sound echoed inside me.  I<span>…</span>don’t know how to describe it.  A hum?  Not like blue <span>lyrium</span> because I hate that damn droning annoyance.  No, it lulls me to sleep when I panic and my heart sends me into palpitations.  I think I knew I was pregnant even before I even took that pregnancy test.  Two new musical accompaniments played inside me within a few weeks.  I know it means <em>something</em>.  What, I don’t know.”</p><p>Evie smiles and nudges her forehead on his shoulder.  “I cannot be afraid of you when such beautiful music plays within me.”</p><p>Cullen does not get emotional easily, but her explanation tugs on his heart.  “I hope I can show your brain it has nothing to fear.”  He swallows as the red light changes to green.  “You don’t have to hold back your magic just because I was a templar.”  Did he just say that?  He was a prisoner of war with blood mages and demons! </p><p>If she can fight her fears, so can he.</p><p>“Why do-“</p><p>“-you could have reset your warming spells, but didn’t.  You apologized for using the triage spell.”  Cullen interjects, knowing a scared mage who is too afraid to use their gift around templars.  “I worked in a Circle so terrifying some mages some would rather die than learn how to control their talents.  Meredith <span>Stennard</span> used deep fears to keep children from practicing, the very reason <span>why </span>they were there and not with their families nine months out of the year.  I suffered <span>lyrium</span> withdrawal and went to medical school to break the cycle myself.  I put a fucking bullet in my commanding officer’s forehead because no one listened to the screaming historians who watched others repeat that vicious cycle.  If no one else <span>was going to</span> break the cycle, damn it, I will!  It won’t make up what I did, but changes has to start <em>somewhere</em>.”</p><p>Evie’s mouth opens as tears glass her beautiful bright green eyes.  “Thank you, Cullen.”  He feels the twinge of magic connect with the stubborn <span>lyrium</span> still sticking to his bones.  A wave of heat tickles his exposed arm.  She sat there chilly, but still feared him enough to not use her magic like the Circles instilled in frightened apprentices.</p><p>“No, thank you, Eve, for this opportunity.”</p><p>Evie squints at him.  “For seeing your baby?”</p><p>Cullen turns into the hospital.  He meets her glassy orbs.  “No, for everything wonderful in my life.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>           </p><p>Evie lies on the examination table with her tank top around her larger breast and her pants’ stretchy seam as far down as possible.  Cullen wills his growing erection away, his mind replaying that night months ago.  Usually, alcohol makes carefree moments too good to be true.  However, seeing this beautiful woman like this with her pronounced naked bump just confirms what he remembers from that night.</p><p>Maker, Evie has a fantastic dancer’s body…</p><p>This amazing woman must rub special lotion over her skin because her soft olive skin looks as flawless as Cullen remembers.  There are a few stretch marks, but nothing major.  As the technicians spreads the gel over her stomach, she asks about any issues or questions.  Evie jokes with her to disguise her nervousness.  Cullen hears nothing but his own thoughts, which should not happen to a doctor.  It is a refreshing way to be, the excitement and anxiety finally swirling inside him. </p><p>It is one thing to be told you are a father.  It is another <span>to actually see</span> what an amazing night produced.  <span>Furthermore, the</span> future incites deep fears if he will be a dutiful father like his own father or will he become Bann Ian and reject his daughter when she needs a loving family.</p><p>Fatherhood is freaking scary.</p><p>Over the last two weeks, Cullen found himself disconnected from the news.  He feels like he just opened <span>a new book</span> in the middle and just started reading.  There is no lead up or idea of what happened before.  There is no introduction of characters or background.  All he can do is hang on and try to catch up.  He must devise what happened before to predict the future and his role in upcoming events.</p><p>Oh, to be the Maker writing the story than Cullen <em>living </em>it.</p><p>The anger for not knowing returns.  Cullen keeps it buried because Evie had her reasons.  Yet, he missed so much.  Would the ex-templar have done so much differently if he had known immediately? </p><p>No, because there was little for the doctor could do.  <span>In many ways, Cullen</span> played his part.  Evolutionary, Cullen planted his seed inside this woman, his reproductive role complete.  However, civilization created new roles for fathers. Cullen can walk away, but society frowns on abandoning dads.  Cullen will never do that to his new family.  Yes, he disconnected with his siblings for years, but this is a fresh chance to reform bonds and undo his previous actions.</p><p>Evie suffered <span>greatly </span>for so long alone.  Cullen scuffs at that <span>Tevinter</span> mage who sat where he is now.  That man took where he should have been his.  However, at least someone was there for this scared woman with many concerns.  Her father and family abandoned her.  Her brother wondered what happened and worried that the worst type of men took advantage of Evie’s battered and mistrusting soul.</p><p>Cullen should have known.  He should have sat here always proving that he was not the man she worries about despite being such disgusting before.  Meredith’s filthy dog would have been her worst nightmare.  After that failed <span>Venatori</span> fortress mission, he saw his fellow templars die horrifically behind enemy lines.  If Meredith still lived and controlled him, she would have ordered Evie’s illegal branding and take the child after birth.  Meredith would not care Evie suffers from a heart condition and fears dying in childbirth.</p><p><em>I want to be everything <span>opposite</span> she fears</em>.  Cullen thinks to himself.  The technician prepares the ultrasound wand, joking with the mage about the cold gel.  He hopes their car talk settles any lingering apprehensions.  Love or a simple happy ending might not occur between them.  They want a civil friendship for their child’s sake.  The ex-templar understands Evie need to be blunt and honest.  She understands his rational mind and respectable nature.  It is a foundation for being wonderful parents for this child, thus Cullen being an amazing dad.  They both created this baby.  They both will be there for this child for the rest of his or her life.</p><p>Cullen admits to himself he likes Evie <span>a great deal</span>.  He instantly liked her after her strange hello on the plane.  She breaks all his previous rules about women and his dating preferences.  The inferno mage is goofy and fun.  She respects him as much as he does her.  There is no guessing on what she thinks or how she feels.  She is independent and can take care of herself like she knows no one will care about her.  It is not just a physical attraction, but a deep connection.  Her beauty just adds to an already enchanting person. </p><p>That is why the doctor sent Evie those irises.  Cullen will spend these next four months showing her someone cares, not because she carries his baby, but because he slept with her and cares about <em>her</em>.  Cullen’s feelings might lead to nothing between them despite <span>Cullen</span> growing attraction and hopes.  No what, he will do everything for her like <span>they a</span><span>re married</span>.  They are in this together.  They created this life.  This baby will always connect them.</p><p>Cullen cannot stop his excited gasp when the ultrasound image pops up on the screen.  Tears instantly flow as the basic shape and body of their growing child appears.  He smiles and just watches, mesmerized he created this person.  Love and protection flows through him, an instant pull to do everything possible to care about this growing fetus.  Cullen believed it would take him months or the birth to establish a connection, but it happens like someone flipped on a light switch.</p><p>He never thought this moment would even happen.  He is thirty-six years old, bachelor, and lived a traumatic life.  Who would want to have a child with <em>him? </em> Cullen believed he would never understand why his sister Mia and Branson gushed about their own children during pregnancy.  Yes, things did not happen in the proper order, but they <em>happened.</em></p><p>“She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”  Cullen whispers, his amber eyes locked on the screen.</p><p>“<em>She?</em>”  Evie sounds angry, watching him then the screen.</p><p>Thankfully, the doctor catches quickly why.  He honestly did not see the sex organs.  Cullen promised her to wait until birth.</p><p>“I saw nothing, Eve.  Promise.”  Cullen rubs his neck sheepishly.  “I hope for a girl personally.” </p><p>Ever since he caught Evie fainting and carried her to the side room, Cullen’s heart and soul wished for a girl who resembles her mother.  He wants this child to be as fiery and independent who does not need others to be successful<span>…</span>but maybe inherit his tact and rational thinking.  Best of both worlds?</p><p>Evie settles down, her magic so close to cooking him for breaking the one request she asked.  “You want a girl, huh?”</p><p>Cullen shrugs.  “Her mother’s beautiful so…”</p><p>Both adults turn bright red as the technician giggles and continues her scans.  Evie side-eyes him like he will say something else.  She focuses back on the screen.  “<em>His</em> father not half bad either.”</p><p>“You hear this?”  Cullen jokes with the technician.  “She calls me handsome in the car, and just says half-bad here.”</p><p>Evie lightly taps him without turning his direction.  She chuckles to herself; that <span>little snorts</span> return.  “Yeah yeah, Doctor <span>Avvar</span> God.”  Cullen pouts, his brain reminding how Dorian sang that embarrassing nickname.</p><p>The technician winks at Evie.  “I see why he wasn’t here before.”</p><p>Now Evie turns purple and shrinks into her toboggan.  “He’s difficult to track down.”</p><p>“Being in another city does that.”  Cullen smirks as Evie glares at him.</p><p>“Well, you’re here now.”  Evie snips with a grin.</p><p>“I’m always here for you, Eve.”</p><p>The woman just rolls her head towards him, her bright green eyes glistening.  “Sitting here is enough.  Don’t promise what you might not keep.”</p><p>“Miss Trevelyan, your blood pressure.”  The technician warns and grimaces.  Both heart monitors biting increases.</p><p>Cullen holds Evie’s hand as the beeps jump then simmer down a bit.  “I always keep my promises.”</p><p>“Focus on that.”  Evie points on the screen to the small face that means everything to them both.  Evie bites her lower lip.</p><p>Cullen leans over her like he needs to see the ultrasound closely, but his orbs focus on her blushing face.  “I will focus on <em>you</em>.  That will benefit the baby too.”</p><p>Evie bites her pink lower lip.  She really thinks she will not survive, that she does not deserve to live.  There is mounting guilt in the woman who refuses to allow anyone to care about her.  Cullen cares about her even if she was not pregnant with his child.  He will not let go of her now.</p><p>
  <em>“You need to show Evelyn you do not threaten her or the baby.  Be there as a friend.  Learn about her and support her choices.  Everyone dismisses her or thinks they know better.  You <span>actually </span>recognized her bright qualities buried under her sass and cynicism…”</em>
</p><p>This is what Cassandra meant.  His thoughts at Sera’s restaurant were the truth.  No one loved her for <em>her</em>.  Cullen does not pity this woman, but <span>instead </span>has great respect and awe what she survived.  To sit in this seat when she is most vulnerable is the greatest honor.</p><p>In his heart, Cullen thinks strangely that if Evie loses this child tomorrow, he will want to try with her again.  He already knows what he wants.  Just like he knows this child is a girl, he strongly predicts how this story hopefully ends.  He told the mage the truth he has everything he ever wanted with Evie.</p><p>Now, to show Evie she can wish for this too.  She will need not make such morbid plans despite the odds and unknown variables.  Both this beautiful woman and child will live.  They will all be together. </p><p>Cullen will respect her if she does not feel the same for him depending on what they build together.  Friendship is the baseline, but maybe the magic between them in Val <span>Royeaux</span> was just the beginning threads of possibly more.  If her confessional about inner music is true, she already knows there is more connecting them<span>…</span>Well, besides a biological baby. </p><p>Will this ever be love?  Marriage?  A family?  Only the Maker knows as he writes this book.  No matter what, Cullen will keep his promises and never leave Evie’s side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>[1] An honorary speaker at my undergraduate graduation said this.  I cannot remember it word for word, but the notion always stayed with me.  EDIT:  Winston Churchill originally paraphrased from George Santayana, a Spanish essayist and poet, in 1948, stating "Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it."  This is Paraphrase Inception!  Unfortunately, no one STILL listens to historians and history.  Ugh.  Thank you, Ysa1142 for this.  I learned something today.  :)</p><p>DADDY!CULLEN!   XD!  Cullen as a father is so wonderful to write.  He really wants to do the best for Evie and their child.  He definitely has feelings for Evie.  What does she feel though?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Partner or Partnership</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I finally have a shorter chapter for you all.  I reined in my ramblings.  Enjoy.</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “I Got You” by Leona Lewis</p>
<p>EDIT:  If you want to read up on why Evie is pissed with her office, check out <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/59552848">this snippet!</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh Maker!  Maker’s breath!  Oh freaking Maker!”  Cullen rushes around this tiny apartment.  He frantically tosses dirty clothes in empty boxes and straightens strung papers lying on counters and his pitiful box furniture.</p>
<p>The realtor promised the doctor his house search should be done by now.  Cullen began the hunt as soon as he signed his employment contract with the Theirin Foundation three months ago.  He started saving when he left medical school.  He balanced his budgets and payment, always a savings-mindful person.  Owning his house became his post-templar dream when a meaningful relationship and family seem like a fantasy.  His templar retirement and GI bill paid for his medical school.  It all worked out.</p>
<p>Then why in the Maker is he still in this short-term microscopic apartment?!  How is Cullen supposed to show Evie she can rely on him when his apartment and belongings can fill her garage?!  Surana is bigger than his bathroom!  He will never try giving that mabari a bath again while living here!  Oh, his realtor will get a phone call later!</p>
<p>Clean up before Evie arrives!</p>
<p>The doctor is on call today, while working at home on forms and other related paperwork.  He feels like he drowns in the administrative mess, but somehow Josephine’s team organizes it into tangible forms and documents for whatever the division needs.  Thank the Maker for that woman or Cullen might kill Jim if he screws up another requisition.  Add in the fact his work phone must live on his hip right now just in case his new resident doctors and returning ex-templar therapists have any problems.  Maker, he used to be so organized while a knight-commander.  What happened?!</p>
<p>Not having a home office for a start…</p>
<p>Three rhythmic knocks ring throughout the living-dining combo room.  Instantly, Surana trots out of the bedroom, her nose sniffing like an ant farted in another arling.  She does not bark like she knows who stands in the outside hallway.</p>
<p>Cullen glances around his empty living room.  He has a folding chair and desk.  That is it.  He cannot even offer Evie a place to sit down!</p>
<p>Cullen swipes his hand through his frizzy hair and slowly approaches his front door.  With one hand, the ex-templar pats his mabari’s head, while other twists the doorknob and opens.  His forced, nervous smile drops as soon as he observes her.</p>
<p>Oh no.  Cullen knows that daggered look.  Just a few weeks ago, he received that blunt glare, which he deserved.  Now though, it seems someone else snapped Evie’s tiny short-temper.</p>
<p>“What I give for a bottle of tequila right now.”  Evie grunts, shoulder slouched and face bright purple.</p>
<p>Cullen perks a brow, slowly stepping aside so she can enter.  He waits for her reaction to his living arrangements.  Evie always has an acute opinion.  “Just focus on the baby, Eve.”</p>
<p>Evie growls as she steps into the apartment.  Surana steps forward, nudging the woman’s growing hips.  Evie briefly smiles and offers her hand to the hound to sniff.  Surana just ruts her forehead against her fingers, desiring scratches.  Evie pauses for a moment before giving Surana a few pets and scratches, which just makes the hound bumps her whole body against Evie’s legs.  Evie stumbles, but Cullen catches her bicep before she falls over.  The pregnant woman blushes and hides her chin in her wooly scarf.</p>
<p>Evidently, the mabari already accepted Evie despite her taking weeks to allow Cassandra even inside the apartment.  It just confirms Cullen’s assumptions that Surana found him in Val Royeaux and knew he made the worst mistake of his life.  If he never met Evie again at least he found his mabari imprint.  Thankfully, Evie’s startled fears have not ruined any relationship between Surana and her.  Hopefully, the baby will grow up with a mabari, a Fereldan dream Cullen had as a child.</p>
<p>Once taking a step away from Cullen, the fuming mage returns.  She slowly takes off her coat.  Cullen watches as Evie bright green eyes widen and gazes at the space, wondering where to place it.  “This is sad, Cullen.”  Her head flips to him, her ponytail bouncing against her scarf.  The doctor snags the coat, hiding his embarrassment behind the garment before flipping it over a slack of books on the kitchen counter.  “This is how you’ve been living?”</p>
<p>The doctor rolls his amber eyes, while rubbing the nap of his neck.  “I sold all my furniture in Kirkwall.  Most were old and previously used.  Instead of shipping the junk across the Waking Sea, I donated them.  I figured my housing search wouldn’t take long.  My mortgage budget allows me to furnish the house too.  I’m just in limbo at the moment.”</p>
<p>“If I had known this, I would have left you alone.  I just…”  Evie fists as ash swirls around her.  He can tell she is just burning off mana.  “…you are a level head that doesn’t require wine to listen.”</p>
<p>Cullen keeps a straight face, while internally cheering.  At least Evie knows she can come to him with issues, a huge jump in trust despite only talking for a week.  When not in person, the two text all the time.  Conversations flow easily between them, just like in Val Royeaux.  Yes, they have fought a few times, but usually how they take care of themselves.  Furthermore, she turns to him, not Dorian, a miracle since that altus knows Evie’s troubles better than herself.</p>
<p>“Dorian out of town?”  The doctor knows the answer.  The Tevinter keeps texting him photos of Iron Bull and Dorian in speedos, inviting Cullen to join in their sock party in Rivain.  Someday, Cullen will get the courage to ask Evie if Dorian is just teasing or is his marriage more <em>open</em>.  While flattered, Cullen only wants Evie.</p>
<p>“I would come to you about this over my goading betting best friend.  He’s on that damn vacation because Varric dared him to go visit you after we fought.”  Evie hisses, stomping around the apartment.  Surana follows her around the living room, likely because she likes Evie than protecting her tiny home.  “Why does everyone think this pregnancy is a free-for-all betting party!?”</p>
<p>“You mean like what Varric pulled at the gala?”  Cullen questions, leaning against the wall.  He watches the angry mage lap his kitchen and living room to burn off steam.</p>
<p>Evie cools her fingers and rubs her temples.  “It’s more than that.  The Foundation must behave better than the Inquisition Institute.  None of my colleagues will say it, but I know there is a betting pool for everything about us!”</p>
<p>That makes Cullen panic.  “What?”</p>
<p>The mage pauses for a moment, glancing into a box where Cullen’s history books are.  “Brother Genitivi fan?”  She asks, gazing over her shoulder.  She frowns.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snoop.  That’s so rude…I’m an idiot.  Sorry.  I just see books and have to review the spines.  Old Circle habit and great love for libraries.”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles, arms crossed across his heavy t-shirt.  “I don’t mind.  I have tons of books, but there is no point pulling them out of boxes until I move.  I miss my <em>Grey’s Anatomy</em>, but I can’t remember which box I put it in.”</p>
<p>“That’s like me misplacing my middle Circle grimoire.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you have newer ones?  Most of your spells are extremely advanced compared with any in that middle-level book.”</p>
<p>Evie snickers and winks.  “My middle Circle one has all the spells I altered to hex templar helmets to pour piss over their heads and set fire to their underwear.”</p>
<p>“Maker’s breath, you must have been a terror in the Circle.”  Cullen shakes his head, imagining Evie fighting her instructors like she does Chantry officials.  He wishes he had been a templar the apprentices could prank instead of them running away when he turned the corner.</p>
<p>“I’ll behave for a handsome face…”  Evie giggles when Cullen turns crimson.  “Every Ostwick apprentice would fall at your feet if you transferred to our Circle.”</p>
<p>The doctor coughs into his fist.  Surana leaves the pair once eying Cullen’s embarrassment.  She huffs and wanders back into the bedroom.  “Okay, just so I’m clear on this:   you’re steaming about an office betting pool regarding the pregnancy?”</p>
<p>“That’s always a problem.”  Evie picks up a medical book, flipping through the pages.  She stops every so often to read a title or review a diagram.  “No, today’s rant is…well, I just had a doctor’s appointment.  Heart stuff.”</p>
<p>“Oh?”  Cullen pushes himself off the wall.  He agreed with Evie to attend her OBGYN appointments when possible, but she still wanted some medical information to be just remain hers.  Her cardiology meetings always leave her sour, according to Dorian.  When she observes her brother’s heart beating in her chest, she gets ultra-depressed.</p>
<p>So that is what this is about.</p>
<p>“I resisted them increasing my blood pressure medicine because I’m already on too many things that could harm the baby.  Then they lectured me about my bloodwork despite knowing my GI tract struggles to absorb nutrients.  Not Celiac Disease, but just a shitty system.  By the end, I felt like when my father lectured me at Satinalia before tossing me out of the manor.”  Evie slams the book close and places it back in the box.  “I knew if I went home like this I will just sink into depression and won’t crawl out of my hole until someone dragged me out.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you texted now.”  Cullen grins, relieved that his presence gives her a safe place.  “If you allow, may I review you blood work?  Maybe I may give you a few suggestions?  When my patients first return to solid food after initial detox, they lack a healthy micro-biome.  Nothing gets properly broken down and just passes through their system.”</p>
<p>“I’m not your patient, Cullen.”  Evie sneers, glancing around the wall of boxes and frames.</p>
<p>Cullen exhales and pinches his nose.  He really need to watch his phrasing during these discussions.  “I’m not treating you as one.  I couldn’t even if I wanted to because conflict of interest.  I won’t tell you what to do, but understand, I promised to monitor you and the baby.  Your bloodwork will indicate if you and the baby are getting your essential needs.”</p>
<p>Evie hangs her head, biting her lip.  “Sorry…I’m so used to people always thinking they know what is best for me when I’m never able to make my own choices.  First, it was my heart valve surgery, then the Circle, my noble family especially Rian, then what happened to Esme…” </p>
<p>She holds herself.  “I’m doing everything right for this baby, but still everyone keeps giving advice.  Strangers with toddlers to high schoolers lecture me when I’m at the grocery store that I’m picking the wrong veggies or how to treat infant sniffles.  Is that a rite of passage of something?  It’s fucking annoying.”</p>
<p>Cullen approaches her, itching to touch her again.  He will keep himself restrained and respectful despite his entire body and soul carving her every night.  “Those people think they are doing good deeds, but ‘the road to the Void is filled with good intensions.’  They don’t know when they give their advice, it negatively hurts you.  I bet when you react wrong, they call you the bad guy.”</p>
<p>“Yup…An uncontrolled mage demon they say walking away.  Followed by something about mages shouldn’t have babies.”  Evie thumps her head against Cullen’s left pect, but keeps distance between them.  Instantly, her unique citrus and clove scent fills his nostrils. </p>
<p>Evie is so close again, but Cullen knows if he does anything, she will react wrong.  She is angry with the world.  He does not know what Evie needs during such moments and what she might accept.  He must listen closely and plan on how to help for future moments.  Evie is an open book despite when she tries to hide her feelings. </p>
<p>If Cullen watches Evie, he will unravel this troubled woman and find how to bleed these pains away.  He cannot help but want to help her.  Cullen notices pain and just gravitates towards Evie like a moon to a planet.  While blunt and honest, Evie shields her inner struggles much like himself.</p>
<p>Maker, this woman is easier to understand drunk than sober though.</p>
<p>“Your hormones and emotions are on high alert.”  Cullen risks resting his hand on her shoulder.  His finger slightly massage the nape of her neck.  She moans into his chest, stepping closer.  His memory revives how she hollers during each orgasm.  Cullen squeezes his whiskey eyes shut, trying to shove his physical attraction away.  “As much as it hurts, you must let it those remarks slide off your shoulders.  No one knows what you and the baby need better than you.  I just hope I could be a part of alleviating the stress.”</p>
<p>“The movies never talk about this.”  Evie mumbles into his t-shirt.  “They just show the funny parts and, <em>boop,</em> out comes the kid.”</p>
<p>“Don’t take this wrong, but have you called your therapist?  Talking to mine about these recent changes helped me.”</p>
<p>Evie frowns up at him.  “My shrink was a moron.  I planned to leave him even before we got pregnant.  As soon as I read a positive text, I flipped him off and left.  I’m <em>still </em>paying off the insurance co-pays.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s heart jumps hearing her say, ‘<em>when we got pregnant’</em>.  <em>Their </em>child.  <em>Our </em>pregnancy.  Every time, it ignites hope inside the ex-templar.</p>
<p>“You can always talk to me, but someone who specializes in your fears might help too.”  Cullen advises.  He chooses his words carefully, knowing from his own patients when to push and when not.  He reminds himself Evie is not a patient, but his child’s mother, who has been straddled for months.  “Besides, I bet Bull isn’t happy about Dorian’s liquor budget.  They make good money, but Dorian never comes home from the store with food.”</p>
<p>Evie encircles her arms around Cullen’s waist and hugs him tightly.  “Thanks, Cullen.  I know I’m a pain in the arse and fucked up your life, but I’m glad you’re here.”</p>
<p>Cullen rolls his amber eyes and hugs her back.  He rests his stubble chin on the crown of her head.  He takes a deep breath, absorbing her pleasant aroma.  Someday he will learn what shampoo and conditioner she uses. </p>
<p>Evie’s face turns towards the wall frames leaning against his box wall.  They just stand there, enjoying the embrace and peace for a few minutes.  Oh, how the last five months could have been this.  Cullen keeps telling himself to not get excited or nervous.  Having her this close again arouses him too easily.  That is definitely not want they need right now.  He wills and prays his stiffening erection goes away or will not poke her side. </p>
<p>“You haven’t screwed up my life, Eve.  You blessed it.  When I moved here, I had nowhere to live, depressed about a woman that I didn’t even ask where her connecting flight went, and starting a new clinic than could easily fail like in Kirkwall.  I took a jump into the deep end, but had no idea which way was the surface.”</p>
<p>Cullen risks pulling some of Evie’s bangs behind her multiple pierced ear.  Since he is so tall, Cullen noticed that gentle, peaceful smile across her lips and how she blushes.  “Now, I have more than I ever thought possible.  I love my new career here in Haven, I found the woman who now carries my unborn child…”  His amber eyes looks at his sad apartment.  “I’ll figure out about the living place <em>later </em>when I holler at my realtor.”</p>
<p>Evie giggles.  “You could at least buy a couch or futon.  This is pitiful.  I lived like this when I bought and renovated my building, but this is just crazy.”</p>
<p>“Hush.  Surana likes it.”</p>
<p>The mabari barks from the bedroom where she likely drools all over his pillow.  Evie bust out laughing.  “I’m calling that a big fat <em>no!</em>  You should bring her over to the loft.  At least I have a lake and green space where she can stretch her legs.  Besides, she can mark every tree in the nearby forest.”</p>
<p>Cullen laughs and regrettably releases her from their tight hug.  “You’ll regret that after you stepped in her poop-“</p>
<p>“-Cullen, what’s in that framed there?”</p>
<p>The doctor flips his head to Evie’s direction.  She leans towards a vertical stack of frames.  Evie’s framed panties peeks out just enough so the silky crotch shows.  Cullen tugs Evie away towards the front door.  He prays his crimson face does not alert her.  “Speaking of Surana running around, how about I treat you to your daily single coffee around the corner?  We’ll walk with Surana, if you’re up to it!”  His voice cracks as he keeps looking over his shoulder to make sure his foot smacked the framed silky panties back into hiding.  “It’s warmer today so you might only need two warming spells.”</p>
<p>Evie perks an eyebrow up at him, attempting to look back at the box wall.  “I…guess…?  Cullen, you’re purple!”</p>
<p>Cullen swallows.  The Maker hates him.  “I had something stuck in my throat!  Surana!”</p>
<p>“Oh, it was something <em>naughty!</em>”  Evie cackles, fighting his arm as he pulls her towards the front door.  Surana barrels out of the bedroom and greets Evie.  “Cullen Rutherford, you bad boy!”</p>
<p> “So, what is Varric doing around your office?  You said it was about us?”</p>
<p>“Trying to change the conversation?”  Evie catches as Cullen hands over her peacoat.</p>
<p>Rubbing his neck, Cullen grumbles, <em>“Yes!</em>”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her bright green eyes.  “Fine.  I’ll just ask Rylen about it.  The man knows all your filthy secrets.  After all, you told him about lil’ ole me.  According to him, you couldn’t so gushing about me.”  She winks.  Cullen knows she is teasing, but he feels like he is back in high school pimple-faced and croaking voice all over again.</p>
<p>“You won’t be able to ask him because I’m murdering him tonight!”  Cullen shouts as he swings the front door open.  Surana trots outside, while Cullen nudges Evie through the door frame.</p>
<p>“Add Varric.  His betting might focus about the baby, but he has a secret one about when we’ll jump into bed again.”</p>
<p>Cullen pinches his nose as Evie laughs like a hyena.  “Maker’s breath…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed.  This is partly a setup, transitioning chapter to simpler moments.  Enjoy the fluff!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Rotting Fish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has suffered in bad relationships and found someone who truly loves you later.  There is someone out there for everyone.  Do not settle for a jerk or bitch that mistreats you.  You deserve the stars.  :)</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “Rain On Me” by Lady Gaga featuring Ariana Grande<br/>Remember to check out this story's playlist on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=MAAOFKtpTaOEbvf8zuArow">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh my Maker, you brought vanilla ice cream.”  Evie drools, bright green eyes sparkling as Cullen lifts a chilly grocery bag.  “You read my mind!  I had a kitchen meltdown about ten minutes ago.  I cried <em>over ice cream</em> like the Veil fell, and it was the end of the world.”</p>
<p>Evie steps aside for the chuckling Cullen to pass by with handfuls of groceries.  Surana trots behind her imprint, bumping Evie’s leg and hand to get scratches and affections.  The mage complies, praising the hound in a babying voice.</p>
<p>“Please don’t do that.  She’s absolutely spoiled rotten.”  Cullen pleads, watching his mabari soaking up the attention.  The hound follows Evie deeper into her loft, always by her side and attentive.  “She barely gives me woof coming home after shifts now.  She just waits by the door waiting to come over here to play and get attention.”</p>
<p>Evie perks an auburn eyebrow.  “Jealous?”  Her voice is playful and excited for ice cream.</p>
<p>Cullen throws his child’s mother an unamused look before unloading his haul.  He just groans, pulling vegetables and other produce out of the multiple bags.  “She refuses to settle down.  Meanwhile, every available house in Haven either has a microscopic yard for her run and play or obliviously designed by an Orlesian because everything is white, blue, and littered with hideous gold lion heads.  If I don’t get Surana out of that small apartment by next month, we’ll both go insane.”</p>
<p>Evie cannot contain her giggling.  The Fereldan rolls those beautiful honey eyes and pretends to ignore her shenanigans.  A slight smirk replaces his usual broodiness.  She then knows he finally feels relaxed in a safe environment, one that he comes to more often than not the last week.</p>
<p>Evie eyes everything laid out on the kitchen counters, trying to figure his ultimate goal.  When he texted an hour ago, she figured he had another rough shift at the clinic and needed to unwind.  That had been the trend the last week.  Cullen admitted to her a few days ago her company and talking about the baby gave him a foundation, something solid when everything is chaotic.  Evie found that funny since this is an unplanned pregnancy that brought two strangers together.  Most people would classify that as <em>the</em> chaotic variable, not everything else.</p>
<p>Evie definitely enjoys the company.  For once, lonesomeness rarely depresses her despite loving being an introvert.  She even encouraged the ex-templar to bring his mabari with him after a few evenings him leaving very early to let Surana out for a walk.  Surana and Evie bonded quickly, always at her side and sniffing the air.  The duo’s connection and understanding happened in Cullen’s office.  Now, the war hound protects Evie from everyone who tries to touch Evie without her knowledge.  Surana reacts and alerts Cullen when the mage feels unwell or is pressing herself.  The mabari will nudge her leg if Evie gets confused or dizzy.  She even sits outside the bathroom door like a guard when the pregnant woman does her business.</p>
<p>The inferno mage never expected this parent partnership to actually work so well after just over two weeks.  Much like their initial plane conversation, interests flow smoothly between Cullen and Evie.  There are no awkward silences or struggling discussions.  Sometimes, they sit and talk about everything and nothing, a few hours that both adults forget Evie carries his child.  She still waits for the ball to drop, but her gut tells her head to just shut up.</p>
<p>Has every conversation be perfect?  Absolutely not!  Cullen and Evie have stiff morals and beliefs that causes some conflict.  Instead of Evie’s typical cussing and ranting, Cullen and she debate for hours over various diverse topics.  Tempers flare, but nothing threatening or shouting matches like their initial reunion.  Even when Evie’s magic flares from hormones or other means, Cullen waits and watches her, knowing that she never means it in a threatening matter.  For a man who suffered at the Venatori’s hands for Maker knows how long, the ex-templar has amazing perseverance.  No wonder he kicked lyrium’s arse!</p>
<p>Most tensions occur over how Evie refuses to allow others to help her.  She still wonders what drove her to Cullen’s tiny apartment a few days ago.  She avoids even Dorian after heart appointments, just staring at Esme’s photo crying and apologizing for indirectly killing him.  Instead, she stupidly invaded Cullen’s microscopic home and unloaded her troubles on a man who already has too many problems, including her.  She retracted and maintained distance since then to avoid being a burden.  It just agitated Cullen more, leading to a tiff yesterday over her need to allow others to aid her during these stressful times.</p>
<p>Evie does not accept help because there is no one <em>to</em> aid her.</p>
<p>Cullen has an old moral code just like his historical impression of templar knights.  In some ways, those firm old fashion tenets tell an impressive deal about how he was raised and his family’s mindset.  It explains how he is so aware and respectable.  Why has no one snagged him before meeting here is beyond Evie’s comprehension!  The magical geologist wonders why he never just proposed to her.  He mentioned his parents raised him that a child should have married parents to avoid a bastard status.  The man likely knows she would berate again and turn him to ash.</p>
<p>Or Evie is not marriage material.</p>
<p><em>God fuck yourself, Depression</em>, the mage mentally grumbles.</p>
<p>Evie takes a seat on an island stool as Cullen talks to himself while evaluating his food.  She really wants to break open the ice cream he placed in the freezer.  “May I ask what’s all this?”  Her Free Marcher accent is both curious and dumbfounded.</p>
<p>Cullen smirks, his amber eyes locked on her pale face.  He leans across the island opposite her.  His dress shirt lays half open giving Evie a slight hint of his undershirt and broad muscular body.  Evie swallows hard, her body itching for anything attention at the moment.  When all those pregnancy books talked about potential heightened arousal, they were not kidding.</p>
<p>“If you agree and permit, I would love to cook you dinner.”  The doctor smugly smiles and waves to his ingredients.  “An old Fereldan specialty my mother drilled into her children’s thick skulls so we could cook it anywhere from memory:  Lamb and Pea Stew.”  Before Evie tells him she dislikes peas, he holds up a finger.  “I remember you said at the coffee shop you would throw peas at your brother, so I assume you hate them.  However, I promise you won’t really taste them in this stew.  My mother got my siblings to get lentils, leeks, barley, and other healthy foods via this stew.  Lots of these ingredients are great for a pregnant woman.  While reviewing your blood work, you are low on some major significant vitamins.  I guarantee your selective GI tract will absorb the nutrients properly.  This is a great, hearty meal that produces for leftover thrice over.”</p>
<p>Lots of thoughts rush over Evie.  First, she kicks herself for showing Cullen her blood work while waiting in the coffee shop line.  Second, he listens to her, catching many details like her passing off comment four days ago about food fights she and Esme had as kids.  Third, he wants to cook her <em>dinner!</em>  This man just worked twelve hours and immediately picked up all this expensive produce to cook her lazy-ass dinner.  Cullen likely thought about this for <em>days</em> and decided now was when he enacts his mission.  Evie realized that ultrasound day Cullen still processes life events like military missions.  His mind is wired to approach everything like a covert operation.  It gives her structure when she panics or worries over insignificant matters.  The ex-templar always has a plan and executes it like a disciplined general.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh to be ordered around the bedroom in that husky baritone voice!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Clitoris, go join Depression and shut the hell up!  Sheesh!</em>
</p>
<p>The geologist blurts out her last thought.  “I ask you again:  why are you not married?!  No guy would do something like this for even his wife, but why me?  Because I’m preggers?”</p>
<p>Cullen just blinks, his eyes softening like she stabbed him.  <em>My big dumb mouth!  </em>“Not to be intrusive, but were you ever treated like this in <em>any</em> relationship?”  He waves to the knives.  “So, do I have leave to invade your kitchen and cook?”</p>
<p>Evie gestures to the open space.  “Have at it!  This is freaking awesome!”  She keeps her excitement and giddy smile to a simmer.  The ex-templar grin widens as he begins his special meal.</p>
<p>The mage thinks about his question.  She bites her lower lip, filing through all the dirt bags and bitches she liked.  “Most relationships were me having a crush on someone.  Meanwhile, they only saw me as someone so desperate that she is an easy target.  I was that kid who would sneak an ‘I like you’ note into a guy’s locker and have it read to the whole cafeteria.  Not much changed in college.  Most guys or gals I dated got impatient with my more prude requests.  Apparently, it’s a sin to want to know someone before sex.”  Cullen throws her a look over his shoulder.  Evie rolls her bright green eyes.  “You’re an extreme outlier to my typical partners.  It took a long time for me to realize no one was really interested in me, just my surname or as a stop before someone better came along.”</p>
<p>Cullen cuts the vegetable while the lamb browns in the biggest pot he could find.  His ear remains on her sorrowful dating life.  Evie points to different cabinets where utensils and other necessaries are.  He never lets her get up to help.  He actually stops to get her some juice to keep her from diving into the teasing ice cream.</p>
<p>Evie leans on her hand, her breasts resting on the counter as Cullen continues his cooking.  “Once I was a doctorate student, I just accepted that dating was not worth it.  I left the scene and only attempted it when someone approached <em>me</em>.  However, my more recent relationships wanted to settle down or left when they found out I couldn’t get pregnant.  One guy remark I’m not a woman because I couldn’t have children.  <em>‘You’re useless then.  No one will never want to marry someone who can’t continue his bloodline.  Why are you still alive?’  </em>I should have burn off his testicles and feed them to him.  Instead, I just bawled as he just kept spatting what I already thought about myself.  Oh, to see that turd again…”  Evie’s inferno magic flares, thinking of all the ways she wants to explode that guy’s head. </p>
<p>After a few minutes, the geologist calms, her frizzy auburn waves covering her bloated face.  “…I stopped trying completely after that specific dalliance.  Instead, I married my career, bought this building, and created life in other ways.  I accept I’ll be that crazy old maid the kids avoid who has a weird collection of obscene garden gnomes in her front yard.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s scarred lip twitches a few times.  “If I ever meet that bastard, I’ll show him useless and who should stop breathing…”  His baritone did not even sound like a person, but a rabid lion about to maul a crowd.  His whiskey eyes focus on the carrots and a quick slicing knife.  “I’m sorry you know nothing of what a genuine relationship <em>should</em> be.”</p>
<p>The mage shrugs.  “That’s why I think you’re too good to be true.  You’re a prince hanging around with a pauper hag.  I set I set my bar horribly low that my fishing nets just catches a whale fall.”</p>
<p>The doctor stops his chopping and points the chef knife up at the A-frame roof.  “It should bust through the ceiling, Eve.  No one deserves that terrible treatment.  They should value and love you, not like a toy a cat bats at before getting bored.”  Surana barks from beneath Evie’s stool in agreement.</p>
<p>Cullen slides the chopped vegetables into the browned lamb pan, letting them roast before adding the stock.  “If it is any solace, my love life has been miserable too.  I’ve been cheated on more times than I can count.”</p>
<p>Evie’s jaw flops open.  “You’re kidding, right?  You?  Dr. Avvar God himself?  A gorgeous man who is as chivalrous as a Dragon Age knight?!  Was cheated on?!  Who were these people?  Absolute morons!?”</p>
<p>“It’s those reasons are why it happened.”  Cullen sighs before filling a jug with stock and water.  “In high school, I was awkward and somewhat nerdy.  I had—well, still do—these twisty curls that turned me into a puffball on rainy days.  I did sports, but not flashy like football or basketball.  Girls made me extremely nervous.  When I finally got my head out of my butt and grew a set, I asked a sweet shy girl name Maya Amell out.  We dated throughout senior year.  Honnleath thought we were <em>the </em>perfect high school couple.  She came from a religious family, while I was the golden Chantry boy destined for the Order.”</p>
<p>“That sounds like pleasant small-town crap…”  Evie remarks before taking a sip of juice.  “If you’re tell me this, things tarnished?”</p>
<p>“In a way, but the tamest regarding my break ups.”  Cullen leans on the island since there was nothing else for him to do.  “She went to college, while I joined the templars.  While I was in training and before my first tour, Maya finally figured herself out.  Before they deployed me into the Imperium, she asked to break up.  She figured out she was actually a lesbian.”</p>
<p>“Oh fuck.”</p>
<p>Cullen shakes his head, remembering to wash his hands.  “Nothing against me, she said.  More about being away from her religious family allowed her to discover her sexuality.  She admitted she dated me because she found herself strange.  She thought herself not Andrastian enough because she liked women.  When she came out to her father, her family disowned her.  I was her only friend for a long time until she found her own life again.  It still made me doubt myself nonetheless.”</p>
<p>“At least I had a safer sexuality discovery than her. You were really understanding.  That’s rare.”</p>
<p>The doctor shrugs.  “People change.  I know that well now.  After my first tour, I was not the same.  Stuff happened…”  For a moment, Cullen stares off into the distance.  He takes a few deep breaths, settling whatever haunts him.  “…I withdrew.  The Order switched my base to Kirkwall under Meredith.  With everything happen there, I just fucked people, ran around.  Nothing serious.  I wasn’t right in here.”  He taps his temple, exhaling.  “That’s why I allowed more to happen there than I should.  I had my own command and went back to the sandbox for my second tour.  By then, I was really addicted to lyrium.  I depended on it to keep things out of mind.” </p>
<p>The ex-templar’s voice turns annoyed and guttural.  “When I returned to Kirkwall, I met a sarcastic and outgoing mage named Veronica Hawke.  I did not learn until after that nightmare relationship that Hawke was Maya’s cousin.  Veronica knew about me before we met years before, greatly disliked me for what Meredith and I did in Kirkwall, and had recently been dumped by her ex-boyfriend—now, husband of four years.”</p>
<p>“You were a rebound.”  Evie surmises.</p>
<p>“A <em>hatred</em> rebound.”  Cullen shudders before stirring the pot.  “By then I was sick of the Order and what it became.  Meredith immediately undid every policy change I implemented.  I did not notice the knight-commander was so in debt to the Carta and constantly high on red lyrium.  I’m surprised she did not crystallize sooner.  I should have heard it, but all I noticed was my own blue hum.  Meanwhile, Hawke was sick of shit in her life.  Well, we kept falling in bed together so much that one could say it was a relationship.  Except, I did not know about Hawke’s other activities.  She ran around with her friends.  By the time I found out, she slept around so much that her bedpost was sawdust.  Maya and she were both mages—I apparently have a type.”  Evie giggles as he gestures her.</p>
<p>“Hawke’s excuse after I put a bullet through Meredith’s brain was that I was just a bedwarmer until Fenris, her husband, woke up.  Their twins are three now.”  Cullen reaches into the refrigerator for something to drink.  Evie wishes she at least had beer for him.</p>
<p>“That’s bullshit, dude.”  Evie did not know what else to say.</p>
<p>“After that, I attended medical school and dated more consciously.  I was recovering lyrium addict, which off-put many potential dates.  I left the Order, which most women saw as dishonorable or assumed the knights kicked me out.  No one stuck around or just enjoyed my dating style before they found someone less complicated.”  Cullen finally picks a lavender tea kombucha Evie drinks often.  “Unfortunately, my dating life still made sewage ditches look like five-star hotels.”</p>
<p>“Then a fiery geologist gets you plastered, fucks your brains out, and hides the pregnancy results.  I still don’t understand why you’re make the bitch dinner.”  Evie just blinks, confused why Cullen is even here.  If he was any other guy, he would want nothing to do with her.  Maker, she is just another heartache in this man’s hellscape.</p>
<p>Cullen walks around the island.  His callus hand directs Evie’s pointed chin to his gaze, eyes soft and hopefully.  It is the first time they touched skin-to-skin since that night five and half months ago.  Their hug a few days ago contained too many layers.  She could barely feel his warmth, but his arms felt right around her.  Her body trembles remembering how all of him feels against and inside her.</p>
<p><em>Fucking pregnancy arousal.  Did I forget to buy new batteries for my vibrator again?  Ugh, this will be a long night alone.</em>  <em>I need to stop thinking about him masturbating.  We were a fling, nothing more.  Nothing will happen between us.  Who would want me, pregnant and broken?</em></p>
<p>Evie feels her cheeks burn from arousal and embarrassment.  A part of her wonders if he will kiss her again like when they danced in Val Royeaux.  Alas, he does not get closer.  Evie’s heart mourns.</p>
<p>“Whatever your previous partners told you, you are worth being cherished and loved.  You are more than your womb.  I know we are working on being friends, but I see you as someone to care about.  You have a drive that makes most fall over in exhaustion.  There is no need to question how you think about something.  You give yourself out in so many ways that I’m surprised you have anything left to share.  However, I know you do because you did everything right the last five months.  You already love this little being inside you.”  Evie’s lip quivers.  She bites back the salty tears.</p>
<p>Cullen flicks her unruly bangs behind her ear and smiles.  “We both suffered alone for decades.  No matter what happened before, I’m thankful U met you.  I’m making you dinner not because you’re carrying my child, but because of who you are and what you deserve.  It just benefits our child too.  You sacrifice yourself for others constantly.  I know finances are strained…you deny your needs for others.” </p>
<p>Evie grimaces and looks away.  His hand stays firm on her chin, but cups it like she is clipped glass.  She feels his rough thumb slide against her skin, relaxing her facial muscles.  She just wants to lean into that hand and he hold her again.  Somehow, she still keeps her distance despite feeling his body heat just a foot away.</p>
<p>“I want to help you.  You won’t let me.  I understand why, but I’ve argued with you these last two weeks because you deserve a friend or at least someone who listens.  Surana and I are here for <em>you</em>.  You’re not alone anymore.  <em>That’s </em>why I’m cooking my favorite childhood dish and brought ice cream.”</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve your kindness and care.”  Evie whispers, a few tears escaping.</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve your gracious compliments and praises.”  Cullen counters, his other hand wiping the shed tears away.  Once dry, he removes his touch.  Evie swallows the whine rising in her throat.  Ever cocky, Cullen smirks and makes that delicious scarred lip jump twice.  “How about we accept what each other offers instead of thinking all the bullshit our ex’s stupidly did.”</p>
<p>Evie grins and nods her head.  “Deal.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think we all have found the rotting fish in the sea.  I got lucky I only ran into the scum a few times before meeting the hubby.  A few friends who supposed had crushes on me tell me my potential inability to have child made me worthless.  Let's just say I don't talk to them anymore.  Ugh!  I still struggle with my infertility every day, but I always remind myself I am more.  As much I wish I could have children, I am worthy of love and care.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Two Left Feet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Song:  “I Put A Spell On You” by Annie Lennox (Originally ‘Screamin’ Jay’ Hawkins) &amp; “The Blue Danube” by Johann Strauss II</p>
<p>If you were not aware, I posted a new <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/59552848">"Passing Ships" Snippet</a> on Wednesday.  It takes place between Chapters 11 and 12, but can be read for any time.  Varric doesn't know when to quit betting!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“As John Cena is my witness, I <em>will </em>teach you the waltz.”  Evie declares, hands on hips, eying her reluctant dance partner.</p>
<p>Cullen stands in her open living space, rubbing the nape of his neck for the tenth time in the last five minutes.  “<em>Eve…please no…</em>”  The ex-templar whines looking at his socked feet like she asked him to jump off a bridge.  From his expression, the doctor would rather jump to his death than learn to dance.  “I don’t wanna…”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her bright green eyes.  “Why are you being so dramatic?  You’re a fine dancer.”</p>
<p>Cullen perks a blond eyebrow, crossing his arms across his half-buttoned dress shirt.  He wears office attire even on his day off.  When he first arrived, Evie wondered if he purposefully dressed up for her homemade dinner like a date.  She quickly shoved that hope aside, realizing Cullen is still very much a templar:  always dressed for an official review like the Divine will show up.</p>
<p>Although, the mage’s brain thought of what Cullen’s fine behind would look like in the right fitting jeans.  She bites her lower lip every time he turns around and picks up something off the floor.  She wants to suggest a better fit pants that will highlight that tone butt and make every woman and man melt as he passes by.  Good cut with a tight white t-shirt in the rain-</p>
<p>-Ugh, why does she torture herself with such fantasies?</p>
<p>“Apparently, you were brown out drunk that night, Eve.”  He growls and pinches his nose, knocking Evie out of her thoughts.  “<em>No one </em>will ever say I’m a fine dancer.  Mia’s many crooked toes from my childhood dance failures confirms that.”</p>
<p>“Thus why you learn from an actual dancer.  Nothing against your sister, but I’ve danced with many fumbling fools at family functions.  You’re one of the best men I’ve danced with ever.  Trust me.”</p>
<p>“Much like what all that cayenne pepper is doing to my stomach right now, you’ll be aching all night if you do attempt this.”</p>
<p> “I’m pregnant.”  Evie points to her chest.  “Heartburn is a usual annoyance.  So is foot swelling and back aches.  Suck it up and dance with you me, you big baby.”  Evie waves him to approach her for starting positions.  “Think of this way:  when you visit your family next weekend, you can knock Mia off her feet with your amazing dancing talents.  You can also into them to—<em>gasp</em>—spices!”</p>
<p>The doctor’s scarred lip twitches twice.  “Yeah, I can see how well that would go.  Mia in the hospital with a broken leg and my entire family withering with GI issues.”</p>
<p>Evie flips her hands in the air.  “Ugh, you can’t die from <em>flavor, </em>Cullen!  Stubborn templar!”</p>
<p>“<em>EX-</em>templar…!”</p>
<p>Following feasting on Cullen’s delicious lamb and pea soup a few days ago, the two argued for hours about spices and different countries’ cuisines.  While delicious, the stew would enjoy herbs like sage and cilantro instead of simply salt and pepper.  Cullen turned into a whiny, stubborn boy remarking spices take away the natural flavors.  Typical bland Fereldans tongues.</p>
<p>To prove her point, the mage cooked her paternal grandmother’s <em>ropa vieja </em>with garlic bread.  Grandmother Araceli grew up in Treviso, Antiva, close to the Rivain and Tevinter borders.  She brought new flavors to Morcant Estate, House Trevelyan’s Ostwick family estate that both Evie’s mother and she embraces and continue in Ostwick cuisines. </p>
<p>Evie frowns for a moment, missing her mother terribly.  She wonders how she is and what she thinks of her daughter now.  Maker, what would Lady Gwen think of Cullen?!  Would she like him?  Approve of their friendship?  Maker, she missed her caring mother.  Depressing herself, the mage shoves the family drama aside.</p>
<p>Evie wants to dance!</p>
<p>Cullen enjoyed the meal despite Evie’s cooking being tolerable.  The Fereldan only complained about the heat, spices, and chilis twice.  He shyly asked for anti-acid after eating a second plate clean.  He loved the Antivan meal on garlic bread.  Oh, men and how they make everything into a sandwich.  Evie considers it a win.</p>
<p>Cooking for someone is a pleasant change versus the geologist’s small meals and basic dinners she cooks for herself the last few years.  She switched away from take out when she bought her loft.  Evie’s bank account could not afford to eat like a lonesome bachelorette.  These last few nights of healthy, filling dinners with Cullen and Surana makes her heart sick that she missed something so simple and sweet with her other relationships-</p>
<p>-This is a partnership, or at best, friendship.  Not dating.  Cullen and she are just getting along because they are pregnant.  Get her pity, lonesome brain out of her arse and see what this wonderful few weeks actually is:  a father making sure his baby grows strong because the mother is a walking tornado.  Do not think someone like Cullen could look at her twice.</p>
<p>“How did this start again?”  Cullen grumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets.</p>
<p>Evie’s bright green eyes swipe towards the television she had shut off just moments ago.  “You took Surana out for a quick walk, while I was in the bathroom.  I got ‘The Blue Danube’ by Johann Strauss stuck in my head after hearing it on a commercial.  You came back inside and asked what we wanted to do next.  I said I want to dance.  I flipped on the first ¾ tempo song—well, ‘I Put A Spell On You’ is 6/8, but you get my point.  It identifies the beat.  You freaked and would rather swim in the frozen Lake Avvar.  And here we are.”</p>
<p>Evie approaches, pouting up at the apprehensive ex-templar.  “What is it about dancing that you so reluctant?”</p>
<p>Cullen glares at her like she grew a second head.  “It’s silly.  Only Orlesians do that fancy stuff now.  When will I need to waltz <em>ever</em>?”</p>
<p>“Let me ask you,” Evie watches him closely.  She does not want to pressure him into this, but Evie needs to know if Val Royeaux was a fluke.  <em>Of course it was a fluke.  He is only here because of the baby.  No one likes Evie Trevelyan.  </em>“If things happened differently at the gala, you would have asked me to dance again?”</p>
<p>The doctor’s mouth falls open as once again he rubs his neck.  “Well, I-…I mean…Maker’s breath.”  He pinches his nose.  “Why is this so important for you?”  Those whiskey eyes flash to her, curious and worried.</p>
<p>Evie fights the actual reasons right now.  How can she tell him she craves his arms around her?  Have his scent on her baggy shirt?  Being close to him both calms her soul and speeds up her heart.  She heard ‘Blue Danube’ in their unique piano-violin music as she wondered where he went outside unloading her bladder for the millionth time this evening.  She stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at her terrible blotchy skin and water retention.  She listened to his piano while he ran around outside, so playful and happy.  He deserves someone better, but he is stuck with her.</p>
<p>Evie scolds herself for soul listening again.  Thank the Maker she ignored the music during Cullen’s dinner.  She avoided hearing his hurts and respecting his privacy despite wanting to peek into that spirit that keeps being kind to her.  She already makes his life a living void.</p>
<p>So, Evie embraces her inner sassy-sarcastic bitch.  Hide the hurt and pining.  “In the words of Kiera Knightly’s Elizabeth Bennet in <em>Pride and Prejudice</em> when Darcy asks how someone wins another’s affection:  ‘Dancing, even when one’s partner is barely tolerable…’  That’s such a savage scene.”  Evie giggles, thinking about Cassandra’s gasp and applause the first time the friends watched it together.  “Dancing is an artistic extension of a person.  It tells their partners many qualities such as confidence and respect.”</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen the movie nor read the book.  I might be an avid reader, but never ventured in Jane Austen.”  Cullen gulps.  He chooses his words carefully.  “Besides, you’re more than tolerable, Eve.  I might use the word <em>gorgeous</em>, stubbornly pushy but gorgeous.”</p>
<p>“You need to get your eyes checked…”  Evie fluffs her hair to hide the instant blush.  “I’m not saying that you are a dense uptight nobleman who has the tact of an eraser.  More than that for me, dancing gives me a chance to look someone in the eye, move with them closely, and be in their space socially acceptably.  It’s also an expression of one’s self to the world that can look enchanting and embellish without looking like an egotistical maniac.”</p>
<p>“Oh?”  Cullen perks a brow.  That snarky smirk comes back.  Her body trembles.  She internally combusts.  “You’re testing me?  I think seeing me naked and having sex twice would be enough <em>personal </em>inspection.  What else is there to <em>analyze?</em>”</p>
<p>
  <em>Deep-throating your cock again for one.</em>
</p>
<p>Clitoris, go back to sleep.</p>
<p>The doctor knows this flusters her.  Evie feels the blush and heat rising up her spine and throughout her face.  She glances away, grimacing.  “I meant it as a noblewoman’s only way of actually meeting people back in the day.”  She needs to turn the tables back on him.  This has been Cullen and she’s relationship for the last two weeks.  Tit-for-Tat.  Testing and learning.  It is exhausting and invigorating all at once.  “Didn’t you go to prom or school dances?!”</p>
<p>Cullen shakes his head so fast that his sage and clay pomade breaks apart so his wavy curls can play.  She needs to pick some up after seeing the brand in his bathroom while she wandered around his apartment.  Just so he has some there if needed, of course.  “Oh, I only did that once!  That’s why I accidently broke Mia’s toes!  I had a huge crush on the most popular girl in middle school.  I knew she was going to the spring dance, so I asked my sister to teach me how to impress her.  I was going to ask my crush to dance and then tell her how I felt during the song.”</p>
<p>Evie claps and grins.  “That is the most adorable thing I have ever heard!”</p>
<p>Cullen winces and pinches his nose.  “<em>Eve…” </em>He whines like a twelve-year-old boy asked to take the trash out.  “Well, learning to dance was a disaster.  I was in the Chantry choir and sang for years.  Yet, I had the foot tempo of drunk rampaging druffalo in a porcelain shop.  I ran covert missions deep behind enemy lines and dodged and weave around bullets.  But, for me to spin a girl will make me fall on my face.  I still went to the dance.  That night I stayed suck to the wall, scared of embarrassing myself in front of the entire school.  The girl I liked even asked me to dance, but I just ran into the boy’s bathroom.  Ever since then, I avoid it like the Blight!”</p>
<p>Evie frowns, seeing how skittish this activity made this usually patient and disciplined man.  “You’re terrified…”  Eive hates her, hanging her head.  “…I’m sorry for pushing you.  Now and in Val Royeaux.”  Her Free Marcher lilt sounds so far away, barely a whisper.</p>
<p>The ex-templar shakes his head.  “It was the alcohol that gave me the courage to get up then.  How could I say no to a beautiful woman who I could not stop mentally undressing like a creep?”</p>
<p>The mage covers her face with her hands; the flushing making her sweat and want to shed her sweater.  Then she noticed her growing baby bump.  “Believe me, you wouldn’t like what’s under these clothes at the moment.”  Evie gestures to her leggings and sweater.  “I resemble a pufferfish scared shitless.”</p>
<p>Cullen steps forward, slightly grin.  His eyes swipe over her full form.  Evie feels like she is under a watch glass, but aroused at the same time.  Those amber eyes ignite her.  “I doubt that.”</p>
<p>This is just physical attraction still.  Yes, they know more about each other now, but there are little feelings between them.  Well, at least from Cullen’s side.  Evie does not know how to feel about him at the moment.  Cullen likely says these things thinking he already knocked her up.  Might as well roll around in the sheets with minor risks now.  He said he just slept around in Kirkwall.</p>
<p>Evie’s donated heart slaps her negative brain.  He told her those things to relate and show he is not that man anymore.  After everything she learned the last few weeks, Evie knows Cullen does everything with purpose.  He rarely speaks his emotions like a man, but he shows them in each movement and through those whiskey orbs.</p>
<p>“I guess I’m the lucky one who didn’t chase you away.”  Evie smiles as Cullen stands about two feet away.  Somehow with her depression and fears, Cullen still stands by her and says these sweet things.  Why?  What is his plan?</p>
<p>Cullen leans his hip and leg against the couch.  Evie continues with her reminiscing.  “Even drunk, you didn’t fall on your face.  Heck, you carried us through the hotel room door so wasted I’m surprised we didn’t wake up with broken ribs!  Now, you never know what will happen unless you try.  What if you danced with that popular girl and swept her off her feet?”</p>
<p>The blond Fereldan studies her closely, taking another step forward.  He is just inches from her growing baby bump.  Instantly, his <em>manly essentially Cullen </em>scent encircles her.  She feels his body heat against the baby bump, inducing the nervous sweat to drip down her spine.  “I’m glad I didn’t.  I discovered she was a racist who enjoyed bullying the city elves.  I got my brother Branson and his prankster friends to egg her house, while I reported her for bullying to the principal.”</p>
<p>Evie busts out laughing, clapping with glee.  “Serves her right.”  Cullen joins her, giggling wickedly, those amber eyes sparkling down at her.</p>
<p>The words fly out of her mouth before she realizes.  “Would you have asked me to dance at the gala?”  She rolls her eyes, feeling like she needs to add conditions.  “If I didn’t shit the bed and fainted seeing you again.  Even if I wasn’t pregnant?  That was a crowded place.  Maybe not a school gym filled with tweens, but executives and high-society fucktards fare little better.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”  Cullen proclaims, taking Evie’s hand resting on the couch back.  He keeps it in his rough grasp as he guides her over to the open hardwood.  For a man so scared of dancing, he can be suave as hell.  She feels like she is in a daydream. </p>
<p>Evie instantly lays her hand other hand on his shoulder.  Cullen waits for her to nod so he can set his hand on her hip.  Always asking for consent.  Maker, what a rare man.  “I can handle work teasing.  Although, Dorian and Varric would be a handful.”</p>
<p>Evie hums, listening to the soul music so clearly between them as she shifts her hip.  The inner tune differs from Annie Lennox’s voice.  Cullen follows naturally, but in tune with “I Put A Spell On You”.  She leads them because she can tell Cullen is extremely unsure what they are doing and why.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t hear what her soul plays so easily.</p>
<p>“Ugh, don’t get me started with them right now.”  Evie grunts, inching herself closer to him.  Her bump is just beyond his belt loop.  She blushes again.  “Thank you for this, Cullen.  I know it seems strange, but…”  Evie purses her lips.  “When I think of the ‘Blue Danube’, I remember these terrible dance lessons my mother put Esme through.  I took to dancing like a goose swimming in a picturesque lake.  Nobility still expects their children to dance for galas and fancy parties.  We still have introduction balls like their daughters are still commodities to barter with the richest old man in the room.  There are full orchestrated dances at a wedding.  Bloody annoying.  For Esme, it was tough, especially when he would rather play video games.”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles.  “That makes sense.  Modern and traditional worlds colliding.”</p>
<p>“My mother promised to stop the lessons if he could at least waltz.  Esme couldn’t learn from that damn teacher.  He thought differently from others.  He was on the spectrum, but back then, most people didn’t understand or recognize autism, especially high-functioning.  They thought he just needed sedatives to avoid acting out when someone made a loud noise or he would sit for hours watching people and saying nothing word.  However, <em>I </em>understood him, the only person mostly.  I loved him dearly…”</p>
<p>Evie’s voice cracks as she pats her chest to center herself.  She refuses to cry.  She feels her surgery scars under her sweater.  Esme’s heart beats hard behind her ribs.  She shifts her fingers a little, feeling her new amber pendant she found at a geologist fair in Redcliffe a week after Val Royeaux.  She instantly thought of Cullen, the man she stupidly left in that hotel room.  She keeps it hidden now when he is around, afraid to explain why she wears the gem.  He saw It at the gala and in her loft, referencing it for her rich upbringing.  What he must think of her. </p>
<p>Evie glances up at his warm amber eyes, so beautiful…</p>
<p>“I can tell.  He means a great deal to you.”  Cullen listens, his ear attune to her Free Marcher lilt.  His honey orbs dance around her face while his hand reaches for her again.  Evie gives her hand, his rough fingers caressing her knuckles.  “You helped him learn.”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t easy.”  Evie takes a deep breath, allowing Cullen’s manliness aroma enraptures her senses.  His piano intensifies in her soul as she complicates their steps into a slow box step.  “Between my Circle studies and his obligations, we carved out an hour a day.  Sometimes, Esme just hit everything on the right beats.  Other times, it was like someone gave us both two left feet.  I spent study periods thinking of alternative ways to explain it to him.  It is a relatively easy dance that all social classes are familiar with.”</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“Esme’s ultimate test was Great Aunt Lucille’s summer ball.  I hate that woman, but no one can skip her damn ball.”  Evie stuck out her tongue as their slow box steps grows wider.  “Esme wasn’t allowed to dance with me.  Mother chose one of our cousins’ friends, a brat, but that’s another story… Esme and I hadn’t successful gotten through a dance together without stumbling or stepping on my foot.  The boy looked like he would crap himself.  All I could give him was one last tip:  For every step, equate the cubic area of his step he just made.  Esme was a wiz with numbers and geometry.  Esme thought I was nuts.  However, it <em>worked!</em>”</p>
<p>Cullen pulls Evie closer, wrapping his hip hand around her back.  Her bump rubs against him.  Evie pushes their steps farther apart, making Cullen turn more and more.  “How?!”</p>
<p>“Esme wasn’t thinking about the audience, counting beats, or who his partner was.  He just stayed in his mind, focusing on something he enjoyed.  By the time the ‘Blue Danube’ was over, Esme looked like he was floating.  My mother cried with joy.  As agreed, she stopped his lessons, and no one questioned his abilities again. Everyone wanted to dance the waltz with him at every silly ball.”</p>
<p>“So, the reason you wanted to dance really was because you were in the bathroom, remembered the piece, and how your brother overcame his dancing terror.”</p>
<p>“Just like you have.”</p>
<p>Cullen rears back, realizing they are doing the waltzing with ease.  “What…?”</p>
<p>“You have all the abilities, Cullen.  You’re sure footed, confident, rhythmic, everything needed to be successful…You just live too much in the moment.  It’s muscle memory, not counting your steps or not sure how to tell you partner what to do next.”</p>
<p>The ex-templar looks like Evie blew his mind.  Their dancing intensifies because Cullen’s confidence grows knowing he is doing it.  “You will be a fantastic mother, you know that?”</p>
<p>“Ha!”  Evie barks, waking Surana on the sofa.  “I doubt that.  I’m a toddler in spirit.”</p>
<p>“I’m serious.  Inventive and possibly more stubborn than me.”</p>
<p>“Unlikely.  I had to guilt you into dancing with me.  Twice.”</p>
<p>Cullen rolls his eyes.  “It worked.  I’m quite enjoying myself.”  He smirks down at her as their turning slows with the end of the song.</p>
<p>“Does this mean I can teach you the foxtrot and tango next?”</p>
<p>"<em>No.”</em></p>
<p>“But you would look fantastic with a rose in your mouth again-“</p>
<p>“Eve…Maker’s breath.”</p>
<p>“Fine fine…”  Evie relents as they slowly waltz together to no music, just what Evie hears in her soul.  She forgot to set the song on repeat.  However, neither person wanted to separate.  Evie enjoys being with him.  She shouldn’t.</p>
<p>Why did the mage let her depressive bathroom visit come to this?  She heard his piano tempo, then noticed her surgery scars in the mirror.  The connection and memory flowed back before Evie could think of something else. </p>
<p>The inferno mage refuses to cry around Cullen.  Her explosive lecture and sobs when they fought still haunt her when she drifts off into the Fade.  She causes enough issues for him daily, but he still keeps coming over and hanging out.  He rarely has a day off, but he spends so much free time with her.  Why?</p>
<p>Evie closes her eyes and rests her forehead against his shoulder.  She seeks out that third sound growing inside her.  The baby is likely asleep, their movements and voices acting like a rocking motion.  She has felt the fetus, a slight butterfly flutter here and there.  No kicking or hiccups, which worries her, but there is still nearly three months to go.</p>
<p>Then these calm, carefree moments will end.  Cullen will be her enemy.  Or she might be dead.</p>
<p>Evie pushes her negative thoughts away.  She worries allowing Cullen this close will only lead to more heartbreak later.  He knows all the facts to wound her, but yet here he is slow dancing in silence holding her sore back and hand because she had a nostalgia moment for her baby brother.</p>
<p>The mage gazes up at her child’s father to find his amber eyes watching her face closely.  Evie knows she is an open book with expressions.  He likely knows everything just by her panicked breaths.  Still, he holds her and sways because she asked him to, even reluctantly until she showed him he was capable.  Val Royeaux was not a fluke, right?</p>
<p>“I trust you, Cullen.”</p>
<p>
  <em>What?  What did I just say?</em>
</p>
<p>The handsome man’s eyes widen.  “What?”</p>
<p>Evie does.  Immensely.  It is blind faith.  She went to him after her heart appointment.  He listened and made her laugh over whatever that framed thing was.  He lets her use magic despite being unsure himself.  He cooks for her to make sure she gets the right needs.</p>
<p>
  <em>It is all for the baby.  This will change after you give birth.  He’s banking you won’t survive.</em>
</p>
<p>That does not change the facts though.</p>
<p>“I trust you.”  Evie repeats.  “Thank you…for being here.”</p>
<p>Cullen opens his lips, pulling Evie’s attention away from his sunny eyes to that majestic scar.  “You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>“Is there anything…I can do for you…?”  Evie questions, suddenly wanting to reach out and learn more about this man.  She cannot keep her offenses off his shoulders, but there must be something.  She does not have any money or she would buy a damn couch for his apartment.  Maker, she hopes he finds a marvellous house soon.  He has only another month on his lease.  What will happen if nothing comes up in time?  Will he leave?  Leave her?</p>
<p>“You cooked me dinner.”</p>
<p> Evie huffs and rolls her eyes.  “That was a demonstration that spices are great.”</p>
<p>“My stomach hurts.”</p>
<p>Evie pokes his bicep, feeling the firm muscle beneath his shirts.  “Hush.  But seriously…anything I can do for you?”</p>
<p>“You’ve already have given me everything.”  His baritone is a soft whisper that tickles her freckled cheeks with each word.  “Focus on yourself and the baby.  I’ll take care of the rest.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what friendships are, Cullen.”  Evie scowls.  “Maybe listen to your own advice?”</p>
<p>“Keep being my safe haven?”  Cullen asks, hopefully.  “Coming here…It helps.  I didn’t have that in Kirkwall.”</p>
<p>“You had no one?”</p>
<p>“When you’re the city-state menace, people avoid you and won’t ask you to attend board game nights.”  Cullen sighs, leading her in a circle.  Their waltzing shifts more to a slow modern dance.  Evie does not mind.  Her sore breasts press against his harden body.  Their rocking slightly massages the aches away.  Her nipples harden each brush, making her body tingle. </p>
<p>“Dorian mentioned you play chess.”</p>
<p>Cullen nods, then tilts his head.  “Do you?”</p>
<p>“As I kid.  If waltzing was Mother’s requirement for Esme, chess was Father’s for me.”  Evie explains, wrinkling her nose.  “Rian played with him all the time.  So, Father assumed all Trevelyans would be good.  I never found joy in it because there was so much expectation.  Father made it into a lesson, not an enjoying pastime.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you should take your own advice.”  Cullen counters with a grin.  “You got me to dance like a pro.  I can show you how to enjoy the game.”</p>
<p>“You are not a pro, Cullen.”  Evie laughs.  Suddenly, Cullen releases his back hold.  His other hand clasps hers and straightens.  Even pregnant, Evie twirls out on her feet like she was in dance rehearsal before Cullen pulls her back in.</p>
<p>Evie gasps when she hugs Cullen and bounces against his firm body.  Her hands presses against his chest to keep his hip from drilling her stomach.  “How did-“</p>
<p>“I had a brilliant teacher.”  Cullen winks and gives that dashing scarred lip smile.</p>
<p>Instantly, Evie’s clitoris roars to life.  <em>Stay out of this.  I’ll pleasure you later.  No, we are not asking Cullen to join us!  Unfortunately…</em></p>
<p>“So, the big ole scary knight-commander is going to teach his little pregnant mage battle strategy?”  Evie teases until Cullen’s ears turn purple.</p>
<p>“Please never say that again…”  Cullen’s neck looks rubbed raw as he does it again.  “I never want that power over anyone ever again, especially you.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, one of Evie’s old fears breaks loose.  Cullen will never use his abilities on her or dominate like most templars.  She feels say and protected in his arms like he was never a scary Kirkwall templar.</p>
<p>Evie giggles.  “All right.  I understand.”</p>
<p>“I’ll go easy on you.”</p>
<p>The mage pokes his nose before twirling away.  She does not want to leave his side, but her body and soul keeps hearing that beautiful music.  If she continues to invade his personal soul, she will get in trouble and ruin this partnership.  She wants to help him and be his friend.  Things will sour, but right now they can be calm and happy.  Maybe they will avoid the worst later.</p>
<p>Unlikely, but one can hope.</p>
<p>“You better not go easy on me.  You’re a challenger, Cullen Rutherford.  I am too.  One sniff of you acting below your potential and I’ll make Tevinter curry chicken next!”</p>
<p>Cullen groans as he holds his stomach.  He sticks out his tongue despite smiling.  “I’ll have ulcers by the time this kid’s born.”</p>
<p>“That’s what happens when you hang out with me!”  Evie giggles as his amber eyes watch her twirl around the apartment.  Oh, her feet and legs will hate her later. </p>
<p>“Then completely worth it…”</p>
<p>Evie spins into the kitchen.  She quickly reaches into her refrigerator.  Nope, she will not listen to that.  Hopefully, the chilly air will blast this sweaty blush away before she must turn back towards him.  Heck, she will need a cold shower after today.</p>
<p>Cullen makes her burn brightly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cute and fluffy.  Evie is still very unsure of everything, but trust and breaking fears is a major step for her.  Things will speed up again soon.  I don't think these two can keep separated must more, especially if they keep wanting to be close all the time.</p>
<p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter and story!  Thank you for reading!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Support Base</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello All.  Life has been...well, absolute shit the last two weeks.  I stepped away for mental health purposes, while trying to unravel this clusterfuck mess.  I feel good enough at the moment to give you a new chapter.  I will apologize for the grammar.  I had to rewrite half of this just now because of previous chapters and continuity.  As for the future updates, I'll try to return to the Monday and Friday posts, but life does not run on a schedule.  Please excuse if I miss an update.  I love writing, but things don't allow for such peace right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In my absence, I noticed I hit over 2000 hits with kudos, comments, and bookmarks.  This is my most successful fan fiction at this point in writing and posting.  Thank you.</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “Innocent” by Anberlin</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Still no luck…?”  Evie asks, brow scrunched and face full of concern.  Cullen ignores the slight ache in his chest, knowing that she worries for him when he should show her she can rely on him.</p>
<p>“Nothing yet…”  Cullen exhales, making a cloud of fog in front of his face.  “I thought being actually present here in Haven would make the search easier.  My realtor made some excuse that Haven housing market is in high demand, unlike elsewhere.  This is the place to live right now.”</p>
<p>The doctor formed a grand plan once Evie invited him to her five-month ultrasound.  He would not stop his house search in hopes to find something for this new family to be comfortable and safe.  Despite reviewing Evie’s loft the last few weeks, he still cannot shake the space is not healthy for her or their baby. The talented mage transformed the building from a garment factory to a lovely home.  However, the surrounding criminal neighborhood and old crippling building is not the best place to raise a child.  Cullen already had his Range Rover broken into last week.  He did not tell Evie, knowing she will blame herself.  The ex-templar worries for her safe when he is not with her.</p>
<p>Both Cullen and Cassandra knew Evie will be fight tooth and nail to stay where she built her home for herself.  The mage invested her entire family trust into that building and renovating the space to live.  Her heart lies in that rusty warehouse.  However, it is not just her anymore, but <em>them.  </em>If Cullen found the perfect house, he believes he may convince Evie to recognize where she lives is not the dream she once thought.  Everyone knows that effort is a lost cause even before the housing market slimmed.  Rian even remarked at that initial awkward dinner Cullen will have to drag her away if everything ended up perfectly.  “<em>My sister is the most stubborn person I know</em>,” the older Trevelyan remarked that night.</p>
<p>Now, after a month of on-ground searching, Cullen worries if <em>he</em> will have a place to live soon.</p>
<p>“And your short-term lease cannot extend?”  Evie questions with a squeak. </p>
<p>Cullen cannot see her lips or nose being so buried into her wool scarf.  He told her he did not need a walk around the lake to relax after another frustrating realtor meeting.  The mage refused to listen and called Surana to follow her down the backstairs outside.  Always ready for a walk in the chilly snow, Surana beat them all outside.  Cullen had to race after the two most rebellious females he knows.  Neither female listened to him as he stumbled to put on his boots and jacket.  It is like he lived with Mia and Rosalie again.</p>
<p>And he hopes for a <em>baby girl?!</em></p>
<p>“The place already has another client lined up.  Shady business, I swear.  I knew the time table would be tight when I moved here.  The two months searching from Kirkwall provided nothing.  I guess I thought the Maker would smile on me.  I’ll be fine, Eve.”  Cullen assures her. </p>
<p>The Maker spent his cheer all on blessing Cullen with Evie and their unborn child.  He prefers them over any house or other material needs.  Evie is all he wants out of life now.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t push.  Don’t scare her off.  Cassandra was right.  Wait until you both figure out your feelings.</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen put himself into this situation.  Before, his housing search just focused on a compact house for himself with a huge yard so Surana could run and play.  He wanted a place away from the world, silent and safe so when his past affected his mind he could scream into the night and not alert the neighbors.  The cops came to his apartment in Kirkwall too many times for that.  Cullen ignores what his ex-girlfriends thought about his “night actions.” </p>
<p>Then the doctor found Evie again.  He discovered he created a child.  All other requirements flew out the window.  Yes, he never planned to look for such a vast house with enough space to be themselves and raise their child together.  Yes, his requirements shifted so Evie could have her industrial office space and full room for her books.  Cullen will do anything to make sure Evie had her freedom and opportunities robbed by life prior to meeting.</p>
<p>If worse comes to worse, he can just find another apartment for a year instead of short-term.</p>
<p>No more worrying Evie.</p>
<p>Those bright green eyes dull watching Surana barrel through snow drifts.  The flakes fall in big clumps around them like a winter wonderland.  Cullen keeps a few steps away from Evie, not because he wants to stay away from her.  Quite the opposite, actually.  No, she has so many warming spells all over her body she melts the snow into a muddy puddle with each step around Lake Avvar.  Maker, the snowflakes look majestic against her peaking auburn hair beneath her knit cap.  They only exist a second before her warming spells melt them to water droplets.</p>
<p>“You just don’t need more headaches, Cullen.”</p>
<p>Over the last few weeks, the ex-templar figures out Evie’s meaning.  She is blunt about everything, but she talks in a way that degrades herself without saying so directly.  When she says ‘headaches’, she does not mean Cullen’s clinic, patients, or the house searching.  No, she means <em>her</em> disrupting everything like she is a plague on the world.  Evie pushed him to keep searching for a house, thinking his problems are because she and the unplanned pregnancy. </p>
<p>Cullen feels he should tell her the actual reason, what he truly desires for them all.  Being a family.  More than this agreed partnership and friendship.  Now is definitely not the time.  His chest aches every time Cullen tells himself to keep his scarred lip shut.  The ex-templar has never felt like this with anyone before.  What that is, only the Maker knows. </p>
<p>The doctor still holds out something might change before he must move out of his apartment next month.  Maybe this futile search is the Maker’s way to including her in the search.  He thought about such reasoning while falling asleep at night in his cold bed.  Cullen’s sneakiness removes her say in their lives.  However, Cullen knows Evie will want nothing for herself.  She believes her old crumbling building in the middle of the wharf district is all she deserves like she is the city’s old hag witch that they ostracized like hypocrites.</p>
<p>Nothing is truer for Evie’s exile as the evident fact her brother told the doctor last month, <em>“Evelyn really thinks the wrong person died.  She believes they should have spent all effort saving Esme and not her dying heart.  Even when her parents told her she did not need to stop her growing musician career, Evelyn felt she must deserve her brother’s heart by sacrificing for everyone else.  She acts every day in a way to earn the new life Esme’s death rewarded her.”</em></p>
<p>Guilt and regret never disappear.  Cullen knows that well.  Even after beginning his first lyrium addiction clinic, he felt he will never do enough to undo the many templars he addicted to lyrium or the mage children who shook in fear under his watch.  A part of him believes this unborn child as redemption, to be a dutiful father to a mage or non-mage child and the protector that all children needed and he did not provide in Kirkwall.</p>
<p>“The only headaches I have are from lyrium withdrawal, Eve.”  Cullen counters, nudging her shoulder with his elbow.  He owns if he touched her with his bare hand he would not let go.  Those dull bright green orbs flick to him, wide and wondering.  “They happen little anymore.”  He winks.</p>
<p>Evie clears her throat, continuing their walk around Lake Avvar.  Her attention focuses on Surana’s silliness.  He can tell her own thoughts trap her.  Depression and anxiety cage people in the negative.  If only he could hear her thoughts or have her music Fade connection, maybe he could help guide and support her out of that deep darkness.</p>
<p>The last few weeks mean so much to Cullen.  While his initial goal was just to learn about this woman, he found himself at her loft more evenings as the weeks pass.  Just yesterday, Evie became his haven again.  He lost a patient.  The ex-templar had been clean for over a year, but overdosed when a former comrade still in the Order shared his lyrium stash.  Cullen lost many patients over the years, but this was the first since he found Evie and in his new clinic. </p>
<p>Like a listless ghost, Cullen texted if he could stop by.  He did not remember the drive over.  She waved him in, plopped him in front of the television, and told him every embarrassing story about her best friend Dorian and she during their drunk parties.  Evidently, Evie enjoys stripping while drunk.  Nearly all in Val Royeaux saw that fantastic body he had sex with that night if there was any tequila around.  Maybe after she gives birth, he will experience her throwing her underwear on top of her warehouse again. </p>
<p>When Cullen finally told her what happened, the mage asked for his hand.  In a meek voice, Evie requested if she could use magic on him.  Still in a daze, Cullen agreed.  She trusts him as he trusts her.  Evie sent a triage spell through his hand while on her stomach. <em>“This Light has a calming heartbeat,” </em>that beautiful Free Marcher accent whispered.  She was right.  He could listen to that tiny heartbeat for days.</p>
<p>Now, Cullen struggles to remind himself that this is a friendship.  He enjoys watching his this pregnant woman carrying his unborn child while baby-talking Cullen’s war hound during a snowy afternoon.  Even walking around in the cold, the breeze wafts her iconic orange and cloves scent towards him as she calls Surana to her side.  Every time she snorts and laughs, he instantly back carrying her through the hotel room door and barely keeping his footing.  She might not like her laughter, but it tells Cullen constantly she is enjoying herself.  The wintery scene reminds him of an old painting that hung over his grandparent’s fireplace in Honnleath.  May Mia still has that painting?</p>
<p>Even if these once strangers only known each other a month, Cullen cannot remember what his life was like before.  How did he sleep when he knows how Evie feels against his bare body or the sound of his child’s heart?  Dancing ignites his soul as every ¾ tempo plays on the radio.  His mind instantly remembers how Evie looked staring up at him while they danced.  Her bright green eyes sparkled and her skin feels like satin against his rough fingers.  She has a gentle, genuine smile that Cullen only notices when she looks at him.  He does everything possible to see it again.  This has been a wonderful month that Cullen wants more of for the rest of his life.  Yes, it started with some major surprises and shouting, but under the circumstances, they needed it to recognize both sides.</p>
<p>Does Cullen <em>really </em>like her or is it the passion they shared that single night?</p>
<p>The answer comes to him instantly.  His eyes watch as she flips a branch high in the air for the mabari to catch.  Cullen really likes Evie.  Possibly more, but that thoughts scares him.  Her body might have called him towards her that day on the plane, but it is her mind and heart he yearns for trying to fall asleep at night.  <em>Eve</em> haunted him for those first five months because he saw a glimpse into this amazing person.</p>
<p>
  <em>Smack!</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen just blinks, his eyelashes cleaning bits of snow from his vision.  His attune ears focus on the snorting laughter about six feet away from his position.  Surana barks and jumps around, branch in mouth between the humans waiting for the next toss.  Meanwhile, Evie thinks herself the funniest person in the universe.</p>
<p>Barely reacting, the ex-templar wipes his bruised cheek of snow.  He just steps towards the closest snowdrift on the trail.  He reaches down to gather some snow in his hands.</p>
<p>“You brood like you’re taking a diaper shit!”  The mage remarks, taking several steps back.  She skips towards a wide tree trunk along the trail.  “You wouldn’t snowball a pregnant woman, you barbarian!”</p>
<p>“Remember how I complimented you yesterday about having more energy…”  Cullen reminds the woman as she peeks around the tree.  He packs the snowball tightly.</p>
<p>“Think about my blood pressure!”  Evie squeaks as the snowball spats against the tree.  She yelps and takes off running.</p>
<p>The doctor chuckles, wickedness in his amber orbs.  He takes wide steps, while gathering more snow.  “Some exercise is good for the heart, Eve.”</p>
<p>“Not went you look like a walrus bouncing across an iceberg!”  The woman shouts over her shoulder.  She barely dodges his next snowball.</p>
<p>Cullen is mindful of where he throws.  Her dancing feet traverse the snowy landscape easily, but he does not want her to get hurt or accidently hit her stomach.  “If you were so concerned, why did you throw it?  I thought you are a woman who wouldn’t run from a fight you started.”</p>
<p>Evie slides to a dead stop.  She whips herself around, bright green eyes blazing.  “You calling me a craven, Cullen Stanton Rutherford?!”</p>
<p>The doctor freezes.  “How do you know my middle name?!”</p>
<p>Evie grins mischievously.  “Our favorite seeker lawyer enjoys suggesting baby names!”  She rushes to grab another snowball.  She throws it right as Cullen turns and feels it hits his hip.  “<em>Stanton!?”</em></p>
<p>“It’s a family tradition!”  Cullen hollers as he lobs his next snowball.  “First son always gets that middle name!”</p>
<p>“It’s hideous!”  Evie laughs, hiding behind a rock to prepare some more snowballs.  Surana barks and jumps around Cullen like a distraction.  The women in his life are already ganging up on him.</p>
<p>
  <em>He wants a baby girl!?</em>
</p>
<p>“I know!”  Cullen retorts, cackling as he tries to shove his mabari away.  He bats Evie’s hat off her head with soft balls.  “I want to slug my ancestor who started it!”</p>
<p>“We’re still doing it!”  Evie hollers as she sends three balls at his chest as he rounds the rock.  She slips away as one gets him in the chin.  He flops on the ground, growling in a snowdrift.  “We can’t break traditions!  Don’t want this kid haunted by ancient Rutherfords!”</p>
<p>That proclamation seals how much Evie means to him now.</p>
<p>“Thus why I hope it’s a girl!”  Cullen rolls and gets a great snowball off.  Evie flips a barrier over herself to block the projectile.  “That’s cheating!”</p>
<p>“I could always melt them in the air!”  The mage cackles like a madwoman.  Her frizzy auburn waves block her view.  She turns away right as Cullen slides around her, picks her up easily and deposits them both in an enormous snow pile shoveled off the path.</p>
<p>Heavily panting himself, Cullen feels each gasping breath escaping Evie’s mouth against his right cheek.  He worries he pushed her too hard and inflamed her asthma.  However, Cullen feels her body tremble in his lap with laughter and glee.  She stays close to his chest, her head naturally resting on his shoulder and the crook of his neck.</p>
<p>He has held her so before.</p>
<p>Thank the Maker this is happening again.</p>
<p>Instantly, Cullen’s mind reverts to his memory of falling asleep that night in Val Royeaux.  As soon as he stepped into bed, Evie turned towards him and rested her sleepy head just like this.  He thought she was still awake, but she did not stir again.  Her fingers curled around his shoulder and arm, while one bare leg slid over his naked body like they did that hundreds of times before.  In his intoxicated post-coupling haze, Cullen thought it cute before allowing the Fade to take him too.</p>
<p>Cullen has never slept that well since.  No matter how many times he pushes the visions away those first few weeks alone.  No pillow or masturbation gave him that same peace.  Cullen never thought he would not such calm and comfort again.</p>
<p>Until now.</p>
<p>“Move in with me.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s amber eyes snap open and pushes both people into a sitting position.  “What?”</p>
<p>Evie swallows hard, but turns her head so her simmering bright green eyes keep his full attention.  “I’ve been thinking about it for a week.  We need to figure out a space for the baby.  I know I will barely handle those first weeks without your help…”  She hangs her head, but eyes remain on his shocked red face.  “…If the delivery goes well…I want you there constantly as he or she poops, barfs, and screams.   I already ordered Dorian to get his crap out of my loft.  I have two spare rooms:  one for the nursery and the other for you?  I have plenty of space and bathrooms…”  She breaks eye contact.  “…if you want to be there.  No pressure.”</p>
<p>So many thoughts and questions roll around in Cullen’s head.  How long has she been debating this?  Has she been building on courage to bring it up too?  Does she trust him so much already to invite him into her home?  Or is this all just part of preparation of the worst outcome?  Does she really think she will die during this pregnancy?  She never speaks much about it, but Cullen observes the fear within her.</p>
<p>Does she like him too?</p>
<p>Suddenly, Cullen’s own inner motives make sense.  His search for a house was not just for them to be in the same location, but to show her she can rely on him.  Evie wants him to know the exact same thing.  She wants to support him too. She met him one-to-one on gesture and support.  She sat with him when he lost his patient.  She cooked to show she can feed him too.  Evie danced with him to show he could waltz all along.</p>
<p>A balance of support and respect.</p>
<p>Now, Evie offers Cullen her sacred roof for this growing family.  Ever careful like him, she offers a spare bedroom to not press for more or assume he might like her, which he does more and more the longer they sit in the snow like this.  This could be a temporary arrangement, a test if they can even stand one another.  Parenthood will test them in ways neither is sure they can survive together.</p>
<p>Maker, things are happening so quickly.  This is not how a relationship should be.  They already got pregnant out of order.  They only have known each other a month.  This is all too quick.  However, Evie’s due date is Justinian, only a few months away.  They need to think about a nursery, a permanent home for their child for at least the first year.  Maybe things will pan out…or tumble apart just as quickly as it started.</p>
<p>“Is that okay with you?”  Cullen tentatively asks, feeling Evie’s heating spell wavering with her strained mana.</p>
<p>Evie takes a deep breath.  “We’re in this together.  You need a place to stay, while wanting to be there for the next few months.”  She gulps, but steels her expression.  “It just makes sense.”</p>
<p>The mage is bringing practical.  Is he?  Does he want this because of these growing feelings?    They are very much alike, while constantly struggling with their own inner depressions.</p>
<p><em>Remember </em>why<em> your ex-girlfriends left, Rutherford.  </em>Why <em>you want a huge house.  You are what Evie’s fears still, despite years of redemption and change.  Damn, Veronica Hawke is right!  You are still a monster.</em></p>
<p>Cullen’s traitorous body reminds him of how much he wants to be with her.  He struggles constantly if he can be just a friend, while growing to like her each hour.  Every ounce of control keeps him from hugging and kissing her while sitting in his lap.  He must remember how many times he masturbates while remembering how <em>good </em>she felt around his cock.  Cullen can barely keep civil like this, let alone living in her loft and being so close every moment of every day.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maker, am I falling in love with her?</em>
</p>
<p>Evie might not think about him that way anymore.  She just thinks on the functionality of being roommates for a few months.  It is very rational while he is panicking over these fresh revelations.</p>
<p><em>Am I in love with Eve?!</em> </p>
<p>This mage might find him disgusting romantically now.  She does not show any clue how she feel towards him.  Maker, if Cullen is falling in love with her, while she is indifferent, how will this end?!  </p>
<p>Cullen needs to know what she wants first.  Cassandra’s advice from his whiskey drinking echoes in his mind.  Things might have happened in reverse, but Cullen does not know how Evie feels about him now.</p>
<p>“I’ll think about it.”  The ex-templar replies honestly.  Evie pouts, but Cullen flips snow into her face.  “A great deal can change within a week.  Give me that to think, okay?”</p>
<p>He needs a week to figure out himself.</p>
<p>Evie just nods, so many emotions reflected in her pensive eyes, but none that gives Cullen hope.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cullen might/does LOVE Evie!  XD!  In my other stories, it is always Evie who knows realizes first.  I wanted to mix it up, especially as Cullen views Evie in this story.  </p>
<p>How do you think this will change things between them?  How DOES Evie feel about their friendship and Cullen?  Will Cullen move in with her?  What holds him back?  His past? <br/> His feelings?  Let me know what you think in the comments.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Dragon Age Inquisition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for a day late.  I've been VERY busy.  I've started spring/summer cleaning my house and got horribly sunburned outside yesterday washing stuff.  I hope you all enjoy this special chapter.  :)</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)” by Blessid Union of Souls</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Thus why I have done nothing with this.”  Evie mumbles, while sitting on her yoga ball.  She steadies herself, purposely working on her leg, back, and pelvic muscles.  Her thumb flips through Pinterest's phone app and hopes something inspires the troubled new parents.</p>
<p>Evie’s hand randomly rubs her growing bump, slightly giggling at her new pregnancy shirt.  Dorian and Iron Bull think they are so cute to give her a shirt that says ‘<em>I found out why it says its 99.9% effective.’</em>  Cullen turned purple and walked away when Evie unwrapped the unexpected mail gift delivered Wednesday.  The pregnant woman could not stop laughing.  Evie requested more pregnancy shirts with hilarious quotes and zingers.  Iron Bull instantly jumped on Amazon with his best friend, Krem.  They arrive daily from all over Thedas.  The big Qunari even knows which cotton fabric will not rub her sensitive skin.</p>
<p>“For a woman who lives on Pinterest and loves renovating, I’m surprised you don’t have it all planned out, budgeted, and torn up half the loft by now.”  Cullen remarks, sipping his lavender kombucha that Evie addicted him to every morning.  Evie keeps some hard cider and beer in the fridge for him too, but he always snags the kombucha to quote <em>“stand in drinking solidarity with her.”  </em>He only drinks it when he has a rough day, which is every day stuck with her, she believes.</p>
<p>
  <em>You could always screw his brains out to help him relax.  No worries about getting pregnant now.  Bonding as well as itching this pregnancy arousal.</em>
</p>
<p>Evie’s cheek twitches, ignoring her clitoris tingling so much she might explode.  She does not know if this over-active sex drive is normal for most other women since she is first pregnant out of all her female friends.  Asking her boss’ wife, Astrid, if she experienced this with Duncan two years ago seems inappropriate and more information than she would ever want to know about her childhood friend Alistair.  Some online forum women stated pregnancy sex and orgasms are the greatest, while other retorted if their partner glanced at them sexually, they will beat them into the earth.  In either case, the general store around the corner likely thinks she hoards batteries and ready for the end of the world rather than because she burns through them from over-vibrator use.</p>
<p>Thus why her pelvic muscles burn sitting on this ball.  Her favorite vibrator died last night.  She wishes she could give that toy a twenty-one salute and a monument.  Maybe Iron Bull can gift her a replacement with his next Amazon baby shirt order.  He is always up on the latest models.</p>
<p>
  <em>Ugh, go to sleep clitoris!</em>
</p>
<p>Meanwhile, sitting on the floor is the most handsome man in the world whose cock should be a national treasure and have its own zip code.  While alcohol clouds most sexual experiences, Evie remembers clearly what his tongue felt like glancing her pearl and the perfect way his cock and body felt inside her.  If she got more time to analyze it before deep throating it, she could have searched for the right length and thickness to properly fill her.</p>
<p>The pregnant woman rubs her face, nearly falling off the yoga ball.  Her groin is on fire, dying for attention again.  Today is one of those days. </p>
<p>“I’ve been distracted.”  Evie grumbles, while biting her lower lip.</p>
<p>“Well, we don’t know the baby’s sex so I say stay away from the traditional baby colors.”  Cullen suggests, glancing around the now empty plain room. </p>
<p>“Agree.  I hate pink and light blue makes me think it will storm in five minutes.  I never supported traditional colors, anyway.  It gives children expectations about gender and sexuality that should not govern their lives.  Don’t get me started on intersex babies and parents forcing to a female or male sex on them as infants.  I refuse to do that to our child.”  The mage hisses as she bites her lower lip harder.  “I don’t know about you, but they can be whoever and however they freaking want.”</p>
<p>Cullen nods and smiles.  Evie feels those amber eyes against her cheek like a caressing hand.  “Completely agree.  If they announce they are gay, I’m still giving the father speech no matter who asks them on the first date.  If they come home one day and declare themselves trans, I’ll sit them down and search together for a transition doctor they would feel comfortable meeting.”</p>
<p>Both parents fist bump.</p>
<p>“I will never have this child go through my sexuality journey.”  Evie retorts, tossing her phone across the carpet.  “While my parents were okay with my bisexuality, it still didn’t mean they were happy the first time I bought my first girlfriend home.  Esme smacked them both for living in the Exalted Age.”</p>
<p>“My high school girlfriend Maya Amell taught me the consequences of suppressing a person’s sexuality and identified gender.  I saw her struggle with herself for years and never knew because she could not trust me to be herself.”  Cullen remembers about his first love.  “Her family forced her to live a lie,…and it almost drove her to suicide.”</p>
<p>“My thinking on all that:  love is love is love.  Don’t tell how someone else should love just because you aren’t into it.”  Evie proclaims, shrugging.  “Dorian’s life illustrates that to the billionth degree.  If I even see his father again, that man will walk away with so many firestorms up his colon…”  She glances around Dorian’s former room at her building.  “I don’t remember this room being so big.  It always felt so small.  Once Dorian removed his necromancy equipment, this room could easily be two rooms by adding a wall there.”</p>
<p>“Wait, what?!”  Cullen’s head whips his head around.  “You want to put our child where a necromancer put his magical altar?!”</p>
<p>Evie waves off his concern and rolls her eyes.  “I banned any ancient Tevinter artifacts and hexes.  I vetted the stuff.  This building is clean.  <em>Well</em>…I forgot that spirit haunting the master bathroom.  I named her Betty, figuring she was a garment worker who got killed on the cotton fabric machines back in the day.  The fucker keeps moving my favorite dil-“  Evie stops what she was about to say.  She has too much sex—or lack thereof—on the brain.  She just coughs into her elbow like she had something in her throat. </p>
<p>
  <em>Like Cullen’s cock?</em>
</p>
<p>SHUT UP, BRAIN!</p>
<p>“<em>Anyway, </em>Bull just hated the stuff because Dorian would summon spirits to possess the items after they squabbled.  Dorian got sick and tired replacing furniture when Bull would get out the sledgehammer and smashed said possessed item.”  Her bright green eyes flick to Cullen, mouth gapping.  “If you’re so worried, you could always bring in your clinic psychiatrist to check the Veil.  Dr. Fen’Harel, right?  What silly elf would have the Dread Wolf as a surname?  Don’t they try to keep the trickster god away?”</p>
<p>“Ugh, mages…”  The ex-templar rolls his whiskey eyes.  “Solas would likely call five ‘helpful’ spirits to guard the space and enlighten the baby’s dreams.”  Cullen mutters with a jumping scarred lip.  “Is it true Dorian has a spirit cat he adopted after hitting it with his car?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Princess Aelia Vibiana of Minrathous?”  The inferno mage laughs and shakes her head.  “Dorian might have revived that cat, but she’s Bull’s baby.  Those two enjoy hunting nugs together on the weekends.  They’re inseparable.”</p>
<p>Cullen points to Surana laying in the corner asleep.  “Like you and Surana?  I wonder whose imprint she actually is with how much you hang out now.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her bright green eyes.  “She’s still your mabari, Cullen.  I’m not Fereldan enough.”</p>
<p>Her unborn child’s father scrunches his brow and studies her.  Their nursery planning takes a backseat for a second.  “Fereldan enough?  You have family from here?”</p>
<p>“My mother is a bastard.”  Evie bluntly states, her bright green eyes focusing on his drink.  “My grandmother ran away with a Free Marcher navy sailor and got pregnant.  She was disowned by her high-born Fereldan family.  They called my grandmother and mother horrible things and barred them from ever visiting.  My grandparents got married, but my mother was born premature, thus the label.  Nowadays, being born to unwed parents isn’t so bad, but back then, it was a lifetime of stigma, especially within the nobility despite the hundreds of illegitimate sons most noblemen love over their daughters.”</p>
<p>“I take it finding out your pregnancy brought up those experiences during that Satinalia Dinner when your father threw you out?”  Cullen assumes with a pout.</p>
<p>“You have no idea.”  Evie sighs and rolls her head.  “My mother supports me, but worries that our child will have a similar childhood.  Her parents died when she was a toddler in a car accident.  Since my grandfather had no family and my grandmother’s kin disowned her, my mom spent her childhood in foster care hopping city-state to city-state.  Being estranged with my own father before you reappeared made me worried that could happen to this baby, thus why I detailed so much about you in my updated will and testament.”</p>
<p>Cullen blows out his cheeks.  “Nothing that terrible would happen to you or this baby.  I might have not told my family yet, but when I do, they’ll love you both.  It is your father’s loss for not being a part of this child’s life.  I guarantee instantly my siblingswill love you.”</p>
<p>Evie blinks, shaking her head so hard her ponytail slaps her left eye.  “Wait, you haven’t told your siblings anything!?  Didn’t you visit them like two weeks ago?”  She shouts, while rubbing the now sore eyeball.</p>
<p>
  <em>Of course he never told them!  Who would want to tell their family he knocked up a mage and now stuck with her?  None of your other relationships wanted you to meet their parents!  Why this “partnership”?!</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen rubs his neck and grimaces.  “It was the first major time I saw them in a decade.  There was plenty of awkwardness beyond an unplanned pregnancy.  And before you think, I didn’t tell them because I’m ashamed.  I withheld it because my sister Mia is the most invasive woman I know.  You say your father must know everything going on, but you have no idea what Mia will do to get involved and be in the middle of said knowledge.  I knew if I said anything about the pregnancy, she would start digging at us both for every detail.  She would lecture for hours about how we haven’t planned the nursery yet.  If you want to find someone, call Mia.  She is like a student loan collector.  However, you only contact her for said task, unless you absolutely used every other resource. That point onward, she’s involved for the rest of your life.”</p>
<p>“Considered asking her to find me?”  Evie quizzes, half as a joke and half honestly curious.</p>
<p>“Oh, she would have your full name, address, identity number, and which dance school you attended outside the elementary Circle within twenty-four hours.  Rylen might have compiled that list of lyrium geologist, but Mia would sit me down at gunpoint until I picked you out.  If we had searched more for each other and asked family members, it have been a contest between your father and her.  I would put my money on Mia.”  Cullen admits before taking another kombucha gulp.  “The woman found me while I was in the Imperium on covert missions.  For a farmer who <em>hates </em>modern technology, she can use it like a hacker taking over the government.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like Iron Bull should hire her for his missing person cases.”  Evie suggests, staring out the window where she envisions the changing table.</p>
<p>“Although….”  A deep red blush colors his cheeks.  “I told them…about <em>you</em> specifically.  Not the pregnancy…just <em>you.</em>”</p>
<p>That troublesome butterfly flutter returns.  Evie keeps pushing the feeling away, while her heart swelling every time he holds the door for her.  Her mind ignores how wonderful and right it felt when he held her in his lap after their snow fight.  For a few seconds, she swore he had a stiffy until he adjusted his utility knight in his pant pocket.  His oakmoss, sage, elderflower, and lavender scent clung to her scarf for the rest of the day.  She now knows the lavender comes from his mandatory lavender tea in the evenings an hour before bed, just as he begins days drinking lavender kombucha now.  He loves the stuff when he gets a withdrawal headache.  Evie made her own tea from her planters and keeps adjusting the recipe depending on his critiques and suggestions.  Sage is a component in his pomade and keeps a container for him at the loft when it snows too much and makes his curly hair a puffy mess.  She now searches of elderflower and oakmoss recipes to make him salves to assist his tight muscles and aching joints from abusing his old templar body.  Maybe some elderberry bushes grow in the woods around the lake.  Didn’t he say he loves both the flowers and elderberry pie?</p>
<p>Friendship, Evie.  He is the father.  This is just all hormones and over insatiable genitals.          </p>
<p>“Oh?  How you met a crazy mage with a short fuse?”  Evie whispers, reaching for her phone again.  She wants something to distract her than what he must really think about her.</p>
<p>Evie does not deserve his attention.  She carries his baby.  It is the only reason Cullen is around.  Yes, they enjoy each other’s company.  She admits to people they are friends, but nothing more despite Dorian begging her to make a romantic move.  The Tevinter always remarks for an independent woman who refuses social norms, she shies away from asking him on a date.  She just knows the rejection sting too well. </p>
<p>The new parents argue and bicker thus why they sit in an empty room on a Friday evening.  Neither dislike they have not addressed the baby’s room yet, but seem unsure what to do.  Cullen refused her housing offer, so he likely resists establishing the nursery here.  Yes, he said to give him some time to think, but it has been four days.  Evie knows when someone thinks about something and when no response means no.  The mage wants to help him, but apparently she is as revolting as she always known.</p>
<p>Once the baby is born, all hell will break loose.  The child custody battles will begin.  He will be her enemy who could rip out her wounded donated heart.</p>
<p>“Not those exact words.”  Cullen chuckles and rolls those whiskey eyes.  “I carefully navigated the conversation to not suggest how we met and our friendship.  Mia must meet every woman I’ve ever kissed.  The first time Cassandra met her in Kirkwall, Mia already started planning the wedding, not realizing our friendship was platonic.  I refuse you being pressured by my big sister.  It’s bad enough Mia <em>insists </em>on meeting you and won’t stop texting for me to send a photo.  She <em>hates </em>texting and cellphones. I got Rosalie to bury her phone in the hayloft just to leave me alone.”</p>
<p>Evie’s jaw clinches.  She feels the panic rising.  Too many pressures and guilt.  “So how about a safari-lion theme?”  She sounds like she swallowed a frog.</p>
<p>Cullen knows Evie is uncomfortable by his pensive stare and frown.  He hangs his head and rubs his neck.  Then he slowly turns his head back, eying her closely.  “A lion for any specific reason?”  His baritone is suspicious, and his whiskey eyes observe her every tremble.</p>
<p>The mage nearly flips over on the yoga ball.  “Your hair looks like a lion mane?”  She squeaks.</p>
<p>“You mean Rylen told you about my Imperium deployment hair.”  Cullen concludes instantly.  “Dirty fink…”</p>
<p>“Maybe something about resembling a blond male Sherry Temple in the desert and tropical heat?”  Evie picks at her thumbnail.  Cullen growls under his breath about murdering his best mate.  “I also heard something about the ‘Lion of Ferelden’.”</p>
<p>Cullen rolls his eyes.  “Ugh, that damn nickname.  So, I might holler running into battle.  It energized my platoon during my second tour.  I still don’t think welding tank metal to my helmet to mimic a lion head will pass Order inspections.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, he hollers like a lion all right…every time he fills a condom with his fertile cum.</em>  Evie thinks to herself.  Her mind is all over the place today, while her vagina clenches for cock attention again.  <em>Settle down, damn it!</em></p>
<p>Evie blinks.  “I think I saw that combat helmet sitting on your bookshelf.”</p>
<p>The ex-templar laughs and shakes his head.  “I wasn’t allowed to retire without that damn thing.”  Cullen sighs and pinches his nose.  “I don’t think a lion theme based on the father’s Imperium ambushes during service are appropriate for a baby.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know about that.  Boy or girl, lions are brave and courageous.  The lionesses work as a pack to survive, while the males are lazy as shit.  It will prepare the baby for society.”</p>
<p>“Not funny, Eve.”</p>
<p>“So we maybe add a few more animals.  Giraffes, zebras, monkeys…?”  Evie suggests, while ignoring his annoyed glare against her temple.  Her bright green eyes study the white walls.  “Although, Dorian will demand a peacock because he is as flashy as one.  That will spur Iron Bull to rant about everything should be dragons instead.  Cassandra will believe that too violent until Rian reminds her family personally put the beasts on the endangered species list-“</p>
<p>Evie rolls forward, bare feet fully planted on the floor.  “Wait!  What about a medieval theme?!”</p>
<p>Cullen perks up, mouth open but it slowly shifting into a grin.  “Like a castle setting.  Skyhold!  With calibrated trebuchets?!  Please!”  He coughs into his fist to settle his boyish glee.  “Nothing violent though.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t that the whole Dragon Age?”  Evie counters with a laugh.  She notices those amber eyes sparkling because his inner historian and tactician just woke up.  “But no, something like a romanticized history.  The mighty Grey Wardens, halla, happy and friendly dragons, and a woman shield maiden somewhere because Cassandra will scream about equal representation…  Maybe have the seeker punching a bear.  This kid will not register what they are for over a year as their vision and mind develops.  It would just for us.”  She points to her phone.  “Which is what half of these Pinterest boards are.”</p>
<p>“I think we just made our first major parenting choice.”  Cullen smirks, rubbing his hands together.  “Well, second choice today if we count our approach on sexuality and gender.”  Those whiskey eyes alight, studying the bare walls.  He looks like he wants to run to the hardware store right now to get started.</p>
<p>“Nah, we’re made a few before today.”  Evie concedes before smiling at this handsome man.  “Today’s just weren’t filled with tension and worry.”</p>
<p>“The others need not be, Eve.”  Cullen exhales, combing his hand through his blond waves.</p>
<p>“Tell that to my-“  Evie freezes, her entire body wondering what the heck just happen.</p>
<p>Cullen jumps to his feet, arms ready to catch her.  Naturally, her violin reaches out of his inner piano to confirm he is scared shitless and ready for anything.  Again, Evie’s crush-like butterflies take off, but this damn strange new internal feeling overrides the excited gooey feelings.  Just like in bed, the doctor is extremely attuned to her. </p>
<p>
  <em>Well, you can discover how attuned if you just pull him into your bedroom…</em>
</p>
<p>Ugh, knock it off, Clit!</p>
<p>The mage sends a triage spell through her bump, her hand resting where she felt the pressure.  It takes her a moment, but the answer appears as she feels it again against her palm.  The spell just informs her the baby is fine, more than just fine actually.</p>
<p>“You want to feel something?”  Evie asks with a mischievous smile.  Her bright green eyes twinkle up at the new father.  She offers her other hand.</p>
<p>The panic remains on his face with hints of confusion.  His piano sounds like it fell from ten stories up.  Cullen slips his hand into hers and kneels over her as she places his palm on the same pressure point.  They wait a few minutes.  Of course this kid will stop now-</p>
<p>-<em>Kick!</em></p>
<p>“Whoa!”  Cullen howls, leaning back before leaning over her.  His hand never leaves her stomach.  “That’s…amazing!”  He chuckles, his confusion now an enormous smile that smooths his scarred lip.  “You know when babies kick they are trying out their nervous system and how to work their bodies.  From that kick, this kid will be a soccer star!”</p>
<p>Evie giggles with him, feeling his breaths against her rosy cheeks.  She blushes, praying her long bangs cover her bare face.  “I will say the baby is awake.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Kick!</em>
</p>
<p>The mage winces.  “That was my bladder, my Light.  Please kindly don’t kick that.  Leave that to the soccer balls later…”</p>
<p>Cullen titters and shakes his head.  He leans more towards her.  Through her bangs, Evie sees every stubble emerging from his long day working.  He must have skipped shaving today.  That iconic <em>Cullen </em>manly scent wafts over her.  Hopefully, his hand does not feel her skipping heartbeats and nervousness.  Those amber eyes focus on her belly thankfully and not how she struggles to keep her distance.  They miss how Evie’s face burns.  Her tongue wets those pink lips, her heart and body itching to roll forward on the ball to kiss that smug smirk.</p>
<p>Oh Maker, Evie really likes this guy.  Is it because she <em>has </em>to like him for the baby’s sake?  Or is it because Cullen is just a great man?  Each night he leaves her loft, a little more of her whines and feels the instant loss.  So that is what musicians mean by heartache.  While her brain refuses to think of this man positively, it seems her heart decided.  Her body craves him both for hugs, cuddles, and sex.</p>
<p>The inferno mage’s soul reaches out for that fantastic piano unconsciously.  That music pops up when he is just outside her building, crescendoing as he rides the elevator up.  Every time he is nearby, she just listens to his baritone voice and tapping piano keys.  She misses part of conversations because she can just listen to this deep, beautiful music harmonizing inside her.  Evie gave him a key for emergencies already, no matter if he officially declines her housing offer.  She hopes he understands he need not ask to come over now and just arrive whenever. </p>
<p>Yes, Evie really likes this guy.</p>
<p>But should she?</p>
<p>
  <em>Do not show your crush and ruin this friendship, Evie.  How many times have you told someone you liked them and been rejected right afterwards.  You must have a pleasant friendship with this man.  Yes, you already slept with him, but there is too much at risk by being an idiot!</em>
</p>
<p>Right then, Cullen’s amber gaze shifts and locks on her bright green eyes.  She notices the brown and gold flakes around his pupils as she did on the airplane and in Val Royeaux.  Those orbs do not eye her as an unexpected passing affair, but with softness and admiration.  His rage and accusations only shined when she unloaded her emotions that gala night.  Evie has never seen that anger again, only care and understanding. </p>
<p>Suddenly, Evie believes Cullen’s words over the last month.  He will not harm her.  She can rely on him.  He values her opinions and company.  They trust one another.  He cares about <em>her.</em> </p>
<p>Evie barely registers herself rolling forward, the momentum on the yoga ball just right to not stop and think of her actions.  Her plump pink lips contact with his lip scar and side smile.  The kiss is like two silly teens behind school having their first ever kiss.  Their lips are firmly closed and no one moves because they do not know what to do.</p>
<p>Maker, his lips are as fantastic as she remembers.</p>
<p>Evie flies back to that night.  The Vhenadahl’s leaves rustling above her head.  Humming ears enjoying rustic, live music nearby.  Warm, callused hands cupping her hip and gripping her hand to follow along with the music while slowly dance.  He took the plunge last time, but he had alcohol and a full tummy to inspire him.  Now, Evie just has pregnancy hormones and a donated heart that will not listen to her head.</p>
<p>There is always that initial moment between kissing someone and their reaction response.  That second feels like a lifetime.  Every stupid thought flashes through the mind, waiting if she just made a fool of herself like usual.</p>
<p>Then the other person finally replies…</p>
<p>Cullen turns his head a little more so her pink lips fall in the middle of his lips.  She feels his stubble graze her chin.  His deep scar feels strangely pleasant when sober.  That smirk shifts to slightly open lips, a welcome and positive response to her silly crush.  Evie feels his smile growing while his lips open and follow her slit, reminding her how talented that tongue really is against both sets of lips.</p>
<p>Evie moans in relief, her chin tilting up more, as his free hand slides up her arm and cups her cheek.  His other remains against her baby bump beneath her hand as her magic keeps triaging and feeling the baby’s movements.  Her body goosefleshes, excited he touches her face and body again sexually and not just responding to her needed hug and demanding dance lessons.  His body heat so close and comforting just a few layers away until their naked bodies slide and hold another again.  No spell or heater can keep her as warm as his chiseled body. </p>
<p>The mage opens her lips just a little, an invitation and reply to his tongue.  Cullen takes it, grunting just a bit as his tongue teases her inner lower lip.  Evie’s mouth widens as she tastes him again.  His mouth will always taste of spiced mead. </p>
<p>Maker, this is actually happening!</p>
<p>Evie cannot keep their music buried now while kissing like this.  Her violin soul sings with his piano.  Their shared music is a hopeful nervousness.  Evie already made her silly crush known, might as well dig deeper and explore.  She dives in as Cullen turns and holds the back of her head.  Tongues waltz together, slow and steady, not in alcoholic charged fury like that faithful night.  This is an actual first kiss, not rolling hormones and frustrated souls so drunk and hungry for one another than they just wanted each other’s bodies for a single night of passion.  This is a response of souls, minds, and hearts.  They are both sober.  They both wanted this…hopefully. </p>
<p>Alas, she cannot stop.  She can fall into this man and knows he will catch and hold her.  Now kissing him again, she knows why they fell into bed so easily before.  One kiss is never enough.</p>
<p>
  <em>Kick!</em>
</p>
<p>Evie jolts back, growling at her womb.  The baby loves kicking her full bladder.  She should not have chugged that water earlier.  Cullen glances down at what pulled them out of their revelry.  Those beautiful whiskey eyes flick back to her, words lost.</p>
<p>“Please tell me I did not just cross a forbidden line or make things horrifically awkward.”  Evie croaks, fear and embarrassment dripping from each word.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please don’t reject me!</em>
</p>
<p>“No…”  Cullen’s voice wisps against her burning cheeks.  “I’ve wanted to do that for <em>weeks</em>.”</p>
<p>“Why did you not…?”  Evie questions, her heart wondering if she would have responded so well if he had.</p>
<p>“I respect you, Eve.  I care.”  His fingertips slip some bangs behind her pierced ear, tickling the dark red shell, blushing from their recent kissing.  “I will wait an age to know how you feel about me.”</p>
<p>“So chivalrous…”  Evie comments with a slight grin.  “Maybe this nursery need your knightly presence.  A medieval lion helm and black huge horse as he charges into battle.”</p>
<p>“Only if we include a fiery mage whose bewitched him.”  Cullen gives that smug smirk that makes Evie melt.</p>
<p>“All in good time, Sir Lion.”</p>
<p>Both parents lean forward to kiss again, but Evie winces when another baby kick really nails her ful bladder.  “This kid just made me piss myself.”  Cullen just chuckles and shakes his head while Evie waddles to her bedroom to piss and change.  She flips him off the entire walk down the hall.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THEY FINALLY KISSED!  XD!  It seems strange to cheer for that after they screwed each other's brains out chapters ago, but this is not drunkenness talking this time.  While Evie might been behind understanding and accepting her feelings, it is still a major step for them.  Things are on a great track, Everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. A Distant Voice In The Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, Everyone.  You might have noticed I haven't replied to last chapter's comments.  Some I received are well...I nearly stopped posting this story.  While people's intent were not to be hurtful, the content contained some triggers that I honestly don't know how to respond.  It makes me actually fear posting some upcoming chapters in this story because people view some content in a context that was never my intention.  Some people just assume I don't know the content when I just expressed it indirectly.  That also tells me I need to do better as a writer if there was too much assumption or that the passage was poorly written that the intent was missed or misinterpreted.  I'm working on that personally every time I write and edit.  </p><p>Please remember, I write these stories as a way to handle my depression, anxiety, and life events that have wrecked my soul.  I write for myself and post only when I gain the courage to share my struggles publicly.  Please, during these troubling times, think about your words.  Criticism is fine, but it must be constructive and respectful.  While you might not think anything awful in your comments, it can harm others unintentionally.  I highly encourage you all to comment.  I want to hear from you, just be mindful please?</p><p>With that said, please be forewarned that this chapter contains depression, anxiety, and PTSD struggles that might trigger some people.  Make sure you all are being cared for mental health wise.  The world is crazy...and all some of us need is understanding and sympathy.</p><p>Chapter Song:  “Sympathy” by Halocene</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>She kissed him!</em>
</p><p>Cullen cannot wipe the smile off his face.  That simple but special moment is the first thing that pops up every time his mind and heart relaxes.  When he is making his daily rounds at work, the doctor thinks about that simple action to give him something happy to remember while around so much pain and suffering.  It gets him through the piling paperwork the Foundation unloads on him to finalize his clinical operations and potentially start new clinics elsewhere next year.  Every time he speaks to his realtor, he repeats that Evie kissed him to not strangle the imbecilic house searcher who does not know his butt from a dragon’s.</p><p>That kiss begins the first steps towards something Cullen yearned for every night before falling asleep.  Evie is his first thought waking up and his last communication before going to bed.  They constantly text when not together.  She sends him photos of her students not comprehending a geological lab or how Surana sleeps on her couch while she works in my library loft.  While Evie works from home, the hound spends many days over at her loft to have somewhere to run and move.  Furthermore, Surana’s presence there just gives him an excuse to be in Evie’s company more each evening. </p><p>Cullen finally knows how Evie feels about their relationship…roughly.  She has said nothing directly yet, but a kiss is more than Cullen thought would even happen again.  The two upcoming parents seem like they agree, thank the Maker.  They still have that connection from Val Royeaux, that deep burning for one another.  A single kiss is a starting point to a potential romantic relationship than a drunken one-night stand.  They know so much about one another now rather than denying their pasts and avoiding speaking about their personal lives.</p><p>But is it enough?</p><p>Cullen’s week is up.  Evie needs an answer regarding offering her loft as a new home for the new family.  For how much time they spend together, it makes sense for him to move in.  They eat meals together already, while lounge and enjoy each other company every evening possible.  That could be their everyday!</p><p>Alas, they both know this is just a “honeymoon” stage of any relationship.  Everything looks rosy and sweet at the beginning.  However, time is not on their sides.  Evie will give birth in less than three months.  What takes other relationships <em>years </em>to achieve has occurred at lightning speed.  Furthermore, both adults have not had the best relationship experiences and already fear things will crumble before stepping off the start line.  That does not mean they should not avoid a romantic possibility.  There will be hurtles ten feet high for each person to overcome, but Cullen knows how to stack boxes and jump over the obstacles.  He will reach down and help Evie over them too. </p><p>They can finally discover what this budding relationship can be.</p><p>Still, Cullen hesitates to agree.  He knows there is one hurtle that even he cannot climb.  It feels like weights are tied to his wrists, waists, and ankles, while the crates he can use to climb are on fire about to collapse.  How can he expose Evie, a lifetime worrier who has so much on her plate, to his constant old struggles?</p><p>That monster who accused the inferno mage of the most heinous crimes she will never do still paces in his soul every night.  It rules his thoughts when he is startled awake at night.  It drove all his other girlfriends away.  No one has willingly stayed after Cullen reveals that major character flaw Evie always wonders about when praising his many chivalrous actions.</p><p>Cullen thinks about his major character flaw while watching Evie drool down his shoulder fast asleep.  He wants to fall asleep too.  The doctor fights the Fade’s gentle tugs to follow her into dreams.  Her presence is so relaxing and peaceful that not even lavender tea makes him to sleepy and relaxed every night.  He will not allow that flaw to come now while he cradles her on the couch.  Instead, the ex-templar stares at the shut off television and focusing on his achy joints while raking himself over the coals of regret and depression for hiding his darkest recesses from the only person who actually has seen <em>him.</em></p><p>The upcoming parents spent the day gathering supplies for the nursery.  Evie’s renovation mind keeps coming up with new ideas now that they agreed on a theme.  She explodes creativity and excitement when in her element.  Cullen does not feel her fear rolling with her mana as much now like the kiss released her own apprehensions.  After spending way too much money at the hardware store and not caring, Evie invited him back to her place for pizza and a movie.  Evidently, they both enjoy <em>The Mummy</em> movies—<em>never</em> the third one though.  Evie made it through the first one okay, quoting along to her favorite scenes, while Cullen shared trivia on a specific scene.  Alas, the third trimester exhaustion and aches dragged her into the Fade half-way through the second movie’s jungle scenes right before they stab Evy.  Cullen actually winces seeing the mortal wound in the gut, his mind defensively reaction thinking <em>his</em> Evie being harmed like that.  He could not stop rubbing her growing tummy ever since then like she is a pregnant worry stone.</p><p>The movie is long over.  Surana sleeps below them, her snores echoing through the inky black loft only lit by the moon.  Cullen naturally holds Evie while she sleeps against him.  He offered his lap for her legs when she complained about water retention around her ankles.  She declined, but now rests with her legs up on the couch and her sitting in his lap.  One hand encircles his bicep, while the other clenches his t-shirt like Cullen might disappear while she sleeps.  She looks comfortable and adorable with drool dribbling out of her pink lips.  Her cheek twitches every so often as the Fade projects in her mind.</p><p>The ex-templar debates on what to do.  He could pick her up and set her in her bed.  That way he can leave afterwards.  Evie might be pregnant, but she is still lean.  Most people do not realize her status until she turns around or if one of funny pregnancy shirts accents her growing bump.  Her current pregnancy shirt is <em>‘Rub at your own risk.’</em>  She mentions that does not include Cullen, which is why his keep rubbing it the longer he debates on what to do.  Every so often, he feels their child move around like an alien.  He finally understands when the mage complains his spawn keeps her up at night and requires her rocking the fetus asleep before attempting a restless night of tossing and turning.</p><p>However, the doctor does not move.  He does not want to leave her.  Leaning his head back against the couch back, he stares at the A-frame roof and feels torn in two.  He wants to accept her housing invitation and spend every moment in her and the baby’s company.  He can come home to her cussing about a moronic student.  Surana loves the forest beside the lake, purposely marking a new pine tree each time she does her business.  This can be his home life, what he always wanted.</p><p>Yet, Cullen cannot bring himself to expose his new family to his past shames, those last vestiges of a time he wish he could just overcome forever.  He quit the templar to leave the source of his permanent traumas.  He became a doctor to partially heal himself and his patients.  Lyrium withdrawal is only half the battle, one he still fights every morning after his shower, the time when he would have taken his draught.  He took several psychology courses focused on addiction to navigate his own voids.  During some medical classes he took, his fellow students admitted their choices stem from their own troubles and hope in helping others they can heal themselves. </p><p>The ex-templar still has weekly therapy sessions with their clinic psychiatrist, Dr. Solas Fen’Harel.  Cullen never told Evie why, disguising them as a planning meeting to avoid questions.  Nowadays, the sessions apply more to his more current troubles, such as losing a patient or employment stress.  However, the roots still remain from that torturous time.  Unfortunately, Solas is on a business trip this week so Cullen could not ask how to handle this situation because of course that is how everything works out.</p><p>Cullen never admitted until now staring at the ceiling he searched for a large house because he wanted to live on the opposite side so the baby and Evie would not wake up to his screams.  He could hide those sins instead of observing Evie’s disappointment and disgust like all those women gave when they fell out of bed and quizzed what in the Maker’s name was wrong with him.  Lying is not any way to build a relationship, but after watching several girlfriends leave in the night after finding out the truth, Cullen fears he might lose the one he loves now the same way. </p><p>The ex-templar refuses to put his new family through those voids.  Evie’s loft is a tight space, so his nightly horrors will surly startle a newborn and a woman with a heart condition.  It is a miracle he never had a night terror while in that hotel room.  That was one reason he nearly turned down her offer.  Cullen’s thought process that night stated such horrors could get him in trouble in a terminal, likely arrested by security.  A stranger he will never meet again watching the sweating and tears seems the lesser evil.   Now, Cullen prefers the airport learning about his struggle than this enchanting woman how may or may not be <em>his someone</em> now.</p><p>Evie squirms beside him, her nose digging into his armpit.  Her face winces.  Long heated breaths pant from her lips.  Her fingernails bite into his bicep.  She whines deep in her throat.</p><p>Cullen recognizes instantly what is happening.  His body stiffens, his mind being that traitorous monster wondering when the demon will possess a weak mage.  While harrowings are only for mages planning to use or study lyrium now, he stood through those exams and saw the terrible results.  He watched Meredith’s terror drive mages to spill their blood and summon those evil powers, killing many civilians in Kirkwall’s streets.  His Venatori prison employed demons to wander the halls and abuse the starving knights until they accepted their evil offers.</p><p>Those same fears still nag him for decades instantly come back.</p><p>No, Cullen cannot move in with Evie.  If he cannot trust her to simply have a nightmare, he should just leave this family and never return.  What if their child is a mage?  How can he help him or her through a nightmare if he wonders if the screams are rage demons or fearlings possessing his child’s body?  Could Cullen do the right thing if either Evie or their child becomes possessed?  What <em>is</em> the right thing?  He would rather die than use his abilities to stop them.</p><p>Something in his soul breaks right then, like the Maker slaps him upside the head.   The ex-templar relaxes, his heart reaching out to this struggling woman clinging to him much like that night in Val Royeaux.  She suffers with terrors too.  What the contents might be is anyone’s guess, but they both struggle.  Evie trusts Cullen enough to fall asleep and risk seeing this exposing moment, a significant action for any mage around a templar.  She might not intend it to happen like this, but she took the risk.  Meanwhile, Cullen is a craven who wants to run away and hide his hurts.  Damn male expectations of mental health.  More men are successful in committing suicide because society tells them to show weakness is beneath them. </p><p>Cullen remains with Evie, holding her through the hellscape the Fade plays like a movie.  Each moment Cullen fights internally his deep seated fears and what he will do if his child is mage too, a likely chance as it is genetic.  Evie is a mage, while Mia’s eldest daughter is one too.  No, Cullen will love this woman and their child no matter what.  His fears will not keep him away from Evie now.  He will fight the terror and climb the obstacles on fire and covered in barbed wire.  How?  By being here for her now.</p><p>“Esme!” Evie snaps awakes, bright green eyes blazing as her mana puffs out of her body.  There is just a hint of heat from her inferno magic, but nothing Cullen cannot handle.</p><p>The mage sits in his lap, panting and holding her chest as a stream of tears trickle from her glassy orbs.  Her fingernails claw at the surgical scars so white against her tan, olive skin.  She covers her gapping mouth, her body processing whatever the Fade forced her to live through.  Her whole body trembles through the terror and heartbreak reflected in her watering eyes.</p><p>Cullen stays still, knowing exactly what a person’s mind is like waking up from such a void.  He learned in medical school and caring for addicts it takes the brain a few minutes to process and awake.  Still, to be just part of the couch is difficult.  He usually can turn off that caring personal side, restraining the urge to hold the sufferer.  However, seeing Evie like that presses on his self-control.  To watch someone he loves dealing with this feels like a knife stabbing at his organs.</p><p>Slowly, Evie turns her head in his direction, her eyes widening as she sees that she is not alone.  He can tell she is not completely out of the nightmare.  She goes to flee, nearly falls off the couch and onto Surana, who has woken to her cries.  The hard coffee table could hurt her and the baby.  He risks stopping her fall, his grip tight enough to hold her to keep on his lap, but not threateningly.</p><p>“Please!  Don’t take him away!”  She cries, trying to wiggle out of his grasp.  Cullen stills for a moment, his worst fears coming back.  Evie still fears him.  She thinks he will take the baby.</p><p>
  <em>You feared her just moments ago.  Fear and trust are two distinct things.  If she ever knows what you did to her fellow mages, she will cast you out of her and the baby’s lives forever…and have every right.</em>
</p><p>Yet, the doctor’s grip remains on her hip, while he brings her flailing arms to her bump.  “Evie, you are safe.  The baby’s safe.  No one will hurt you both.  I promise.  It was a nightmare.”  His husky voice is even despite his heart feeling the sting.   Right now, his doctor mind is helping a patient, a friend.  He keeps it all impersonal, but he cannot remove the disappointment that she still sees him as a threat.</p><p>
  <em>As she should.  You accused her of horrific things after the gala because you could not properly react and let that former templar monster holler and scream at her.  You are still Meredith’s filthy Fereldan mutt.</em>
</p><p>“Cullen…?”  Evie whimpers, her flailing halts. </p><p>A brief moment of a different fear flashes in her bright green orbs before she flings herself at Cullen and wails into his shoulder.  Her grip around his neck tightens to the point Cullen nearly struggles to breathe.  She sobs uncontrollably, while pulling her whole body flesh against him.  For a woman who fears what he might do, Evie feels better with his arms around her trembling body.</p><p>“It was my fault!”  Evie cries into the crook of the ex-templar’s neck.  “They told me the wrong person died!  It should have been me they cut off life support.  It should be me the Maker took!  Esme, I’m so sorry!”</p><p>Cullen’s hug tightens as his heart relaxes and sighs internal relief.  He misinterpreted her scream.  He thought she meant the baby.  Instead, she cries for her dead brother.  Cullen felt terrible for jumping to conclusions, but for how much she hollered about mage losing children before, it is a simple mistake.</p><p>
  <em>Later, Rutherford.  She needs you now.</em>
</p><p>So, Cullen cradles his Lady as too many tears trickle down Evie’s bright red face.  He rocks her like he will rock their child soon.  He makes himself a safe and comfortable place for her while she sobs for someone she still mourns for after almost a decade.</p><p>Her guilt is as strong as it was back then.</p><p>The ex-templar knows that well.</p><p>It might be five minutes or five hours, but the sobs slowly simmer.  Cullen pulls out his handkerchief so she can blow her nose and wipe away some tears.  Her tears soaked his t-shirt’s right shoulder, but he does not care.  Finally, he can be there when she needs him most.  He holds her like he dreams alone, her orange and clove scent permeating his clothing.</p><p>“It’s hormones…”  Evie admits after a long deep sigh, but continues to press her face into the crook of his neck so her words sound mute.  “Before, when I had those nightmares, I would just wake up in tears.  I might not sleep the rest of the night, but by morning, no one was any wiser.  After becoming pregnant…”  She pauses and hiccups.  “…it is like a tidal wave of emotion.  Most times when I’m awake, I’m aware of it.  I mitigate when I notice a shirt Esme would like or stare in the bathroom mirror remembering teaching him to waltz after hearing ‘The Blue Danube.’  Then there are the nights…In the Fade…”  Another deep exhale.</p><p>“Stress and uncertainty brings these emotions and memories from deep recesses.”  Cullen explains as much for himself as for her.  “Those sobs were very old, painful wounds like they just happened today.”</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to see that.”  Evie sighs, trying to cover her face, but Cullen refuses her to do so.  He even pulls her wet auburn bangs into her loose ponytail.  “I never wanted to cry in front of you.  I don’t want you to think me too weak that I could do something…<em>stupid.</em>”  Her bright green eyes lock on his watering amber orbs.  “I would never…no deal is worth it.”</p><p>Evie hid this pain from him because she wondered if he would accuse her of possession or demon dealing.  Meanwhile, Cullen stupidly jumped to that conclusion, watching her have a nightmare.  It is the Gallows all over again.  No mage there sought mental relief because if they show tears, depression, or anxiety the templars will call them a danger.  Evie’s fears about losing the baby are still true today because of prejudices.</p><p>And Cullen still struggles with them every moment, despite fifteen years of undoing those voids.</p><p>Old wounds still gaping like they happened today…</p><p>“I know you would never.”  Cullen confesses, more sure now that he spoke those words.  “You feel these hurts now after so many years and still haven’t given in.  You are a force of self-will and determination.  Everyone calls people struggling for so long as weak and useless, but I disagree.  Eve, you still swim the Waking Sea despite carrying an elephant on your back, hippos on your shoulders, and a dragon chasing after you.” Cullen explains, his baritone soft to not scare her off.  “Just know…You can always talk to me, Eve.”</p><p>“I’m afraid to talk about that time…and the demons who prey on the grief.  Thankfully Misery and Grief are ice-based so I can firestorm them into rags.”  Evie confesses, allowing her head to hang off his bent elbow.  Cullen covers her with a blanket as she shivers.  “Everyone watched me after it all happened like I might turn into a red lyrium node or become possessed with a demon if I showed sadness.  So, I just walked around pissed off or sarcastic.  I buried it, while chasing people away with my harsh words and short temper.  It is only when I’m alone with no reason to hide it does it pour out.”</p><p>“Those horrific people blamed you.”  Cullen surmised, lip twitching.  If he ever meets her family, he <em>will</em> throw punches.</p><p>“I heard it from my relatives as much as my brain.  <em>‘You should have died, demon.  You were already broken.  You poisoned him because you were selfish.  Just cut your wrist and lets us kill you like the animal you actually are.’</em>  My parents told me it was not my fault, but when those voices scream such things, it stays.  They may say many positive things, but it only takes one negative to pull you down.  What if it has only been negative…?  There is so much shit in my cesspool that a compliment does nothing.”  Her eyes flick to his face.  “I always wonder if this heart also had some microscopic bits of red lyrium just enough to induce panic.  I have always been a shaky person, but it’s horrible now.  Medicines never simmer it.”</p><p>“General Anxiety Disorder?”  Cullen asks softly in a way to sound encouraging and sympathetic and not as a doctor to a sufferer.</p><p>“Major Depression too…”  Evie admits with a defeated expression.  “I stopped going to therapy when I found out I’m pregnant.  I…I stupidly thought any record of mental illness would be…used against me.”</p><p>Cullen knows what she means.  “You feared <em>I’d</em> use it against you.”</p><p>Evie hides her face under the blankets.  “I hate I allowed the depression to think you so cruel!  I allowed my anxiety to run off the deep end.”  She uncovers her face, determination in her eyes.  “I want you to know I don’t believe that now.  I know better.  I know you are not that person.  You are kind and caring…honest and open.”</p><p>His own dead albatross strangles his neck.</p><p>If she only knew…</p><p>The ex-templar exhales.  “I understand when mental illness makes you think irrationally.” </p><p>Understatement of the age. </p><p>Cullen glances out the lakeside windows, his mind debating to tell her his own struggles.  They are more like than he ever thought.  However, his sins will make her throw him out of her life instantly.  The crimes he committed against her already qualify for that.</p><p>“What’s worse, I never got to say goodbye.  I was still in a medically induced coma when they cremated him.  They spread his ashes over the ocean.  Do I say goodbye to the ocean?  Do I thank it for saving my life?”  Evie whispers as she stared off into space.  “It’s all silly.  So many people told me to get over Esme’s death, but how can I with no way to resolve these guilts?  One reason why I hope for a boy is I can finally think Esme came back.  It’s stupid and unfair, but just a moment to tell him I’m sorry and thank you...”  A few fresh tears trickle down her cheeks.  “…a sign that him giving up his life for mine has <em>meaning</em>.”</p><p>“You never had closure.”  Cullen consoled, kissing her forehead.  She leans into his lips.  It had been three days since they kissed, but this gives him hope it was not a fluke or another moment of shame.  “The guilt, the lacking supporting, and no way to say goodbye…it’s all eating you under all the hormones and wondering about your own health.”</p><p>“I thank Esme.”  Cullen professes, his amber gaze falls back to Evie.  “I did not know him, but if he is anything like you, he would have been selfless and a golden soul.  I don’t see him wanting you to do something meaningful for this life, like a barter.  He would have rather saved you if his life was forfeit with no expectation afterwards.  That’s unconditional love, Eve.  I’m sorry you never knew it before this, but we all will give ourselves to save those we care about.”</p><p>“But the raft trip-“  Evie sobs, biting her lip.</p><p>“Eve, you go out and remove red lyrium from the world.  You <em>know </em>it can grow everywhere.  Did you intentionally know it was growing under the river water?  Did Esme fall out of the raft right there any way your fault?”</p><p>Evie shakes her head no.</p><p>“Then, you had no direct role.  If anything, you are a victim in this too.”  Cullen keeps combing her hair with his other hand.  His finger itch to touch her face still swollen from her tears.  “You went out on that trip accepting you would die soon.  Instead of resolution, you lost your brother.  He saved you by giving his untainted heart, but all those awful people made you feel wrong for receiving that miraculous gift.  The chances of his heart not matching you were still high despite being siblings.  Esme might have died, but the Maker made his death have meaning that never required you to give away your trust money and live alone as penance.  I can safely say Esme never wanted you to live this life trying to earn that heart because you already have by just being his elder sister.”  Evie squeezes her eyes shut, holding in a sob.</p><p>Cullen’s hand lays on her bump, feeling the baby inside moving from all these activities.  “I thank Esme you live.  We met and created this life inside you.  I get to know and help you both during this trying time.”  He pinches his nose and exhales.  “However, don’t hope for his return via the baby.  He no longer lives on this side of the Veil.  This life in you, he or she is unique and can only be themselves.  They cannot and should not replace a life long gone, only learn about the events and people that led to their creation.  Esme’s sacrifice allowed you to be on that plane and assist a struggling doctor.  Together, we created a life precious and our future.”  His next words are for both he and Evie.  “We cannot keep looking backwards when our future depends on us to live in the present.”</p><p>“That is selfish thinking, isn’t it…”  Evie scolds herself.  She rubs the bump.  “Sorry, my Light.  Forgive me…”</p><p>“I didn’t say that to guilt you, Eve.”</p><p>“I know,” she replies, that gentle, beautiful smile accent her flushed, angled features.  “I wish you could have met Esme too.”</p><p>“You think he would like me?”</p><p>“Oh, Maker no!”  Evie spat, shaking her head quickly.  “If you think Rian is overprotective, Esme made him look indifferent.  As soon as Esme found out I was pregnant, he would have hacked your 401K and sent mercenaries after you!”</p><p>“What is it with your family?!”  Cullen chuckles, shaking his head and shrugging.  “One side is so protective and other treats you like crap!”</p><p>“The Trevelyan House motto is, ‘Modest in Temper, Bold in Deed.’  It should be ‘Explosive Temper, Devious Deeds.’”  Evie exhales, then freezes as she comprehends how she sits.  She pets his wet shoulder.  “Oh, Maker!   I am <em>so</em> sorry!  I’m laying all over you bawling like a moron when you likely need to get home.  You work in the morning!”  Her lilt softens with a slight pout.</p><p>“I don’t want to go.”</p><p>Evie’s bright green eyes widen, sitting up more.  “…huh?”  Her breasts and baby bump rub against Cullen’s harden chest.</p><p>“I don’t want to leave here…leave you.”</p><p>She bites her lower lip.  “My offer is still op-“</p><p>“-I suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.”  Cullen blurts, rubbing his neck and hanging his head.  He closes his amber eyes, too afraid to see her pity or disappointment.  “That’s the character flaw to why I’m not married.  No one wants to be around a broken man.  Being a lyrium addict was bad enough for most women I dated, but many fled after one of my night terrors or panic attacks.  Most people can’t handle the pressure of being quiet or not slamming doors or avoiding specific word triggers.  That’s why I avoided my family for decades and came back last week from Mia’s house so fried and sick!  No one gets how a doctor lives with the ailments he helps other survive.”</p><p>Cullen squeezes Evie’s hand and hip to avoid meeting her bright green eyes.  “My accusations and hurtful words that gala night…it’s from that.  I never received proper treatment after…”  He still cannot say it.  “…That <em>monster </em>roared through the Gallows like a rabid animal when actually I feared all the mages.  I expected demons and blood magic everywhere.  Meredith fed that fear so I would do her bidding without questions.  That disgusting knight-captain ruled me after the gala when the rest of me was trying to process what was happening…!”</p><p>The ex-templar rocks on the couch, telling himself not to hug Evie.  The woman likely will kick him out now.  “What will happen if I have a night terror after you finally get the baby asleep?  Or if I get startled and cause you some heart problem.  I’ll be stuck in that panic attack while you could fight for your life!  I couldn’t live with myself, Eve.  I never want to hurt <em>you!</em>”</p><p>A few minutes pass.  Cullen just feels her breathing against his cheeks.  He refuses to open his eyes because he has seen so many other women repulsed about his mental health.  He learned quickly why they were actually around.  He knows why his one girlfriend cheated on him while he was in residency.  <em>“I want to sleep with someone who does not wake up the neighbors every night.  Sex is not supposed to make a guy hide in the bathroom thinking they are in some solidarity confinement!”</em></p><p>Cullen has come far since his imprisonment during his first military tour.  However, he still struggles with the mental wounds.  When he recognized he needed help, he found no resources.  When he asked others about their problems hoping for comradery, they all just walked away, too ashamed about their own internal struggles.  He was not the only person hollering in the barracks. </p><p>When Cullen retired from service, he wanted to give all knights the mental services they need to keep going.  Addiction medicine is both physiological and psychological.  He quickly learned in medical school that many students went that career route for their own healing or knew someone who could have benefited from it.  Still, no one speaks about their inner demons that have nothing to do with the Fade.</p><p>A gentle hand caressing his cheek snaps Cullen out of his depressive thoughts.  He forgets to keep his eyes downcast.  His attention meets glistening bright green spheres that always makes Cullen lose his breath.  There is no disgust or disappointment there.  No, it is admiration and sympathy.</p><p>“Aren’t we a pair…”  Evie whispers before kissing his lips softly almost like a dove feather glancing his scar.  She does not keep her lips there long like she knows his traumas without saying a word.  That strange music she hears, perhaps?  The kiss is not romantic, but a show of care and understanding.  Like two people left adrift with no rudder or sails to navigate that just bump together in an endless ocean.  “How long have we lived with these pains and unable to share them?  Oh Cullen, I know you deep in my heart you would never harm us.  I <em>feel </em>every ounce of courage it takes for you tell me this.  Never fear because you are in sympathetic company, dear Lion.”</p><p>“You don’t know what I can do, Eve.  <em>Have done!  </em>I <em>was </em>that templar you accused me of after the gala.”  Cullen feels a tear slip from his tear duct.  “I am everything you fear.”</p><p>“Are you that templar right now?”</p><p>“I can be when I’m trapped in those attacks.  I hurt myself, yes, but never anyone else.  However, that can change.  Something can set me off and-“</p><p>“-Yet you ask me to use magic on you.  You encouraged me to use my abilities when I have seen the scars that created this PTSD…”  Evie declares as a few more tears slip from her eyes.  “Any other person, even those who will never know what you experience, would never allow that.”</p><p>“How can I be trusted around a baby like that?  What if I’m alone and something triggers me while our child is in the bath?  I could…”  He hangs his head and a panic attack looms.  “What will this child think hearing their father scream about something almost fifteen years old?!”</p><p>Evie smiles, drawing the panic away like she summons and sets it on fire.  “That their father is human.  That there are real terrible worldly monsters who can scar even the bravest knight that wears a lion helm and gives them piggyback rides.”  She boops his nose.  “He or she will also know that their father will also shield them from those horrible beasts because he does everything possible to combat them inside his soul.  Sometimes surviving is scarier than dying.  We’ve been suffering so alone for a long time, thinking we deserve it.  We wear our sins as signs to push others away, hoping redemption is possible.  Yet, we want to be there always for this child when they scrap their knee or must sing a solo during the Chantry Satinalia service.  Those two facts conflict.  We don’t want to be alone, Cullen, but we fear what will happen to those we care about see our ugly sides.  We deserve love and happiness.  If we didn’t, we wouldn’t care what happens to our baby.  No, we wish for happiness because we want to provide that for our child.  That means we must forgive ourselves and accept others into our dark souls.”</p><p>“How can you forgive me so easily for all the crimes I’ve committed against you, let alone to all mages?”  Cullen confesses, wiping away some new falling tears.</p><p>“It’s easy.  Because our worst critics are ourselves, Cullen.”</p><p>“You are unlike any person I’ve ever met.”</p><p>“Where have you been all my life?”  She replies with a little smirk.  The sentence instantly brings him back to Val Royeaux.</p><p>“That’s my line.”</p><p>She winks.  “Beat ya.”</p><p>Cullen blows out his cheeks.  “Can I tell you why…so you know why I fear moving in here…?”</p><p>“Absolutely.”  Evie kisses his cheek.  “You can tell me anything.  I will always be here for you.”</p><p>So, Cullen told her everything.  They spent the entire night bearing their souls with the old wounds.  The words roll off their tongues like water.  There is no judgement.  Some topics hurt more than others.  They will always cut like glass slowly picked out of a mortal wound.  However, with each word spoken, healing begins.  Cullen never told someone in so much detail what happened during his first tour, the imprisonment, and being Meredith’s dog. </p><p>Evie admits the abuse she experienced with her extended family and her more upsetting interactions with templars.  She tells of how she knew mages who lost their children before the law changes and all the horror stories told while on lyrium removal missions.  She discusses those creepy templars who always baited young women and children into dark corners.</p><p>They are kindred spirits, seeing the worst in the other’s worlds all too well.</p><p>“So, will you move in with me?”  Evie asks as they watch the sunrise over the mountains out her window wall.  All the blackness burns away with the dawn.</p><p>“Even after everything I just told you…?  What I’ve done?”  Cullen questions, so surprised how much this woman trusts him.</p><p>“Know two things, Cullen:  one, you will never be that man again.  Your prisoner experiences changed you, while Meredith molded that fear to her advantage.  I think you would kill yourself before sinking down that hole again.  Two, I can burn you to a crisp if you try any bullshit.”</p><p>Cullen chuckles, shaking his head.  “I’ll hold you to that…”  His amber eyes flick to her, smiling in relief and happiness.  “When can I move in?”</p><p>Evie beams and holds his hand.  “Now.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really felt this chapter was necessary because Evie's mage fears towards Cullen and Cullen's past traumas with mages was a major sticking point in their relationship.  Time is not on their sides and truly needed to be honest of how they thought and felt about mage-templar relations to have an understanding relationship.  Their relationship is not physical anymore, but a deep soul connection of familiar backgrounds.  They just shared their deepest secrets, while fearing how people will react.  This is a chance to heal together while supporting their child's future.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Stand By Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I'll be honest with you all.  I'm nervous to post this chapter.  Nothing major about it, but recent tension over the world's requests about health practices makes me worry people will misinterpret why I wrote this chapter.  Actually, it has little to do with the pandemic.  I put at the end notes why if you need a detail explanation.  If you find this means something else, please read that explanation before commenting.  I worry about misinterpretation right now and want to cross my T's and dot my I's.  Thanks for understanding.</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen should have been more careful.</p>
<p>The Fereldan shifts around the loft’s kitchen, mumbling to himself.  He pulls open the utensil drawer for a spoon and straw.  He places both on the platter, while his mind already shifts to the next task.</p>
<p>The doctor wishes people washed their hands more and covered their faces when they cough.</p>
<p>Cullen’s amber eyes shift to the stove, hearing the broth boiling.  He turns the heat down and starts putting in the vegetables.  After they soften a little, he will add the cooked noodles like his mother showed him.</p>
<p>Why didn’t anyone say they were sick?</p>
<p>Two long coughs echo out of the back room.  Cullen twirls on his heel, his heart aching hearing the sound.  This is his fault.  He knew being a doctor will expose him and those he cares about to pathogens.  No matter all the barriers, hand washing, and protections he does before coming home, it does not keep diseases away, especially the common cold.  Rylen, Cassandra, Rian, and others carrying his belongings into the loft last weekend exposed her to many people.  The cold is with everyone, especially as the weather slowly shifts to spring.  Colds mimic allergies, a common and understandable mistake.</p>
<p>But for Evie and the baby, it may debilitate…or even become fatal.</p>
<p>Once the vegetables and noodles boil for a few minutes, Cullen takes his mother’s homemade chicken noodle soup recipe off the burner and pours some into a tall bowl.  He tests the temperature, worried it will be too hot to eat, especially in her weak stake.  He pours some boiling water into the glass kettle for her ginger lemon tea to sooth her throat before placing both hot contents on a serving platter.  With steady, balanced hands, he begins the lengthy walk to Evie’s back bedroom on the other side of the loft.</p>
<p>This is his fault.</p>
<p>Iron Bull’s Chargers are a massive group that Cullen only knew from Evie’s stories and the few times Krem and Skinner stopped by her loft.  The lively group arrived at his old apartment to help Cullen move into Evie’s loft.  Dorian demanded his husband’s friends help the shorthanded father who could not call his brother Branson to help move again without indirectly alerting Mia about the pregnancy.  Cassandra relented to help move the books again if Rian aided them.  Rian was not thrilled to be in the doctor’s presence again, but he was civil and actually laughed with Cullen over a beer by the end of the day while playing chess.</p>
<p>That many people sweating, spitting, and coughing during the late-winter moving day just asked the simple cold to waltz into Evie’s usually sterile-like home.  As a transplant recipient, her anti-rejection medication weakened her immune system.  Cullen wonders sometimes if she is OCD for how many times she washes her hand and wipes down the loft with disinfectant, but she explained she became like that during the year after her transplant.   She wanted nothing disrupting or inducing losing Esme’s heart since he already made the ultimate sacrifice.</p>
<p>Furthermore, pregnancy weakens the immune system to support and protect the baby.  She already fights her weakened immune system just to keep carrying their child.  One of Evie’s great miscarriage fears stems from the fact she is Rhesus (Rh) negative, while the baby is Rh positive, meaning she had to have a RhoGAM shot to avoid antibodies against the baby despite it being her first pregnancy.</p>
<p>Essentially, the common cold spells disaster for the third trimester mother-to-be.</p>
<p>Cullen should have asked Grim if his coughing was allergies or something else, but he decided against it because the man never talks.  The ex-templar did not want to be rude, especially since the Chargers were helping him join his growing family under one roof.  The Chargers assisted him in moving with only expecting a case of beer as thanks. </p>
<p>This is the doctor’s fault.</p>
<p>Dorian hung out with Evie, drinking wine while the pregnant woman engorged herself on vanilla ice cream, a requirement if anyone wanted to enter the loft.  The Tevinter man and Evie spent the moving day whispering and giggling at the many people walking in and out of the loft.  Evie still will not tell Cullen why they were pointing and eying the sweaty group intently.</p>
<p>Then Evie started coughing two days ago.  She ignored Cullen’s pleas to visit a doctor until she came down with a fever.  While most sicknesses and fevers mean birth defects in the first trimester, it does not stop serious side effects for mother and child at nearly six months.</p>
<p>The ex-templar only moved in four days ago and already killing the people he loves mostly by not acting more vigilant.</p>
<p>Cullen enters Evie’s bedroom, his face mute, but whole soul mourning seeing such a lively woman so ashen and weak lying in bed.  The ex-templar never saw the room before this, respectful of her personal place even after moving into her home last Sunday.  He knows it is larger than any other bedroom in the loft, but he does not expect another open space like the living area.  Her library loft extends over head on a catwalk.  The square panel industry windows really brighten the space with a night view of Lake Avvar and the surrounding mountains.  Cullen understands why she keeps this space to herself, a private haven from a chaotic life.</p>
<p>The angelic woman’s home decor hobby flourishes here.  Evie painted and styled paintings, photos, and shadow boxes along the walls that accent the half-painted brick walls.  The furniture is old and not perfectly varnished.  Just like her jeep, she loves giving something new history and not tossed out because it is not the greatest anymore.  Even the bed is not traditional, sitting on a slight dais flesh with the floor with personally built drawers underneath.  The frame has a bookshelf headboard with a fish tank right above.  No fish swim around, just spindleweed, blood lotus, and other herbal plants for her potions and hobbies.  There are touches of <em>her </em>in everything, teaching Cullen more about a woman he falls in love for more each minute.</p>
<p>The aquatic tank is the only light accenting Evie’s sickly face.  Her eyes are closed, but Cullen can tell she is still awake by how quickly she breathes and her fingers lightly scratching Surana’s ears.  Every so often, the pregnant woman coughs and winces before relaxing again.  It annoyed her yesterday that her scratchy throat prohibited her from speaking.  The woman usually never shuts up or blurts her opinion.  It startled Cullen never hearing her voice when he got home from work, fearing the worst.  Cullen wondered if they might end up in the emergency room last night for fluids and chest X-rays because her coughing made her puke too much.  Cullen check her lungs every hour for peace of mind, which just annoys Evie because she feels guilty relying on someone else.</p>
<p>Stubborn woman.</p>
<p>The mabari whines as Cullen sits the tray of late night chicken noodle soup and tea on folding table nearby.  Surana never leaves the inferno mage’s side willingly, only when Cullen forces her to go outside to do her bodily business.  She does it quickly to only race back through the back door, wipe of her paws on her doggie mat, and race back into Evie’s bedroom.  Right now, Surana lays against Evie’s right side, the hound’s full body following Evie’s feet to hip.  Her head rests right by the baby bump like the mabari can hear the fetus’ heartbeats with Evie’s heavy breaths.</p>
<p>Evie slowly opens her eyes, her dull bright green eyes studying the dark, inky outside and the random blinking lights over Lake Avvar.  She hears the spoon shift on the platter as Cullen picks up the kettle to pour her tea.  She grimaces, not at the food but likely that someone is taking care of her.  Ever since this began, Evie grumbles Cullen babies her.  He keeps catching her making meals for herself rather than rely on someone else.  They argue constantly as their mulish sides flashpoint.  The doctor will always win the arguments and do everything for his Lady.</p>
<p>He must.  It is his fault she is sick.  If he never moved in…</p>
<p>“What are those lights?”  Cullen asks, glancing over his shoulder.  He hides the guilt and shame deep inside, but Evie’s stare tells him she knows how he actually feels.  They know one another so well only after one and so months.  “I’ve never seen them before.”</p>
<p>Evie turns her sweaty head, her auburn hair and bangs sticking to her temples.  “You never seen this view before…”  Evie mumbles, watching the flashes.  “I grew up by the sea.  Even in the Circle, I could see the Waking Sea from the tower in the mountains.  They are ship signals.  Even with modern radios, they still rely on Morose Code to keep the emergency channels open.”</p>
<p>Evie smiles a bit, the facial muscles straining the lacking energy as her body fights the infection.  Dr. Wynne stated yesterday she and the baby are okay and over the worst, but it does little to settle Cullen’s soul.  “I sunk my savings into this place when I saw the light show while visiting one night.  People thought I was crazy about buying an old warehouse in a dangerous neighborhood.  I saw me in it: damaged, unwanted, and not nurtured.  I slept on a mattress and owned no furniture for a year like you as I built the separating walls and master bathroom.  I wanted to make this space first, to hide away as I withdrew from society.  It was therapeutic after a red lyrium removal, creating something beautiful after so many pains and decay.  I would come home and work long days in here, a place I <em>controlled</em> when the world falls apart.”</p>
<p>“You did it all alone…?”  Cullen questions as he sets the tea on her end stand.  He shuffles across the room for the bed platter he bought so she can eat in bed.  One ear stays tracked on the bedridden woman, whose voice sounds like a bullfrog.  “I knew you said so before, but I figured maybe some friends assisted with a few things.”</p>
<p>“I had an electrician acquaintance do the wiring and few other specialists for the heat and AC, but the plumbing and everything else was me.”  Evie explains with a heavy breath.  She coughs between sentences and sips her tea while Cullen places her soup on the platter and races to refill her ice water.  “I bought this place after that one relationship where the guy said barren women were useless.  I didn’t have control over my body, especially my womb and new heart.  I lost my brother while I somehow selfishly lived.   I found solace in the lonesomeness.”</p>
<p>“But you had control over this place.”  Cullen replies once he sets her cup down.  He pulls up a dining room chair to sit with her while she ate.  He cannot leave her in such a state.  When he is at work, he constantly texts to keep his worry and running thoughts to a simmer and avoid panic attacks.</p>
<p>Cullen loves being with this amazing woman like this and not leaving to sleep in a lonesome apartment.  Now, he will always know how she feels and what she needs.  He just wants to be beside her.  If he knew how things were between them, he would be in bed beside her, holding her close and wiping the sweat from her brow with his soft kisses.  If Cullen knew Evie’s feelings more clearly than just one kiss and a tear-filled conversation, he would assist her in bathing so she could sleep in clean clothes.</p>
<p>The ex-templar instantly scolds himself thinking of Evie naked and wet. The woman is sick, Rutherford! Can he not be a pervert for one day!?</p>
<p>Evie continues croaking, her eyes watching outside.  “If you wake right before dawn, you see them flashing lights to one another before they drift into the dawn’s darkness.  ‘Ships that pass in the night…’ like in that old poem.  They look so alone and may not see one another again.  Lake Avvar can be turbulent with freak storms and sudden shallow rocks.   The locals have several old tales about ship wrecks, ghosts, and Andraste-reborn dragons.  However, those fearless fishing boats return every evening.  They found a safe common harbor to dock and lay roots.  They don’t seem so alone when singing and dancing at the dock tavern.”</p>
<p>“You watch them a great deal.”  Cullen surmises by her far off stare.</p>
<p>“When I wake from a nightmare or too restless to sleep.”  Evie takes a deep breath, melancholy and nostalgic.  “It just made me wonder if I sit adrift on a makeshift raft.  That space between life and death.  When my biological valve degenerated and sent backflow backward, I was just a child who just discovered her magic.  Puberty knocked, making a stressful situation into a nightmare.  No more dancing until that replacement animal valve.  Surgery at nine years old makes you think about death a great deal when you should run around with friends or at school.” </p>
<p>It takes Cullen’s entire willpower to not race over and hold her.  He keeps his emotions buried so not to such how much these thoughts aches his soul and how much he growing to love her every day.  Instead, he just listens as she speaks about the grim moments of her life.  “After my valve surgery, I was fine.  I started dancing again.  It took me years to feel like I past was behind me.  Then the druffalo valve degraded with new damaged muscles around my heart.  They knew an adult metal valve will not be an option.  My entire heart needed replacing.  I required a full transplant.  I knew no matter what heart I got, I would be on anti-rejection medicine for the rest of my life.  As the months passed, my chances declined.  Much like I gave up being a mother and ever getting married, I figured death will be my end.  I gave up many things just because if you told enough it will never happen, you lose hope.”</p>
<p>Why is she telling him these things?</p>
<p>Evie knows what he is thinking likely.</p>
<p>For the first time since meeting Evie, Cullen fears for her life.  Evie’s concerns about dying during birth now sound possible because if a common cold weakens her so, what will labor do?  He gets why her brother was ultra-protective at the gala.  He knows many transplant recipients who are healthy and lead regular lives.  Mia’s five pregnancies were a breeze with only one labor being over three hours long.</p>
<p>But add both factors together…</p>
<p>Suddenly, Cullen comprehends why Evie fears for her life during this pregnancy.  If a minor cold makes her a sickly skeleton, what will this high-risk pregnancy do to her in the next months?  The baby?  Dr. Wynne gave her the all-clear now, but it just confirms what Evie knows will happen for the last trimester.</p>
<p>“Death haunted you your entire life, Eve.”  Cullen reaches out and kisses her knuckles.  “I know you think the worst might happen, but your pregnancy and delivery chances are better than you think.  As counter-initiative as it might sound, having chronic hypertension means doctors treated it before pregnancy.  Gestational hypertension is abrupt with little warning.  Your doctors already closely monitor you and took proper precautions:  daily aspirins, medicines, and there are anti-seizure drugs if things get more serious.  You are luckier than most pregnant women who just suddenly develop those serious conditions with little ways to keep them managed.”</p>
<p>“I’m still scared…Dr. Wynne calls it a phobia…tokophobia, the fear of childbirth.”  Evie whispers, hanging her head.  “I’ve been adrift waiting for the worst since a kid.  I’ve been told so many times I could not give birth safely, if ever.  My father screamed that I threaten my life with no good reason, but he’s wrong.  I risk it with a damn good reason.  If my nightmares aren’t about Esme, it’s that terrible moment.  I cannot stop the fears…”</p>
<p>“You are no longer adrift.”  Cullen jumps out of his seat and sits on the edge of bed closer to her.  He cups a hand against her tacky cheek.  “You’re not alone now or ever again.  I’ve not leaving you.  Yes, you faced such serious situations growing up, but you beat them many times.  The odds are in your favor.  You are not doing this alone anymore.  I will never leave you alone.”</p>
<p>The tears trickles down Evie’s freckled cheeks.  “I don’t want to leave <em>you </em>alone.  I don’t want to cause you more pain and worry.  You spend day and night already fighting for others.  You should not burden with another <em>patient.</em>”</p>
<p>“I’m a doctor.  I chose my profession.  I never saw you as a patient or a burden.  I see you as a friend and partner.  I’m not here because of guilt or expectation, but because I want to be.” </p>
<p>Cullen holds her hand and squeezes it a few times before kissing it again.  “Eve, let me help you.  Let me be your safe harbor.  Let’s dock and set roots together.”  Cullen kisses her sweaty forehead and shifts some bangs out of her vision.  “Let us sing and be merry with our child.”</p>
<p>“I will never understand where you support and care comes from, Cullen.”  Evie murmurs.  “I’m extremely stubborn and difficult.  I’m moody and so negative all the time.”</p>
<p>“Actually, it’s easy to lo- <em>care </em>about you, Eve.”  Cullen nearly slips the L word.  Maker, he is so stupid.  Now is not the time.  They kissed once, and that is it.  She is sick in bed feeling lonesome and broken while all he wants to do is kiss her senseless and beg for her forgiveness for indirectly making her sick.   </p>
<p>Cullen clears his throat and turns away from her curious stare.  “You better get some broth in you.  Mia gave me my mother’s famous chicken noodle soup recipe.”  He goes to stand, needing to step away to scold himself for nearly placing everything on Evie’s shoulder.</p>
<p>A weak grip grasps his wrist.  Cullen’s head whips around to meet Evie’s red-shot eyes.  “Stay…?”</p>
<p>Cullen might want to flee, but he cannot deny her.  “Always.”</p>
<p>The doctor watches her eat, his amber eyes watching the signaling ships as she eats.  They sit in silence, lost in their own thoughts and feelings.  The more Evie eats, the better she looks.  Once she ate the soup, she finishes her tea.  Cullen refills her tea cup before taking the empty kettle and dirty dishes platter into the kitchen.  He takes the few moments away from her to pinch his nose and calm his breaths.  His heart hurts thinking about Evie’s future and her fears.  He does not know how to alleviate those worries.</p>
<p>The Fereldan man feels powerless again.  It is his imprisonment all over again.  However, instead of pain inflected on him, it occurs to the woman he loves.</p>
<p>Cullen will give up his soul and life for Evie and the baby in the blink of an eye.  He will make a deal with the Forbidden Ones and all the demons so these two people are safe and sound.  Alas, those are not options for him.  He knows Evie will not make such demon deals either.  She hates demons and those who use blood magic, as he discovered during their confession conversation a few days ago.</p>
<p>“All I can do is to be with her…support her.”  That baritone whispers as he turns back towards the bedroom.  “…Love her from afar.”</p>
<p>Evie’s bright green eyes sparkle in the later winter moonlight when he returns.  She snuck down into her bed and covered herself.  “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep…?”  She hides her face.  “…no p-pressure.  If you have anything else you need-“</p>
<p>“I’ll stay, Eve.”  Cullen kisses her temple.  “I’m not going anywhere.”</p>
<p>Evie reaches out and takes his hand, kissing his fingertips with those silky pink lips before closing her eyes.  “Thank you…”</p>
<p>“You need a bed-time story?”  Cullen jokes with a slight forced smirk.  “I need the practice.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her blood-shot orbs.  “You’ll do better singing.”</p>
<p>Cullen blinks at her, confused.  “Pardon…?”</p>
<p>“The baby likes your baritone huskiness…”  Evie yawns as she closes her eyes again.  “He or she knows when you’re around because they settle down when you speak.  You’re on nap duty.”</p>
<p>The Fereldan chuckles.  “Perhaps.  I don’t think I sing well.”</p>
<p>“You said you were in the Chantry choir for years.”</p>
<p>“And then the Honnleath’s revered mother cried when my voice changed overnight right before a solo performance.”</p>
<p>“Likely in happiness for that rich, deep tone…”  Evie wisps as sleep tugs her into the Fade.  It is like when Cullen found her asleep in the hotel room.</p>
<p>Maker, he wants to lie down beside her and fall asleep too.  His eyes flick to the sleeping Surana pressed against Evie’s back.  Lucky dog.</p>
<p>If he cannot hold her until asleep, and she said his voice calms down the baby so she can rest…</p>
<p>“…When the night has come,<br/>And the land is dark,<br/>And the moon is the only light we’ll see.<br/>No I won’t be afraid.<br/>Oh, I won’t be afraid.<br/>Just as long as you stand, stand by me…”</p>
<p>Evie’s right bright green orb opens surprised before seeing Cullen smiling down at her.  She relaxes and rubs her belly with her free hand.  Her other grips his hand like a vise, like she believes he is a dream.  From her swirling hand, the baby calms down to sleep too.</p>
<p>Cullen continues singing, watching this beautiful woman’s breaths even out and rarely a cough from her achy lungs.  She smiles as he hums the musical interlude before jumping into the chorus again.  He finds peace with this somewhat silly gesture, his own voice in the large open room soothing this beautiful woman.  He tells her through the words that no matter the troubles, he will always stand with her.</p>
<p>“…Darling, darling,<br/>Stand by me, oh stand by me.<br/>Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me.<br/>Whenever you’re in trouble won’t you stand by me.<br/>Oh stand by me, oh won’t you stand now, stand,<br/>Stand by me...”[1]</p>
<p>Cullen finishes singing Ben E. King.  He waits for Evie’s response or movement.  Her grip on his hand is loose.  Her breaths even.  She looks at peace.  She blissfully sleeps.</p>
<p>Maybe she is right and he will be a pro-nap soother for the baby.</p>
<p>Taking the risk, Cullen leans over her sleep form and kisses her temple, then her partially open lips.  “Goodnight, my Lady…”  He whispers before kissing one last time.  He keeps the L word within again.  When he tells her, he wants it to be when she is wake and well.  He can wait as long as she needs and desires.  He is not going anywhere.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>[1]  I don't own the rights to the lyrics.  This is all Ben E. King and his music company.</p>
<p>So, the purpose and goal of this chapter:  I developed a bad cold in early March right as local lockdowns began.  I caught it likely from people who kept visiting my house and my husband worked in essential services (thus made me think of the Chargers helping Cullen move exposing Evie).  The local weather shifts definitely didn't help.  My neurological diseases put me on medication that makes me more susceptible to even the cold, kicking my butt for a week, thus made me remember about Evie needed anti-rejection meds to keep her heart.</p>
<p>So, while stuck in bed sneezing and blowing my nose, my public health mind started thinking (I have nearly a full Masters degree in Public Health and a Master in Public Health History).  My research focused on maternal and infant health, thus applicable to Evie's current state in the story.  I researched what even a cold was like for transplant recipients and for pregnant women.  Separately, it is a little more difficult than usual, but together...Yikes.  I asked mothers what it was like to be sick while pregnant.  My mother brought about tangentially being Rh negative and needing RhoGAM shots while being pregnant with me to reduce her immune response and not attack the fetus.  It is a concern for many mothers not really discussed mainstream, so I added that factor with other mothers' responses and sick stories.</p>
<p>Lastly, I thought about Cullen's response to Evie being sick in general.  I knew I wanted a chapter somewhere in the mid-story that made Cullen understand where Evie's tokophobia originates.  Both my husband and I suffer with tokophobia, the fear of childbirth.  When we tired for children, both of us would wake up from night terrors of him dreaming I died in childbirth or me dreaming the baby died during childbirth.  Thus, why it is a factor for Evie.  This story is a way to address this fear for myself despite my chances of pregnancy are practically zero now.  For Cullen as a worrier and a doctor, I knew his response would be major and turn it on himself because the man blames himself for everything many times through Dragon Age Inquisition.  As a health official, he would freak that he indirectly exposed someone he loves to even the common cold and made them horrifically sick.</p>
<p>Lastly, the ending of the chapter where Cullen sings "Stand By Me" actually happened with the hubby and me while dating.  I was in college sick with a terrible cold.  He made me soup and sat with me.  I jokingly asked for a bedtime story, but he sang "Stand By Me" instead.  It was our wedding song.  *insert awww's here*  While writing, I remember this event and had to add some cuteness</p>
<p>So, that is why I wrote this chapter.  I fear people will think another direction and purpose with public health recommendations are being received differently between people.  There is much I can say about that, but this space is supposed to be an escape from the world's craziness right now.  Just be safe everyone, please?  You all mean the world to me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Tightrope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I nearly waited for tomorrow to post this chapter since I just published Chapter 18 Saturday.  However, you all are enjoying this story so much, I cannot deny you the fluffy craziness that is about to happen.  XD!  We are knocking on that point you all have been waiting for!  Enjoy!</p><p>Part 1 of 4 Part Scene</p><p>Chapter Song:  “Give A Little More” by Maroon 5</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie must remember what it is like living with a man again.  She moved out of her family home early in life, mainly not by choice since she is a mage.  She spent most time at the Circles, then a college dorm.  Once she was in her Masters program, Evie found she enjoyed her solitude and refused to have roommates.  Living with ten other women for years makes a person appreciate a private room.  Yes, living alone is more expensive.  However, to avoid conflict and achieve a private space for the self-declared introvert, it is necessary.</p><p>There are specific things the magical geologist forgets about living in dorms and with family.  A woman cannot walk around in her underwear and topless when her breasts hurt too much.  She must avoid running out of the bathroom dripping wet because she forgot her brush in her purse.  You just cannot leave a cup in the sink for three days and not wash it without annoying the other person.</p><p>Then there is the specific situation of just living with a man, especially one that may or may not like Evie.  Men have habits that just make little sense to women and visa versa.  For example, how do grown men always miss that one shaven hair behind the sink knob that makes the whole bathroom look like they have not cleaned it in ten years?  Or forgetting to put the bloody toilet seat down!  Evie is still bitching about that one.</p><p>So, most people move in with their partner before getting married nowadays.  Some people might fall in love and work well together, but absolutely fall apart living in the same space.  Evie knows couples who sleep in two different bedrooms because they nearly divorced sleeping in the same bed.  The mage never seen someone’s nighttime kicking bruise ribs that badly.</p><p>That does not mean Evie regrets asking Cullen to be a roommate.  Quite the contrary.  This arrangement will tell her a great deal about their baby’s father and future intent.  Her deductive and negative brain might still tries to sabotage whatever is growing between them, but it has good ideas sometimes.  Not often, but it does happen. How well two people can work together in a cramped place tells an impressive deal about the future.  Everyone has habits that drive one another absolutely crazy, but they find a way to problem-solve and find a balance.  If they cannot do that, Maker help them raise a kid together.</p><p>Cullen and Evie walk a very thin that tight rope between working together to live and not falling off and ruining a chance for them to be good working parents together. </p><p>Once Cullen moved in, Evie got horribly sick with of all things a cold.  She knew Cullen blamed himself for getting her sick, but it could happen at any time.  Every Charger called her and apologized for possibly making her ill, Dorian and Iron Bull’s doing no less.  Every morning there was a fresh vase of favorite flowers on her end stand.  She never caught Cullen delivering the bouquets, but only he knows her favorite colors and flowers so well.  The man worried constantly, even singing her to sleep that one night.</p><p>That week in bed made Evie review how things between the friends… roommates… former fuck buds… <em>somethings </em>will drastically change.  Suddenly, Evie worries she pushed things too far.  Yes, she wanted to help Cullen when his lease ran out, but now things can be so fragile if she misspeaks or reacts wrong.</p><p>Once well enough to think straight, Evie walks to the tightrope.  The first balancing act comes from trying to find enough space for Cullen’s belongings.  She owned the entire building, so there are places where they could stash overflow.  Evie spent the last few months tossing or giving away stuff.  When she got pregnant, her mind went into declutter mode, so she found she had more space.  Meanwhile, Cullen left most of his stuff in Kirkwall, deciding to start fresh in Haven.  All he really had was basic furniture and <em>lots</em> of books.</p><p>The man never told her he had <em>more</em> books in a storage unit across town.  For every shirt, Cullen has twenty books about history, military strategy, medicine, and biographies.  No wonder his brother and Cassandra refused to help him move again.</p><p>Thus begins the tight rope.</p><p>Evie offers some of her shelving space so the Fereldan has a place for his books.  She knows he has been dying to have them out of boxes again to read and reference.  Cullen hesitates on this.  She understands that.  Books are the one thing they absolutely love and cherish as much as their baby.  People do not mix their libraries unless ten years married and a complete catalog of who owns what is complete and notarized.  While they have been partners on the nursery and baby stuff, their own lives are still clearly divided.  Most people might not agree or find this ridiculous, but mixing books is more personal than creating a kid.  Thus why Evie offers a whole bookshelf and moves around her collection. </p><p>For avid readers like Cullen and Evie, giving up a bookshelf and boxing some unused books away is like a fiftieth wedding anniversary gift.  The ex-templar looks like she just gave him a kidney when she shows him the blank shelving by his bedroom door.  Cullen informs her he will need more space—waving to the twenty small boxes of books lining the hallway.  He remarks can find space in his room for it and buys some shelving the next time they go to the hardware store.</p><p>Her damn heart proclaims, ‘<em>Well, if you just have him sleep in your room, that spare room can become an office for him-‘</em></p><p>Or was that her vagina talking…</p><p>Evie quickly pushes away those traitorous thoughts.  This complete experience is a test of how well they can handle one another and raise this baby <em>as partners</em>.  In all intensive purposes, Cullen and Evie are still at the starting line.  Neither person discussed what things mean now after a month and a half of deep conversation, cute dancing scenes, and many bouquets to feel better.  They never talked about her kiss or what everything <em>could </em>be.  They shared some of the rawest heart-to-hearts in either person’s life.  Alas, friends have such moments, not just couples.</p><p>What the <em>fuck </em>are they?  How does Cullen feel about her?  How does Evie feel about him!?  She nearly writes one of those middle school ‘You like me?  Circle yes or no’ notes and put it under his travel mug one morning.</p><p>Evie knows she likes him and enjoys having him around, but…this hurts her brain.</p><p>The tightrope gets difficult on specific days.  Evie’s hormones definitely do not help when she just cusses under her breath and gets emotional randomly.  A commercial about car insurance should not make the waterworks turn into a flash-flood waterfall.  Cullen takes a great deal of bull crap before he says finally something.  Evie knows that is his templar training and physician patience.  However, he should have a space where he does not have to be ‘always working.’ </p><p>Evie knows she is extremely difficult and loses her temper easily, but she feels horrible right afterwards.  She keeps telling herself such irritations are trial runs when she will have to discipline a toddler.  Cullen and she already joke she will be the constant discipliner, but if this kid presses her too far, Cullen will finally raise his voice like the next stage of ‘you’re in big trouble if your father is involved.’</p><p>Most common irritations the office couples remark about do not seem to apply to the new parents.  Dorian hates how Iron Bull hangs his sweaty jockstraps in the shower after a long workout.  Cassandra wants to ring Rian’s neck when he will not fill a dirty bowl with water.  Even Alistair retorted he pleads with his wife—his ‘queen’—to fill the car with gas.</p><p>However, most of her friend’s grievances come from being a couple sharing every space in their home like the bedroom, bathroom, and elsewhere.  Evie and Cullen have separate bathrooms…unless Evie’s bladder explodes while walking down the hall, thus why she accidently took a swim Cullen’s toilet yesterday.  The roommates eat distinct things except the meals they share, usually late dinners.  Whoever wakes first makes the coffee and who does not, cleans the pot that evening.  Whoever makes dinner, the other loads and runs the dishwasher, then puts them away when done. </p><p>The new roommates do their own laundry just because their schedules differ and some things would just really awkward.  The mage already shifted where she washes her maternity bras just to avoid the wet undergarments hanging off the laundry line in the basement.  Although, Evie could not help herself but laugh at his cartoon templar tighty whites he left in the dryer.  She hung them up on his doorknob.  The man turned purple and explained he only wears them when he wears scrubs.  She does not buy it.  Rylen told her he will tell that story the next time they see one another.  The head nurse wants to watch Cullen’s face during the explanation.  Evie just thinks Rylen wants a fist in the face.</p><p>Then there was that time Cullen refused Evie’s help move his picture frames from his rover.  She swore she saw a photo of <em>underwear</em>?  The moment reminded her of how he blushed in his apartment when she first stopped by.  She peeks into his room when he is working, just to observe if the frame hangs somewhere.  Alas, he hid it in his closet under several piles of clothes.  He always mumbles Rylen’s name when someone mentions silk.  Evie does not pry despite her curiosity killing a reanimated cat.</p><p>The tightrope continues with money expenses.  Evie and Cullen had several heated conversations over money matters in the past.  He knows she struggles with loans and bills, pressing to do his share and take care of his growing family.  She catches him paying for her co-pays when at Dr. Wynne’s office, which led to a blowout in the waiting room when she went during her cold.  Both people called on Cassandra to settle financial matters.  Just to have everything equal and legal, the seeker lawyer wrote up a notarized document like a lease for each person to follow.  Cullen pays for half the monthly mortgage as his ‘rent’ and a base amount of all the utilities.  He must get Evie’s expressed permission before paying anything else.</p><p>So, Evie and Cullen are roommates.  Not just partners anymore.  They are roommates, who act like friends…that kissed…and screwed one time, which conceived a baby. </p><p>Yet, Evie finds herself <em>not</em> just wanting a roommate with Cullen.  She wants more from their friendship.  Partnership seems too formal now like they run a baby business.  The mage hates herself, but she wants <em>more</em>.  She craves a deeper relationship with her now roommate, future father, and ex-one night stand.</p><p>Keep a balance, Evie.  Tightrope.  Tightrope!</p><p>It has been years since Evie wanted a relationship.  When she left the dating scene, she decided she only needed her career.  Relationships broke her heart and made her feel she did not deserve to be treated like couples in the movies.  She accepted she would be alone for the rest of her life.  She just needed to adopt a bunch of cats, sit on a porch, and scream at the neighborhood kids who raced on her lawn as dares.  She would find enjoyment in her solitude.  She went through the dating mourning period watching <em>Pride and Prejudice.  </em>She related more and more to Charlotte Lucas, waiting for her bland Mr. Collins if any even proposed to her.  Marriage, dating, relationships joined the cesspool where Evie assumed never be a biological mother who will carry her own child.</p><p>Now, Evie will be a mother in less than three months and lives in the same loft as the father.  One impossibility will be reality soon.  That realization inflames Evie to want those other denials, especially with Cullen.  So much that Evie dismissed as a fairy tale now seems obtainable.</p><p>It scares her shitless.</p><p>The inferno mage’s brain reminds her of the heartache and disappointment from previous relationships.  How she bought men and women’s lies and perfect acts to get her in bed and later leave her.  Sebastian Veal comes to mind as a man who dated Evie for status instead of sex since he left his playboy days behind.  He needed House Trevelyan support during his family estate trails.  He said he liked her, but her short-temper would threaten his social standing in Starkhaven if they ever got married.  Her ex-girlfriends expected her to romance them and take their snide words like a champ.</p><p>Evie is more than such neglect and indifference.</p><p>Maybe she just wants more with Cullen because he actually <em>cares </em>about her wellbeing.  He is first person to buy her flowers, make her soup while sick, and never judge her emotions about Esme’s death.  He makes her feel like the Dragon Age Inquisitor, worshipped and Andraste’s chosen herald who is his entire world.</p><p>All these desires make walking the tightrope extremely difficult.  Evie’s two-sided mind now thinks when she forgets her brush in her purse to walk through the living room naked while Cullen is working on his laptop.  When her breasts and nipples ache so badly that a soft cotton shirt makes her cry, Evie wonders if Cullen knows a doctor trick to reduce the pain personally and suckle them until they feel better.  The worst one is each back groan she mutters between her mumbling cusses snaps her brain to ask him massage it.  While he is at it, her poorly denied overactive clit would enjoy his fantastic tongue again.  Her throat stretches every time she hears the spare bathroom’s shower turn on after Cullen has a long, frustrating shift.  Oh, how she would love to suck him to completion to help ease that stress.</p><p>The geologist thinks like this when she goes home after giving bloodwork and cannot handle the office anymore.  It is Cullen’s day off, so she asks if he minded if she came home early or spoiling his peace and alone time.  No, the man texts her that he just got home from an early spring jogging hike with Surana and will be in the shower. </p><p>Cullen slick and flush, dripping with perspiration, stripping in the middle of the loft before jumping in the shower…</p><p>The Maker is a right sonofabitch.</p><p>Dorian notices her grimacing at her phone and rubbing her flushed face.  Her best friend pulls her to the side and states, <em>“Please break the sexual tension between you too.  You two make everyone round her to go in the single bathroom and pinch one off just to alleviate the chemistry.  You’re already pregnant.  What’s the risk?”</em></p><p>Everything.</p><p>Evie knows what Dorian meant.  Be an adult and talk about her feelings.  The inferno mage knows there is a Foundation-wide betting pool when the two future parents will hit the sack again.  Dorian’s timeframe must be up soon if he is nudging this more than usual.  The Tevinter better remarks she already unloaded her tragic past during Cullen and her heart-to-heart and when she was sick.  Dorians seems so sure everything will be okay.  He declares what is the harm in pouring more baggage that most likely result in a positive outcome? </p><p>Everything.</p><p>Ever in Evie fashion, she takes the longest route home.  She runs errands that could happen any other day.  She picks up too many gallons of ice cream to add to her mounting pregnancy addiction.  By the time she gets home, she is more exhausted than if she just stayed at work.</p><p>At the last stoplight, Evie slams her head against the steering wheel and just declares she will tell Cullen her feelings.  The torture and unknowing is too much.  She feels the fetus fed up with her childishness, while Esme’s heart hollers to take another leap of faith.  She can grab the tightrope and hang on if things do not go according to plan.  If Cullen rejects her, she will finally know what the fuck they are.</p><p>Then it happens.</p><p> An unfamiliar car sits in her parking spot.  A black BMW that looks like it just rolled off the lot.  Evie’s heart sinks looking at the nice vehicle.  Well, all cars look rich compared with her beat-up rusty jeep.  Her mind jumps to the worst possibility.  It must be a doctor’s car, a beautiful female doctor that Cullen works with every day.  She does not cuss like a sailor and look like a walrus and elephant had a child.  He mentioned no one in his life, but would you if you knocked up some depressing and sickly mage? </p><p>She must be a blonde-blue eyed model.  Rich, beautiful…Maker, it could be Patricia for all Evie knows about her imprisoned half-sister.  Cullen even admitted before that was his type.  No wonder he did not care if Evie came home early.  He likely wanted her to catch him with his fiancé and kick her out of her own building.  Surana probably moved on to this perfect Barbie beauty, forgetting how she slept in a bed with Evie just a few days ago.</p><p>Why would that hunky doctor like her anyway, someone who is the complete opposite of his dream girlfriend?  Yes, Cullen wanted to kiss her for weeks, but he might just feel that way because she is pregnant with his baby.  Who cares if she opened her home to him?  They are not anything so he can date all he wants.  He might have been lying from Day One just to get into her good graces like every other manipulative relationship the mage ever had.</p><p>“Ugh.”  Evie hits her head against the steering wheel.  She hates how irrational her usually logical mind can get.  Pregnancy depression will murder her emotions.  None of this scenario sounds likely, but she cannot help but think that this silly situation could be the truth. </p><p>No one ever thought of Evie in a positive light.  Only Cullen makes her feel like she belongs and deserves to live.  Now, she is at everyone’s mercy while pregnant.  She has little to no family.  She feels alone.  All she has is Cullen, but he will never want her. </p><p>Parking on the curb, Evie slides out of her uncomfortable seats.  Right then, the light snow shifts to heavy rain, just soaking her to the bone.  Not even her warming spells and barrier keep the fat drops from soaking her hair and clothing.  “I hate pregnancy brain.  I hate spring.  I hate being pregnant.  I hate men.  I loathe pregnancy forgetfulness.  I forgot my identity number at the bank.  I forgot how to summon a barrier.  I will be an absolute moron by the time you come, my Light.  Alone and miserable while your father runs off with a Patricia-lookalike…He’ll marry her, get custody of you, and I will be forever alone…That meme will be my photos for the whole internet to laugh at.”</p><p>Taking two settling breaths, Evie makes her way inside her warehouse, stupidly forgetting her four gallons of ice cream in the trunk.  Her brain makes her think this blonde beauty will take her hand-built and tear it down to build a spa or something stupid like that.  Why did Evie give Cullen a bookshelf, the cheating sonofabitch!?</p><p>You have to be dating to be called a cheater.</p><p>Evie bangs her head against the front door in defeat.</p><p>The elevator is up in the loft. </p><p>It is the last straw.  Her depression turns to rage, her magic swirling around her.  She knows now Cullen wants her to suffer.  If he cared, he would remember she would come home and sent it back down so she would not have to walk. </p><p>Evie remembers she left her inhaler in the jeep sitting by the ice cream once starting up the stairs.  With each bellowing, heavy breath, her rage rolls inside her.  Ash and sparks light the banister on fire for a moment before her pulsing mana puffs it out and bellows strings of smoke.  By the time she reaches the top, she pants like she ran a marathon.    She opens the side door and is immediately greeted by Cullen’s blushing face staring at the loft elevator entrance.</p><p>Oh my Maker, it <em>is</em> her worst nightmare.</p><p>The staircase door blocks the beautiful fiancé by the elevator.  Evie does not know if she wants to see this blonde woman doctor, who is superior to her in every way or just roll back down the stairs.  She decides to be a bitch instead.  Guilt them both while she is lumbering around like a walrus!</p><p>Finally, that rage and agony comes forth.</p><p>Except, during pregnancy, anger can come out as ugly, soaking crying.</p><p>Time to fall off the tightrope.</p><p>Tears trickle down Evie’s face, mouth gapping.  She barely makes a sound between her panting and her warring emotions.  She just sobs, holding her chest and wailing.  She refuses to close the door so she will not see this bitch daring to come in her building and take her man—who is not her guy.</p><p>Cullen really flusters now, his amber eyes whipping from the elevator to the bawling pregnant women emerging from his right.  “Maker’s breath!  Eve, what happened?!  Are you okay?!”</p><p>“Evelyn…!?”</p><p>Evie freezes. </p><p>That is definitely <em>not</em> a beautiful blonde, blue eye rich doctor fiancé!</p><p>Her hand misses grabbing the tightrope, and she free falls.</p><p>She knows that female voice like she knows how to breathe.  Storybook songs and dance used to echo from her enchanting lips.  Evie thought she would never hear that accent again.</p><p>Now, the tears really fall as the mage tries to step away from the open door.  Her trembling hand cannot grasp the doorknob to shut it.  Her vision blurs from the lacking oxygen and rolling salty tears.  Cullen does not move fast enough because his arms are out to catch his pregnant burden wobbling on her wet ballerina flats.  She cannot get the door close because of the growing tummy.  The tears really pour in frustration.</p><p>“Move, damn it!”  Evie hollers between sobs, nudging Cullen away with her slick wet elbow.  He stumbles out of the way, but catches her bicep on accident.  They both tumble out of the doorway and into each other.  Cullen’s back hits the opposite wall by the elevator, but catches Evie before her bump smacks him.  She face-plants into his broad chest.</p><p>Instantly, blood drips out of Evie’s nose.  Ever since she was a kid, a single nose bump will make it bleed even without high blood pressure.  There is a reason why she never wears white during public speeches.</p><p>“Oh, Maker!  Evelyn!”</p><p>A gush of air passes behind the pair as the voice’s owner rushes into the kitchen.  Now, Cullen is covered in the mage’s blood and angry tears.  The Fereldan doctor just picks her up, carries her into the living room, and sets her down on the suede couch.   He barely leaves her blurry vision as he jogs back to the elevator hallway where he hangs his physician’s coat and emergency doctor’s bag.  He keeps in the loft now since Evie’s cold, always checking her lungs and heart when she breathes wrong.  He runs back, while pulling out his blood pressure cuff.  Out of the corner of Evie’s vision, a wet washcloth—one of Cullen’s tea towels—pops into her face for her nose.  She finds it between heaving sobs and pinches her nose.  Cullen already has her left arm in the cuff and begins pumping.  He slips his stethoscope with his other hand.  His Fereldan pale face is now purple with his lip jumping too quickly to watch without getting motion sickness.</p><p>Silence fills the air.  The only sounds are heavy breaths, Evie’s sniffles, and the air pump slowly leaking out air.  Evie refuses to look to her left, where a familiar presence stares at her.</p><p>“150 over 100.  Maker, Eve…”  Cullen mutters, his amber gaze flicking to her.</p><p>“I just walked up the stairs and crying.”  Evie mutters through a pinched nose and rag.</p><p>“Why didn’t you take the elevator?!  You know those stairs are terrible for a non-pregnant person, let alone someone in your-“</p><p>Evie points at him.  “I dare you say it!  I look like a walrus who has a heart attack every second!”</p><p>Cullen rubs his neck, sighing.  “You just got over a cold.  I meant-</p><p>“I know what you <em>fucking </em>meant…”  Evie is still moronically raging despite developing this unrealistic situation in her own mind.</p><p>“Why are you crying?!”  Cullen questions, staring at her like the templar used to do when they figured out Evie set their hair on fire during apothecary class.</p><p>“Because I’m pregnant, and you deserve so much better!”  Evie wails, hanging her head.  The truth behind her running thoughts finally comes out.  Maker, she hopes the tightrope fall will kill her right now.  “I’m a fucking mess!”  The sobs return as spring rain drops frizz her auburn hair and soak the suede beneath her bum.</p><p>“Maker above, I will murder her father.”</p><p>Both Cullen and Evie pull themselves out of their intense staring contest to finally acknowledge the presence.  The woman is beautiful, but Evie always thought so.  She dresses and looks plain with her chocolate brown eyes and wavy brunette hair, a unique beauty compared with Barbie blondes.  However, it is her personality that makes her shine in the early spring afternoon sunshine.  Her hands hover right below her chin like she too will cry staring at the pregnant mage, while her fingers flex and itch to touch Evie.</p><p>“Mom…?”  Evie asks through the rag.  The tears shift from anger stupidity pregnancy sobs to shock, panic, and confusion.</p><p>“I know I should have called you, but…”  Evie’s mother whispers, her brown eyes watching her daughter like they never met.  “…I feared you would block my phone number or worse...”</p><p>“This is your mother?”  Cullen asks, his hand staying on Evie’s arm.  She grips his forearm like he might disappear or punch the woman.  She barely allows him to remove the heart cuff.  All Evie can do is nod, removing the rag from her nose.  No more blood seeps out.</p><p>“I apologize, sir.  I was frightened when you answered the front door intercom, then was at the elevator.”  Evie’s mother confesses with a frown.  “I feared Evelyn moved away, and I lost any way to reach her again.”  Then her brown scrunches.  Evie knows that defensive motherly look.  “Who <em>are </em>you?”</p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>Evie clears her still sore throat from her wailing and cold.  “Um…Cullen, meet Lady Gwen Rhiannon Trevelyan nee Monroe, my mother.”  The next words just fell out of Evie’s mouth.  “Mom…This is Dr. Cullen Rutherford, my baby’s father and boyfriend.”</p><p>Cullen throws Evie a look as Gwen’s eyes widen in disbelief.  It takes Evie’s hormonal brain to catch up, but she does not correct herself.  She cannot right now.  The mage keeps her bright green eyes locked on her mother, too afraid to see the disgust on Cullen’s face.  Just feeling his quickening breathes against her rosy wet cheeks is enough to tell her how fucking stupid she really is.</p><p>She already fell off the tightrope; she just hopes there is a net to catch her now.</p><p>
  <em>Of all the titles you could have said, Evie Trevelyan.  Roommate?  Friend?  Partner?  You go for the one you want, but know will never happen?!  Idiot!</em>
</p><p>Cullen slowly stands, his knees like jelly from kneeling for so long…or is it nerves or disgust?  He goes to offer his hand to shake, but notices Evie’s blood all over it.  “Forgive me,” he whispers.  He goes to massage his neck, his anxious tick, but shakes himself out of it before smearing her fluids all over like a blood mage about to call a demon through the Veil.  “I better go change first…” he mumbles and quickly races off to his bedroom to decide how to let Evie down easy hopefully.</p><p>Gwen just nods, following Cullen with her wide brown eyes until he disappears into the side spare room and closes the door.  Evie slowly stands, but her mother pushes her back down.  “Oh no.  You do not move, young lady!  You wait until that sweet young man comes back and give you leave.”</p><p>Evie grits her teeth.  “I can take of myself just fine.”  Evie instantly regrets it watching her mother’s broken expression.  The mage facepalms.  “Sorry, Mom.  This is…”</p><p>“All your bloody father’s idiocy!”  Gwen huffs, glaring at the elevator.  Her shining brown orbs return to Evie.  “I left him, Evelyn.”</p><p>Evie has been surprised too many times over the last few months.  She finds out she is pregnant.  Her father gives her the choice to abort her baby or raise it alone.  She meets Cullen again at the gala.  However, none of those moments rock the geologist like her mother’s latest news.  “…<em>What?!</em>”</p><p>Evie’s parents <em>love </em>each other.  They fought tooth and nail to be together.  Decades of rumors, disgust, and sabotage never torn Gwen and Ian Trevelyan apart.</p><p>Gwen left her love to support her daughter?!</p><p>Gwen purses her pink lips.  “Since that fight during Satinalia, all we do is argue about you.  I wake up every day just wanting to hear your voice and be there for you through this.  Your father always said, ‘She will come around to my thinking.  If she wants to stop lyrium, she will give up this foolishness.  She will give up that child and take her place in helping me dismantle the family corporation.’  I told him to think from your perspective.  Think about how we felt when you were born prematurely.  He always remarked we were married and not a mage.  I should know best what happens to unwed mothers and their babies because I was born a bastard.  He hunts high and low for that young man who clearly cares about you.”  Her gaze flows back to Cullen’s closed door.  A slight smile pulls out her lips.</p><p>Evie already knows Lady Gwen likes Cullen from that slight smile.</p><p>“I will not defend his choices.”  Gwen declares with burning, watery eyes.  “I never imagined my Ian would act like such a stubborn, narrow-minded imbecile.  I knew watching you that night you were heart set on keeping this baby and raising it alone.  Your father’s robotic mind only thought about his war against lyrium that took Esme and so many lives.  He never realized he lost what he swore as a father to love unconditionally.  Esme’s death rakes him, but he always believes he made the right choice stopping his life support to save you.  Then…he expects you to give your heart away?”  She waves to Evie’s swelling stomach.  “He does not recognize his ultimatum caused more pain and heartache!”</p><p>Evie sniffs to herself as a few tears fall.  “Why did you stay away for so long if you did not agree?  Why leave now?”</p><p>Gwen hangs her head and covers her mouth.  “I really thought I could change his mind.  However, Rian and he fed off each other searching for a man who…”  Her watering brown eyes return to the spare door.   Cullen stands there hearing everything said while wearing one of his nice white shirts.</p><p>Evie’s mother stands, walks over to Cullen’s slack-jawed position, and offers her hand.  “It is a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Rutherford.  Thank you for being here for her when I should have always been.  I love my husband, Evelyn’s father.  However, I made a vow as a mother to always protect my child.  I will always choose my daughter over a moronic ninny.”</p><p>Cullen takes Gwen’s hand and shakes once.  “Do not thank me too much, my lady.  I have only been here over the last month or so.”</p><p>“A month longer than me.”  Gwen admits with a mournful smile.  “I see why she protected you.  You might not have known about all this or did but my husband’s actions kept you away.  I do not know the reasons.  They do not matter now.  My husband truly thinks you so ill-intended that <em>two</em> lives should end when you and that baby are innocent in this situation.  He wishes to ruin so many lives with his irrational actions.  What he forgets is that I was once that baby.  One parent or both…<em>having </em>a parent beside you is worth all the names and suffering a stigma might hold.  Evelyn loves that child as she cares for you.  You feel the same for her.  I can tell in you beautiful honey eyes.  You are doing more for this child than I ever have…or my stupid husband ever offer Evelyn during this trying time.  Sincerely, you have my internal gratitude.”</p><p>Cullen smiles back, his amber eyes studying Evie’s mother like he knows she is not a terrible person.  “Would you like to stay for dinner?  I plan to make turnip and barley stew.”</p><p>“I hate turnips…”  Evie whimpers from the couch, ringing out her wet hair.</p><p>Lady Gwen glances over her shoulder.  “Evelyn Tesni, eat your vegetables!”  Evie hunches her shoulders, suddenly eight again at the dinner table.  Lady Gwen tilts her head and smiles at Cullen.  “A true Fereldan dish.  My mother would have loved you instantly.  Now, if can get her to eat her peas, you will really impress me.”</p><p>Evie groans as Cullen chuckles.  “Already did, Lady Trevelyan.”</p><p>Gwen waves to him as both walk to the kitchen.  “Please, call me Gwen.  I detest my title, and my husband surname leave me quite a bitter taste in my mouth right now.  Now, your accent says central Fereldan…but with a touch of Kirkwall…?  You lived in the Free Marches, Dr. Rutherford?”</p><p>“Yes, for about a decade.  Please call me Cullen.”</p><p>Evie sinks down into the couch right as Surana jumps up and lays down beside her.  The mabari sits her head on Evie’s soggy lap.  Her black eyes watch the soaked pregnant woman, silently proclaiming she is asking for another cold.</p><p>Maker, what a mess.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>First, the library and shelf sharing is a true story.  The hubby and I have been married for over ten years and STILL haven't mixed our libraries despite our disciplines overlapping.  It is the last thing that has never been integrated together since we moved into together.  No one messes with the books. lol!</p><p>LADY GWEN!  For those of you who have read my other fan fictions, you know Lady Gwen quite well.  For those who don't, I highly recommend <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215502">Burnt Twin Flames</a> if you want meet her.  Many readers remark she is their favorite character I have even produced.  She is kindness and understanding as a person.  This is the first story where she has made a terrible mistake staying away from Evie, but she will make it up to her daughter.  </p><p>So, Evie dropped the "girlfriend/boyfriend" title.  How will Cullen react?  How will this play out?  Will they make the next step or did Evie ruin any chance of a relationship with her dream man?  Let me know in the comments!</p><p>Thank you for reading, sharing, commenting, and leaving kudos.  You all are my writing fuel!  Thank you for your continuing support!</p><p>UPDATE:  I just posted a one-shot snippet on <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/60937228">"The Port Authority" </a> regarding what is happening House Trevelyan.  A cute side piece with our favorite Cassandra and Rian!  Go check it out.  It takes place the weekend before this chapter.  Enjoy!  :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Context</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This week, this fan fiction reached 3000 hits and over 100 Kudos!  THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!  You all keep me going during these trying times.  I appreciate every one of you.  THANK YOU! HEART!</p><p>So, Originally this chapter and next Monday's chapter were together.  Then I started editing and adding more information and it grew too big.  I debated for a few days and decided to split them.  You all are going to love it all.  Your patience will pay off.  ^^!</p><p>Part 2 of 4 Part Scene/Event</p><p>Chapter Song:  “The Unwinding Cable Car” by Anberlin</p><p>I added a new <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/60937228">"Port Authority"</a> snippet Wednesday that gives some background information to this chapter and a look at Rian and Cassandra's relationship.  Go check it out!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen never expected his day off drastically change one minute to the next.  He begins it deep in thought while walking Surana hiking around Lake Avvar and surrounding forest.  The early spring temperature chills him to the bone, but his thoughts and aching heart keep him warm.  The ex-templar needs to figure out his evening plans and what to do about his repressed love for Evie.</p><p>Cullen prays nightly for something more with this fantastic inferno mage.  He wonders over the last week if Evie might ask him about what that kiss meant.  His arousal even thought of her crawling into his bed to fall asleep or behaviorally move for more intimacy, especially after she recovered from her cold.  He considers doing the same bed hopping to her too many times, but talks himself out of it.  The ex-templar keeps reminding himself this is not about him, but to make Evie feel safe and relaxed.  Cullen finds no relief alone, pining in purgatory.  Not even the Venatori torture prison was this bad.</p><p>Any rational plans the Fereldan doctor devised fly out the window as soon as Cullen returned to the loft.  He comes back with a few ideas, mounting the courage to tell the fire mage his feelings.  Evie texts she is coming home early, which wreaks Cullen’s wooing plan he texted Cassandra for romantic approval.  He wants to cook her a refreshing, enjoyable dinner, dress to the nines, and then tell her over his iconic stew.  If Evie wants to come home, that means she is not feeling well or had a dreadful day.  The ex-templar ditches the initial idea and instead hurries to take a shower.  He decides on a Plan B: they will make dinner together and get Evie to talk about what made her livid that day, which always perks her mood afterwards.  Then they will sit down together, and afterwards he will pour out his emotions.</p><p>That plan instantly freezes in place when a very nervous and emotional woman appears at the loft door begging to see Evie.  The older woman will not tell her name, just panics that she lost Evie forever from stupidity and ignorance.  Cullen spend the entire time, hair still dripping wet from his quick shower, trying to calm her and find out who the bloody hell she is. </p><p>Meanwhile, Evie took much longer to get home.  Is she stuck at work?  Hurt?  The worst comes to mind as the ex-templar imagines the worst happened. </p><p>Then, Evie appears up the side stairs sobbing, panting, and nose bleeding all over his favorite alma mater shirt.  He considers rushing her to the hospital.  Thankful, the mysterious woman knows what to do without prompting.  There is a good twenty minutes where he is not sure what the heck is going on, just hanging on until things calm down.</p><p>This sweet, worried woman is Evie’s <em>mother?!</em>  For what Cullen knows about the Trevelyans, this older woman is barely in her fifties and is everything <em>opposite</em> from what he learned about the pompous noble house.  Alas, she sided with her husband in ostracizing Evie.  Cullen keeps repeating that to himself when he went to his bedroom, changed, and washed off Evie’s blood.</p><p>Somehow, the chaos turns into a pleasant evening.  Yes, Cullen cannot have his open conversation with Evie about their relationship.  Somewhere in his soul, he feels the Maker is saving him from heartbreak.  Why would Evie want someone like him?  He is broken and once everything she fears.  Maybe Lady Gwen’s appearance saved him from making a terrible mistake.  Cullen does not deserve Evie or the baby.  Why should he hope for more when he barely qualifies for what the Maker provided?</p><p>It is better this way.</p><p>Lady Gwen assists Cullen in the kitchen while making his special turnip and barley stew, chatting like this happened every night and known each other for years, not that they just met.  Evie sits on the couch, rubbing Surana’s stomach with a slight frown.  The mage changed her clothes and took a hot shower to avoid another cold.  She likely debates the implications of having her family here after so much pain and rejection.</p><p>Cullen seriously believed he will hate Evie’s parents after learning what her father did.  He openly admits such thoughts while stirring the stew.  Lady Gwen just opens up to him quickly, quite the opposite to Evie’s restrictive inner opinions.  Lady Gwen accepts and defends Cullen’s assessments because she hates herself for not walking out on her husband immediately. </p><p>Cullen quickly forgives her ladyship even before she explains what happened.  Evie’s mother is caring and open to everyone, friend or foe.  He understands where Evie’s compassion and selflessness originates.  Lady Gwen speaks with gentle words and soothing gestures.  She runs around helping them both with various tasks without prompting.  She even stops Evie from got to get clothes out of the dryer and folding them.  Cullen can tell it is not to get into their good graces, but her natural inclusive ways. </p><p>By the time the stew finishes, Cullen enjoys the noblewoman’s company.  It is like a puzzle piece missing on the floor that someone found and put into place.  Both expecting parents missed a parental insight over the last few months.  Lady Gwen fills a growing void for both new parents being here.</p><p>The doctor thinks about his own mother lost to cancer nearly a decade ago.  How would she react to this unplanned pregnancy?  Would she and Evie get along as well as Lady Gwen and himself?  Alas, Cullen can only assume his mother freaking at first, then being excited about grandchildren.  <em>You must give the middle name Stanton to your son, </em>she would proclaim constantly. </p><p>During their three-hour dinner of salad, fresh bread, and stew, Lady Gwen explains why she arrived now.  House Trevelyan fell into the void in the months since Evie’s pregnancy announcement.  Lady Gwen stayed, believing she could knock some sense into her husband.  With Rian in Bann Ian’s corner, the attempts seem homeless.  Then just last weekend, Rian refused to assist the bann any more like turning off a light switch.  No explanation.  Lady Gwen learns that Rian’s shift co-insides when Cullen arrived in Haven, discovered Evie and the baby, and slowly convincing Rian that Cullen is not his worst nightmare.  Cullen even explains how the two men played chess for hours the day he moved into the loft. </p><p>Lady Gwen explains Rian actually flew to Ostwick last weekend and joined Gwen’s pleas to accept Evie’s adult and honorable decision.  Lady Gwen knew it would take her husband losing everything to register his deep and flawed faults.  She arranged for a short-term lease in Haven—actually Cullen’s old address—and left her husband after one last plea for reasoning.  It failed.  Bann Ian refuses to accept what is happening, but not for the corporate reason he <em>says</em> are why.  Evie huffs at the conflicting news.</p><p>Overall, Evie sits quietly through the recap.  The pain of being alone still stinging despite her mother’s efforts.  However, Cullen knows her well enough that her rage is not at Lady Gwen personally, but the situation and decades of constant denials.  Lady Gwen does not expect everything to be roses, only for an opportunity to stay with Evie from this point forward.  Even if Evie sent her mother packing after this initial visit, Lady Gwen states she would stay in Haven.  She is done with Ostwick and that toxic family environment with the money-grabbing extended family, who also abused her personally over the years.  Evidently, the Trevelyans blame Lady Gwen for Evie’s magic and “ruining” Patricia’s mother's marriage despite Bann Ian had already divorced her before Gwen entered the picture.  The bann and she only married after his ex-wife died in a mine accident a year later.</p><p>Evie tells her mother she forgives her, but it will take time to regain her faith in her family.  Cullen notices how her cheek twitches, knowing the matter is not over.  She twists a familiar amber pendant between her fingers as she speaks like it is a worry stone.  Just like with Cullen, Evie fights her mistrusting tendency.  She too lives on little leaps of faith since that night in Val Royeaux.  Lady Gwen agrees sorrowfully, knowing once Evie’s trust is lost, it takes a miracle to regain it. </p><p>A peace falls over the women as they hold hands across the table and smile.  Evie needs a motherly presence during this difficult time, especially since the only other mother she knows is Astrid Cousland-Theirin, her boss.  If Mia was not so overbearing, she could be another pregnancy ear for Evie.  Branson’s wife, Abigail, too.  Maybe sometime soon they can be honest with his family.</p><p>Thinking about his relations and support, Cullen wishes his father was there to give him some pointers.  The Order might have disciplined Cullen, but his father molded him into a man.  No father can best him.  That terrifies Cullen when thinking about raising his future son or daughter.  He has no one to ask if he is doing something right or change an approach.  Maker, he misses him. </p><p>The dinner continues with laughter and stories.  Cullen and Evie tell about how they met.  They tell their different viewpoints from their Val Royeaux liaison, minus <em>specific </em>details.  They joke about their initial gala fight and shocking resolution; the pain fading as happier moments occur.  They recount the last month of learning about one another and finding a balance.</p><p>Lady Gwen listens, swearing she will take it all to her grave.  Bann Ian will learn nothing about them.  <em>‘He made his stupid choice.  He will suffer alone and never know you both, nor your child!’  </em>She cries seeing the series of ultrasound photos from three months to now.  The tears pour witnessing the baby’s gradual growth.  She asks for copies, her twinkling brown eyes scheming to do something for the expecting parents.  Evie explains later Lady Gwen loves crafts, especially embroidery and interior design.</p><p>This sweet mother shares her own pregnancy woes.  She blames herself for Evie’s fears now about her own life.  Cullen finally learns more about a story he only hears in whispers.  Evie’s tokophobia originates from a reasonable source:  Lady Gwen and Evie both nearly died during childbirth.</p><p>“That is the root of all of Ian’s stupidity.”  Lady Gwen explains as they wash the plates.  Evie and Surana went to restroom for the millionth time.  Cullen can tell Lady Gwen wanted to talk about this with him alone.  Her ear perks every so often towards the bathroom.  She whispers to Surana to bark when the mage flushes the toilet.  Evidently, Gwen has her own imprint mabari who waits at her new apartment.  She says the war hound bring out her Fereldan side she cherishes dearly.  She loves that Cullen is from her mother’s country and bringing more Fereldan heritage into the bloodline. </p><p>Lady Gwen leans towards Cullen as she hands him a dish.  Her voice sounds like a spirit begging for understanding.  “Ian saw us both flat line on the surgery table.  They revived me as soon as they removed Evie from the womb, but…”</p><p>“Eve took time.” Cullen surmises from the woman’s pale face.</p><p>“They think her valve was normal because there were no noticeable problems on the ultrasound.  However, those machines were not excellent back then.  Some neonatal doctors hypothesized their revival efforts damaged it, causing thickening scar tissue on the valve and that ventricle.  She was in neonatal ICU for two months, Cullen.  I did not hold my first born until the day before she came home.”  Lady Gwen confesses with a long stare. </p><p>“I cannot imagine not holding our child that long.”</p><p>Lady Gwen just nods.  “Like half my heart laid there with tubes and wires, not a warm mother’s embrace.”</p><p>The noblewoman continues washing, pursing her lips while scrubbing a pot.  She refused to run the dishwasher.  Cullen definitely misinterpreted the main House Trevelyan family members.  “Ian vowed to let nothing happen to her.  He searched the globe for any heart surgeon to help her.  Our family sighed in relief for ten years after the value replacement surgery.  She still suffered because of the Circles and those damn Trevelyans, but at least she could play.  We knew the druffalo valve would be a temporary fix.  Ian never stopped his search.  One such effort resulted in an Orlesian doctor discovering her scarring growing inside her heart.  Only twenty and she need a full transplant, but we really believed she would find a donor heart that will last the rest of her life.  Ian <em>believed </em>with all his soul the Maker would provide.  No matter the cost, Ian will save his daughter’s life.”</p><p>“Then there was no donor.”</p><p>“I believe that is when Ian lost his faith…in everything.”  Lady Gwen nods, her hands soapy from washing dishes.  For a noblewoman, she did many domesticate tasks.  She already swept the floor and took out the trash while waiting for the stew to finish.  “Ian thought <em>he</em> failed his vow when Evie’s heart began failing like his genetics plagued her again first with magic, then a fragile body.  After a year of emergency visits, Evelyn gave up.  She wanted the remaining months not searching for a miracle, but in peace and resolution.  Ian refused, almost becoming a Dr. Frankenstein or questing for the Fountain of Youth.” </p><p>“He doesn’t sound like a quitter.”</p><p>Lady Gwen giggles and shakes her head.  “Precisely.  My husband will crawl through a lava field for his children and me.  Wealth, power…he only owns it to protect and give us all a pleasant life.  Now all that fails him, thus why he struggles.”</p><p>Lady Gwen swallows.  “Esme persuaded Ian to fund that raft trip and permit Evelyn to go.  We did not want her to go, knowing any stressful activity will kill her.  That discussion slowly brought Ian back to accept he cannot solve everything and use the time remaining to love and care.”  She sobs into her hand.  “Cullen, we never imagined we would lose <em>both </em>of our children.”</p><p>“Lose both?”  Cullen questions, brow scrunched.</p><p>“Evie does not remember the events, so I am not surprised you do not know.  She had a stroke and fell into the water.  Esme dived in and pulled her out.  That’s how he cut his temple.  Luckily, they airlifted her out before major brain damage.  She ended her musical career not only because of what happened, but her hands never worked right.  The neurological damage to that brain region never recovered.  She lost fine motor dexterity in her bow hand.  Her dancing suffered because her right leg slips or delays.  You likely noticed the twitching in her cheek.  That is long-term nerve damage from when she lost use of facial muscles.  She never talks about it, but she was in physical therapy for years.” </p><p>Lady Gwen takes a lengthy settling breath.  “Then there were her personality changes.  The short-temper has always been there, but became worse afterwards.  It is like a light switch turned off.  That positive, hopeful woman who accepted fate broke.  She survived, but the depression…the physical struggles…She was never the same after she learned Esme died and she lived.” </p><p>Tears trickle down the woman’s freckled face.  “Esme told no one what happened to him specifically until he collapsed in the waiting room.  His wound laid in his hairline, so no one saw the blood.  He knew he was dying.  He asked his father to not put him on life support.  ‘<em>Save her’</em> was the last thing he said.  His brain never responded to initial treatment.  The red lyrium crystals grew at an alarming rate.  Somehow, the red lyrium never contaminated his heart, a miracle.  To extend his life would have been torture, but Evie does not see <em>he </em>made the choice.  Ian obeyed Esme and fulfilled his request.  Essentially, Ian killed one child to save the other, or that is how he views it.”</p><p>“Maker’s breath…”  Cullen hangs his head.  “She really believes she does not deserve to live.  She really thinks she will die having the baby.  Like this is fate for everything that’s happened.”</p><p>More confessions slip from Lady Gwen’s lips like a dam broke, and she just needs someone to know <em>why.  </em>“Thus why Ian wanted her not to have this child.  He called her selfish and spitting on her brother’s life when it actuality Ian knows he is powerless again.  He never stops finding a way to save her.  To save her from her stroke meant he chose not to treat his youngest son.  Now, Evie chose the life inside her just as I did when I developed labor complications.  Ian lives in those traumas and just sees himself making the same life or death decisions again.  He loves that baby.  I know he does, but he does not want that life if it means he loses his daughter he sacrificed so much for already.  He knew asking her to consider an abortion was horrific and wrong, but his pragmatic mind just saw the difference between two evils…just like Esme’s red lyrium injury and Evie’s failing heart.”</p><p>Lady Gwen turns to the blond ex-templar, her face red and salty wet.  “Cullen, it was never about the corporation or her inheritance.  Ian does not <em>care </em>about his wealth or that damn company.  He does everything now to have it fail.  He burns down his family’s awful legacy that those wicked people <em>celebrate </em>like nothing terrible happened.  Most Trevelyans will not admit they killed thousand through lyrium addiction and ages of Circle abuses.”</p><p>“Cullen, you must believe me.”  Lady Gwen begs, her big brown eyes pleading.  “Ian does not want to lose her.  Esme’s death nearly killed us all.  His faith in the world is forever tied to the hard choices he made for his children…that now look like they were for not.  I cannot convince him he is not the Maker, nor can make Evelyn’s bodily choices for her.  All he sees his failings as a father.” </p><p>“The powerless feelings make him rash.  He needed someone to blame for this miracle that mean death to him.” Lady Gwen looks Cullen in the eye.  “Because Ian could not convince Evelyn to end the pregnancy, he went after the next person to blame.”</p><p>“Me.”  Cullen concludes, blowing out his cheeks.</p><p>“We all really thought the man who impregnated her knew exactly who she was and would blackmail her.  However, as the month ticked by, the theory evaporated.  No demands, no publicity about her pregnancy in tabloids.  Ian cannot be angry at someone who is not the monster he devised.  I showed him the only monster was <em>him </em>for putting Evie in such a difficult position, but he refused to stop this separation.  Then Rian called off his vendetta with no explanation.  Ian demanded to know what was going on.  He <em>hates </em>not knowing all the facts, thus why Evie never revealed who <em>you</em> were.  She knew it would irritate him, while keeping the secret protects you.  It sent him in a rage on Satinalia!  While Evie fears childbirth, Ian loathes the unknown.  Rian and I both vowed to not find him a scapegoat for his own failings.  I told him leaving that estate the only person he should blame for losing it all was <em>himself.</em>”</p><p>Lady Gwen lands a wet soapy hand on Cullen’s forearm.  “Cullen, you are a beautiful person.  I just know it.  The moment you treated Evelyn on the couch, I knew you are <em>exactly</em> who Evie needs in her life.  You both did not speak it at dinner, but I know you are trying to figure out this connection.  You trade looks when the other is not looking.  You stay vague about specific emotions because you do not want to spoil your inner thoughts to the other yet or ever.  You both fear caring for the other like you are the Blight personified.”</p><p>Maker, Cullen never knew he was that outward about his love now. </p><p>Lady Gwen tilts her head, her smile stretching.  She watches Cullen sheepishly rub his neck and blush.  “I sense a genuine, healing soul in you.  I only imagine you must think about my husband and me.  However, parenthood makes you extremely protective and unreasonable.  We only want what is best for our children.  The moment you hold your child, you will know that feeling.  Maker, maybe you already know it if you stand by Evelyn now.  You need not deny this happiness anymore.  Whatever you struggle with, it will have no power when you hold your infant the first time.  It is in the past, and that baby is your beautiful future.” </p><p>Now, Cullen tears up, the weight of everything crashing around him.  He constantly questions if he deserves this family forming around him.  His sins still hang like a noose and the trapdoor dropped years ago.  This stranger notices his deep-seated struggles through this pregnancy.  Cullen has a bright future ahead if he just reaches for it.  His PTSD, horrible past, and traumas should not stop him for desiring happiness.</p><p>Lady Gwen is telling Cullen it okay to care about Evie…love her even.  She gives him leave to want a delightful future.  Cullen no longer needs to deny himself joy. </p><p>Evie’s mother cups his cheek and smiles.  “You are the best person for both my daughter and that baby.  I have to agree with Cassandra calling this serendipity.”  She pauses, pursing her lips.  “I know I am being invasive, but your worry is for not, Dear Knight.  I do not say this to pressure you into doing something.  More to give <em>you </em>the encouragement to hope for more.  Happiness awaits you both <em>together, </em>if you so wish.”</p><p>As Evie hugs her mother goodbye for the night, Cullen thinks about Lady Gwen’s advice and compassion.  He watches the scene as both mother and daughter cry, his heart warm and uplifted by this unfamiliar person who is still a stranger but now as much a mother to him as Evie.  For the first time since this entire thing began, he feels he is doing everything right.  He believes the mounting feelings for Evie are not just desire or the result of how he believes he <em>should </em>feel about her.  Now, he finally admits he loves her deeply and without reservations.</p><p><em>She called you her boyfriend</em>.</p><p>Cullen smirks at the simple title, his heart finally excited to discover what it means for them.  He knew Evie liked him from that earlier kiss, but many things changed over the last week.  He confessed his darkest secrets to her.  He moved into her loft.  Evie fell horribly sick on his watch…Now this.  So many changes.</p><p>Cullen wants to revisit that kiss tonight.  He needs to know their future.  His plan to romance her and approach the subject melted when Lady Gwen arrived.  Now, Cullen knows it was not the Maker trying to stop him, but to jump the last hurtle, limiting his confidence and desire to be open about his feelings.  The ex-templar remembers his mental speech he devised during his hike.  He fears still he puts too much weight on Evie’s shoulders, but he needs to be clearer.  They must remove the guessing between them.  Cullen wants Evie to like him too, but not pressed into it for the baby’s sake or give her the idea he is doing it because he has to.</p><p>As chaotic as meeting Lady Gwen was, it indirectly answered some questions on Evie’s and Cullen’s views about one another.  It is amazing how a simple relationship label can mend frayed nerves.  After talking with Lady Gwen, Cullen realizes he cannot allow Evie to make all the decisions about them as respectability sake.  He needs to give her hope and a clear picture of what he feels too.  She fears her death, likely worried about leaving him and the baby alone if the worst happens.  He must show what she means to him now more than ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Good ole Mama Gwen!  You can tell she held in this information for so long with no one proper to hear.  She read Cullen instantly and knew he was nothing like Bann Ian feared.  She has amazing people-reading skills and notices hurts and emotions people bury.  She has a new son.  HEART!</p><p>Do you agree with Lady Gwen's choices?  How about Bann Ian?  Does this explain his behavior?  Is he right to feel this way?  What do you think will change the bann's mind?  Let me know in the comments.  I love hearing your thoughts and theories!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Crossed Wires</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Part 3 of 4 Section Scene</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “Cosmic Love” by Florence + the Machine &amp; “Did I Say That Out Loud” by Barenaked Ladies</p>
<p>Remember "Passing Ships" has playlists with every song on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=tg1myKO5SzWBYekFLPgY6w">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>!  Check them out!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading!  You all keep me going through the good and bad.  I heart you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie blows out her cheeks, once coming back up the elevator to let her mother out.  “Well, that was a shitshow.”</p>
<p>“I thought it went rather well.”  Cullen smirks, watching Evie’s anxiety finally bleed from her shoulders.</p>
<p>“No, that <em>is</em> me saying it went well.”  Evie exhaled, frosting her fingers and rubbing her temples. </p>
<p>“You feeling better?”</p>
<p>Evie shifts her unique peridot eyes.  “No.  No matter what she said about my father, I still can’t believe the lengths he will go because he disagrees with our choices.”</p>
<p>Cullen grimaces.  He needs to be clear on several levels.  “Um, I actually meant since you got home.  You crying and your blood pressure.  I almost rushed you to the hospital.  I worry for you when you get like that.”</p>
<p>Evie freezes, her face like a deer in headlights.  She takes a moment to process before looking away.  She swipes her hand through her frizzy hair.  “Oh.  That.”   She blushes and quickly rushes down the hall towards the kitchen.  “I’m so sorry for my blow up.  The tears and…”  She points to her bruised nose over her shoulder.  “The thing runs even when my blood pressure is normal.  One bump and my nostrils turn into blood waterfalls.  Treat your shirt before it stains.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry.  Nothing I haven’t encountered before.”  Cullen smiles and waves as she meanders around the kitchen island.  She reaches into a cabinet for a plastic cup.  “Why <em>were</em> you crying though?  Something happen at work?”</p>
<p>Evie halts again, wheezing.  With slow, precise movements, she reaches into the fridge for some ginger ale.  “The hormones excuse won’t satisfy you, will it?”</p>
<p>“Eve, I’m quickly learning your little tales.  You eyed me like one spell will charbroil me into dinner.”</p>
<p>The pregnant woman groans, leaning against the island and pouring her drink.  “It’s absolutely stupid.”</p>
<p>Cullen perks a brow, leaning against the wall opposite her spot.  “Try me.”</p>
<p>“I thought one thing, got upset, and instead of getting angry I sobbed instead.”  He mumbles, her bright green eyes downcast like a child broke a vase.  “You know how I’ve been with kitten and puppy shows on Animal Planet.  If I see that Sarah McLachen commercial one more time, I fear I won’t ever stop bawling.”</p>
<p>The ex-templar watches at her, blinking slowly.  There is a slight tremble to her hand as she screws the cap back on the ginger ale.  “Okay, what did you think I did?”  He can tell Evie does not want to tell him as her chest rises and falls quickly.  She pinches something through her shirt like a necklace.  She somehow twists through the plastic letters containing today’s pregnancy joke, <em>“Sober, Sweaty, and Swollen”</em>.  She keeps sipping her ginger ale to avoid answering the question.</p>
<p>“Look,” Evie pushes herself off the isle, her gemstone eyes focusing on her bedroom door.  She wants to escape.  She dances around the kitchen to put away the ginger ale bottle and quickly make for the island’s other exit.  “I have a serious case pregnancy stupidity.  I thought some completely irrational things and said stuff I now regret.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s lungs hitch.  Oh Maker, she did not mean to call him her boyfriend.  Somehow, he keeps his panic out of his voice.  “Like what?”  Evie steps away, but he blocks her path with a few swift steps.  Her eyes burn up at him, challenging and annoyed he will not drop the subject.  “Eve?”</p>
<p>“I said you were my boyfriend when we never talked about it.  I panicked.  I wanted my mom to like you.”</p>
<p>The ex-templar feels kicked in the gut.  However, he wants to know where they stand.  The Fereldan does not want to live like this, constantly wondering and pining.  He needs to know.  “Do you regret it?”</p>
<p>“Only because you are standing here drilling me about it!  I thought you would be happy!  You can thank the Maker you’re not stuck with an ugly walrus that does not have blonde hair and blue eyes.  You can just be a dad and not stuck with some ugly woman who trapped you in a dalliance because of a few failed contraceptives!  I don’t want you to think you can’t date others when I might hope for something with you.  I won’t trap you with this baby.  You shouldn’t stop searching for relationship because you knocked up some ultra-depressing mage who blunts obscenities.”</p>
<p>Pieces fall into place.  “You thought I had someone here.”</p>
<p>Evie pales and bites her lip.  “I might have…envisioned a beautiful…<em>perfect</em> female doctor…who may resemble my model half-sister…when I saw the nice car in my parking spot?”  She shrugs sheepishly.</p>
<p>Cullen rolls his whiskey eyes.  Maker, no intentions reached this worrisome woman.    He idiotically believed Cassandra in that little gestures and acts of kindness will make Evie change her mind and express herself.  What Cullen perceived as flirts and courting must never compute for Evie.  No wonder she never brought up the kiss.</p>
<p>No more.  Time to come clean and get everything out in the open.  Cullen steps towards her, towering over her sheepish hunched body.  “And what I told you after we kissed in the nursery?”</p>
<p>“People are scumbags, Cullen.”  Evie flops her hands against her hips.  “Some partners told me shit so I would leave them alone or get me in bed!  I’m sorry my past relationships still stain whatever we are trying to do.  It’s difficult not to think so negatively when I resemble a pear-shaped oompa loompa!”</p>
<p>Of course.  How could he just assume his behavior would mean positive responses?  <em>No one </em>has treated Evie this way in her life.  She thought he wanted something from her like every other relationship.  She likely thinks his advances are to soften her and give up the child in some manipulative ploy.  Damn her sick family’s tactics to get their way.  If Cullen even meets any of her previous ex’s he is throwing fists and kicks.  People used and threw Evie away like him.  No wonder she thought his actions were hollow.</p>
<p>
  <em>Idiot!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Fix this, Rutherford!</em>
</p>
<p>The mage continues to cool her fingertips and massage the temple stress away.  “Look, I know it is absolutely moronic.  Yet, think about this from my view:  it isn’t everyday someone like me gets knocked up by a handsome guy so far out her league the home-run got sent to Satina.  Most guys in your position would just leave or act like abusive arseholes.  Then there is you, Mr. Perfect Fereldan!  You’re sweet, caring, supportive, and a bloody ex-templar <em>doctor!  </em>You are an hundred to my negative fifty!”</p>
<p>
  <em>Her depression and anxiety make her think she is nothing, just like me.  Lady Gwen was right.  We both kept our feelings buried because we believe we don’t deserve happiness, a future.  During their mental health conversation, we spoke about wanting care from others.  Yet, she thinks it still doesn’t apply to her like she has the blight.  Show her, Cullen!</em>
</p>
<p>Evie backs up and references herself.  “Look at me!  I couldn’t shave behind my knees this morning.  When I tried to do my hair, I sat down four times because it wore me out.  I nearly had an asthma attack!  I gave up on doing makeup, even my iconic cat eye, because only industrial paint can cover up this complexion.  I forgot four gallons of ice cream and my inhaler in the jeep!  I already eat so much ice cream that my blood work will come back saying I poop liquid sugar.  I don’t feel great, and I know it will only get worse!”</p>
<p>
  <em>Show her, Rutherford!</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen steps forward, pulls Evie as close as possible to his body, and kisses her hard.  She stiffens in his arms, her hands out from their bodies in shock.  She drops her ginger ale cup in surprise, splashing contents all over the cabinets and tile floor.  He cups her cheek with one hand, while the other flows from her arm to her waist.  Evie slowly relaxes against him, her hand tentative against his elbows.  She cranes her head to reach his height and the space created by her growing stomach.</p>
<p>The Fereldan feels like he is home.  For six months, he dreamed of these soft silky lips.  If they had never been in a pack of people and Evie fainting, Cullen would have kissed her breathless as soon as she turned around at the gala.  Every time he left the loft to go back to his crappy apartment, he nearly leaned over this enchanting mage and kissed her goodnight.  When she laid in bed sick and weak, he wished to kiss her pain away.</p>
<p>The rejoicing man keeps himself restrained despite his entire body wishing to pick her up and carry her away.  His sensibility evaporates, smelling her orange clove scent swirling around them.  How has her skin become softer?  Her lips plumper respond naturally and welcoming to his.  Their kiss in the nursery seem like a test run filled with worry and impulse, much like their first kiss in Val Royeaux. </p>
<p>This one is everlasting.</p>
<p>Cullen knows not to press for anything more despite his whole being wanting to dive deep into this woman he cherishes and loves.  He just hopes she will accept him so he may hold this amazing woman longer.  He just needs to show her all her concerns are just in her negative mind.  The ex-templar never thought about her weight or other demeaning views.  She really thinks herself so beneath him she easily dismisses herself.  He must tell and show her true worth in his heart.</p>
<p>“Eve,” He whispers against her plump pink lips.  She hums, her eyes afraid to open.  “Look at me.”  She purses her lips and buries her face into his chest.  “Please?”  She finally relents, her bright green eyes glassy like he will walk away or pities her.</p>
<p>“I’ve kept my feelings to myself the last few weeks—heck, months—because I wanted you to figure out your own first.”  Cullen begins, swiping her bangs behind her multi-pierced ear.  “The reason the house searched failed is that I was looking for a place for us both and the baby in mind…A forever home big enough for everything we may hope.”  Her eyes widen and mouth gaps.  “I hesitated agreeing to move in here because of my PTSD but also I wasn’t sure how I could keep respectable in your presence.  That kiss broke the last restraint I had to not hug and kiss you every time you pass by.”</p>
<p>The first tears cling to her eyelashes.  Her breath quickens.  Her fingers grasp his button-down shirt like she is dreaming.  The Fade must trick her with such things nightly, as his own dreams do.</p>
<p>“At the beginning, Cassandra warned me to not jump the gun on anything until we both knew what we wanted.  Yet, I knew what I wanted, and that was you, baby or no baby!  If anything, this child is just a <em>bonus!  </em>A majestic woman carries my child, the result of something intimate and glorious.”  Cullen kisses her again as his thumb swipes some tears from her cheeks.</p>
<p>Cullen’s declarations now tumble out of his mouth, the barrier to keep silent and patiently waiting finally broken.  “Maker, I only had eyes for you since we landed in Val Royeaux.  I agreed to share your room because I met someone who blew all my perceptions out of the water.  Yes, the alcohol helped my nerves and dulled my mental senses.  Still, at one point, I bit down flirts and compliments because I didn’t want you to think I was a creep.  I connected with you instantly!  Conversations between us are so easy I know you will not judge me for my opinions, only civilly debate.  Watching you race out of the hotel room while I <em>stupidly </em>just sat there, I believed I let this unique and gorgeous woman slip from my grasp.” </p>
<p>Evie buries her face in his chest again to soften her snorts and soft sobs.  Cullen cradles her, kissing the crown of her head.  His arms rock her gently.  He should have said something sooner to avoid causing her so much anguish and worry.  They could have been together sooner, but this is all necessary.  They are both broken and scared.</p>
<p>“I thought of you for five months, ranking myself over fires for not speaking up…not asking the right questions to find you again.”  Cullen keeps talking; his dreams, thoughts, and feelings spilling more from his soul.  “I thought you regretted what we had, while I owned it as the single best night of my life.  I wouldn’t be standing here holding you if I had never met you.  Everything I ever needed in my life stands before me with a blessing in her womb.”</p>
<p>“To see you turn towards me at the gala, I felt like all my prayers were answered.”   Cullen’s hand follows her chin and jaw as she rolls her head back.  Those intoxicating bright green marbles meets his soft amber orbs again.  She leans into his touch.  “You are more than I even thought possible…or deserved.  In waiting to see what was happening between us, I found myself always waiting to be in your company.  I could listen to you laugh for days.  I bite my tongue when you go off on that racist guy at the coffee shop.  Everyone I know asks what brightens my life to the point I smile like a fool on the saddest work shifts.  That happiness stems from you.  Eve, I’m falling for you.”</p>
<p>Evie’s mouth gaps, both fear and disbelief shining in her eyes.  Cullen feels her stiffen again.  Maybe he said that too soon.  This is supposed to give her comfort, not more stress.  He must not cage her.  “I only wanted to tell you this.  I want to be honest and clear about what I feel, not pressure on you or anything.  Please know, even if you were not pregnant, I would have pursued you the moment we met again.  I refuse to let you go ever again.  There is no one else.  I want no other.”</p>
<p>Cullen references the bloated form she called disgusting just moments before.  One hands follows her rounded curves, itching to kiss every inch of her.  She lets him, so happily surprised by his words and confessions.  He observes a healthy soon-to-be mother carrying his child.  She looks more amazing than her slender body in the Orlesian capital, an unbelievable achievement as she was perfect then.  “<em>You</em> are more than your changing gorgeous body or this unexpected pregnancy.  However, I could not ask for anyone else to be the mother of my child.  You’re beautiful inside and out.  You always will be in my eyes.  You are who I want and need in my life, Eve.”</p>
<p>Evie exhales against his cheeks.  She rolls on her swollen feet to match his height, her holy lips meeting his scarred pair again.  Her fingers crawl up his arms until they curl into his blond waves.  Cullen moans, loving how her fingertips graze his achy scalp.  His hands roam over her back and shoulders, remapping her delicious form.  His peeking erection tents his cargo pants.  Her thigh glances it every so often as she struggles to reach his height.  She mewls into his mouth feeling how she sexually excites him.</p>
<p>Every time they kiss, it is new and exciting.  Her swollen lips are softer and plumper, more so than the light touches just moments before.  Each kiss just gets better, more intimate.  Cullen never kissed someone like this before like every woman before was just practice until he found Evie.  Every kiss should be for this inferno mage that holds his heart in her hands.    </p>
<p>Cullen tests the lip slit, asking if he may.  Evie opens in kind, sighing into his mouth as his tongue dances with her.  He pulls her closer, causing them to step slightly to the side to accommodate her baby bump.  He groans, feeling her growing breasts pressing into him.  Oh, what they must look like now.  How will they feel against his callused hands now?  His body vibrates having her in his arms and being honest about his growing emotions. </p>
<p>Cullen only feels alive with Evie.  Every horrible moment was worth it to hold and kiss her like this.  His life has meaning again.  His blissful world stands in his arms.</p>
<p>Their kissing gets more intense as their hands wander over one another’s bodies.  There is no alcohol clouding their judgement this time.  They both respond together, in sync and willing.  Cullen feels himself stiffening the more they kiss and move their mouths over one another.  He reaches a point that he will not want to stop.</p>
<p>Before this escalates, Cullen must be sure.</p>
<p>“Is this what you want, Eve?”  His wisps between gasping breaths.  The question means many things, but he knows Evie knows them all.  She thinks just like him, one mind and heart.</p>
<p>“I want you with me, Cullen.  I need you in my life.  I like and care for you.  I’m still processing…<em>everything</em>, but…”  Evie pulls him back into her vibrating arms.  “…I do not want to let you go again.  I won’t flee the hotel room…or any room really.  I want you.  I <em>need you.</em>”</p>
<p>“Connection is important for you.”  Cullen clarifies, knowing sexual acts for her are special; love being a necessary connection.  What they had in Val Royeaux was special, but very unique to the situation.  They both broke many personal rules that created these months on pining and confusion.  They both appreciate they took that plunge.  However, if something happens now, it must be respecting, everlasting.  No more worry and struggle.</p>
<p>“Cullen, you never left me.  I wouldn’t have slept with you before if I didn’t feel deeply connected with you.  I would have never let you come to the ultrasound, into my life, or this home.”  Evie confesses, kissing him once more time softly.  “I tell you again:  don’t take the couch…or the spare bedroom.”</p>
<p>Cullen smirks before kissing this mage breathless.  “Maker, I hoped you’d say that.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*multiple readers rejoice and scream "FINALLY!"*</p>
<p>The moment you all have been waiting for has come!  How did I do?  Was it like you expected?  Hang on, because the fluffy and FINALLY SMUT returns and continue!  YAY!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. *Moor*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*NOT SAFE FOR WORK!  NSFW!*</p>
<p>Maker, this one was a bear to edit.  It kept growing as I kept adding stuff.  For a few moments, I thought about splitting it again, but I think you all would kick me for denying you smut any longer.  I will warn you.  The grammar and wording might be strange, but I have a terrible headache today.  I will review it again soon when I don't feel like my head will explode.</p>
<p>Part 4 of 4</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Here With Me" by Dido</p>
<p>*NSFW!  NOT SAFE FOR WORK!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie breaks from their intense kiss and steps away.  Cullen panics that she will reject him, but there is a playful smirk across her blushing face.  Her bright green twinkle as she takes his hand and leads him down the hall and to her bedroom.  Her little finger tips barely grip his like their connection is a thin fishing line, but with barbed hooks keeping them together.  She grins every so often over her shoulder, her happiness pouring outward with her mana and tickling the lyrium still stuck to the ex-templar’s bones.  Her auburn waves disguise the steamy looks to enhance her blissful, excited side.  Evidently, her mischievousness nature expands into the bedroom and when sober.  Cullen thought that was just a Val Royeaux chance occurrence.</p>
<p>Cullen has not been in Evie’s expansive room since she was sick.  His lungs hitch for a moment, glancing around the dais bed and industrial windows.  Flashes of Evie ashen and sweaty burn in his mind’s eye.   It is only when Evie turns around and curiously studies him he breaks free from the memory.  Her freckled, healthy cheeks and hopeful eyes remind him she is well and wants to be with him.</p>
<p>His Lady blushes, her bright green eyes glancing to the floor.  For a brief moment, her grin shifts to frown.  “If this isn’t what you want…”</p>
<p>Cullen tugs her flesh to his body, releasing a gasp from her swollen rosy lips.  “That isn’t it.  I’m haunted by how you looked in that bed last week.  So fragile.  I blamed myself for you being sick.”</p>
<p>“I figured.”  Evie whisper, her chilly fingers following his chiseled stubble jaw like a sculptor adjusting wet clay until smooth.  “Esme had similar expressions when he would visit me in the hospital.  Even as a four-year-old, he knew when I was not well and wanted to be with me always.  Rian stood guard at my door, while Esme raced around and did everything possible to make me feel better.”  She sighs and leans against Cullen’s chin.  “I’m sorry you worry.  That’s why I hesitate to want something with you, Cullen.  I’m scared to stretch beyond my feelings because there is so much unknown.  I don’t want to hurt you.”</p>
<p>“You fear your death.”  Cullen surmises by how her accent enhanced <em>future</em>.</p>
<p>“I know I shouldn’t.”  Evie grips his shirt like she might disappear.  He will not like her escape again.  “A part of me wants to throw you out of my life forever so you won’t know the heartbreak.  Yet, no matter what happens, our child ties us together.  If something happens to me…you’ll be the only source about me-“</p>
<p>Cullen grips her cheeks and focuses her shiny bright green orbs into his demanding stare.  “I <em>know</em> in my heart nothing will happen to you, Eve.  I swear I will keep you here with me.  With our family.  You fear death because that is all you have known.  You were <em>born </em>into this fear.  People have surrounded you waiting for you to fail and die or oppositely fearful you will fall over with a stiff breeze.  You were a child the first time you went under the knife.  This tokophobia, the fear of childbirth, has deep personal roots for you and your family.  However, believe me when I say there is a future here if you just <em>hope</em> and <em>believe</em>.”</p>
<p>A few tears trickle down her cheek and over Cullen’s rough hands.  “How are you so sure?”</p>
<p>Cullen thinks of a way to show this to Evie.  He lets go of her face, untucks his dress shirt and undershirt, and pulls both over his head.  Evie’s bright green eyes bug for a moment as Cullen lets go of the clothing and lets them land on the hardwood floor.</p>
<p>The ex-templar allows this woman to see what he feared she would comment on in Val Royeaux.  The boats’ blinking lanterns and Thedas moons shine through the windows, casting over the nearly white burns, cuts, and other scars like halos.  Evie cannot contain the gasp and tremble exhibited as her twinkling orbs study the old wounds and torture.</p>
<p>It took Cullen years to show anyone his torture scars.  One of his major steps to overcome the trauma was showing his residency girlfriend.  Before, he always wore a shirt with whoever he slept with.  Even Veronica Hawke never saw what the Venatori prison did.  That first girlfriend frowned and shied away until she got used to them.  She even asked him to wear shirts again after a while.  When Cullen woke up from night terror, she cited his scars as one reason why she was leaving.  Cullen was not the hunky, perfect man she thought he was.</p>
<p>The doctor still wonders where the courage came from to remove all his clothing with Evie in Val Royeaux.  She is a mage, someone who definitely knows the causes.  Her Fade-connected cousins inflicted such abuses to crumble and twist Cullen’s mind and body.  Yet, she said nothing.  Her fingers barely touched the scars, focusing on the muscular lines he sculpted and strengthened.  Alcohol might have clouded everything back then…or just plain sexual urgency from how they ravaged each other. </p>
<p>Learning about this amazing woman over the last few months makes Cullen bold and trusting.  Evie fears death because it has been a part of her life for so long.  He must show her he too knows the mortal possibility and overcame those tragic events, horrifically wounded but alive.  He believes she will do the same in the upcoming months.  The future will not be easy, but they will overcome those troublesome trials together.</p>
<p>The inferno mage’s eyes widen as she pants heavily.  Like he is a glass statue, Evie lays her shaking hands against his pecs, thumbs just grazing his nipples.  Cullen swallows a moan in his throat.  Coarse blonde chest hair tangles around her fingers.  Her nails scrap over his taut pale Fereldan skin.  “Maker’s fuck, how are you so fucking perfect…?!”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles, guiding her hands to the many scars across his upper body.  “I’m not perfect.  I never claimed to be.  I exercise, as you know from my daily trips to the gym.  This took years of training and hard work.  My muscles keep me healthy and aid my endurance during long shifts.  I go to the gym for myself to control my life when the PTSD worsens.”  He grasps her right hand and directs her fingertips across his lower chest where a Venatori storm mage arced a lightning bolt through his military armor.  The skin looks permanently bruised.  “As you can see, I did not leave most engagements unscathed.”</p>
<p>Evie focuses on an electrical burn, body wobbly and eyes glassy.  “How did you <em>survive…?</em>”  Her mana wavers and puffs from her body.</p>
<p>“This was from my second tour.  We had a damn good medic in our squad.  The spell stopped my heart, but Belinda Darrow jumped started it easily.  They monitor me for murmurs, but nothing serious has come up.  I had worse when I walked into an electrified druffalo fence when I was eleven.  I looked like that kid from <em>Jurassic Park</em> with frizzy, puffy curls.  I smelled like burnt hair for a month.”  Cullen chuckles, remembering that particular childhood accident.</p>
<p>Evie glares up at him.  “This is not something to laugh about, Sir Knight.”  Cullen notices how her left hand chills and pulses, her magic itching to cast a spell.  He knows which one, but she respects his dislike of magic.</p>
<p>Not hers, though.  Every day he loves Evie, her magical signature brings him comfort and a little more out of his own fears and anxiety.  Even his therapist has noticed.  “Go ahead and triage.  You know you want to but are too afraid to ask.  I trust you.  Just know…I survived, Eve.”</p>
<p>The fire mage swallows and whispers, “Sorry…” as her left hand slowly approaches his bicep, a safer place to introduce the spell.  Cullen would not mind if she did that on his chest, but Evie wants to protect him.  Visualizing all these scars from other mages makes her likely hate who and what she is.  That is why this is so important.  Cullen must show Evie he too knows death like an old friend, but still does not fear it.  He fears magic, but not hers.  He lays himself bear to her to demonstrate she may do the same without worrying of rejection or pain.</p>
<p>The triage spell is cool at first before a slight heat comes.  For brief moments, the lyrium stuck to Cullen’s bones hums feeling the magic, while brushes of music caresses his soul.  He tries to focus on the strange notes and not that magic cycling through him.  Is this the music she mentioned on the way to her ultrasound?  For a brief moment, he hears her soul playing wildly and worrisome.</p>
<p>Evie’s auburn brows scrunch when her spell reaches a known painful area.  “Maker, you still have a bullet in you!”</p>
<p>Cullen taps the harder part of his right shoulder.  “A Venatori stalker thought he could snipe me getting out of a Humvee.  The door directed the bullet off target, but its jacket got buried in my shoulder.  Too close to an artery for surgical removal.  As long as it doesn’t slip or move, I’m good.  I go for bloodwork yearly to monitor for metal poisoning.  I’ve had it for over a decade.”</p>
<p>“You could have <em>died?!</em>”</p>
<p>“You could have too back then, but didn’t.”  Cullen counters, his purpose finally reaching Evie’s consciousness.  The mage’s magic retreats, her green orbs pinpoints and lock on his soft amber eyes.  “Death is a part of living.  Your mind and body developed this fear as a <em>child</em>.  I chose and joined the military at eighteen, a young adult.  I <em>chose</em> to put myself in danger.  You didn’t.  When trapped as a POW, I thought death was my only way out.  I stood alone.  My platoon died one by one, slowly succumbing to the torture or accept the demons roaming the halls.  Rescue seemed unlikely.  However, I never gave up.  I dreamed of a future.  It wasn’t a pleasant one, but I envisioned the next day just to keep myself focused.  When the Grey Warden special operations team stormed the prison, I didn’t recognize they saved me.  Sometimes, I still think I’m stuck in that small windowless cell hanging from the ceiling.  However, I know I found my future when I look at you, Eve.  If I survived all that so I can stand with another survivor and love her and our child, Maker dammit, it was all worth it.”</p>
<p>“I wish I had your faith and hope.”  Evie jumps up and kisses him passionately.  Her arms allow her to hang off his body at the neck.  “You believe this so much that I cannot but hope for the same.  How can you care about me when you deserve so much more than I may offer?  Yes, I’m pregnant with your child, but you should not <em>settle</em> for me.”</p>
<p>“Who said I was settling, Eve?”  Cullen growls, annoyed by her still discounting herself.  “Don’t you remember when I said your romantic expectations should skyrocket through the roof?  I know you know little about healthy relationships and struggle to understand what I feel for you.  I will just keep repeating it until you get it through your thick stubborn skull, Evelyn Tesni Trevelyan.”</p>
<p>“I can’t help but wonder that with your fears, you just accepted I will be the best you’ll find.  Like your scars or traumas limit you for someone who is not so depressing and sarcastic.  You could have any woman you want, but you chose me?  Is it because I believe those scars are accomplishments and should be celebrated that you overcame your demons?  Whoever made you feel embarrassed or shameful for them deserves to die in the Void.”  Evie spits, her magic swirling at those people who snubbed Cullen.  If this woman ever met his ex-residency girlfriend…Maker’s breath.</p>
<p>“And that right there is why I love you, Eve.”  Cullen slips the <em>L</em> word unconsciously.  His soul feels released, finally admitting something burning in him for weeks now.  The doctor hesitates as he feels Evie tense in his arms.  However, Cullen refuses to take it back.  He needs her to believe him and hear this.  “You accede me as I accept you.  I know if I tell you anything, you will value and understand me.  You recognize these pains as achievements than add to the torture and pain as so many others have done.  This is not me settling or guilted to love you because I got you pregnant.  That is genuine love that I know will only exist with you.”</p>
<p>“I…I’m still…”  Evie replies, her face looks pained.  She struggles because he just place so much weight on her shoulders.  She purses her lips and trembles.  “I….I live my life being true to those I care about and to myself.  I…I don’t know these feelings like you do, Cullen.”   She nervously smiles.  “Be patient…?  I-I’m not reject you.  Know that, please…”  She fears this will make him leave.  “I want to be honest when I say it.”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses her hard, his heart wishing for that affectionately reply, but completely understanding her worry and reasoning.  He wants her to be honest about it too.  Evie is blunt and says what is in her heart.  She never has been loved, so she has never loved.  Every person who ever crossed her path gave no <em>shits </em>to learn about this fantastic woman.  They took what they wanted and left her like forgotten garbage. </p>
<p>The Fereldan ex-templar knew she was unlike any person that day on the airplane.  She noticed his pain and offered him medicine.  Who else would notice his struggle or gave enough care to find a solution?  She freely spoke about herself and hid nothing.  She sets herself on a platter, hoping someone would reach out and touch her many hidden qualities buried under sass and sarcasm after decades of jaded existence.  He loves her more by keeping to her tenets.  How many times have people told him something so personal just to get the ‘right’ response from him?  Only Evie would not lie about something so important to them both. </p>
<p>“I will wait for however long.”  Cullen declares, his hand roaming her shapely body.  “I’m happy just to hold you right now.  I know how lucky I am.  I could have never met you again.  That still scares me…like you’re a dream I devised in my head to overcome my idleness to find you again.  As long as you are here with me, Eve, I will wait ages.  If you…”  He squeezes his amber eyes shut.  “…find you cannot return those feelings, I will understand that too.  I won’t like it, but…I respect you too much to press and ask for something you cannot give.”   </p>
<p>Evie smiles.  The tension bleeds out of her body the more their fears and reservations are fleshed out and discussed.  She reaches into her joke pregnancy shirt.  “I doubt that will be an issue.”</p>
<p>The fire mage pulls out an orange gemstone Cullen saw her twisting earlier through her clothing.  Actually, wasn’t that what she wore that the night of the gala?  Evidently, it is more than just richness as he stupidly assumed. </p>
<p>Evie holds the chain so the pendant dangles in the moonlight.  “You ever heard of amber?”</p>
<p>Cullen shakes his head no.</p>
<p>“Putting on my geologist hat for a second.  Amber is ancient tree sap that has harden into an organic fossil.  Geologist and paleologist use it to find out the climate, flora, fauna, and other environmental factors in geological history.  I love it because if you look closely, you see flicks of gold and brown in the stone from debris sticking in the sap and fossilizing.  It is like a prehistorical time capsule.”</p>
<p>Cullen leans in and studies the stone in the moonlight.  “Is that a cricket?”</p>
<p>“I think…Definitely bug legs, but focus on the pretty stone and not the gruesome insect death from millions of years ago.”  Evie giggles and winks.</p>
<p>“Isn’t that what they used to get ancient dragon DNA in <em>Jurassic Park</em>?”</p>
<p>Evie laughs.  “You have that movie on the brain, but yes.”  She rolls those beautiful peridot eyes.  “However, no one has successfully done that yet.”  She cups the jewel in her hands.  “After Val Royeaux…The Fade would taunt me with your eyes, but I could not visualize them when awake.  I remember on the plane how the overhead lights brought out the flecks of gold and brown around your pupils.  I went to a geology road show in Redcliffe about a week after I discovered I was pregnant.  At a gemstone booth was this pendant matching your exact eye color.  I started weeping right there, not grasping pregnancy hormones just makes me bawl at the worst moments.  The vendor thought he did it and gave me a <em>massive </em>discount.”  Cullen just laughs and shakes his head.</p>
<p>“I wondered how I would tell our child about their father if you never appeared again.  I wanted to keep your memory fresh in my mind.  I bought it in mind to always have you with me.  Like, if you could not be in our lives, it represented you.  I want to give it to our child when they are older as I would have done if I never met you again.” </p>
<p>Evie steps up on her toes and softly kisses Cullen’s scarred lips.  “You never left me, Cullen.  I might not proclaim everything so confidently as you, but I know you hold a special place in my donated heart.  These weeks together just cemented it beyond a simple gemstone.  I hid its existence from you to avoid explaining how much you mean to me.  You observe everything and would question about it at some point.  Hearing that piano within you on that lengthy flight tied us together.  Our child cements it.”</p>
<p>“And here, the first time I saw that stone after the gala, I stupidly thought it was you displaying your family wealth.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her bright green eyes.  She sticks out her tongue.  “It is worth every credit interest bill I’m still paying off.”  She lets the pendant drop and hangs around her neck again.  “Thank you…for understanding though.  It is not the words you want to hear, but it is all I am sure of right now.”</p>
<p>“You’re scared shitless.  There have been so many changes.  Just look at today alone.  You’ve been fearful all your life.  You’ve heard the worst.  You say I am an Avvar god who treats you like a queen, but it should always have been that way, Eve.”</p>
<p>Evie’s fingers crawl up his bare chest and around his neck.  She kisses where his heart lays below his left pectoral muscle and sternum.  “But you still look like an Avvar god, while I give a mud-covered old druffalo a run for its money.”  She references herself like she is a broodmother.</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles.  Evie glares at him.  His itchy fingers slide under her pregnancy t-shirt seam.  She does not wear a maternity tank top underneath, so his callused palm finds that taut olive skin his dreams nightly.  “I say you’re even more beautiful.  I wanted to shut you up immediately when you listed all your ‘poor’ physical qualities.  What you see in a mirror is not what I know gazing at you right now.”</p>
<p>Evie just blinks, grimacing.  “Cullen, I was a dancer and former gymnast.  I used to be flexible and wiry.”  She catches her shirt seam and tugs down so his hand cannot lift it higher around her bump.  She nibbles her lower lip.  “I…I’m afraid of what you will think of me now.  You were happily flabbergasted by my body before.  I’ll never look like that again.”</p>
<p>Cullen perks a brow, worried he pressed too hard.  This is a great deal of pressure on this fragile woman.  “Is this what you want?”  He asks again, confirming this what Evie wants to be intimate now.</p>
<p>The mage purses her lips, panicking she might have turned him off.  “Frankly, I’ve wanted to jump your bone since I went to your office to apologize.  Actually, one good tug on my emerald dress and I would have been naked after the gala for love/hate and frustrated reunion fucks.  Tears from both anger and fantastic orgasms.” </p>
<p>Cullen’s mead drunk dream pops to mind.  <em>Maker, damn it that could have been real after all.</em></p>
<p>The doctor busts out laughing, shaking his head.  Evie slaps his shoulder; her face resembles a strawberry.  “Leave me alone.  Pregnancy either makes women never think of sex again, while some other women are horny beasts.  Seeing you again and getting to know you just made me care for you more.  I was attracted to you before, but Maker, you only got most gorgeous.”  She bites her lip, studying his sculpted body.  Her fingers follow the muscle planes to his belt buckle.  “Your handsomeness is not just your dashing face and tame wavy-but-actually-really-curly-noodle hair, but your kindness, honesty, amazing mind, and genuine heart.”</p>
<p>Cullen laughs, combing his hands through her auburn waves.  He loves the feel of the hair strains between his fingers and how it falls and cups her lightly freckled face.  Her body heat so close to him just feels like they have been together forever.  “And your beauty stems from your open heart, blunt soul, and mischievous personality.  Every quality about you brightens your outward beauty to the point you glow.”  Cullen leans down and barely touches her lips with his own.  He wisps.  “Why did you take so long to enter my life, Eve?”</p>
<p>“How can I <em>not </em>want you when you say that?!”  Evie jumps up and kisses him intensily.  Her tongue separates his lips, tasting him like that first time in the alienage.  Her fear and hesitations evaporate, being this flesh with his body and the recipient of his affections. </p>
<p>The sexual tension finally breaks.  Their kissing before in the kitchen was for relief and reunion.  Now, Cullen can tell she intends for more than just kisses and hugs.  Her covered breasts rub along his bare chest.  Her growing belly forces frustrating distance between them.  The Fereldan leans over more to not hinder Evie by staying on her toes.  Cullen’s height makes up the distance their child creates in Evie’s womb.</p>
<p>Evie murmurs slight moans and sighs as their tongues waltz together.  Lips and teeth suck on one another.  Her fingers are everywhere, fluffing his hair and memorizing his face and neck.  Her legs try to hook around him, but keep falling.  She is still flexible, but being over six month pregnant limits how much she does.  Alternately, her touch follows his body’s natural planes like she will never experience this again, recording everything to memory.</p>
<p>Cullen refuses this to only be a onetime moment again.  Suddenly, his heart and body reminds him of all his steamy dreams and regrets he wished for months now.  He cannot decide which one to do first, but he will perform them all for this fantastic woman.  Having her again overjoys his soul in ways sex never ignited before.  Tonight is making up for all he wishes he had done months ago.  Tonight is the beginning of a future he envisions with Evie.</p>
<p>Both of the ex-templar’s hands slip under Evie’s shirt and tugs up to her armpits.  He can feel her frown against his lips, but she breaks away for him to remove the garment.  It flips her auburn hair in the air enough for the moonlight to highlight the red undertones.  Her bright green eyes slowly open as she reaches between her breasts for her maternity bra clasp.  Evidently, Evie is a <em>‘go big or go home’</em> person about her body image.  She might see the insecurities, but if she will show one, she will blaze them all for analysis.  With a few tugs and frustrated whines, the undergarment falls from her shoulders and arms.  It joins the other clothing on the floor.</p>
<p>Cullen steps back, his whiskey eyes shining at the most beautiful sight imaginable.  She might see the water retention, extra weight, and sore breasts, but he sees a woman absolutely glowing.  He always thought the ‘pregnancy glow’ was silly, but he understands it now.  Yes, she looks tired and achy, but she bears it well.  Evie’s dancing career prepared her body for odd back positions and built strong pelvic muscles.</p>
<p>The Fereldan’s hands act without thought, slipping along the inferno mage’s wider hips and caressing the stretched skin that did not expect a fast-growing fetus.  Still, that olive tan glow looks flawless, even as her belly button smooths and slightly flips out.  First-time mothers wear pregnancy well, with most bumps smaller and unnoticeable from behind.  In her sixth month, Evie shows her gestational development well.  She is healthy. </p>
<p>Pregnancy suits her.</p>
<p>For a second, Cullen envisions her with their first child on her hip and heavy with their second baby.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maker’s breath, one kid at a time, Rutherford!</em>
</p>
<p>Those roaming hands flow up from Evie’s bump to her growing swollen breasts.  When in Val Royeaux, Evie has smaller, firm breasts than most women, but they were just enough to grasp and roll.  Some flesh slipped between his fingers, just enough excess to admire but not overly big like most men <em>say </em>they want.  As she crawls towards her due date, those once small breasts doubled in size and look somewhat painful.  Just like her bump, she must moisturize them to keep them supple and smooth.  Her nipples and areolas widen with the growth, preparing for mammary production once the baby arrives.  Cullen envisions her breastfeeding their child in the rocking chair they eyed at the department store.  He actually gets giddy.</p>
<p>Lastly, those doctor callused palms reach his Lady’s freckled, angled face.  Her expression is stoic, but her bright green marbles burn between tears, worry, and frustration.  Cullen has been quiet for a few seconds, but it must feel like a lifetime for her, especially so insecure about her looks.  She is so concerned about his opinion. </p>
<p>Pfft, like Cullen could walk away from this gorgeous lady now studying her amazing form in the moonlight.  Cullen needs to worship her to make Evie realize he loves every inch of her like she is a fire goddess only he can taste and love.  She is the embodiment of what he always envisioned what Love is personified. </p>
<p>Cullen’s tingling fingertips flow along her neck, up around her jaw, and settle right by her pierced ears.  He steps forward, his chest brushing against her hardening nipples and stomach again.  The skin contact feels electric.</p>
<p>“I knew it.  You only got more beautiful…exquisite even.”  Cullen smirks downward and kisses her gently.  “You were gorgeous in Val Royeaux, Eve, but now…you’re timeless.”</p>
<p>Evie whines when he backs away from her searching pink lips.  “We might need to get your eyes checked.”</p>
<p>“I have 20/20 vision.”</p>
<p>The mage still eyes him suspiciously.  “Hopefully, this kid gets your sight because mine is dog shit.”  She points to her right eye.  “Contacts or I can’t see my own feet.”</p>
<p>“I thought that was just pregnancy.”  Cullen jokes and winks.</p>
<p>Evie lightly swats him, but giggles.  “I hold you to tell me if I’m wearing two different shoes.”</p>
<p>“Deal.”  Cullen kisses her lightly again.  “But our child must have your eye color…and smile.”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses her eagerly, finally releasing his sexual desires.  Evie melts into him, arching her back along his right forearm.  With ease, Cullen lifts Evie in such a way so that he does not compress her bump, but he can carry her to the bed.  He lays her down like a porcelain doll, the first revision he makes from Val Royeaux.  He cannot believe he slung her on the bed that night.  Tonight, Cullen will <em>cherish</em>, not lob.</p>
<p>Evie’s hands never let go of his biceps as her back settles on the comforter and sheets.  Her awkward movements catch his knee and causes him to lose his footing.  Cullen catches himself before falling on her special body, ever attentive to her round womb supporting their child.  His hands sit on either side of her head, while her auburn waves fall over his hands.  Her profile glows in the moonlight, highlighting her soft freckles and angled jawline. </p>
<p>When laying on her back, Evie’s breasts fall to the sides, exposing a few white scars across her sternum and below her left breast.  Cullen’s amber gaze first snap to her swollen nipples begging for his lips.  He feels Evie shift a little, covering her scars.  Cullen grasps her right wrist and shakes his head no.  “We survived.”  He proclaims, directing her hand to that same lightning bolt scar across his body.  Evie’s chest hitches before she nods, understanding they should not shy away anymore. </p>
<p>Sometimes, it is more difficult to love themselves than each other.</p>
<p>To further illustrate his point, Cullen leans down and kisses along each scar.  Each lips-to-skin touch is light and sensual, like the scars still contain all the physical pain as well the psychological.  His stubble tickles the surrounding skin, goosefleshing Evie’s olive tan.  The reaction shows she still has nerve connection to the surrounding tissue, while most scars do not reconnect it along the incision sites.  Each affection continues from point to point at a slow, tantalizing pace. </p>
<p>Just as Evie never asked him, Cullen never questions her about their origins that first night together despite his doctor mind whirling.  Now, he knows these scars and sacrifices allow her to lie with him now.  He licks and kisses each, thankful for their existence because that means Evie lives.  Esme gave them both a priceless gift. </p>
<p>Evie gasps and wiggles beneath him.  She rolls upward, but only her knees find his legs.  Her hips cannot reach his with the baby bump.  Their own child keeps them separated like a contraceptive that has no purpose now.  She might not even know how hard Cullen is having her lay half naked beneath him again.  Getting frustrated, Evie attempts to pull herself up the bed.  Her fingers grip the comforter to slide upward, but her heavier weight keeps her in place.  It just makes her more annoyed.  To distract her, Cullen continues his soft stubbly kisses around her achy bosom, purposefully avoiding the nipples to taunt her sexually.  It works as Evie fists his curly hair to keep up his attentions.</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles, wedges his arm under her lower back, and lifts Evie up the bed until her head rests on the multiple pillows, including a full body pregnancy one Cullen bought her earlier in the week.  She giggles and hides her blushing face in the nape of his neck.  “I told you I was like a dead druffalo…”  She mutters into his skin between sucking the connection point.  Cullen growls and rolls to the side. </p>
<p>He kisses her shoulder and down her body again until her left breast falls into his vision.  His affections fall onto the mammary’s nipple as Evie arches off the bed, sighing “…<em>finally…” </em>before throwing a leg over his hip.  He listens to her sighs for any pain or soreness, but she actually rolls her chest into his face a few times, begging for more.  Cullen happily gives each bosom suckles and massages while Evie remains on her back and side.  This is what he should have done in that hotel.  He should have taken his time.</p>
<p>Shifting to her other breast, Cullen’s right hand follows her changing body and hooks around her spandex pant waist.  She wears special maternal underwear with built in spandex support to relieve her back.  “They are definitely not thongs…”  Evie grumbles before moaning into Cullen’s scarred mouth.  “…even less sexy than granny panties…”</p>
<p>“I don’t know about that.”  Cullen remarks as his line of kisses returns to her right breast.  Her nipple does not peak high enough to match the other.  “For what they protect and support turns me on to full mast.”</p>
<p>“We <em>really </em>need to check about your vision now.  You might be blind.”</p>
<p>“Blindly in love with you.”</p>
<p>Evie perks an eyebrow.  “I’m screwing you no matter what.  You can shelve the pickup lines.”</p>
<p>Somehow, Cullen keeps her nipple in his mouth while laughing.  He hooks his thumb around the leggings and underwear, his amber eyes now inky black, watching Evie for possible objection.  He waits for her permission.  Evie frantically nudges down the offensive clothing, but mumbles.  “It won’t be pretty…It’s a wild forest, long forgotten and untamed.”  This time, Cullen cackles to the point her nipple slips out of his mouth.  He just rest his forehead against her baby bump; his baritone chuckles awakens the child in her womb.  The baby definitely knows his voice.</p>
<p>Cullen leans back and removes Evie’s pants and cotton underwear in one go.  Much like in Val Royeaux, the underwear separates from the leggings, but misses the lamp.  Instead, they land in the aquatic herb tank above the bed.  Both people howl with laughter, the sexual desires still there, but their fumbling and remarks resemble their first sexual experiences.  It feels like he will lose his virginity again with Evie.  All other sexual moments before were just bland fucking compared with this enchanting woman.</p>
<p>“I’m actually trying to figure out exactly on how to do this.”  The chuckling man admits before kissing down her naked form.  His callused hands flow around her separating hips to between her legs.  If angled just so, he can still see Evie’s face right over her bump.</p>
<p>Evie covers her eyes with an arm.  “I’m dying to roll my hips with yours.  Every time I twitch up, I don’t find you and my back aches like just did yoga backbends.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s right hand finds his prize once Evie widens her legs enough to accommodate him.  Evie’s groin glints in the moonlight and shows how she is extremely slick and wanting.  His fingers follow her natural curves, using her natural lubricant to test and separate along her slit.  His index finger easily slips into her entrance with brief pressure to show how ready she is for him.  Again, Evie arches off the bed, praises echoing throughout the expansive room.</p>
<p>“Welcome home…”  Evie declares.  Her eyelids hang half open and lazily staring at him.  “I missed you touching me…”</p>
<p>“I miss touching you.”  Cullen whispers against her inner thigh.  He lingers about six inches from her groin, his nose rejoicing smelling her again.  Most men dislike pleasuring women orally, but there is something about Evie that just drives him wild.  “Oh, Maker’s breath, I missed your scent…”  Cullen confesses as her arousal hits him.  She is slightly sweeter than he remembers.</p>
<p>The panting man adjusts his index finger inside her, twisting it just so.  Again, Evie calls, her mana tight to her body.  Before, Evie allowed her magic to flow.  It startled Cullen that night, but he never feared it like he thought.  He wonders if Evie controls it now because of what she knows about his past.</p>
<p>“Let it go, Eve…”  Cullen encourages as he slips his index finger out and replaces it with his two inner fingers.  His thumb grazes her clitoris.  He always knows where the hooded pearl lays.</p>
<p>Finally, a wave of mana and pressure ripples the surrounding air.  Ash flies.  Evie’s panting intensifies as her expression shifts from pleasure and worry.  Those nearly black eyes glance down at him from the side.  “I…wasn’t…sure if you would…”</p>
<p>“Let your magic fly.”  Cullen surprises her by licking up her slit.  Evie’s entire body vibrates as sparks dance and fall in the air.  He knows he can watch her magic for how well he is doing.  Every time he successfully pleases her, he hears those majestic sounds that make his erection painful in his pants.</p>
<p>“That tongue is Maker sent, you Avvar God…”  The inferno mages whines and pushes her pelvis downward for Cullen to continue.</p>
<p>The Fereldan cannot deny Evie or himself anymore.  Her taste tickles his lips and tongue again.  He twists and turns his fingers with each lick and lightly suck along her.  He listens and adjusts by her wantons.  His body fights him, dying to plunge into her heaven, but he must prepare her, unsure about her pregnant body and what will be possible.</p>
<p>It takes little time for Evie to find her first of hopefully many releases.  A thumb flick and kiss on her pearl.  A long teasing pump of a finger inside her.  It has been too long for them both.  Her orgasmic moan sings from her throat as Cullen keeps her thrusting hips on the bed.  More sparks and a bit of heat swirls around them.  Cullen just listens and continues his worship, loving every drop of ecstasy she gives his tongue and lips.  For a moment, he worries he might follow her; what those sounds her Free Marcher accent produces does to his insides.  He barely controls himself.  He must provide more love before finding his own relief.</p>
<p>Cullen only backs away from his oral ministrations when Evie falls back to Thedas.  Her nude form drips with sweat.  She trembles every so often from every nerve ending firing at once.  Her mana matches each movement, equally unsettled by the explosion and sexual relief.  He goes to wipe his lips and chin, but Evie grabs a bicep, pulls him up her body and licks away herself from his lower face.  Each tongue caresses along his stubble cheek just makes Cullen lose all control and dying to fuck her senseless.</p>
<p>Evie only stops her licks to kiss him.  Her tongue searches his mouth for him, her body quickly rearing again.  She too struggles with urgency and wants.  These last several months tested their respect for each other while driving them into inner pining nymphomaniacs to the extreme.</p>
<p>“I need you <em>now…</em>”  The mage begs between pants and kisses.  “I can never have enough of you, Cullen…”</p>
<p>“Maker, I love you, Eve…”  Cullen proclaims, shifting some sweaty bangs around the shell of her ear.  He scrunches his brow, frustrated he cannot lay on her body like their first time in Val Royeaux.  He wants to watch her when they reconnect again, but her round womb blocks the possibility.  “Can you roll your hips to the side?  I think I have an idea.  I want to see you this first time.  I’ve missed you beneath me.”</p>
<p>Evie slowly shifts her legs, hips, and abdomen to the side, while her upper half stays flat.  She splits her legs with one knee bent up and the other leg stretched down.  Her waiting folds glistens as Cullen teases her again.  Just barely hooded is her clitoris.  Maker, she is ready for him again.</p>
<p>“Cullen…”  She mewls as a finger easily slips inside her again.  Cullen did not realize his wandering hands touch and tease.  He just watches her flush face, repeating in his head she is here naked and willing.  Cullen keeps telling himself this is not a dream.  She will not disappear when he wakes or flees a hotel room without him saying a word.</p>
<p>Evie’s pleas continue, her fingernails clawing and kisses following his shoulder and neck.  “Please…You know how difficult it has been trying to climax after having your cock.  Just knowing you were down the hall made masturbation extremely frustrating.  One, because I wanted to be quiet and two, <em>you were right there!</em>”</p>
<p>Cullen’s last patience to be slow and steady finally breaks.  He rears off the bed, startling Evie.  His quaking, slick fingers struggle to unbuckle his belt.  He finally sheds his pants and boxer briefs.  A hard yank removes his undergarment, making his painfully hard erection bounce out of his boxer briefs with a bit of pre-cum leaking out.  It has been too long.  Her talking like this makes him rush faster. </p>
<p>Maker, he will have her without a barrier.  Cullen barely contained himself before, just feeling her warm cunt around his penis.  He must get ahold of himself because feeling her snugly around his shaft might make him orgasm before they even began thrusting.  He rushes so quickly to rejoin her on the bed and nearly falls off.  Thankfully, Evie grabs his arm and hip before he makes a fool of himself.</p>
<p>“Honestly, I wondered if you would crawl into my bed and surprise me.”  Cullen admits when he kicks away his remaining socks off his feet.  He quickly returns and tower over her body.  The light skin contact between her abdomen, legs, and sometimes her hips along his naked form just makes him grunt and want more.  He positions himself over her contoured body with one leg following her behind until just his head touches her heaven.  His penis head grazes her waiting folds.  He will barely need to press and enter her.  She is so ready.</p>
<p>Evie brushes against Cullen’s purple head, both people crying out at the magnificent feeling.  “That’s why I hoped you heard me cry out your name two nights ago.”</p>
<p>He could have lain with her sooner.  Maker, dammit.  Cullen groans as her slick lips brush him again.  He slowly leans into her, his hips just so.  “I might have been in my bathroom thinking of you.”</p>
<p>The mage cusses and rolls enough.  Cullen cannot wait anymore, rutting forward and enter her heat.  Both adults howl at the reconnection.  Cullen slips slowly into this heavenly body, so tight and accommodating for his girth and size.  Evie separates her legs more on her side that by the time he fully sheaves he leans over on his hands perpendicular to her body.  They both pant like they have been having sex for hours, not just began.  The contact feels electric and nothing like they ever experienced before.  Cullen shivers as ever nerve inside him rejoices feeling Evie again.  It is an indescribable feeling that he pondered for months. </p>
<p>No other partner feels this fantastic around his cock and balls deep inside.  Most women could barely handle half his length or complained about his girth.  Evie neither whines in pain nor rejects him.  Cullen stays aware he might hurt her, feeling her cervix just so.  However, Evie says nothing, only sighing and rolling herself.  Her right leg hooks around his waist just to sheave him deeper.</p>
<p>“Maker’s fuck, Cullen.  Please move!”  Evie pleads beneath him.    He uses her entire body to press down on his shaft and actively participate.  Cullen’s hips rolls right with his swallowed groan, loving her beggings.  Every independent, but enjoys receiving anything he may give.</p>
<p>Their bodies roll together with each slow and calculated thrust.  Cullen starts slow just because this is the first time he has lain with a pregnant woman and definitely a first for Evie.  He does not want to hurt her despite the female body being able to take much.  He adjusts if she winces and repeats his movement when she sighs and moans in happiness.</p>
<p>During each hip roll, those fantastic breasts jingle beneath him.  Cullen watches the show as Evie’s hands claw his chest and comb his tossed hair.  He must keep one hand against the bed to avoid collapsing on her, but the other explores her naked body.  He follows her legs nicked from struggling shaving.  He cups her bump, fearing he might hurt the baby despite knowing that cannot happen.</p>
<p>Angled just so, Cullen finds how he can massage against both her clitoris and inner pearl.  His hips will ache in the morning, but Maker, to hear and watch Evie quake and send puffs of mana makes it all worth it.  Evie yells, her own movements more intense.  Her inner walls quiver closer to the edge as Cullen’s own end is near.  He holds it off, encircling the inner pearl with his cock and hip friction, enticing her outer bundle of nerves.  Cullen must hear her release again.</p>
<p>The next thrust inside her is deeper than before.  For a moment, Cullen worries he is too rough.  She is heavy with child, after all.  Instead, the action pushes Evie over the edge.  Evie wails as she finds her orgasm.  Her inner warm wall clench around him, stilling Cullen’s frantically pumping deep inside her.  The Fereldan cannot stave off his own ecstasy anymore.  He joins Evie, roaring into the pillows supporting her head.</p>
<p>For a few seconds, Cullen sees white and hears those violin notes he now knows is an inner connection with Evie.  Oh, to hear her music all the time.  Here in the white and surrounded by her affection, Cullen knows he found his harbor, no longer adrift on stormy seas.  He could live with Evie here in this heaven forever. </p>
<p>Slowly, the haze falls away, and Cullen slips to the side.  His hand naturally finds her salty baby bump red and slightly raw from his coarse hair frictioned against the taut skin during their frantically love making.  He cradles Evie from behind, making sure her form snuggles perfectly along his body.  Both people whine as he falls out of her.  Neither is in a rush to clean up.  Nails, kisses, and hickies cover them both like sexual battle scars.  Everyone will know about them by just glancing at their necks and arms.  Dorian will love this.  The ex-templar can feel rug burns on his knees and his hip feels like he pulled a muscle.  The strange sexual position is definitely new, but Maker, it was worth it.</p>
<p>Heavy breath fills the bedroom.  “Does this mean you’re my girlfriend?”  Cullen means it as a joke, but his heart still wonders.  He wants to shout it to anyone who listens.  However, she said she regretted using the title before.</p>
<p>Evie rolls her head towards him, using his left arm as a neck rest.  “Absolutely…You are more than that though…”  She smiles so gently it is like she bears her fiery soul for only he may observe and love.  She uses his other hand to encircle and rub her extended abdomen.  He feels their child moving around, likely confused by their intense physical activity.  “…you are the only person I want ever…to be this child’s father, in this bed…You are more than just a label to me, but until Dwarven Common invents that word, ‘Boyfriend’ will have to do.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, how did I do?  Good smut reunion?  There is plenty more to come now that Cullen and Evie are a couple.  Who won the sex bet at work?  How will Dorian, Cassandra, and other react?  Any idea what will happen next!  We have about another 13 chapters to go! <br/> Let me know in the comments!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading!  I appreciate you all!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. *Every Morning*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*NSFW!  NOT SAFE FOR WORK!*</p><p>The morning after...XD!</p><p>Chapter Song:  “Him &amp; I” by G-Eazy (featuring Halsey)</p><p>*NOT SAFE FOR WORK!  NSFW!*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes Evie a few seconds to figure out why she is naked, very warm, and feels a very stiff mass pressed against her behind.  Since she got pregnant, she does not drink anymore, so that means her tendency to randomly strip and dance around the loft is unlikely.  Usually, she freezes while asleep and has a dozen blankets covering her body, but a brief glance at the wrinkled blankets shows she only has a sheet and quilt over her hips.  As for the stiff mass…</p><p>Evie hears a guttural groan behind her as a blond-haired arm encircles her hip and pulls her flesh against a firm body.  She glances over her shoulder and notices a few tossed blond curls peeking from a pale-skinned head.  The person’s stubble face buries between her shoulder blades to block out the early dawn streaming through the industrial windows.  She avoids moving and possibly startling him away. </p><p>Her inner self dances around happily.  Oh nelly Maker, Evie and Cullen slept together again.  It finally happened.  He likes her.  He wants her as a girlfriend-</p><p>-Oh <em>fuck</em>, Cullen declared he loved her, and she told him to <em>wait!?</em></p><p>Evie winces and rubs her face several times, literally hating her entire existence.  While she still did not know her feelings yet, she believes did the worst thing possible after to have their child’s father admit he fell in love with her anyway and she casts him off.  Except, Evie lives life like honesty is a superpower.  Her first rule with anything is to be true to herself.  The second follows as being sincere with others.  It is the only way she can sleep soundly at night.  She would rather be honest with Cullen than go against her heart and lie about something so serious.  Cullen deserves to hear those three little words from the heart than said to settle his future hopes.</p><p>If Evie wants to be really truthful, she really did not know <em>how</em> to feel about Cullen’s admission.  When he alluded to it in the kitchen, it was easy to brush off just because he sounded like he was still trying to figure out his own emotions.  However, he upped his confession once in her bedroom.  Instantly, her horrific brain he said that to get in her bed, which she just countered she wanted to sleep with him, anyway. </p><p>Again, the mage’s devilish mind suggested Cullen confessed such a thought to make her give up the baby or develop a false sense of security.  However, the more she learns about Cullen, the more those negative thoughts and worst-case scenarios seem non-existent.  Cullen is not like her sister, who long-conned people to get influence and wealth.  He wears himself on his sleeve and loves passionately.  Stupid women abused that kindness to freely cheat on him.</p><p>Evie blinks, a wicked smile stretching across her face as the ex-templar groans and grinds into her bottom again.    If <em>any </em>of those women ever slept with him and <em>then</em> cheated, they must be the most idiotic sluts known to man.  The two times they laid together, and Evie does not want another bed fellow ever.  The man is the Maker’s sex god to all beings.</p><p>Maker, she never wants this to end.</p><p>Her stupid panicked brain wakes:  <em>But will it soon?  Will your body take you from this man who proclaims his love?  Do you truly believe this will end horribly or will you follow Cullen’s belief in a happy future?</em></p><p>The inferno mage rolls towards Cullen, snuggly as close to his fantastic body as possible.  Her growing tummy keeps them a foot apart.  Her ear listens beyond her room, wondering if Surana might come in and disturb them.  The mabari likely senses she needs to give the humans their moment before demanding breakfast and her morning walk.  She did the same last night during Cullen’s declarations, like she too was sick of their pining game.</p><p>Cullen said last night he really believes she will not die.  She struggles with where his steadfast belief originates.  Evie knows she suffers with tokophobia, the fear of childbirth.  After hearing about her own mother’s troubled delivery, she irrationally believed that was her fate.  Evie only mourned a little while when doctors told her conception and pregnancy would be unlikely in her case.  She rationalized why have such a phobia when pregnancy will unlikely ever happen to her?</p><p>Yet, Evie lays in bed six months pregnant with the child’s handsome father, who loves her.  Unlike when she was sick in college, she has so much more to live for.  She knows what is like to survive after a loved one dies.  She does not want Cullen to feel that pain ever.  She never wishes Cullen to blame himself like she still equates herself to Esme’s demise. </p><p>Evie truly believed Cullen would never like her romantically, let alone fall in love with her.  Yet, he has.  Whatever his motives or feelings, he is heavily emotionally invested in her now.  Will it be like that after labor, who knows?  If his feelings are genuine, the last few months will only make this growing connection worse.  If she dies in childbirth, he will break, the loss too much.  After all he has been through, he should not know that pain like Evie feels for Esme.  Actually, it will be worse.  Sibling love differs greatly from romantic love.</p><p>Evie touches her stomach, her hand gripping his lying against her baby bump.  She feels their child slowly waking.  For a moment when he confessed, she considered tossing him out and making the relationship toxic.  She thought it would keep him from feeling that heartache in the long run. </p><p>However, there will always be a link between them she did not want polluted for their child.  Evie arranged everything that if an emergency occurred, physicians will save the child first.  If Evie perishes, at least Cullen will have someone to hold.  He will be that child’s primary contact about her.  This may end terribly, but he will still cherish this child and their brief time together.</p><p>Maybe Evie is the selfish one.  First, to think she will die and make Cullen worry, and second, to want him there to love and cherish her despite the tragic end.  It is the rafting trip all over again. Except she likely knows the result, if the worst occurs.  Cullen shows Evie what being loved and cared for is like.  She is addicted to his smug grins, rumbling laughter, and bashful remarks.  If the Maker wants her to pay for hurting this amazing man, Andraste will help her fall in love with him.</p><p>
  <em>I don’t want to die.</em>
</p><p>Evie feels something for Cullen, but love seems like something out of the movies.  Maybe it is being told by so many people no one would love her is why she does not know the emotion.  Maybe she feels if someone loves her, they will use and abuse her or even shove her away like her own father has done, all forms of <em>conditional</em> love.  Maybe she is really a demon and not worthy of knowing this warming, heartfelt feeling musicians wrote thousands of songs for throughout the ages.</p><p>Cullen loves her sincerely.  Just will Evie learn how to love him back?  Will she ever?  Maker, she wants to love him because this wonderful is more than she ever wanted or deserved.</p><p>Evie’s left hand cups Cullen’s stubble rough cheek as she kisses his pink lips shyly.  She feels like she should ask for permission, but he sleepily dry-humps her right now.  His scarred lip jumps a few times once she retracts her head.  Her breaths must tickle his twitching nose.  She stays close, relishing in his musky, manly scent.  His warmth and safe presence makes his arm her own paradise, a heavenly home.  She studies every inch of his face.  Evie notices other scars faded across his face and how his nose looks broken, then reset in a few places.  Her fingers comb his unkempt hair, the strains twisting into those Rutherford curls that Varric and Rylen say exist, but Cullen hides under layers of sage pomade.</p><p>Evie’s left leg slips over his thigh, her arousal heating between her legs, laying so close to him like this.  Just observing him sleep like a creep ignites her sexual need for him.  Could this have been that next morning in Val Royeaux if she did not need to rush away?  Could they have woken in each other’s arms and wondered if there was more under the surface than a single drunkenly night of passion?  Could this have been her whole pregnancy than the last month or so?</p><p>The mage kisses him again after slumbering Cullen tries to pull her flesh to his body, but the baby blocks him.  Evie wants to wake like this every day now.  The first thing her bright green eyes see is this chiseled face and callused hands roaming her naked form.  One morning and she must wake like this forever.</p><p>Evie’s second kiss rewards her with a scrunched brow and grimace.  Cullen rubs his amber eyes before opening those gemlike orbs.  For a split second, he looks confused before he smiles and exhales heavily.  “Please tell me I’m not dreaming…”  His husky baritone is rough, while somehow he does not have morning breath.  Hers probably smells like cat butt.</p><p>“Depends, does your dream include a six-month pregnant mage who awoke with your morning wood rutting her behind, and she wants to ride you to completion.”</p><p>Cullen chuckles and stretches.  She hears a few joints pop.  “It does now.”  He grabs her hip, wiggles his other leg under her and pulls her until she sits on him.  Evie giggles, blushing at how quickly he agreed.  However, her ever-growing baby weight will probably break his pelvis if she does not roll off soon.  “Although, the dream I had showed you mounting me and fucked me awake.”</p><p>“I wanted to ask for permission first.”  Evie leans down enough for him to lean forward and kiss her.  Her amber pendant boops his nose before he hugs her.  “Having sex dreams about me?  Pervert.”</p><p>Cullen rocks into her groin.  His cock is laying flesh to his body between her folds.  She gasps and holds on to his shoulders.  “If you think that, I might as well tell you that has been nearly every night’s dream for six months now.  This fantastic inferno geologist haunts my every restful slumber to only have me wake to a cold bed and painfully hard dick.”</p><p>“So, you wake this morning in bed with said strange geologist, who is more than willing to help you with your erection.”  Evie replies, sitting up enough for her to grasp the thick member and slip it along her folds.  She thought about just sinking down him without teasing, but she is sore this morning from their strange passionate coupling last night.  She needs to lubricate everything to avoid more strain.  Her body <em>will</em> adjust to more vigorous activities now that Cullen and she are an item.</p><p>
  <em>Hehe, I’m his girlfriend!</em>
</p><p>Evie will claim every sexually frustrating moment with this handsome man now.  She imagines every surface in this house being annotated by their coupling.  Would Cullen be willing to screw on his work office desk?  Ever since she envisioned them having sex on top a month ago, she cannot get that possibility out of her mind.</p><p>
  <em>Horny, Evie?!  Jeeze!</em>
</p><p>“Thus why the Fade has nothing on reality.”  Cullen chuckles before groaning as she slows her teasing along her slit.  “I raked myself for months for not waking sooner to hold and love you more before you ran away.”</p><p>“If it makes you feel any better, I wished I never set my alarm clock that morning.  I would have enjoyed waking up in your arms.”  Evie admits before positioning him against her entrance.  Her knees grow weak, holding up her weight.</p><p>Slowly, the mage’s body accepts ever glorious inch of Cullen Stanton Rutherford inside her for the third time.  Cullen allows gravity to slide her down, his hands staying on her hips until he perfectly seats within her.  Evie feels full again with him like this.  His head grazes her cervix again, a little more sorely than before, but his dickhead presses on her inner bundle of nerves.  She takes long inhales and exhales to will her desire down.  She wants this to last because she will need a break for the rest of the day.  Unfortunately.  It has been awhile, and pregnancy makes things extra sensitive.</p><p>“And now?”  Cullen is as good as her about asking a question with multiple meanings.  He wants to know this will be a new norm. </p><p>“Was my mattress too hard for you?”  Evie quizzes with a mischievous smile.</p><p>Cullen hitches into her with a hip roll.  “No, but I like my pillow more, if you don’t mind.  I’ll snag it later.”  He winks.  “Who would want to sleep alone when you can wake me any way you wish night or day.”</p><p>Evie giggles as she meets his next pump. The pace is slow and sensual.  There is no fury from over drinking or a pining reunion.  This can be their reality any time they wish.  Evie loves spending the day in bed with Cullen, sleeping on and off while having sex when their arousal returns.  She knows there is a Rivaini delivery menu in the end stand that they can order for food without needing to dress completely.  Cullen knows how to please her unlike any other lover.  She can love him on that fact alone.</p><p>As their pace quickens, the music inside the inferno mage’s soul joins.  She manages her mana like she did last night.  Although, Cullen scolded her before letting it fly.  She hesitates as she releases the swirling ash and sparks, fearing he might purge her.  Instead, Cullen moans and quickens his hip rolls.  Her amber focus stone bounces between her breasts, probably telling him everything going on with her magic.  It glows like a beacon with each hop and hitch.  It brightens the room as Evie climbs closer to her release. </p><p>The pleasuring mage listens to the music their coupling creates.  She sinks deeper into the music.  His piano is addicting like his sex and cock.  However, Cullen is so much more than the physical.  He is everything she desires in a partner, lover, and friend.  His heart, mind, and soul calls and entwines with Evie each time they have sex and kiss.  She feels their connection grow beyond their passions, what is so essential for her to find euphoria.</p><p>Evie nearly bounces on Cullen’s hips now as they meet each other repeatedly.  How he handles the maternity weight, only the Maker knows.  She leans back on her hand behind his knees, her breasts jiggling with their hip thrust and pulsing.  Cullen roars forward, his scarred lip suckling her nipple before kissing her surgery scar beneath her left breast.  Evie moans and leans into his sweaty face.  She fears suffocating him for how much her breasts have grown.  He grasps the other mammary, massaging the soreness away like the night before.  His body angles up and makes his lower abdomen brush her clitoris.</p><p>Evie cries as her orgasm hits, so easy and cosmic.  Her mana spikes and blasts out, but no sparks or ash.  Cullen follows her into the euphoria, his stubble cheek hit her bosom while his lips keep nibbling on her nipple.  Each time they crest together, the music deafens her and blinds her vision.  She swears she sees stars every time she lays with this man.  Her heart blasts in her ears, overjoyed and alive from being so close and loved by this man.</p><p>Cullen cradles her as Evie slowly drifts to consciousness again, his lips now kissing her forehead and damp hair.  She takes deep breaths with him so her heart matches his.  His sweaty salty sex smell just enhances his manliness she wished she could bottle and inhale at any time of the day.</p><p>Maybe she is already in love with him and does not know it consciously.  Is that was what this music is?  Love?  Connection?  Happiness together?  Their love created this life inside her that sings with the connection?</p><p>So confusing, scary, and <em>hopeful</em>.</p><p>Evie’s bright green eyes flick open to see him watching her closely.  Like she is the most precious being in the world, Cullen rolls his hips and body until Evie is perfectly tucked on her side facing him against the wrinkled stained blankets.  Oh, she will need to do some laundry today.  He shifts the base sheet over her nude form, but she kicks it down.  She smiles as he deeply inhales and admires her naked form blushing and goose-fleshing from their lovemaking. </p><p>“Good morning…” Her Free Marches accent quivers from her orgasm.</p><p>“Good morning, my Lady…”  Cullen chuckles, swiping her long bangs from her blurry vision.  She forgot to take out her contacts.</p><p>“My Lady?”</p><p>Cullen rubs his neck and sheepishly grins.  “Technically, you <em>are</em> nobility.”</p><p>“Fuck the aristocracy-“</p><p>The ex-templar lifts a finger.  “<em>Thus, </em>why <em>mine</em> means ‘my dear or love’ like a knight I once was…and referencing the noble woman who I wish to court.”</p><p>“Usually sex is the <em>very </em>last step to court a noble lady.”</p><p>“Thus why I love you for being so fucking against the nobility.”</p><p>Evie busts out laughing and buries her flushed face into his chest.  Cullen continues to comb his fingers through her tangled, sweaty hair.  He chuckles with her before just stares at her face.  His amber eyes twinkle and scarred lip pulls into an enormous grin.  “Maker’s breath, I love your laugh.  Those little snorts.  And being this close, I finally may study the spheres of yellow and orange in your beautiful eyes like your fire magic peeks through the green around your pupils.”</p><p>Evie wishes she had a normal eye color.  “I hate my weird eye.  They’re like this because I’m Fade-touched.  Before my magic manifested, they were chocolate brown like my mother’s.”</p><p>Cullen’s fingers shift from her auburn hair, then follow up and down her nude side.  She goosefleshes when he caresses a ticklish spot.  “I wondered about that when meeting her yesterday.  I figured you must have inherited the unique color from your father.”</p><p>The mage shakes her head, her annoying bangs flipping into her tacky face again.  Always itching to touch her, Cullen swipes them behind her pierced ear again.  His callused hand settles on her cheek.  His thumb brushes against her cheekbone.  He studies her like he never seen another person in his life.  Her heart relaxes while being the center of his affections.  She somewhat understands how he can love her, but not fully.  Is that why she cannot say she loves him?  She struggles with his own love for her? </p><p>
  <em>Ugh, Evie.  Get your act together!</em>
</p><p>“No, his are like Rian’s, swirling grey like thunderstorms.”  Evie freezes.  This makes her think of a terrible scenario she has not brought up yet.  Another potential deal breaker.  This might end his love for her just because of genetics.  “You know this baby could be a mage too, right?”</p><p>Cullen does not look rattle like she expected.  He likely knows magic is genetic.  She inherited her magic from her father’s side, likely from the same family branch that connects and Dorian and her.  Magic is usually a recessive gene, but may become dominant if the mother is a mage like the X-chromosome expresses it more.  Many people treat being Fade-touched like a birth defect.</p><p>Instead of that deep fear Evie has for their child, Cullen looks calm and slightly happy.  This surprises her, especially after his horrible experiences.  Like a magnet, her hand traces the bruised lightning scar along his lower chest.  He cups her hand, instantly knowing her panic.  “And unlike most parents, having a mage mother and ex-templar father means she will have more liberties than most Circle children.”  Cullen reminds her with a grin.  Her fear does not die despite his point.  “I’m not afraid of that.  I would never blame you if our child is a mage.  No, I <em>welcome </em>a mage child.”</p><p>“I know templar-mage children have a more relaxed upbringing.  They need not stay at the Circle during the school year.  They qualify for a more general public education.  However, that just means they will be bullied more.”</p><p>Cullen frowns, his quick mind connecting dots.  “<em>You </em>were bullied…”</p><p>Evie nods, ashamed.  For acting like a powerful woman, she shrinks when the belittling and fists fly.  She lost her fight long ago, despite her soul wanting to ignite the world.  “I went to a private school for wealthy children.  Nobles usually reject mage children because what privileged family would want to make a blighted child.  My horrific cousins were there.  Patricia made sure <em>everyone</em> knew my status in middle school and encouraged the pranks and bullying, the murdering bitch.  Even passing my Circle elementary school, the other kids picked on me I would turn into a demon to prove no mage had no place there.  I transferred <em>back</em> to a high school Circle just to get away.  Alas, that had its own problems because the other apprentices knew I was a rare mage whose parents praised my magic.  I felt like I belong nowhere, thus why I had only a couple friends at most.  By going to a Circle high school, it meant I was on the road to a Harrowing and potential lyrium use, but that exam was worlds better than my cousins.”</p><p>“That’s says much about their abuse.  If I ever meet your extended family, I will throw punches.”  Cullen growls like a hungry lion.  “I will go all the Rock and John Cena on every one of those twats.”</p><p>Evie giggles, imagining wrestling those pompous cravens.  “I point out the worst offenders first and establish a bank account to bail you out of jail afterwards.”  Evie proclaimed with a grin.  “I’ll warn Cassandra she will have competition at the next family gathering…<em>if </em>my father doesn’t hunt you down first.”</p><p>Cullen’s whiskey eyes narrow.  “Screw him.  He lost everything.  I think your mother will beat him with her purse if he tries anything.”</p><p>“Oh, she won’t need her purse.  She’ll just give him that ‘Lady Gwen’s Nightmare Glare’ and make Bann Ian Trevelyan piss his pants.”</p><p>“I would <em>pay </em>to see that.”  Cullen leans forward and kisses her quickly.  “As for the bullying and prejudices, the system and society is getting better, Eve.”  Cullen assures her with another soft kiss.  “That was decades ago.  Change is happening.”</p><p>“Won’t <em>your</em> family…have a problem…with this though?  I mean, you told them little about me and <em>nothing </em>about the pregnancy.”  Cullen’s siblings know she is a mage after his brief conversation in the nursery.  How did they react?  Will his family shun her like her extended family, and, in some ways, her parents?  Yes, her mother explained last night her father’s idiocy, but it does not stop the pain.  Evie overhead Gwen explain to Cullen about Esme’s death and her father’s reasons, but it does not excuse how Ian made her feel nor Esme dying.</p><p>“No way.  I have a mage niece, actually.  She’s twelve.”  Cullen tells her with a happy Fereldan lilt.</p><p>Evie’s eyes bug out.  “Really!?  Magic is recessive in your family too?!”</p><p>Cullen shrugs.  “I don’t know, actually.  It might have been from Gareth’s family, Mia’s husband.  I did not learn until I entered medical school.  They never told me until after I left the templars because they fear I would be prejudice and disagree with how they chose her education.  That’s why I had not visited until last month.  There was some strife between us, mainly misunderstandings on both sides:  my PTSD, my niece Audrey, my lack of communication, and just being a terrible brother.  I support the way they keep her out of Circle schools.  She still goes for magic studies, but remains in public school.  So unlike you, she is just a kid who makes snowballs without winter.  Mia thought I would freak, but I even suggested ways Audrey learn her magic while not being overly restrained.  Audrey is intelligent and witty…”  He rubs his neck again, just looking at Evie out of the corner of his eye.  “…and would benefit greatly meeting another talented mage like yourself.”</p><p>Tears tickle her eyelash.  Evie pants, excited and scared at once.  A family wants to meet her <em>because </em>she is a mage.  The only people who wanted to meet because of her magic were colleagues, who were also mages.  Never a family or others’ friends.  “Really?  I mean, I would love to!  I wish I had someone like her at that age.  My mentor, First Enchanter Lydia, and my elven best friend, Almi, were my only friends back then.  I know what it is like to be alone with magic.”</p><p>“She has other magical friends she meets with during her Fade education.  The familial confusion was if I would lean more conservative and demand the old dormitory boarding school model under constant guard like Kirkwall’s old Circle.”  Cullen rubs his neck and blushes.  “That’s how we got talking about you.  I told them about this geologist I had feelings for who happens to be a mage allergic to lyrium.”</p><p>Evie frowns, realizing how much Cullen has been carrying alone.  “You still haven’t mentioned the baby?”</p><p>Cullen shook his head.  “No, and not because I am ashamed, believe me, Eve.  I wanted to understand <em>us </em>before the world invades <em>us</em>.”  He points to them both naked in bed, then gestures towards the industrial windows, letting the morning sunshine into the bedroom.  “I feel I’ve already pressured you enough with my love confession, but I really thought you would not believe me for falling for you so quickly after meeting again.”</p><p>
  <em>Well, he is not wrong.</em>
</p><p>“I wish I understood love well enough to understand what is going on inside me.”  Evie whispers, wishing she could be so sure like him.</p><p>Cullen kisses her passionately that she forgets her own name.  “I just need to show you, won’t I?”  He rolls on top of her, keeping his naked form off her round body.  She feels his stiffening penis against her thigh.  Instantly, Evie slickens between her legs.  She is sore, but Maker, she cannot get enough of Cullen.  “I’ll spend my life loving you, if you let me.”</p><p>The Fereldan kisses behind her ear and along her jaw.  Before she gets lost in his affections again, Evie must unburden Cullen’s family issues.  “Only if you agree to tell your family.”</p><p>The ex-templar freezes and leans back to meet her peridot eyes.  He just blinks, surprised by her declaration.  “Really…?  You <em>sure</em>?”</p><p>Evie smiles, hopeful that there is an accepting family out there for mage children.  If something happens to her, this child will need a positive upbringing filled with love, not the bullying she felt growing up.  “Yes.  I want to meet your niece.  I want our child to know his or her cousins.  I don’t want you to walk around on eggshells with your siblings.  Just because my family is dysfunctional does not mean yours should be too.”</p><p>Cullen rolls his eyes.  “Oh, they are their own version of dysfunctional.  <em>Loud, overbearing, and dysfunctional.  </em>Mia will want to meet you immediately after I announce the pregnancy.  There’s no delaying that.”  Cullen looks pale, not because of Evie meeting his family but for their reaction to <em>everything</em>.  She can tell by his wild stare outside and blowing out his cheeks.  “They will want to know <em>every</em> personal detail.  We can’t skirt around our hotel night like we did with your mother.  They <em>love </em>romances.  Mia and Rosalie watch those filthy soap opera and knows whose kid is whose on those crazy shows.”</p><p>Evie kisses him quickly.  “Good thing I like our whirlwind romance, huh?”</p><p>Cullen blew out his cheek.  He leans back until he sits on his knees.  His full mast erection slaps his abdomen, quickly drawing Evie’s attention back to that holy gift and what it does to her insides.  “Maker, I might have to do it before work because I’ll might put it off until this kid is eighteen.”</p><p>The mage giggles.  She rolls forward and grasps his penis.  Cullen’s head whips back to her as she teases the head with her index finger and thumb.  “Well, my mother essentially did my big reveal <em>for</em> me.” </p><p>“This conversation is weird with us like this.”  Cullen laughs.</p><p>“Well, let’s finish it <em>quickly!</em>”</p><p>Like a pouncing animal, Cullen leans over Evie and kisses her senseless.  He nudges her hand to set him just beyond her entrance.  “I get to tell everyone you’re my Lady.”</p><p>Evie lets go of his member, nudging her hip and legs to the side to last night’s sexual position.  “Except Dorian.  He has spider-sense and likely knows somehow.  The entire Foundation likely got a mass e-mail from him celebrating the news…and determining who won the sex bet.”  Evie stops her hip teasing, frowning.  She bit her lip.  “What do you think of my mother, by the way?”</p><p>“I thought we were done with this awkward conversation.”</p><p>“Last mention, promise.  Was she that horrible person you imagined?”</p><p>Cullen smiles and kisses her forehead.  “I see where your support and warm heart originates.  She is very sweet and caring.  Lady Gwen truly regrets her choices.”</p><p>Evie nods with a slight grin, the parental sting lessening.  “She is my hero.  I want to be just like her:  gentle, caring, understanding, and inviting.  I’m too stubborn and confrontational, qualities I adopted from my damn father.  When everything happened with her, losing my mom’s wholesomeness killed me the most.  I wanted her to like you.  She does, actually.  She already whispers she just gained a new son before leaving last night.  Expect nice clothes, a detailed car, and Surana getting every toy every devised for mabari.”</p><p>Cullen chuckles, hugging Evie close to his muscular body.  “Believe me, my siblings will love you too…probably more than me.  I’ll just warn you:  they are Chaos in person form.”</p><p>Evie grazes herself along his dickhead again.  “Good thing I’m not the one telling them before afternoon shift.”  By the sun’s height over the trees, Cullen will need to get ready in the next hour or so.</p><p>Those amber eyes burn at her.  “Hush you.”  He thrusts into her, releasing a song from her lips.  “Enough about others.  External family talk done.  Only our immediate family together.  No more interruptions.  I haven’t had my way with you enough this morning.”</p><p>“Calm before the storm…?”  She grunts as stretches around his girth again.</p><p>“Hush you…!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TIME TO MEET THE RUTHERFORDS!  Many of you asked about this, and I only gave a few hints.  How can I have baby story without the Rutherford Clan meeting Evie and going baby crazy!  </p><p>Any idea how the meeting will go?  What do you think about Mia's eldest being a mage?  I've kept her hidden in my own stories, hoping to reveal her in "Fire In You Eyes", but I couldn't wat any longer!  XD!</p><p>Thank you for your support and returning!  I love reading your comments and seeing new kudos.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Meet the Clan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Howdy Everyone!  I hope life is treating you well.   Thank you for reading my crazy story!  When you are done with today's entry, can you do me a favor and check out the end notes.  I put a survey link there to find out which project you would like to read next.  Thank you!</p><p>Chapter Song:  “I Believe In You” by Vertical Horizons</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Cullen stated his sister Mia would want to meet Evie as soon as he told his family, she never imagined it would that bloody weekend!  After a couple more rounds of amazing sex, Cullen finally took his shower and called his sister afterwards before leaving for work.  He even offered to take her jeep to work and spray out the melted ice cream coating the bare cargo bay so Evie can rest and recover from their horizontal tangos.  Evie waited on her shower until he finished preparing for work and about to call.  That way it gave the family’s explosive announcement some privacy.</p><p>The mage did not need to be anywhere that Thursday, thankfully, deciding to work from home and not teaching that day.  If the mage went into work with her cowboy bow-legged limp, Dorian will call a conference meeting and invite the entire Foundation so <em>everyone </em>could listen for the night of lovemaking.  Melsi Cadash and Adelheid Lavellan would sit the front row with notebooks, while Seleem Advaar would just roll her eyes and make Antivan coffee.  That experience is definitely something Evie would like to avoid and deprive those probing cretins until Monday.    </p><p>Evie never imagined turning off the shower to <em>hear </em>a woman’s screams from her master bathroom.  She checked her bedroom to see if Cullen called from there, but he was still in the spare room <em>with the door closed?!</em>  She barely got dressed before Cullen appeared in her bedroom door.  The most defeated expression maimed his face as Evie could hear a central Fereldan female voice clearly even with the smartphone not on speaker.  That poor man pouted and whined, “Are you available this weekend?”  His baritone squeaked like an adolescent boy whose voice just started changing.</p><p>Now, Evie wishes she hollered yes and hid under the building.  If she could lean over enough, her head would be between in her knees to control the simmering panic attack.  Even so often, Cullen rubs her back while driving the back South Reach country roads.  When not vomiting, the mage nearly rubs off all over Surana’s head hair to keep Evie from having a heart attack.</p><p>Serves her right for not telling Dorian what happened.  If he knew about this visit, he would have calmed her anxious mind before leaving.  Instead, the Tevinter mage keeps sending her texts about how wonderful her mother is and has excellent taste in wine.  The latest selfie was the two posing together with Princess Zombie Cat asleep on Gwen’s lap.  Dorian keeps asking why Evie could not hang out again, still not buying the little fib Evie gave him about a toothache.  Lady Gwen knows the truth, thus why she hung out with Dorian and Iron Bull that Saturday morning.</p><p>“Ugh, I’m nauseous…”  Evie mumbles, pinching her nose.  Cullen slows down the Range Rover.  She already puked twice on the highway and pissed at every rest stop, gas station, and restaurant between Haven and South Reach.  Every waitress saw her enormous belly and knew instantly why she pulled off the highway.  The mage sent pain relief spells to her aching back every ten minutes.  She never imagined the four-hour drive could become the next Venatori torture tactic.</p><p>“I knew this was a terrible idea.”  Cullen grunts, his lip twitching.  His frown has not stopped since the call, randomly mumbling to himself about older sisters and gas prices.  “I told Mia we were busy people.  To avoid her invading the loft with all her children, a quick weekend trip was the only way to keep her away.  By visiting <em>her</em>, we can determine when we leave instead of wishing death just to get her to <em>go home.</em>”</p><p>“Is she pissed we booked a hotel?  I heard her hollering about Branson having a spare bedroom.”  The pregnant woman groans, turning slightly towards him.  What <em>didn’t </em>Evie hear from the multiple phone calls from Mia the last two days?  Three calls focused on if Evie had allergies to food or animals and what dishes her pregnancy stomach handled or craved.  Evie refused to answer each phone call, willing to give Cullen blow jobs until the Veil fell to avoid talking to the woman before meeting her.</p><p>Well, Evie enjoys giving the man such pleasures after yesterday’s activities.  He need not know that.  She might need the card later to avoid a fight or another family visit. </p><p>Ugh, her heart beats in her ears.  She cannot take any more anxiety medicine.  The baby can only handle so much and Evie’s empty stomach.</p><p>Still, watching Cullen drive the winding rural roads provides the geologist a little peace.  Something about him keeps her settled, in the present.  Cullen focuses her to stay out of her thoughts and worries.  Besides, who wouldn’t want to watch this man scowl and murmur about his family with a handsome scarred lip and burning amber eyes?</p><p>Maker above, though.  Evie has never met a partner’s family before.  None of them ever offered or arranged such meetings like they were ashamed of the relationship.  When she offered to meet Clan Rutherford, she only thought about alleviating the eggshells Cullen walked the last month or so.  Now, the consequences bit Evie in the proverbial butt.  This is a tremendous deal that she definitely is not ready for nor prepared to handle on top of a new relationship and crazy unplanned pregnancy.</p><p>“I didn’t give her a chance to get angry.”  Cullen growls, gripping the leather steering wheel.  “She has plenty to freak about now.  I put my smartphone on airplane mode when he passed through Redcliffe because she already left twenty text messages that were full e-mails long.  I won’t keep you in a loud, startling environment with no place to breathe.”</p><p>Evie smirks, slowly blinking at her new boyfriend.  He understands her anxiety and blood pressure triggers.  “Introverts unite, huh?”</p><p>“If I test your blood pressure and it is anywhere near worrisome, back to the hotel.  No matter if we are eating dinner.”  Cullen declares with pinpoint pupils.  “Mia must understand you and I are the opposite of that chaotic house.”</p><p>Evie knows her new boyfriend is nervous too, but not for the reasons she imagines.  His ramblings over the last two days indicated how strained his family situation actually is.  The problems originate with him specifically.  He promises they welcome Evie more than him, especially by his brother Branson.  Evidently, his young brother frowns about Cullen being around again after decades of miscommunication and denials.  A stranger has a better rapport with this Branson than Cullen will ever regain.  Why are families so complicated? </p><p>“She has five children.  Of course it’s a zoo.”  Evie comments with a giggle.  “She’ll be a wealth of pregnancy knowledge.  She must know everything about children and motherhood.”</p><p>“Add Branson, his wife, and son, and Rosalie studying somewhere, and it is a gaatlok nuclear explosion.”  Cullen murmurs, combing his hair with a free hand.  “You tell me if you are uncomfortable.  Or don’t feel well.  Or someone says something wrong.  Or-”</p><p>Evie reaches for his shaking hand resting on the center console and kisses his knuckles.  For a brief second, Cullen’s amber eyes glance away from the highway, surprised by her action.  “Cullen, we will be okay.  I appreciate you looking out for us.”  She rests his trembling hand on her round belly.  He smiles before returning his vision on the road.  She keeps his right hand in hers against her belly, enjoying feeling his skin.  She intertwines her fingers with his, drawing him away from the belly and within a comfortable arm distance.  The more she holds his hand, the more Cullen’s brooding shifts to a big smile.</p><p>This just feels so right.</p><p>
  <em>Holding hands on their first family drive…</em>
</p><p>Oh, shut up, Hopeless Romantic.  Cassandra would melt seeing this.  It looks like something out of a romantic-comedy.</p><p>Like the protagonist meeting the heartthrob’s family.</p><p>She is the protagonist.</p><p>He is the Avvar god.</p><p>She’s knocked up with his kid.</p><p>Oh Andraste’s tits, Evie is meeting Cullen’s <em>family!?</em></p><p>Their big brother brings home his pregnant girlfriend he had to hide for months because <em>he </em>did not know about her-</p><p>“-Eve, I know you’re thinking negatively again.”</p><p>Evie’s head whips, her long earrings and styled auburn hair smacking his cheeks.  “What?”</p><p>Cullen lifts their holding hands.  Ash swirls around their connection.  “Your palm got warm.”</p><p>“Oh my Maker, I’m so sorry!”  She lets go and reins in her magic, but Cullen catches her fingers again.</p><p>“I’m glad this is happening.”  Cullen states with a gentle smile that makes her melt into his comfy leather seats.  Maker, thank goodness they took his SUV.  It is his turn to kiss her knuckles. “They will love you.”</p><p>Evie swallows hard, while Surana licks her cheek.  The geologist is missing half of her makeup from puking and rubbing her face so much.  At least the new clothes her mother and she found looks good with her favorite jewelry.  She now wears her amber focus stone openly, no longer shyly pining for Cullen and afraid he might see it.  Cullen smiles at the gem every time it sways over her round belly.  It is now a sign of their growing feelings and commitment.</p><p>“Maker’s balls, I hope you’re right.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>By the time they reach the lengthy farm drive, Evie notices her vision blur twice.  She knows it is anxiety because of the random needles that roll inside her when panicked and the sudden urge to piss and poop at once like a scared fennec being chased by wolves.  Her heart responds to her thoughts, which have developed at least two dozen ways how horrible this visit will go.  If she keeps up, she will literally pop this kid out with how hard she is breathing and her tightening pelvic muscles.  Maybe she should have not started maternity classes and yoga last week.</p><p>Cullen gets out first, waving for her to stay and help her out of the SUV.  She barely can climb up into it now because she cannot see her feet unless kicking.  Cullen knows about her unsteadiness, recommending indirectly she wears flat boots because the farm will be muddy during spring.  It feels weird under her maxi dress skirt, but she brought leggings if they go outside or it is too cold.  Because <em>Ferelden!</em></p><p>Cullen slams his driver door close once Surana barrels out.  The ex-templar freezes as a herd of children tumble out of the house.  In one squeaky, high-pitch voice, they cry, “Uncle Cully!”</p><p>Evie bites her lower lip as four children of different heights and genders run him against the SUV with open arms and their weights.  Cullen easily stems the tide, laughing and patting each blonde head.  Now she understands why he told her to stay inside until he can assist her out.  Evidently, this clan enjoys tackling visiting relatives.</p><p>Evie holds in a sob ripping through her soul.  The children’s laughing faces and cries, how they talk over one another excitedly, and a firm hold on Cullen’s arms and legs seem like someone out of a lovely family movie.  She never knew a single moment at a Trevelyan gathering where someone received such a welcome.  It would <em>definitely</em> never be her.  Her mother and brothers always hug, but quiet and well-mannered.  The most affection her father gives is a forehead kiss and light half hug.</p><p>The mage likes this scene more than that stuffy nobility greeting.  Her minds envisions their child racing to the loft’s elevator when Cullen comes home from a difficult shift.  Cullen’s face changes from solemn frown to happiness like the one he wears trying to peel children from each leg and hip.  His broodiness instantly switches to glee when picking up his toddler and littering him or her with kisses.</p><p>Evie realizes then as he peeks at her through the windshield Cullen already shifts like that when his amber eyes lock on hers when he gets home or they have not seen each other in several hours.  He wears that same slight boyish grin that always sends her stomach butterflies aflutter.</p><p>Right then, Evie finally <em>knows</em> whole heartedly Cullen loves her.  All those doubts and pregnancy trapping guilt evaporates when he circles the vehicle and directs the kids towards Surana.  The grey and white war hound barks at a few other family mabari who have joined the chaos.  She believed him before, but it finally sinks into her donated heart.</p><p>Evie quickly wipes away the realizing tear right as the doctor opens the passenger door.  That slight grin turns into a wide, happy smirk like Cullen has not seen her in ages.  She giggles, her heart warm and cherished.  The panic bleeds away when he offers his chivalrous hand and assists her out of the Rover.  He directs her feet accordingly to avoid a puddle or rock until she stands on solid ground again.</p><p>“Wow!  Pretty lady!”</p><p>Evie snaps away from Cullen’s enchanting gaze to a little girl whose blue eyes beam and sparkle up at her in awe.  She looks four years old.  Her bright blonde hair shimmers in the afternoon sun while her mouth gaps in wonder.  Her spring dress looks like she jumped into a few mud puddles today.</p><p>Cullen lifts the girl, while smiling at Evie’s blushing face.  “Isn’t she, Phoebe?  I tell her all the time, but she doesn’t believe me.”</p><p>The little girl, Phoebe, gasps, her head whipping around so quickly that pigtails smack Cullen’s face.  “Unckie never lies!”</p><p>Evie smiles and nods to Cullen.  “Oh, I know.  I just don’t listen well, I guess.”</p><p>“Cup your ears.”  Phoebe shows Evie by holding her tiny hand to her right ear, sending both adults into titters.</p><p>“What’s so funny!?”  An older boy cries from nearby.  Another girl rushes over and both kids slide in the mud.  He freezes, noticing Evie’s belly.  “Holy cow!”</p><p>Evie bites her lip, knowing it was likely an expression and not an offense.  Of course, her snarky side wants to holler like when some prick insults when she walks down the street believing she is just overweight.  Before she can say anything, Cullen steps in front of her, his amber eyes daring the boy.  “Rowan Nash Grieve, you apologize this instant!”  Evidently, Cullen did not think it an innocent exclamation.</p><p>Realization flashes across the young man’s eyes as he covers his mouth.  “I-I- didn’t mean it like that, Uncle!”  Rowan exclaims as his blue eyes shift to Evie.  “Honest!  Don’t tell my Ma!  Please!”</p><p>Evie pats Cullen’s shoulder and slips pass his protective body.  “It’s okay, Rowan right?”  The boy nods as he fidgets.  “I just surprised you, right?”  Her bright green eyes flash to Cullen as he registers his own misinterpretation.</p><p>Rowan nods his head quickly.  “Y-yeah!  I know what Ma looks like pregnant!  I would never say that.  If I did, I would muck the stalls until I’m fifty!”  Both Cullen and Evie spurt a laugh.  Evidently, Mia is a scary woman when angry.  Her punishments must mean she keeps a tight ship.</p><p>“Does that mean another Lynton?”  The other girl asks, who stands by Rowan.  This must be Willow, a little younger than Rowan, but older than Phoebe Evie remembers from Cullen’s tales.</p><p>Cullen’s shoulders bleed out his protective stature.  Evie takes the moment to speak for him and figure out who is who in the group.  “Lynton is your cousin?”  The kids nod in unison.  They all have the same facial structure, while some have wavy blonde hair and others tight curls.  “Yes, you’ll have a new cousin, but we don’t know if it is a boy or girl yet.  We won’t know for another three months.”</p><p>“I wanna know <em>now</em>.”  Phoebe whines, while sitting on Cullen’s hip.  She pouts and crosses her arms.</p><p>“Ma found out Peter was a boy many months before he arrived.”  Rowan remarks, eying Evie curiously.</p><p> But Ma did not know <em>I</em> was a girl until I was born.”</p><p>The last voice is feminine and gentle.  Evie glances over the children and finds a taller girl standing about four feet away like a statue.  Instantly, Evie notices how she presents herself is in a mandated-Circle stance used for special assemblies.  She stands away from the sizeable group like her magic is wild and unpredictable.  However, Evie senses the Fade and Veil, finding both stable around this young lady.</p><p>Evie smiles at the oldest child, seeing a bit of herself at that blossoming age.  She steps through the children with her hand out, an offering.  “My name is Evelyn, but my friends call me Evie.”</p><p>The inferno mage stands just a foot away from this child, startling her.  She likely never had someone approach her so welcoming and pleasant.  It takes the young girl a moment to process what is happening.  She takes Evie’s hand tentatively and shakes it once.  “I’m Audrey.” </p><p>Audrey looks like she might retreat, but keeps her hand in Evie.  The twelve-year-old’s eyes widen.  Evie knows she feels her fire mana because Evie purposely releases it for her to sense and probe.  Evie opens herself, instantly hearing that unique piano music from Cullen.  The tune sounds alert and anxious, but trusting.  Cullen battles with his fear of magic, but keeps it buried and out of his thoughts at the moment.  The lyrium stuck to his bones must sense the twirling mana auras. </p><p>The surprise magical surprise greeting brightens Audrey’s own magic so Evie feels her strengths:  storm, nature, and something else.  She is a strong-willed mage who expresses her gift openly and without apprehension.  “You’re the mage Uncle Cullen told us about!”</p><p>Evie’s gentle smile widens as Audrey visibly relaxes before her.  The inferno mage keeps her magical aura outward for Audrey to sense and probe.  Mages greet differently, their mana signature telling their schools and control levels.  “It’s wonderful to meet you.”</p><p>“You’re a fire mage!?”  Audrey looks like she might excitedly cry.  “I haven’t met one so skilled!  I have a few friends who attempted fire, but the enchanters try to sway them away from that elemental school.”</p><p>Evie rolls her bright green eyes.  “Oh, I know that well.  I’m stubborn and refused to budge from what magic comes naturally was me.  It annoyed my first enchanter to no end.”  She laughs with pride.</p><p>Audrey giggles, her loosening shoulders matching the mirth sparkling in her purple eyes.  There is so much life in this youthful woman versus the first moments she spoke.  She likely ran out with her siblings, but knew to keep away until given permission.  It seems magic teaching is still segregated despite inclusive public school education.  Audrey’s orbs randomly flick to her uncle, waiting for something to happen.  She likely fears him a little, not for being her relative, but for what he once stood for.  Templar fears must still continue in general education too.  Although, the Imperium did not fall to Andraste overnight.  Change takes time and energy.</p><p>“Come on, Herd!”  An adult woman calls from the porch, waving everyone inside.  “Let Uncle Cullen and Auntie Evie in the house now.”</p><p>Evie turns bright red as Cullen pinches his nose and groans.  “Rosie…”</p><p>The crowd of kids slowly follows the adults and mabari hounds towards the two-story white farmhouse.  This unknown woman just giggles, waiting with her hands on her hips.  Her blonde waves have darker undertones, like what Cullen’s roots look like after a shower.  She does not look older than Cullen, so not Mia. </p><p>The comfortably dressed woman ignores Cullen’s glare, her blue eyes focusing on Evie specifically.  She waits until Evie steps up on the porch and offers her right hand happily.  “Rosalie Rutherford, this stubborn mule’s baby sister.  Welcome to the butt end of nowhere!”</p><p>The mage cannot help but laugh as Cullen grumbles again.  He is never more than a foot away from Evie’s side.  He keeps an ear towards Evie and his sister, while directing kids to go clean up.  “If Cullen’s a stubborn mule, I’m the oldest bolshie druffalo you ever met and not because I’m six months pregnant.”</p><p>“She’s only <em>slightly</em> mulish on good days.”  Cullen remarks over his shoulder, which Evie smacks lightly.</p><p>Rosalie chuckles, nodding approvedly.  “Good.  Cullen needs someone like you to keep him from being such a stick in the mud all the time.  Sorry for jumping the gun on the ‘auntie’ title, but I wanted to prepare you for all the things Mia praises since Cullen called Thursday.  I don’t think she has been this excited about a pregnancy since Audrey!  By Peter, she asked for no baby showers and only a five-year supply for diapers because she had everything she ever needed.”</p><p>“She definitely expanded the Rutherford Clan.”  Evie blows out her cheeks.  Having one kid scares Evie, let alone <em>five!</em></p><p>“Mia loves big families.  It’s her husband I worry for.  I think that’s why he stays out with the druffalo herds or managing the fields all day.  Too much noise around here and the animals don’t talk back.”  Rosalie jokes before waving them into the house.  “But no one hates noise and crowds more than Cullen.”</p><p>“I was in the military, Rosie.  The barracks were always packed and filled with snoozes at night.  Battlefields are extremely loud.”  Cullen mumbles when he opens the screen door for the women.  “It prepared me for selective hear later.”  Cullen glances at Evie, grinning.  Evie swats his arm again, unamused.  He just winks and smiles.  She knows he jokes, but not so soon after meeting his sibling.</p><p>“Which is why our Ma fell over when you enlisted.”  Rosalie retorts, thumbing at her brother.  “As kids, he ran away from home all the time when we got too much.  He always had his head in some history book by his fishing lake, avoiding playing with us and the other local children.”</p><p>“I was shy!”</p><p>“Oh, but our girl friends noticed he was cute though.”  Rosalie wiggles her blonde eyebrows.  “Cullen, how many times did Maxie Thompson try to kiss you behind the gym?”</p><p>Cullen stares down his sister once they reach the living room, face red as a beet.  Evie hears the kids arguing with a woman down the farmhouse’s main hall.  “That girl never knew the word no.  <em>Knock it off, Rosalie…</em>”  He murmurs under his breath.  “You’re embarrassing me.”</p><p>“It is my baby sister prerogative.”  Rosalie wickedly grins and elbows his side hard.</p><p>“It’s nice to see another older brother getting harassed by his little sister.  It is like I’m hanging out with Rian.”  Evie devilish smirks at Rosalie.  “We should get them together so we can embarrass them both together.  Trade stories and see who blushes more.”</p><p>Rosalie points at Evie with a loud laugh.  “Oh, she’s a keeper!”</p><p>“Move, all of you!”</p><p>Evie’s head flips back to the hallway once hearing stomping feet rushing towards their position.  Cullen instantly stands in front of Evie, while Rosalie chuckles loudly.  Right then, a woman a little shorter than Cullen flies into the living room, panting and gripping a kitchen apron tied around her waist and protecting her long spring dress.  Her curly blonde hair looks like she just walked out of a tornado and frizzes in all directions.</p><p>Two honey eyes glare at Rosalie.  “<em>You</em> locked me in the bathroom!”</p><p>Rosie chuckles to herself before turning towards Evie.  She cups her hand to her mouth.  “To give you a moment before the human hurricane arrives.”  Cullen spurts and nudges his sister’s side.  His baritone cackles sound like what two kids would act like after a prank.</p><p>The baby sister shrugs, lowering her hand and raising her voice, “I have no idea what you mean, Dear Sister.  You <em>told</em> Gareth to fix that doorknob last month.”</p><p>“I’ll fix you one, Rosalie Rebecca Rutherford!”  The woman stomps forward right as Cullen steps to the side and reveals panicking Evie.  The frazzled woman freezes and instantly smiles.  “You must be Evelyn!”  She races forward with arms wide and nearly tackles Evie onto the sofa.  “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you!”  She hugs and squeezes the shocked mage like a teddy bear.</p><p>Evie’s bright green eyes flick between the cackling Rosalie and Cullen.  She mouths, ‘<em>Help me…!’</em></p><p>Cullen taps the hugging woman’s shoulder.  “Mia, she can’t breathe.”</p><p>Mia jumps back, hands searching Evie everywhere.  “Oh my Maker, I’m so sorry.  Did I hurt you!?  You need any water?  Lay down?  Oh Maker, some hostess I am.  Gets locks in a bathroom so I could not greet you properly, and now this!”</p><p>Evie offers her hand, while trying to step away and make space between the frantic woman and her sore baby bump.  “Nice to meet you, Mia.  Almost everyone calls me Evie.”</p><p>Mia takes her hand and shakes it hard several times.  “Sorry, we’re a hugging family.  I forget that not everyone likes close touching.  Maker, the people who would rub my stomach while pregnant were enough to get me arrested for assault <em>twice.  </em>I know Cullen needs space, but I’ve been so excited and happy for you two since last month!”</p><p>“I would say Cullen <em>loves</em> to hug.”  Rosalie winks and wiggles her eyebrows at the pair.  Both future parents blush in unison, sending Rosalie into Sera-like cackling.</p><p>“Rosie!”  Mia snaps, causing the kids nearby to jump.  Evie knows that motherly shout anywhere.  Her head whips to Evie.  “Don’t mind her.  She is a jokester and forgets not everyone appreciates her humor.”</p><p>“She should meet my friend, Dorian, and boss, Varric.  They would love her instantly.”  Evie smiles despite her face looking like a tomato.  “I learned very quickly to take this in stride.  Otherwise, I would cry into my ice cream every night.”</p><p>Mia waves her apron. “Don’t I know it!?  No matter how careful Gareth and I were, somehow I got pregnant <em>five separate times</em> nearly every other year since we got married.  Branson was the same way.  Abby and he were engaged when she got pregnant.  She walked down the aisle three months pregnant with Lynton.”</p><p>“Thus why I am on every contraceptive known the man.”  Rosalie remarks, folding her arms over her flannel farm shirt.  “We Rutherford are more fertile than rabbits.  Lyrium must have blocked Cullen’s swimmers if it took <em>this</em> long.”</p><p>Evie blinks at Cullen, then at his siblings.  She feels a fool.  “I…I feared us being pregnant without being married would be an….issue.”</p><p>Mia rolls her big hazel eyes.  “You like him, right?”  She thumbs to her brother, who rubs his neck raw.  Evie nods, mouth gapping and not trusting her voice.  “Then you are with family.  As soon as he started talking about you last visit, I knew you were special.  I didn’t know about the baby, but I knew he found someone who made him happy.  His other disgusting cheaters never made him smile like when he said your name.” </p><p>Evie glances as Cullen, who smirks and studies her.  Mia continued with a big, approving grin.  “When he told me you two were pregnant, I assumed maybe just a few months, thus why I lost it on the phone.  However, I get why you thought we might flip negatively.  We Rutherfords know life throws surprises.  Many hurt, like both our parents dying in the same year.  Then there are the beautiful ones, like when I realized we were pregnant with Peter…or Phoebe…and even Willow.”  She names off on her fingers.  The group of kids behind her laugh and giggle like this speech is a daily occurrence.  “Or even Branson and Abigail telling us they were expecting.  Sometimes, things occurred out of order, but no life is perfect or the Chantry mother wouldn’t be scolding us every Sunday.  Why shame you both for what the Maker set in motion?  You’re both adults with established careers and lives that can take lovely care of this child.  It is better to make an inviting home than lecture two people already scrambling and panicking about the future.”</p><p>Tears slip from Evie’s glassy, bright green eyes.  “I wish more people thought like you, Mia.”</p><p>Mia winks and hugs her again.  This time, Evie leans into the hug, allowing the loving warmth to encircle her.  Rosalie pats Evie’s shoulder in family solidarity.  “The world is only big enough for one Mia.  That’s why she repopulates Thedas single-handedly.”</p><p>The eldest sibling leans back and points at Rosalie.  Her other keeps a firm hold on Evie’s quivering hand.  “No Ma’s apple pie for you, Missy!”</p><p>Rosalie’s eyes bug out.  “What!?”</p><p>Mia lets go and turns away, flipping her apron.  “You’ve been a brat the whole day.  Your piece is going to the pregnant woman who needs so good homemade goodness.  Cullen isn’t feeding her enough.”</p><p>“Oh, I think he is feeding her <em>fine.”</em></p><p>“Shut <em>up, </em>Rosalie, and help me with the ham <em>now</em>!”</p><p>Cullen cackles as his arms encircle a still-crying Evie.  They watch Rosalie race after her sister, whining about missing dessert.  Four of Mia’s five children, including an unknown toddler boy dragging a blanket, just follow behind, talking over each other about dinner and whatnot.</p><p>Cullen kisses Evie’s temple.  She leans into his arms as she sobs happily.  “Welcome to the Rutherford’s, Eve.” </p><p>It just makes Evie cry more.  Her bright green eyes shimmer at Audrey, the only child who did not leave.  She gives the inferno mage a thumb’s up by the living room doorway.  Now, Evie understands Audrey’s manners before.  She knows many mages find strife from others and struggle to be properly accepted.  Just as Evie accepted her as she is, the young lady wants to show Evie why she should not fear this visit.  With the Rutherfords, she found a safe and loving home.</p><p>Smart and witty girl in deed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The Rutherfords!  So, did you like my representation of Cullen's sisters?  Do you think this initial introduction went well or is the poop about to hit the fan?  How about Evie's anxiety about this whole experience?  Let me know in the comments!  I love hearing from you all!</p><p> </p><p>  <b>I have a favor to ask all of you.  Over the last two months, I've struggled on what to write.  (EDIT:  I already finished writing "Passing Ships" so this is all thinking about my next project.  No worries there!)  I've started a half-dozen fan fictions with none really grabbing my attention or commitment.  I worry no one will read the content, especially after this successful story.  It is writing anxiety on top of a world on fire.</b></p><p> </p><p>  <b>So, if you all can do me a favor and take a quick survey I made about future writing projects, I would deeplly appreciate it.  You can find the survey <a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PKRMKNX">HERE</a>.  It should only take you a minute or so to complete.  THANK YOU!  I HEART YOU ALL!</b></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. *Preparation*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey Everyone!  Thank you for taking and commenting on my survery last chapter.  If you want to put in your two cents for my next project, please take <a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PKRMKNX">THIS SURVEY</a> here!  Just to clarify to you all who are concerned:  "Passing Ships" is fully written and just needs some editing.  So, this survey is addressing what I am doing next for fan fiction.  Also, I always end most of my stories with a happy ending.  I know a few of you are worried about what will happen in this plot, but do not be alarmed.  I might pull on your heart strings, but happy resolution is promised.  Thank you again for your continuing support.  I couldn't do it without you!  XD!</p>
<p>NSFW!  NOT SAFE FOR WORK!</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding</p>
<p>NOT SAFE FOR WORK!  NSFW!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“…so, Lynton runs up to Branson and point-blank asks, ‘Where do babies come from?’ ”  Evie snorts between long bouts of laughter.  Cullen holds the hotel room door open as Surana and she waddle inside.  He refuses Evie to lift anything but his laptop bag or her purse.  He quickly closes it and finds a lamp so they do not trip over their luggage dropping out of his full hands. </p>
<p>Evie continues talking, using the walls to keep her balance.  “Branson looks like he might have a coronary.  Full deer-in-headlights panic, which he deserves after his off-handed comment about you when he first arrived.  He doesn’t respond in time.  Rowan overhears the question and just jumps into a very medically accurate explanation.  Rowans nails every scientific word that would make even you stumble.”</p>
<p>“It seems we will have another doctor in the family soon.”  Cullen chuckles, setting down Evie’s carry-on bag.  “And you won’t let me live down tripping over those terms after watching that baby-crowning video. I went to medical school, and I cannot <em>unsee </em>that video.”</p>
<p>“I’ll tell everyone that story.”  Evie winks, which just makes Cullen roll his amber eyes.  “So, Lynton just <em>absorbs </em>every detail:  vagina, penis, intercourse, <em>everything!  </em>He might not understand it because of the advanced terminology, but definitely gets it as something he <em>should not </em>but <em>will </em>repeat at pre-school Monday.  Branson loses his <em>mind!</em>  He picks up Lynton under the armpits, holds his arm out like Lynton is a gaatlock, runs out of the room, and cries for Abigail like there is a Level-5 twister.  Meanwhile, Rosalie and I roll out of chairs laughing.  Audrey covers her mouth, afraid she caused the whole mess.  I assured her she didn’t, just be aware by having so many siblings, she learned about sex and pregnancy earlier than only children.”</p>
<p>Cullen glances at Evie’s baby bump.  “Maker, isn’t that the truth.  By Rosalie, I knew everything about the miracle of childbirth because I overhear <em>too much</em>.”</p>
<p>“It can’t be as bad as me:  I walked in on my parents essential conceiving Esme.”</p>
<p>“We’re bolting our bedroom door as soon as this kid learns to crawl.”  Cullen declares, eyes wide.  “No way will be have <em>that </em>happen…!”</p>
<p>Evie just snorts and shakes her head.  She finally found a light switch and flips it on.  “Ever the jokster, Rosalie applauded Audrey, but your baby sister got a taste of her own medicine when getting that same earth-shattering question from lil’ Peter sitting in her lap.  That’s why she came in running with Peter and dumped him on your lap and said, ‘Consider this practice!’ before beat-feeting it outside.”</p>
<p>Cullen rubs his neck once dropping his own overnight bag by a cabinet.  Evie flops down on the bed, clearly worn out after a day at his sister’s house.  Even spunky Surana looks like she can sleep for a year after chasing children and eating their vegetables under the table, including Evie’s peas and turnips.  The ex-templar caught her during dinner and proceeded to have the table guilt her into eating everything herself like she was a picky toddler.</p>
<p>“Maker, I felt like I fell into the Void when he asked.”  Cullen mumbles, sitting down on the king-size bed beside her.  “You know how Mia handled it?  She sighs, shakes her head, calls Gareth from the other room and says, ‘Get the book.  It’s that time again.’  Gareth just exhales and remarks this better be the last.”</p>
<p>Evie shakes her head, pulling her frizzed auburn hair out of a ponytail.  A random spring rainstorm trapped her in the barn with Rowan, Gareth, and Willow.  Evie needed to walk around because her back, so the farm husband and children introduce her to true Fereldan country living.  Cullen found her riding one of their horses with ease despite being in her third trimester.  That led to an hour conversation about raising farm animals.  Cullen discovered Evie is an accomplished equestrian and her family breeds horses.  Thankfully, she wore her leggings by then after Peter finally warmed up to her.  Prior to that, the youngest Grieve hid under her skirt and took a long nap with his favorite blanket.</p>
<p>“Oh, I think Mia knows it was Rosalie’s doing all along.  During our hour-long ‘pregnancy bitching’ fest, Mia kept wickedly grinning.  She cannot wait for Rosalie finally get pregnant and get her comeuppance.  Apparently, your sister instigates half the house shenanigans when she visits from Denerim.  She’ll give the kids some idea that they won’t deploy until after Rosalie leaves for her graduate studies again.”  Evie struggles to get her muddy boots off.  Once she kicks one off, she rolls on her hips to reach for the other low heel.  Cullen notices she can barely reach about her bump, stops her, and directs her to kick her foot up.  She pouts and relents.  “The thing is, I don’t think Rosalie will get pregnant like the rest of you.”</p>
<p>Cullen perks an eyebrow while pulling off the boot and flinging it with its partner.  “Oh?  Well, maybe not before getting married, but she would be a superb mother.”</p>
<p>Evie pats his shoulder, that mischievous grin playing across her plump, pink lips.  “Not that.  She and her partner will need to decide <em>who</em> will carry the child.  Maybe a friend will donate semen or something.”</p>
<p>Now, Cullen stops removing his own shoes.  He turns completely to his girlfriend.  Evie just watches him, smirking.  “Wait, what are you talking about?”</p>
<p>Evie busts out laughing.  She slips into his lap and hugs him tightly.  She kisses his cheek, while Cullen tries to comprehend what is happening.  “Let me point it this way:  Rylen’s barking up the wrong tree.  He might like her, but she definitely <em>doesn’t</em> like him.  You have nothing to worry about that potential relationship.  Now, if you consider your psychologist and group therapist Lysette, on the other hand…”  Realization smacks Cullen upside the head.  Evie giggles again and kisses his blushing cheek.  “Rosie and she text all the time, thus how I found out.  I caught her chuckling alone in a corner when everyone was grabbing their after dinner desserts.  They plan to meet up in Redcliffe next month for the first official date.”</p>
<p>Cullen blinks several times, feeling a fool.  “So, when Rosalie was talking about someone at my clinic all these months…she meant Lysette!?”  The Fereldan chuckles and shakes his head.  He combs a hand through his tossed hair from when Willow and Phoebe tried to give him a new hairdo.  “Oh, Rylen doesn’t know what hit him!  He thinks she texts him veiled flirts when she is <em>really </em>asking dating advice about his coworker.  Oh, that’s <em>rich</em>.”</p>
<p>Evie lays her head on his shoulder, yawning.  “I might have indirectly mentioned to be clearer with Rylen.  She trusts him because they are both goofballs.  Lysette is the first woman Rosie feels a deep connection in a long time, thus how I got her talking about it.  I gave her some juicy information about us to demonstrate when there is that unique spark, everything is worth it.  Evidently, your sisters never imagined you as a sappy romantic.”</p>
<p>“I would like to keep my man-card, so keep the feels on the low-down.”  Cullen kisses her temple, his finger sliding through her auburn waves, trying to take out the little knots left by small hands.  “I’ll let Rosie reject him.  If I say something, Rylen might think it is me still being that protective older brother.  Although, I’m nowhere near Rian in that regard.”</p>
<p>“Yes, you are.  Mia told me the story of you sharpening your hunting knife with your dad when her first high school boyfriend came over to pick her up.”</p>
<p>“And it will be my entire gun collection for our daughter’s date.”  Cullen adds with a growl.</p>
<p>“Or such a threat to treat his significant other right if it a boy.”</p>
<p>“The baby is a girl.”</p>
<p>“No, a boy.”</p>
<p>“Girl-“</p>
<p>“<em>Anyway-“ </em>Evie interprets, booping Cullen’s nose.  “Rosalie admitted she hasn’t told you her sexuality because she’s still trying to figure you out.  Actually, your whole family wonders who you are in the way.  All three of them asked separately, meaning it in a kindly and inoffensive manner.  They’re nervous and unsure about you.  Branson admitted to me he still deals with his grudge against you, but working through it.  I still threatened him if he did his slandering again, he will shit fire.”  Evie kisses Cullen’s temple when he hangs his head in shame.  “I told them all the truth:  You are kind and wonderful man who has been shat on repeatedly.  You survived experiences that even fiction writers cannot make up.”</p>
<p>Cullen feared such conversations may occur.  He should have warned Evie, but he knows she speaks her mind while giving him respectable privacy.  However, Cullen recognizes he has a long way to go about repairing his sibling relationships. </p>
<p>“I mentioned before about the multiple misunderstanding between us.  My mom died from breast cancer during my first tour, while I became POW when dad had his stroke.  I never told my family I transferred to Kirkwall.  I was…not right and thought if my family believe me dead, it would be better for them.  I should have known such mindsets would not deter Mia Rutherford.  Mia found me after a few years, right before my second tour.  She was furious.  She never said it, but I knew me disappearing was the last straw for my dad.  He really thought he lost his wife and eldest son in a year.  He essentially gave up.  It must be like when your family thought they lost Esme and you during that rafting trip.”</p>
<p>Evie just hums, her bright green eyes dulling thinking about that time.  She holds the doctor close as he discusses decades of wrongs.  “By the time I quit the templars, ten years passed since I joined the Order or even saw my family.  I never used permitted leave to see them.  Even after retiring, I did not come back to Ferelden.  I rationalized I needed to get clean of lyrium before I tried to mend wrongs.  I refused to admit the actual reason:  I feared what they thought of me.  I sent them a letter halfway through medical school when I was two years clean.  Then an invitation when I graduated.  No one came.  Even Mia, but I think she didn’t because she was pregnant <em>again</em>.  I didn’t take offense.  The damage was done, and it was my own damn fault.”</p>
<p>Evie just listens to Cullen as he confesses his familial crimes.  She knows when Cullen just needs to expresses his regrets.  In many ways, Evie is his confessional, the only person who knows his deepest, darkest secrets and sins.  Cullen expects judgment, but Evie only gives him guidance, compassion, and understanding. </p>
<p>“After I finished residency, I finally came clean with them all.  I told them…enough…about my imprisonment and what happened in Kirkwall for them to understand what happened that changed me so drastically.  I knew if I would help other knights break free, I needed to do the same and be honest with those I loved.”  Cullen takes a deep breath.  “It didn’t go well.  Mia tries to fix everything, but these are things beyond her abilities.  Branson believes it was excuses and pushing my brotherly duties onto him.  Rosalie knew strangers better than her own older brother.  It’s been rough since, but I refuse to repeat those mistakes again.  Our relations might not change, but I will make amends, especially for our child’s sake.”</p>
<p>Cullen touches Evie’s chin and tilts her face towards him.  He notices tears clinging to her eyelashes.  The mage keeps pursing her lips, likely thinking of her own family issues and that future.  “That’s why I knew they would love you.  Something shifted during my last visit.  Yes, I lived in Ferelden again, but their attitude towards me changed from indifference to interest.  I told them about this beautiful mage who wanted to rid the world of red lyrium.  I mentioned she came from a noble family, but denied her roots to do the right thing.  I praised you for still trying to connect with her family despite their rejections.  I then declared you had more guts than I did all those years.  It was the first time my siblings could sit around a table and air our resentments and grievances without shouting accusations.  It was a very painful conversation, but healing.”</p>
<p>Evie kisses his scarred lips, holding her hand against his jaw in gentle affection.  She only separates when Cullen swipes a tear running down her cheekbone.  “So you never told them about the pregnancy because you all had much to work out first.”</p>
<p>Cullen nods, kissing her forehead.  “It mainly was me still wondering what will happen between us, Eve, but I didn’t want that family resolution to shift just because I would have a family.  They needed to see I regretted my decisions but had valid reasons.  I listened to their arguments, but no one shouted.  We weren’t kids anymore who yelled about everything.  Then we offered resolutions and ways to mend like I do for my patients.  We all have families that we want to know and play together.  We recognized to interact peacefully, we must open up and share our pains.  Today while you and Gareth wandered the farm, we siblings agreed to go to Honnealth in Bloomingtide to visit our parents’ graves together, the first major step to live in the present and think about the future.  We’re originally from that area.  The family moved to South Reach after Dad died.  Too much pain to stay in our old town.”</p>
<p>Evie frowns, rubbing her round stomach.  “Bloomingtide is just a month before I’m due.  Isn’t that a little close?”</p>
<p>Cullen smirks, a plan already formulating.  “I actually hoped you would come with me.  I would love to take you to that lake Rosie teased me about when we arrived.  It was my favorite place when I was growing up.  I haven’t seen it since I left for the academy.”</p>
<p>The pregnant woman’s bright green eyes widen.  Cullen feels her deep breaths, while a hesitant smile dances across her facial features.  “Really?  I-I don’t want to impose.  I mean, <em>yes,</em> I want to be there for you.  Just seems like something you should do as a family.  You said yourself it is the first step towards healing.”</p>
<p>“You <em>are </em>my family, Eve.”  Cullen pulls her neck towards him to kiss again.  They stay just with their lips pressed together for a few minutes.  Evie grips his shirt like he might disappear, while Cullen enjoys her presence and warming embrace.  Tonight, her clove and orange scent mixes with manure and apple pie from her day’s activities and foods.  His other hand slips into his pants’ pocket, feeling the felt box he never thought he would ever need.</p>
<p>Maybe Mia is right.  Cullen will not tell her that.  The woman would rub it in his face until he is eighty.  Alas, her damn meddling will not leave him alone now.  Once that seed got planted, Cullen can barely keep his mouth shut.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Mia listens down the hall at the family laughter and chatter.  She smiles, races for a kitchen locked cabinet high out of the children’s reach, and searches inside.  Cullen watches his sister suspiciously.  He thought it strange she asked him to wash the pots and pans and not stay with Evie.  He listens for his girlfriend’s snorting laughter as she and Rosalie joke and talk.  He hears his clinic come up a few times, but nothing definitive.</p>
<p>A felt box slides across the corner and stops about three inches from his elbow.  Cullen blinks at his sister, who looks like she might have a kitten.  “What’s that?”</p>
<p>“Mom’s engagement ring.  I got it out of the lockbox yesterday for you.”  Mia giddily explains with her hands cupped together in front of her lips.</p>
<p>Cullen throws her a look.  “I told you to give it to Branson to propose to Abigail.  He had more right to it than I do.”</p>
<p>Mia rolls her honey eyes.  “We told him that when he would propose.  However, Mom and Dad willed it to you, as has been the Rutherford custom for generations.  ‘Whoever inherits the <em>Stanton</em> middle name receives the engagement ring.’  Stanton Rutherford was our ancestor who crafted it.”  Cullen just blinks at her, lip twitching.  Maker, he hates that middle name and how <em>wrong </em>the tradition began.  Personally, he has been terrible to his family.  He does not deserve to continue these customs.</p>
<p>“And…Abigail is horribly allergic to every metal but volcanic aurum.”  The eldest Rutherford confesses.  Cullen nods, accepting that explanation.  He knows his brother’s attitudes about him.  Branson believes himself more Rutherford than his older brother.  Cullen agrees, but they are working through those emotions.</p>
<p>The ex-templar nods and reaches for a dishtowel.  “I knew there was more to it.  However, why give this to me now?”</p>
<p>Mia’s mouth gaps, absolutely shocked by his nonchalant manner.  “Maker’s breath, Cullen!  Mom and Dad raised you better than that!  You created this child!  Marry this woman!  She’s fantastic!  Why you haven’t already baffles me!”</p>
<p>Cullen throws down the dishtowel and folds his arms.  “Because Eve is more than the child she carries.  I know it goes against everything we know.  Yet for her, she struggles with her worth.  Her father essentially told her to abort the baby for both medical and corporation reasons.  She still thinks I only love her because she is the mother.  She does not think anyone would want to be with <em>her!</em>”</p>
<p>Mia’s head whips towards the hallway, hands shaking.  “Maker above…you said before she was alone, but to…”  She bits her chipped thumbnail.  “Is that what the Circles did?  What could happen to Audrey?”</p>
<p>Cullen hugs his worried sister.  “No, that will not happen to Audrey.  No, Eve’s fears come from a lifetime of depression and terrible extended family members.  Our meeting in Val Royeaux and this pregnancy just showed the worst in people.”</p>
<p>Mia smacks his forehead.  “You should have told us immediately.  She needs a family!”</p>
<p>The doctor huffs and rubs his neck.  “She needs to know I am not her fears.  Mia, she’s unwell.  She already had a heart transplant.  It came from her <em>brother.</em>”  Tears threaten to spill from his sister’s eyes listening to Evie’s tragic past.  “She needed to know I value her…love her.  We are still navigating this.  She thinks she’ll die during labor like what nearly happened to her mother when she was born.  You are the first person she could even talk with regarding pregnancy and motherhood.  Abby hadn’t arrived until the dinner or she would have been a part of pregnancy complaints party.”</p>
<p>“You <em>do</em> love her though?”  Mia quizzes, her ear tilted towards the hallway.  There is ruckus in the other room.  Cullen recognizes Rosie and Evie howling with laughter as Branson hollers for his wife.</p>
<p>“Yes.”  The ex-templar declares with a bright smile.  He sits down in a pulled out kitchen chair.  “I think I fell in love with her the moment we met.  However, she doesn’t know love like we do.  She hasn’t returned it, but I will wait however long.”</p>
<p>Mia picks up the ring box, steps towards him, lifts his right hand, and places the ring box inside his palm.  “I don’t think you’ll need to wait long.  She might not recognize it now, but she does love you.  Just like how you gushed about her last visit, her eyes sparkle every time she says your name.”</p>
<p>Cullen blows out his cheek.  “Maker, I hope you’re right.”</p>
<p>Mia pats the top of his scalp, minding the horrible pigtails her children twisted into his pomade hair.  “Of course I’m right.  I’m your big sister.”</p>
<p>Right then Rosalie rushes into the kitchen with toddler Peter outstretched from her body.  Cullen quickly hides the ring box in his pocket.  He barely has a moment before she sits the boy in his lap and mumbles, “Consider it practice.”  She quickly flees, giggling under her breath.</p>
<p>“Practice?  Practice for what?”  Cullen calls after his baby sister.</p>
<p>“Where do baby come from?”  Peter mumbles around his thumb.</p>
<p>Mia glares at the hallway.  “Gareth!”  She picks up her youngest child.  “I cannot wait until Rosie deals with this!”  She tilts her head to Cullen.  “Let me show you a book that will save you later, Cullen.”</p>
<p>Gareth enters and overhears the comment.  He pivots and walks back out.  He just sighs and rubs his face.  “I’ll go get it.  Cullen, you can take it home with you.  This <em>will be </em>the last time we need it.”</p>
<p>“Does this mean you’ll get that vasectomy?”  Mia cries after her husband.</p>
<p>“Maker’s balls, <em>yes!</em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Evie’s thighs shift on Cullen’s lap, jolting him out of the memory.  He notices her rolling hips suggest their momentary kiss means more than just ordinary affection.  Cullen’s own body responses with hers, always ready for her attentions.  Since their relationship has taken the next step, he barely can contain his desires nor sustain her from pleading for his body.</p>
<p>The doctor withdraws his hand holding the felt ring box from his pant pocket to pinch and roll her left nipple and breast through her shirt.  He opens his mouth just so for her awaiting tongue.  Her fingers curl into his hair.  She still has some reserved energy left after their trying day chasing his nieces and nephews across the barnyard.  She will likely sleep the whole drive back to Haven at this rate. </p>
<p>Even if Cullen’s body is tired, he cannot deny her.  He desired her since they hopped into his SUV this morning, nearly taking her in the back seat if it was not for Surana judging them constantly.  From Surana’s deep sleepy pants, she will not disturb them tonight.</p>
<p>“I need you, Cullen…”  Evie whispers against his lips as she pulls his shirt over his head.  “Being surrounded by so much love just makes me want more…give more.”  Evie whispers against his scarred lips.  Her tongue dips into his mouth again, inducing a deep moan inside Cullen.</p>
<p>“Maker, <em>yes.”</em>  Cullen barely groans as he lifts her off the bed.  She crawls off him as he quickly sheds his pants, mindful of where they land on the hotel carpet floor to not lose the ring box.  Evie crawls away, removing her jacket, tank top, and leggings.  She crawls onto bed on all fours.  Her smalls-covered behind sticks up into the air, his thumbs pulling down the last barrier, while she sheds her maternity bra.</p>
<p>Cullen already reads what the mage plans.  She wants him to take her from behind.  While their coupling has been many, they still experiment with different angles still allowed by her condition and belly.  Evie cannot handle the same position for long, while Cullen wants to avoid unnecessary pain and aches to this heavily pregnant woman.  He throws his pants and socks towards his baggage, mindful if the ring box falls out of his pockets. </p>
<p>The doctor thinks about his plans.  He wants to ask her at his lake if she confesses she loves him before Bloomingtide.  If not, he will hang onto the ring until she is ready.  Cullen will wait for her.   She is worth the heartache.</p>
<p>Maker, Cullen wants no one else as his bride.  Mia might have presumed a little early, but she knew Evie was unlike any other lover.  He cares for her more than he even admits.  Cullen wants no one else.</p>
<p>The ex-templar wears nothing in no time.  Evie sheds the last fabric, exposing her glistening groin likely desiring him since they got into his vehicle tonight.  She sits on all four waiting for him to join her.  Cullen crawls over her, already painfully hard seeing her bent over and ready for him.</p>
<p>“I love you, Eve…”  Cullen groans into her multiple pierced ears.  She did not remove her jewelry, still dressed as herself, natural and so beautiful.  He smiles watching as her iconic amber pendant dangles around her neck and sparkles in the lamp light.</p>
<p>“Maker, I need you, Cullen…”  Evie moans as she feels his breath against her cheeks.  He kisses the nape of her neck and slowly trails down her spine.  She hitches as he continues to kiss lower and licks her folds.  She arches her back, barely keeping her swollen belly off the mattress.  She frantically searches for the sheet edge to pull it down so their fluids touch anything but the night’s blankets.</p>
<p>“You taste euphoric…”  Cullen sighs against her slit, smelling her nectar trickling out of her entrance.</p>
<p>“Cullen…please…,” she begs, never looking over her shoulder.  She knows she needs to save her energy to support her growing weight.  The inferno mage cannot stay on all four for long, so he must mount and fuck her senseless soon.  “Anything <em>now</em>…”</p>
<p>Another tongue glance from her clitoris to entrance.  She screams much like she gave no care in that hotel room in Val Royeaux.   “This isn’t the corner room, my Lady.”  Cullen mentions between her folds before licking her clean, his tongue twisting at her entrance frantically.  She howls, feeling his breaths tickling her pubic hairs.  “Someone will hear you.”</p>
<p>“Fuck if these people hear just like in Orlais.”  She pants, wiggling her body against his nose, lips, and chin.  She admitted before she loves his stubble against her cheeks and inner thighs.  He only shaves every few days now for that fact alone.  “I need you inside me <em>now.”</em></p>
<p>Cullen controls his desires, feeling himself leak.  “There is no rush.  Why the hurry?”</p>
<p>“I want more of you, Cullen.”  Evie begs on all fours, her bright green eyes almost swallowed by inky black pupils when she glances over her olive shoulder.  “I spent the day with such loving people.  I need to know your specific love <em>inside</em> me!”</p>
<p>Cullen kneels over her arched back.  He twirls her nipples with his left hand.  She cries out and rubs her behind against his erection.  “If you wanted me so much, we could have left early.”  He chuckles.  Oh, he loves torturing her sometimes.</p>
<p>“Without your family giving me knowing looks?!  Rosalie kept making innuendos the entire day.  Evidently, I left a hicky on your lower neck that <em>everyone </em>saw.  I enjoy their company and didn’t want to be rude.  Now though, <em>fuck</em>, I need <em>you!”</em></p>
<p>Cullen barely reins in his own control.  He enjoys her begging.  “Most manner people know how to ask nice-“</p>
<p>“-Fuck me, damn it!”  Evie growls over her shoulder.  Her mana circles them both wildly.  Ash and sparks light the hotel room.</p>
<p>With one quick hip thrust, Cullen enters and sheaves inside her.  Evie cries out happily, glad to be so full of him.  “Maker, you’re perfect inside me.”  She sighs, hanging her head.  Her frizzy hair curtains her flush freckled face.</p>
<p>“You were made for me, Eve…”  Cullen praises as her body accommodates his size and girth.  “I want no one else.”  He crawls onto his knees while his arms encircle his lover.  Maker, he loves Eve.  He wants only her.</p>
<p>Eve gasps as his dickhead grazes her inner nerves.  One just one hand, he encircles her clitoris, just enticing her more.  She jolts against him, deeper and wider than before.  “More…”  She begs like a wanton slut.  “Maker, fuck me, Cullen.”</p>
<p>“As my Lady commands…”  Cullen sighs against her right ear, slowly removing himself from within and hitching forward hard.  Taking her from behind is the best angle.  She lets her auditory cues fly as his hips and the behind angle grazes every nerve ending inside this beautiful woman.</p>
<p>Cullen ignores the swirling ash and sparks around them with each methodical thrust.  He knows she has been controlling her magic.  He wants her to be free with him.  He does not fear her magic, especially if he inducing these passions.  He holds her hips, his pace faster and unrelenting.  His abdomen burns as he resets his knees to support him better.  Evie angles herself into his crotch for every hitch.  She yelps and mewls with each meeting, allowing her angelic lilt carry.  Maker, her coupling moans are enough to makes him climax.  She arches her back to direct his dickhead over her inner nerves.  He twitches her harden nipples the faster he gets.  He cannot stop as her clamping walls grab him.</p>
<p>Evie screams as her orgasm ripples around Cullen.  She lets her inner music rip their hearts much like her magic grips the lyrium sticking to his bones.  The ex-templar falls with her, grunting and spurting his seed into her already filled womb.</p>
<p>“I want you…only you, Eve!”  Cullen cries out as he follows her over the edge.  Evie yells with her puffing magic.  For a moment, Cullen hears more of that majestic music Evie describes, such a cosmic melody.</p>
<p>They both fall to the side, spooning together to avoid crushing their unborn child.  Both pant and whine as Cullen slips out of her welcoming canal.  “It is never enough…”  Evie whines before kissing him.  “I want you more.  I need you more…”  Evie pleads.</p>
<p>“I am not going anywhere, my Lady.” Cullen promises into her scarlet ears.  “I will always be beside you…forever.”  Cullen swears.  He means it.</p>
<p>Cullen loves Eve Trevelyan with all his heart and soul.</p>
<p>Only she will ever be his wife.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, Cullen and Evie had an eventful day with the Rutherfords!  Do you think Mia was thinking too far into the future, or just the right push Cullen needed?  How about the "where do baby comes from" situation?  Have you had to tell a young child about sex and babies?  I would love to hear your stories!</p>
<p>Thank you for reading and commenting!  I love hearing from you!  :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Realization</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>THANK YOU!  "PASSING SHIPS" HIT OVER 4000 VIEWS!  I HEART YOU ALL!  THANK YOU FOR READING EVERY WEEK!  YOU ALL ARE AMAZING!</p><p>Howdy Everyone!  Thank you for participating in my recent fan fiction <a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PKRMKNX">survey</a>.  Over 50% of you voted for an Avvar AU, which I have been testing the last month.  I worked on it again, and hope to have several chapters by the time "Passing Ships" finishes posting.  I will keep the survey open as a way for people to add their comments and recommendations for future projects and input about my writing.  Again, thank you for answering and being a part of the writing process.  I write my stories both for myself to overcome issues and for you through these troubling times.  :)</p><p>Regarding "Passing Ships", many of you have commented about Dorian and Iron Bull's zombie cat Princess.  I cannot take credit and inspired by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/17742542">"A Cat's Tenth Life"</a> by Blue_Sparkle and Hattedhedgehog, a fantastic one-shot in my top ten favorites of all time.     Their story is awesome and outdoes anything I could produce.  Highly recommend and give original credit and inspiration.  I cannot promote this creative story enough.  Beautiful illustrations and writing.  A must read.</p><p>Chapter Song:  "I'm Yours" by Alessia Cara</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie smells it before the elevator doors open.  She licks her lips, avoiding drooling all over her lab coat.  Her hands shake knowing how <em>close</em> it is.</p><p>Then the doors slide, creaking from lacking grease along the tracks.  Cullen peeks out, then blinks not expecting to see his girlfriend standing there with saliva dripping off her chin.  Well, maybe if they snuck into the private single bathroom around the corner for a quick blow job-</p><p>-No, Evie is too hungry for <em>anything else</em> right now.</p><p>“You, Good Knight, are Maker sent.”  The mage mumbles as her boyfriend kisses her forehead.  Her bright green eyes lock on the plastic grocery bag and that iconic foam carry-out container that smells like heaven.</p><p>Cullen waves the bag around, watching Evie follow it like Surana when she waits for afternoon treats.  His attention shifts to Dorian, who Evie forgot exited the lab with her after Cullen’s arrival text.  “How long has she been like this?”</p><p>The Tevinter scientist just stands there, blinking.  He spent the day teasing her about the food carvings, then critiquing her behavior.  He blames Ferelden for her savage tendencies.  He crosses his arms and rolls his grey eyes at Evie’s boyfriend.  “This specific craving started about two hours ago.  Varric let her in the lab today because we just deep cleaned it and red lyrium is in lock storage for the week.  I showed her some new experiments we prepared, and she just started whimpering like a starving bitch in heat.  It’s only gotten worse.  She ruined four sterile petri dishes, slobbering like your oversized mutt.”</p><p>For just a second, Evie’s breaks eye contact to glare at her best friend.  She somewhat deserves his ire.  She did hide Cullen and her relationship and meeting his family for over five days.  Dorian’s excitement was gone, especially after he learned Josephine won the sex bet based on Leliana’s observations.  The altus has been miffed since.  Iron Bull nearly knocked over Cullen smacking his back and wishing them congratulations on the sex.</p><p>Dorian waves to Cullen to follow, which just makes Evie jerk her head back to the plastic bag and follow behind.  She whines, “If it was physically possible, I would connect you to these cravings so you understand when this baby says they want something, you <em>must </em>have it.  I’m ravenous!  Give it to me, Cullen!”</p><p>“Didn’t you say something like that last night?”  Cullen winks over his shoulder.  Dorian laughs at Evie’s beet-red face.  Her teasing boyfriend just smirks and shrugs, ignoring Evie unamused glare.  “They’ve gotten worse the last two weeks.  Before it was just ice cream or her mother’s baked ziti.  Ever since we ate at that Antivan back alley restaurant a few days ago, that’s all she wants.”  His whiskey eyes sparkle at her.  “I bought that fast-working anti-acid too because we <em>both</em> know you will walks the floor swearing all night.”</p><p>The group enters the break room permanently stinking like stale coffee and dirty dishes.  Evie would immediately vomit entering the room during her first trimester.  Maker’s arse, Melsi Cadash forgot to rinse out her disgusting fish bowl again.  The odor <em>almost</em> turns Evie away from her prize.  Cullen places the meal on the table, barely getting out of the way before Evie pounces, ripping the plastic and extracting her greatest desire.</p><p>“Pickles and jalapeños too!  Pan-fried sweet plantains!”  Evie cries sobbing at the deliciousness just waiting for her fork.  Her lips tingle and tongue wiggles, reviewing the Antivan mix of everything she ever wanted.  She quickly kisses Cullen’s cheek before sliding into a chair, grabbing a fork, and opening the main container.  “Oh fuck, this is orgasmic!”  The long-pan paella’s strange ingredients and spices hit her happy nostrils.  Mussels, lobster, pork, chicken, steak…it could be roadkill and it would be delicious with the Antivan rice, vegetables, lime, and lemon.  The dish must have been invented by a pregnant woman because a cook could put <em>anything</em> in it, and it will be fantastic.  Oh, to have an abuela’s homemade version based on a recipe generations old…</p><p>Cullen chuckles and sits down beside his girlfriend.  His hanging stethoscope ends around his neck bounce against the table.  “I should worry when she says that, but I know better.”  Cullen winks Evie’s direction, ignoring the rice and a pork strip hanging out of her mouth.  She only grunts before taking another fork full of food.  She should just use her hands.  Her fire magic swirls and puffs smoke like someone will take away her takeout.</p><p>Tomorrow’s bodily functions will be murder, but completely worth it.</p><p>Dorian sits across from the couple, scowling at Evie’s barbaric table manners.  “And where is <em>my</em> order, Sir Knight?”</p><p>The ex-templar and altus just eye each other across the table.  They resemble an intense Wild West shootout.  “Ask Bull.”  Cullen bluntly drops.  He smirks with that majestic scarred lip when Dorian huffs. </p><p>“And here I thought I made a friendly impression on you.”  The Tevinter mage scuffs, reaching for a plantain.  Evie snaps her jowls at him.  Dorian leans back, counting his fingers.</p><p>“The only impression you’ve left is that you cheat at chess.”  Cullen snips back with a chuckle.</p><p>“I take offense at that!”  Dorian dramatically declares, his hand pressed to his high-end tie and dress shirt.</p><p>“Then don’t do it.”  The ex-templar warns.  “Play fair, and I <em>might</em> let you win next time.”</p><p>Evie drops her fork for a second and pats Dorian’s hand.  “He got his butt handed to him by his sister Saturday.  He’s still sore about it.”  Cullen scowls at her.  She shrugs and grabs her fork for the next mouth full of awesome.  “What?  Mia trounced you big time.”  Evie mumbles with rice flying across the table.</p><p>Dorian studies his best friend, grimacing at the bits of chewed food littering the table every time Evie speaks.  “Are you <em>sure </em>you were raised by nobility…instead of wolves…?”</p><p>“Shove it, Dori.”</p><p>“Ugh, Mia and her damn chess wins…”  Cullen rubs his temple and groans.  “It’s childhood all over again.  As long as I can teach this hungry monster in your belly, Eve, how to beat their godfather Dorian, I’ll be happy.”</p><p>Dorian does not look surprised Cullen discusses again that he is the godfather.  Evie announced the wish when she finally told him about the new relationship.  Dorian still replies he will not touch this baby, but Iron Bull knows he will cry with happiness with a bottle of wine later.  “Why me and not your dear sister?!”</p><p>“Because she’ll want to play your house with the Chargers and give us a break.”  Cullen laughs, leaning back in his seat.  “We’ll send some wine over for those special bonding moments with her-“</p><p>“-<em>his!”</em>  Evie snaps, almost losing a pepper she is chewing on.</p><p>Cullen ignores her.  “-god family.  Iron Bull told me yesterday he wants to by a backyard set for them to play.  The Chargers already picked out five and can’t wait to initiate the baby into the group.  Cass thought it all too soon.  Yet, she isn’t any better.  The woman already bought so many onsies with ‘I have the best aunt’ and Avvar and seeker shieldmaiden motifs that we can’t fit them into the baby’s drawers.”</p><p>Dorian just rolls his grey eyes, lip twitching.  Cassandra never cried when Cullen and Evie made her godmother, but did call Dorian on how to be suitable guardians the next day.  The two do not get along well usually, but will do anything for this new family.</p><p>Evie knows Dorian’s reluctance and drama over the baby is fear-based.  He really thinks he will become his own father if around children.  No matter how many times Evie assures him he will be a positive influence, she notices the concerns and deep panic left by his father’s actions and his mother’s indifference.  If the inferno mage ever meets those bastards…</p><p>“You two created this kid.  It’s your responsibility!”  The Tevinter remarks, waving to the engorging Evie.</p><p>“You say that, but I think as soon as she’s born, you’ll get the parent bug.”  The ex-templar hypothesizes with a widening grin.  “Iron Bull is over the moon!”</p><p>“I don’t know why.  We have a cat-“</p><p>“-a dead cat.”</p><p>“-Princess is enough for us!”  Dorian defends the reanimated cat skeleton.</p><p>Evie listens to the snide retort flying across the table while shoveling her food down her throat.  At the beginning, she worried Dorian and Cullen hated each other.  However, how they texted after meeting and tease relaxed her initial apprehensions.  Evie wondered for a while it was veiled flirting, like Dorian brought out a side of Cullen he never knew or felt comfortable expressing publically. </p><p>Cullen found a new close friend; someone just a few years ago would be his declared enemy because of his home country alone.  Dorian would never join the Venatori, but the southern Chantry never defines the difference between extremists and normal every Tevinter mages.  The institutions just see Andraste’s executors and drill that into templars’ psyche.  The two men are examples of war is more about older dividing people too frail to fight sending the next generation against one another.  Cullen and Dorian have walked in each other’s shoes and realized they have so much in common, kindred souls.</p><p>Evie caught snippets of their conversations about their life experiences.  Dorian fled his homeland after homosexuality was banned and punishable by death.  Dorian was a research scientist and got a work visa easily.  Evie recruited him to the Inquisition Institute, a great fit where his pathology research overlapped with her red lyrium disposal health effects.  Cullen picks the Tevinter’s mind now about Dorian’s studies applicable into addiction treatments.  The past no longer matters to each man.  They are comrades in the same struggle now.</p><p>And they both care about Evie and the baby.</p><p>Evie freezes mid-bite and blinks confusedly at her boyfriend.  She quickly swallows her lobster and tomatoes before speaking.  “Cullen, didn’t you work the night shift?”</p><p>“Three in the morning to three in the afternoon.  I had morning clinics and patient reviews.”  Cullen explains, rubbing his bruised eyes.</p><p>Evie drops her fork.  “Maker’s butt!  You just got off work!  You drove across the city to the restaurant and then the opposite direction from the house to drop this feast off?!  You must drive across the city again to get home!  You must be exhausted!   I only make Dorian do that when I don’t want to drive.”</p><p>“You owe me gas money, Dearie.”  Dorian reminds the geologist.</p><p>Not even prompted, the doctor pulls out his wallet and pays the Tevinter on Evie’s behalf.  Cullen shrugs, smirks at Evie, and rolls those beautiful amber eyes.  “So?”</p><p>“You didn’t get anything for yourself?!”</p><p>Dorian jumps in.  “Or for me?”</p><p>Cullen ignores the Tevinter.  “I wasn’t hungry.”</p><p>Evie covers her mouth, ignoring the bits of food hanging off her chin and cheek.  “I sent that text as a joke.  I…I never thought you would actually do this!  When you said you were at the security desk, I figured you were that direction already and not made that huge drive in terrible afternoon traffic!”</p><p>The ex-templar smiles at her, those whiskey orbs calling her closer despite being at her workplace.  Maker, her clitoris just woke up and wants him <em>now.  </em>“I wanted to.  You were hungry and eating for two.  I knew this would make you happy.”</p><p>Happy.</p><p>When was the last time did Evie feel happy?</p><p>The men continue talking after a few minutes of Evie just staring at this fantastic man.  The question nags the mage because she realizes she <em>feels</em> happy.  It is not just from one event, but everything around her.  She is pregnant with a miracle baby growing strong and healthy beginning the seventh month.  Evie got a good bill of health from her medical team.  Even her new therapist mentioned she was smiling more, hopeful to change Evie’s phobias before delivery.  She met Cullen’s family, who now text her all the time to talk or give advice on some pregnancy symptom.  Her mom lives nearby and loves Haven in the spring.  Lady Gwen even helps Evie clean the loft if Cullen works long shifts, so he comes home to an inviting environment.</p><p>Evie’s bright green eyes study Cullen, who laughs with her best friend and waves to Dr. Seleem Adaar coming in for the daily Antivan espresso making.  He looks like he has always been there, not just popped into her life seven months ago after a long flight and drunk one-night stand.  He fits here, nothing forced or uncomfortable.</p><p>The inferno mage cannot remember a day without her Lion.  Waking up beside Cullen cuddling and naked is the best way to start her days.  She worries Cullen forgets to eat on his break again when he does not reply to her texts.  She enjoys reading him terrible student papers because it always makes him laugh and leads to a two-hour conversation about some random subject.  When she is at the office, a new banquet of irises and lilies arrives to brighten the windowless location.  If Cullen has a terrible day at work, she loves how he asks if she can put a repeating triage spell on his hand to listen and sense the baby while Evie watches <em>The Golden Girls</em> for the billionth time.  If Evie falls asleep first, she sometimes wakes up and hears him talking to her belly, his baritone rumbling through the skin.  She knows the baby hears him because they will kick like playing an intense soccer match.</p><p>Evie is happy.</p><p>She feels like she belongs.</p><p>Her worries are specks, almost completely out of mind.</p><p>Is this what being loved by someone feels like?</p><p>“I will see you went you get home.”</p><p>Evie wakes up from her reflection to feel those scarred lips giving her forehead a soft kiss.  Cullen smiles down at her, waves to Dorian, and leaves the break room.  She whips her head to her table mate who snacks on a stolen sweet pickle.</p><p>“Where is he going?!”</p><p>Dorian blinks at her like she has a baby growing out of her ears.  “You two just had a full conversation about him getting home.  You didn’t actually speak, but agreed with his evening plans.”</p><p>Evie’s donated heart feels like it popped out of her body.  The most anguishing lonesomeness rolls through her as Cullen disappears down the hall and out of sight.  Sorrowful tears slip from her tired eyes.  The idea of not being with him feels like death itself.</p><p>Is this what love is?  Absolutely joy and happiness when the person is with you, then horrific pain and heartache when apart?</p><p>Does Evie <em>love</em> Cullen?!</p><p>
  <em>Yes!</em>
</p><p>Evie jumps out of her seat, almost flipping the table over with her baby bump.  Her glorious meals is now an afterthought compared with missing and loving Cullen.  She waddles out of the break room as quickly as her growing baby bump allows.  She pants like she just ran a marathon, feeling where the chiropractor pushed her dislocated rib back into place on Monday.  This baby will be a soccer star if they can nearly broke a rib!  She lumbers through the side pain, while chasing after her boyfriend.  The mage ignores her coworkers’ yells and questions as she toddles towards the main elevators.</p><p> Right as Evie slides into the elevator entry, she watches as Cullen leans back against the steel wall inside.  His whiskey eyes widen, noticing Evie gasping right as the doors begin closing.  He jumps forward and catches his fingers between the doors enough for them to bounce back open and not break his digits.  He pushes his body through the opening and reaches for her.</p><p>“Eve!”  That heart-wrenching baritone cry just confirms everything inside Evie.  The tears flow like rivers and deep exhales.  She jumps into his welcoming arms, burying her face into his wrinkled dress shirt.  She hugs him tightly like he is a dream, her imagination playing a deceitful trick.  She worries this is just a nightmare and she will wake up eight months ago alone in bed, not pregnant and never meeting this marvelous man.  “Maker’s breath!  What’s wrong?”</p><p>Through her heavy sobs, the geologist lifts her head.  Her runny nose bumps his stubble chin.  He looks confused, frightened, and angry all at once.  His whiskey eyes dance up and down the halls, searching for the reason she cries like it is the end of the world.</p><p>“I…I love…I love you…”  Evie whimpers between hiccups and bawling.  “I’m in…love with…you…”</p><p>Cullen relaxes, complete surprise across his Fereldan facial features.  His rough hands fall onto her shoulders, not sure what brought this on now.  His mouth falls open, flabbergasted by her confession.  “…r-really?”  He swallows, worried this is his own wishful thinking.  He likely thinks he pushed Evie for these magical words.</p><p>Evie shakes her head yes, snot running down her nose and around her mouth.  “I was just watching you….a-a-and thinking how happy I’ve been.  I-I-I never felt so happy.  Only with you.  Then you left, and it was agony.  I knew then how much you mean to me.”</p><p>Cullen’s callus hands cup her flushed cheeks like she as the most precious being every born.  “I love you…”</p><p>Evie bounces up and meets him halfway into a celebratory kiss.  Instead, they actually hit teeth and wince.   After a few laughs and apologies, Cullen leans down and kisses Evie’s quivering pink lips, tears and all.  This particular kiss feels so different, but familiar.  Understanding love and showing it through such a genuine way ignites a deep raw burn inside the mage.  She finally understands why her crushes never amounted to anything or how she found all the terrible people in the world. </p><p>This is real and natural.</p><p>Andraste’s bosom, Evie loves Cullen!</p><p>“…I’m not crying, you are!”</p><p>Cullen and Evie break away and whip heads towards the unexpected voice.  There in the hallway is Dorian, Seleem, Dagna, Melsi, and other lab members watching the scene.  They must have followed the pregnant woman when she pattered down the hall.  Some coworkers cover their mouths or hug each other happily.  Others, like Varric, are documenting the moment likely for his next erotic novel.</p><p>Cullen instantly turns purple and rubs his neck raw.  His other hand grips her hip like she might flee.  Evie flashes her mana and release a quick flame.  “Get out of here, you creeps!”</p><p>“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, Monkey?”  Varric suggests as Dorian pivots to wipe his nose with a handkerchief.  “Enjoy Curly.”</p><p>Evie goes to defend her professionalism and employment dedication, but Cullen covers her mouth.  “Thanks, Dwarf.”  The doctor replies instead.  That wicked grin promises she will wake up extremely sore and bowlegged tomorrow morning.  “Let’s get your food and belongings, my Lady.  You can eat in the car.”</p><p>The mage waits until the last two people walk away.  That mischievous smile pulls her plump lips.  “I want to do over something else first.  I know just the room…”  She grabs his hand and tugs them down an opposite hall.  She can tell the private single bathroom is available, and no one is in the surrounding offices.  There is only one specific <em>meat</em> she carves now.  “I love you, know you that right?”</p><p>Cullen follows like she holds takeout paella.  “Yes…and I love you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Evie loves Cullen!  XD!  It's finally happened!  Thoughts?</p><p>Also, if you have never had paella...try it!  Absolutely fantastic.  Delicious meal that can have anything and everything in it.</p><p>This love confession is based on how I realized I fell in love with my now husband.  We in high school and started dating about four months before.  Apparently, he knew he loved me months before I confessed, but did not say anything so not to scare me.  He walked me to class one afternoon, kissed my cheek goodbye, and left.  When he was out of sight, I just started bawling and had no idea why.  My friends asked if I was okay.  Unable to speak because of how much I missed him, my friends asked questions to figure out what I was experiencing.  One guess "You love him, don't you?"  I just nodded, refusing to say it until I told him first.  My friends fell over like Cassandra would watching the romantic scene.  I told him a few days before Valentine's Day.  *swoon*!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Druffalo in the Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Song:  "Wheel of Fortune" by Ace of Base (Oh yeah!  Went early 90s for this chapter's song!)</p><p>Not the best edited chapter, but I've been very sick lately.  Sorry.  :/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen should just turn the SUV around and take his family home.  For beginners, he hates wearing suits, especially on such a dreary rainy night.  Mostly he despises this because Evie’s freckled face contorts every few minutes staring out the passenger window.  She randomly grips her dress skirt like Cullen drives her to her execution.  Maker, just the idea of what this stress is doing to her and the baby makes the ex-templar want to rage against the world. </p><p>The couple should have never agreed to this insanity.  When Rian called a few days ago with the proposal, Evie nearly screamed no and hung up.  However, she whispered to the baby, asking for some sign that it will be okay.  The mage informed Cullen when he arrived home from work, adding to already frustrating day.  Bann Ian Trevelyan, Evie’s father wishes to meet and discuss matters.  Every fiber in the doctor’s being almost called Rian and cussed him out.  All he knew about Bann Ian made Cullen vow to always hate the son of a bitch. </p><p>However, his girlfriend’s bright green eyes pleaded for resolution, the situation a stifling druffalo in the room she carried constantly.  She reminded Cullen of how he looked before meeting his family again.  This is her greatest family obstacle and desired some resolution no matter what that outcome might be.  Likely Evie still feared for Cullen’s life.  Maybe this meeting will call off the bann’s dogs so the couple can walk freely instead of always looking over their shoulders.</p><p>Evie does not expect this meeting to go well.  The couple stipulated to Rian no dinner and ate before so they do not feel obligated if things sour further.  Cullen alerted Cassandra and Lady Gwen if Evie even looks a little uncomfortable, he will remove her from that toxic environment.  They both agreed and supported his protective care for his girlfriend.</p><p>However, Cassandra mentioned something on the phone earlier that gnawed at Cullen, <em>“This is news Evelyn and you will want to hear.”</em>  Lady Gwen does not everything happening, but as she refused to speak with her husband for weeks.  Alas, her explanations during that initial dinner hinted there was more occurring in the background that no one was fully privy to except the bann himself.</p><p>Cullen hates every bit of this.</p><p>Soon, they are in an exclusive elevator riding up to Rian and Cassandra’s penthouse.  Neither newlywed ex-Chantry official wants to live wealthy, but their roles require some finery to have investor believe in them.  Rian runs some corporations for Bann Ian in Fereldan and Orlais, while Cassandra is the Theirin Foundation’s chief general counsel.  They must keep up appearances.  If their careers permitted, they would live in another industrial building like Cullen and Evie with little furnishings and a gun range.</p><p>Cassandra greets the future parents at the door in a black suit and dark eyeliner, thick and ready for battle.  Cullen is actually surprised she does not have her service pistol on her hip.   He enters first, not for lacking manners, but to guard the trembling Evie who grips his left hand like she drowns in anxiety.</p><p>The doctor’s amber eyes scan the open floor plan penthouse.  Rian rustles with something in the kitchen.  Lady Gwen gracefully stands from her comfy seat in the living room.  Her hands smooth her pencil skirts and smiles at her new Fereldan son.  Her soft brown eyes follow both people, studying them to support accordingly.  Cullen can see she is visible breathing hard like she knows this is difficult for anyone.</p><p>Then Cullen’s whiskey orbs land on an unknown person.  By the tall expansive windows overlooking Haven is a tall man who radiates power and influence.  His broad shoulders sit squared, stiff, and purposely defined in his expensive dark navy suit.  His large agile hands hold a whiskey tumbler he randomly sips while scanning the twinkling cityscape.  His head slowly shifts towards the entering pair.  The new individual styles his hair to the side, but it is full with very little thinning.  The man hides his facial expression behind a grey, white, and red beard.  Lastly, those iconic swirling eyes Cullen always equates to Rian look twice as imposing, like a prowling wolf finding its next meal.  This man greatly dislikes Cullen just as the ex-templar loathes what he has done to his lady love. </p><p>Cullen stiffens his back, making himself larger like a kitten threatened by a hippo.  His templar commanding persona comes back instantly, recognizing a stubborn leader who will not shift his ways until absolutely pushed into a corner and intimidated.  Cullen thanks the Maker for his military experiences because he will need them to handle this rigid man.</p><p>“Mom…”  Evie whispers as she hugs her mother tightly behind Cullen.  Lady Gwen looks like she might cry.  Her brown eyes swing to the unidentified businessman every few seconds, lips pursing and squinty like she dares the individual to do anything she will not permit.  Evidently, Lady Gwen takes her protective role seriously now, learning from her mistakes during Satinalia. </p><p>Evie leans back, her trembling hand searching for Cullen’s again.  She straightens her back as much as possible despite her bowed back.  Her maternity dress highlights her baby bump proudly.  “Father…”  Her Free Marcher accent is rough and strict.  The man just nods, while throwing Cullen a threatening glare.</p><p>Evie steps forward, her magic constricted to her body like a fiery barrier over her new family.  “Father, let me introduce you to my <em>boyfriend</em>.”  The inferno mage’s voice is formal and chipped.  Her expressive eyes sparkle, studying the ex-templar.  She gestures to Cullen in a formal, noble manner.  “I am pleased to introduce you to Dr. Cullen Rutherford, head clinical physician of the Theirin Foundation’s new lyrium addiction division.  He facilitated Chantry clinics in Kirkwall for years before it eliminated its funding.  He served in the Templar Order for ten years, even attending undergraduate university between his two tours in the Tevinter Imperium.  He stopped the downfall of Kirkwall’s Gallows Circle by purging his commanding officer, Knight-Commander Meredith Stennard, who was tainted by red lyrium.  He served as the Circle’s Knight-Commander before retiring from military service, stopping his own lyrium addiction alone while attending medical school.”</p><p>Cullen understands why Evie lists his multiple roles and professional accomplishment.  She explained before arriving that her father likely knows these facts, but to address them first avoids him bringing up something at an inopportune time.  She praises Cullen’s achievements because this is what <em>her father</em> believes are most important and required to be worthy.</p><p>“Most of all, and the greatest role he has in my life,” Evie continues, smiling up at Cullen.  Her hand squeezes his hand before kissing his knuckles.  “He is this baby’s father and the man I love with all my being.”  These are the aspects that matter to <em>Evie.</em>  Cullen could be a king or a beggar, and she will always love him.  Ever since she confessed last week, every other since she speaks together is <em>‘I love you…’, </em>beaming up at him in happiness.  Cullen loves every time she says those words, filled with such bliss that only she could create in his fractured soul.  She thanks him for blessing her life and with their beautiful healthy child.  By declaring these points, Evie essentially slaps her father’s requirements and declares Cullen praiseworthy of her dedication and care.</p><p>Love warms Cullen’s heart right then.  He tugs her closer, kissing the crown of her head, mindful to not disturb her braided hairstyle she spent an hour fussing over.  That genuine smile she gives only him brightens her natural glow.  For a moment, they forget that there are others around and are in a tense situation.  Oh, to get her alone…</p><p>The unimpressed man grunts, breaking Evie’s admirable gaze, and brings the couple back to the present.  She whips her head and just half-waves to the unfamiliar man.  Her fiery scowl could burn Haven to the ground.  She spats, “Cullen, he’s my father, Bann Ian Anton Trevelyan, some corporate overlord nobleman who lost all humanity.”</p><p><em>Ouch</em>.</p><p>Cassandra smirks, while Lady Gwen gives her daughter a knowing stare. “Evelyn…”</p><p>Evie shrugs, grimacing at her father.  She sits down on the leather love seat and crosses her arms.  “I give him the respect he gave me, Mom.  I consider stating he was just a sperm donor, but he would say cruelly the same of Cullen.  However, there is a vast difference between them:  Cullen did not know he was a father for months, but has done more for me than my own father my entire life.  ‘Father’ and ‘Dad’ are two different titles.  One demands respect from be blood-related, while other might be informal but comes from earned respect and sympathy.”</p><p>Those burning bright green eyes flick to Rian, who cautiously watches the exchange from the kitchen.  “So, what is so Maker fucking important that you pulled Cullen and I into the same location as a man who made me chose my baby or money and legacy?  Or who threatened me to expose the baby’s father or be banished from my family and support system?”</p><p>Cullen watches Bann Ian as the boyfriend sits down by Evie.  The older man does not look rattle by his daughter’s slander and complaints, but there is a well-hidden pain behind those twisting strange grey eyes every time he blinks.  Bann Ian sets down his tumbler and picks up a thick official folder on the liquor bar.  He does not get too close to Evie like he knows her magic could fry him if he presses, just enough for her to reach out and take the folder.</p><p>“Read.”  His voice is a deep bass that rattles empty glasses on the coffee table.  “Please.  Both of you.”</p><p>Evie snatches the file and flips open it.  The first page looks official, notarized and signed by Bann Ian and others.  “This is…transfer of corporation shares…?”  Evie’s eyes widen as she reads more.  “…<em>your</em> shares…to the baby?!”</p><p>Cassandra steps forward.  “While the old aristocrats ban unwed daughters from inheriting, they left a loophole for the bastard child.  Evidently, even now, many Ostwick nobleman have illegitimate males who they establish to inherit all wealth and title.  They bless the sons while disavow the daughters.  Because the Trevelyan Corporation follows these same roles, Bann Ian used that loophole in this document.  If he cannot pass his shares and lyrium stakes to you…he will transfer them to the baby instead.”</p><p>“Your baby is the wealthiest person in this room, Evelyn…”  Bann Ian remarks before sipping his wealth.  “If you read more, you find that you are the regent of those shares until they are eighteen years when they can do they may whatever they want with it.”</p><p>The nobleman puts down his empty tumbler.  “That depends <em>if</em> there is a company left.”  Evie and Cullen trade looks before studying the businessman.  “Since Esme’s death, I have been working for Thedas Union’s Interpol to stop illegal lyrium trading, specifically red lyrium.  I gave them insider access to the corporation to monitor and investigate the disreputable board members.  After all, I owned most shares and could govern the company as CEO however based on archaic by-laws, the same declarations that refuse your inheritance.  I just utilized the same prejudices and monopolies to crumble the corporation.  Now, your baby and you both may set off the gaatlok whenever.” </p><p>Bann Ian glances at his watch.  “About now, several board members will be arrested and charged with drug smuggling, embezzlement, bribery, attempted murdered—on you Dr. Rutherford for what they did to your clinic in Kirkwall—and other crimes.  This decades-long sting reaches into the Chantry, the Templar Order, Carta, and other nefarious organizations.  It will be on the front page tomorrow.  Your baby’s shares will not lose their value, unlike the others in the market as I shifted them over the years to non-affected markets.  They are immune to this corruption, as are you and Cullen because that was the trade for my cooperation.”</p><p>Evie stood up, the folder falling out of her hands.  “You’ve been planning this for a decade?!”</p><p>“Absolutely.”  Bann Ian gestures to Haven.  “I had the meeting with Interpol that same weekend Esme and you went on that rafting trip.  Now I realized I waited too long to do the right thing.  You had your stroke and fell into the water.  Esme jumped in to save you, but his temple grazed the red lyrium shard.  I thought that weekend I will ruin ages of Trevelyan wealth and power would be my greatest challenge…No, I was completely wrong.  You were in a coma and knocking on death’s door.  Esme collapse and made me swear to use his heart to save you.  He knew he will not survive the red lyrium exposure.”</p><p>Bann Ian steps towards his daughter, his eyes downcast.  “Esme did not fall into that water, but dove in to save you.  He voluntarily gave up his heart knowing that the red lyrium was corrupting his head.  The autopsy showed later it remained in his brain and never escaped the barrier, thus why your transplant could safely occur.  You did not kill your brother, Evelyn.  I willingly did because I followed his wishes.  I suggested to you both to take a nice trip, and he convinced me to pay for it.  I needed you both out of the area when I made the Interpol deal.  I did not want my ancestral filth to ruin my children…but my slow inactions did, anyway.”</p><p>Evie sobs as she covers her mouth.  “The family told me it was my fault…”</p><p>Bann Ian sighs, hanging his head.  “I had to make an impossible choice.  To let them say those things or expose my secret deal to stop lyrium corruption.  I am a monster…for everything I have done.”  His grey eyes plead to Evie.  “I was angry when you announced you were pregnant.  I knew the final arrest operations would begin soon.  I spent years making sure you were okay.  Legally, Rian is guarded because he took part in the investigation, acting as mole to get the House’s extended family to slip their misdeeds.  However, I needed to know those filthy cravens not harmed you, thus why I happily celebrated you were never part of our business.  You were essentially the corporation’s enemy by fighting lyrium use, an unlikely person who blames for my actions.</p><p>Bann Ian’s grey eyes flick to Cullen, scowling and licking his lips.  “<em>Then</em>, you announce your pregnancy that Satinalia and would not give up the father.  I feared someone in the corporation hired some sleazy templar to impregnate and blackmail you to make me stop the investigation.  I spent these months searching for that possibility because <em>everything </em>was on the line.  I would anything to protect you, Evelyn.”  His thunderstorm grey eyes study Cullen, questioning his intent and heart even now.</p><p>Then that judging grimace relaxes, but never leave Cullen.  “I misjudged your natural instincts, Evelyn.  You fell in love with a man who completed what I have wanted to do since I inherited this company.  You, Dr. Rutherford, have the gonads to do what I wanted to accomplish without the funds and ages of political and economic influence.  You persevered where so many failed.”  The nobleman waves to the spilled papers on the floor.  “There are documents in there for you too.  I transferred all my land and holdings to the Theirin Foundation and <em>you</em> specifically to use as larger facilities to aid more lyrium and other addicts.  You have funding for the next <em>fifty</em> years.”</p><p>Evie shakes her head, her auburn bangs sticking to her teary cheeks.  “Wait…what about the estate?  Your noble title?”</p><p>Bann Ian shrugs and frown.  “I will lose it.  I might even go to jail for my participation in such unsavory transactions.  I transfer my immunity onto you two and the baby, not caring what will happen to me.  Just as long as my children and grandchildren are pure.  I already have a legal team working to possibly reduce my imprisonment or whatever the prosecutors will throw my direction.  As for a place to live, my Gwen might have right to move to Haven.  I already search for a permanent home here, so she is safe and cared for before my fate.  I have a feeling in the next few days they will not welcome me back to Ostwick.”  He gestures to Rian, Gwen, and Evie.  “Everything I ever wanted is here.  My actions will not bring my son back.  It will not protect you for your endeavors in the next two months.  However, maybe it is enough to regain the respect I tarnished with a daughter I’ve cherished and loved since Gwen told me I would be a father.”</p><p>Evie cries into her hands and leans into Cullen’s chest.  He cannot tell the tears she sheds, but likely they are a mix of decades of pain, confusion, relief, and lonesomeness.  Cullen holds her.  He glances at Lady Gwen to notice she is weeping as much as Evie.  Cassandra turns away as Rian pats her shoulder.   A few unshed tears hang off the older brother’s eyes that are quickly dabbed away with a handkerchief.  Only Cullen and Bann Ian look like the only dry eyes in the penthouse.  Although, Bann Ian’s emotions reflect in those strange grey eyes, watching his pregnant daughter.</p><p>Offering Cullen’s handkerchief, Evie wipes away the tears once under some control again.  She minds her makeup mostly smeared now.  Her eyes barely open from the swollenness.  The mage focuses on her father.  “This does not excuse what you did, Father…”  Evie hiccups, gripping Cullen’s bicep.  “But it does…explain some things.”</p><p>“I knew matters would not be perfect after tonight.”  Bann Ian confesses, shoulders slumping.  “I should have protected you, Evelyn.  I should have never let my rage control me at Satinalia.  You needed support and love.  I gave you the Void.  I never wanted you to abort this child.  I just want nothing to happen to <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Evie straightens her back as much as possible.  “And nothing won’t.  I might fear what will happen in childbirth, but…”  She grasps Cullen’s hand and smiles up at him.  “Cullen believes everything will be okay.  <em>I</em> believe him.”</p><p>Bann Ian nods.  “I hope we all may talk more.  We…<em>I’ve </em>given Dr. Rutherford here a discolored look into our immediately family.”  Those grey eyes flick to Cullen’s face.  “I hope you all will stay for a time tonight…?”  For a second, that bass tone rattles with concern and fear.</p><p>Evie and Cullen trade looks.  They both might want to run, but healing needs to begin.  Cullen kisses Evie’s head before his baritone voice replies, “We would love to.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Cullen watches out the penthouse windows, waiting for Evie to finish in the bathroom.  The last few hours have been strange, but freeing for her.  While they hesitated on how much to share about their lives or the baby, everyone is in the loop now.  Bann Ian finally saw what his grandchild looks like via ultrasounds.  Lady Gwen gushed about Cullen’s cooking skills and amazing chess skills, peeking the bann’s attention.  Cassandra and Cullen share old military stories.  Rian and Cullen compare templar experiences and lyrium withdrawal.  While the family experience drastically differs from his country family, Cullen and Evie feel there is finally that belongingness they needed for this next chapter of their lives.</p><p>“Dr. Rutherford, a word?”  That deep bass proposes from behind.  Cullen barely turns his head as Bann Ian approaches from his left.  The man has his hands behind his back and eyes locked on the night city. </p><p>The ex-templar wondered when this would occur.  Throughout the last few hours, Cullen caught the bann analyzing him.  Meredith used to do that towards the end of her command, wondering what Cullen will do and what orders he will change or refuse.  In Bann Ian’s case, he studies Cullen to determine if his initial thoughts about a blackmailing templar still hold true or Cullen genuinely cares.</p><p>The Fereldan doctor greatly dislikes this man.  While Bann Ian had legal reasons for his actions, he executed them horribly, scarring his daughter for life.  However, on a basic genetic level, this baby will unite them forever.  Bann Ian’s blood courses through Cullen’s child, a new generation of Rutherfords and Trevelyan about to be born.  If Cullen’s future hopes play out, Bann Ian will an immediate relative by marriage too.</p><p>Or that is what Cullen prays for soon.</p><p>Play nice.</p><p>“What may I assist with, Bann Trevelyan?”  Cullen replies, his mind rationalizing if the bann uses his surname, he should do the same.</p><p>“I think we both know…”  The nobleman tones down his voice so the others do not hear.  “I wonder your intentions towards my daughter.”</p><p>Cullen side-eyes him, his face stolid.  He controls his scarred lip, wishes to twitch.  The man has the gull to still question Cullen’s meanings with Evie and the baby.  “Better than what you’ve done,” the doctor retorts, his baritone a guttural growl.</p><p>Isn’t he supposed to play nice…?</p><p>Bann Ian gives no hint if the slant bothered him.  He just looks like a garden statue that will whip out a knife and stab Cullen in the kidney.  “Perhaps, but I’ve known about you since the beginning.”  Cullen just blinks while his mind reviews <em>how</em>.  Bann Ian’s swirling orbs watch the city below.  “You see, a Trevelyan Corporation operator was on Evelyn and your flight…a fellow attendant at the Chantry conference seven months ago.  You two were not…<em>subtle, based</em> on the report.  My employees always listen and monitor my family, mindful of new threats…”</p><p>This man <em>spies</em> on his own bloody family too?!</p><p>Cullen cannot stop the lip tic this time.  “So why threaten Eve?”  Cullen hisses through his front teeth.  His hand fists in his suit pocket.  “Why send Rian on a wild goose chase for a man you already knew about?”  It takes every ounce of willpower not to rage and scream.</p><p>“Because I knew about the infamous Cullen Rutherford for <em>years</em>.”  Bann Ian sneers, wrinkling his nose.  “Meredith’s Fereldan mutt…A retired Order brute who became a doctor that wants to atone for his mage abuses.  I knew about the Trevelyan nephews threatening your operations.  I did not order the actions, by the way.  I wanted to watch you and how you responded to such ingrates.  Potentially use you if you never change in the corporation takedown.  Will the Fereldan dog lord rage like he did in the Gallows or will be civil and fight for his patients?  Alas, you acted honestly.  Surprising really…I watched you because I could not believe such a disgusting man could turn a new leaf.”</p><p>“Maybe you should try it, Sir.”  Cullen spat back, crossing his arms.  He cannot wait to get out of this damn suit and penthouse.  His man insults every Cullen cherishes now, but he is not wrong about his suspicious.  That is why Evie’s opinions about Cullen’s past make the ex-templar swell with love and appreciation. </p><p>The nobleman grunts, “I will when I finish what I started.”  He exhales.  “I must keep distance.  I do not want to taint my grandchild, my daughter,…and you.”</p><p>“By transferring your blood-soaked corporate shares on an unborn child, you already have.”</p><p>“True, but if they want to attack an infant, they will essentially wave a flag screaming how garbage bastards they are.” </p><p>“That doesn’t stop greedy businessman who will do anything to save their own skin.”</p><p>Bann Ian blinks and nods.  “We must rely on justice to be swift…”  Those twisting grey irises glance at Cullen.  “I will not hesitant to declare my own justice and be executed to protect you all.”</p><p>Maker, this man just threatened murder to protect the baby!</p><p>The older man studies Cullen, pursing his lips under his beard.  “I believe you all will be safe.  You all fight this war the Chantry created and have done so for a decade.  Evelyn extracted herself out of my businesses a long time ago, partially chased off by her cousins but also because I wanted her to have a pure life outside of that void.  There was no way to save myself, my father forcing me into the role when just a boy.  After Evelyn recovered from the heart transplant, she focused on saving others, not caring for her own health.”  Cullen swears he noticed the man briefly smile.  Shocking.  Tonight, I have never seen so healthy and beaming in her entire life.  She looks like when Esme lived.  She <em>lives </em>now, not simply <em>existing</em>.”</p><p>Bann Ian turns to Cullen, chin high.  “I ask you your intentions because I cannot protect her anymore…and when I could, I did so poorly.  She needs someone beside her, Cullen.”</p><p>Cullen pivots to meet the bann face-to-face.  “That’s where you’re wrong, Sir.  Evie has and will take care of herself.  She’s done very well since you left her alone.  My presence beside her has been as a friend and later someone who fell in love her.  I’ve known since that plane trip that Evie stays alone because she learned early she was alone.  If something happened to me, I know she could raise that child perfectly fine.  However, neither one of us needs to stand alone anymore.  We <em>chose </em>to stand together because we <em>want</em> to be together.  The baby is just a bonus, a miracle of something we did not see in ourselves that Val Royeaux night.”</p><p>The doctor steps forward, enough to encroach in the bann’s personal space.  “If you expect me to ask you, her pitiful father, for her hand in marriage, you are an absolute moronic ingrate.  Eve is her own person, what I love most about her.  The only person I want approval from is her, and I will wait forever for that acceptance.  You are her father, but you were never a dad she needed.  I will always think of you as a cautionary tale of who I <em>do not</em> want to be for our child.”</p><p>Bann Ian looks ashamed for a moment before his impassiveness returns.  “I have nothing to worry about then.  Do not make my mistakes, Ex-Templar, but I pray you never have to make the same choices.  Yes, I have been a terrible father:  one deceitful child in prison for attempted murder, a dead son killed by a substance my family promoted for ages, and a mage daughter who died as soon as she took her first breath.  Thankfully, my older brother instilled goodness in Rian before he passed away.” </p><p>The father takes another step towards Cullen, but almost touching chest-to-chest.  “But know this:  I pray you never feel that second of loss hearing two flat lines in the operating room.  It is a sound I will never forget.  I pray all concerns are not by a bird flutter on a distant tree.  Healthy births happen all the time, but no one talks about the successes.  We dwell on the loss and complications because those instances are the best stories to share, stupidly.  I ask you whatever you plan for your family, do not think you have all your bases covered.  Even as a millionaire and nobleman, death takes from us all.  <em>Danse macabre </em>rings true.”</p><p>Bann Ian slaps a hand on Cullen’s shoulder. Yet somehow, the ex-templar does not jerk away or punch the man.  “If this one of those healthy safe births, scream it from the mountain top, Sir Knight.  Show my angelic daughter she need not fear.  <em>That</em> is how I failed her the most.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, what do you think of Bann Ian's explanation and way of asking for forgiveness?  What do you think of Bann Ian and Cullen's conversation later?  Do you agree with Cullen's responses?  </p><p>For this story, I knew I wanted a family conflict because unplanned, unmarried pregnancy usually impacts families negatively.  Bann Ian just seem like the likely choice to be an arse.  He is not really a terrible man.  If you want understand him more, I highly suggest you read my fan fiction <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215502/chapters/45685168">Burnt Twin Flames</a>.  Definitely a different family dynamic and interesting "discussions" between Cullen and Bann Ian.  O_O!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. *Names*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NOT SAFE FOR WORK!  NSFW!</p>
<p>Howdy, Everyone!  Sorry for only one chapter last week, and unfortunately only one this week.  My writing has just dropped out.  Everything I put down and edit just doesn't live up to my standards.  I've written all the different ideas I proposed in my survey over the last few days.  They're all poop.  Some of you are interested in my test chapters, curious about these types of stories.  I hesitant sharing because some are just <i>bad!</i>  Back to the drawing board!  Work with me, brain!  I wanna write!</p>
<p>With that said, sorry for the crummy editing.  Just can't get my creativity to work.  Some smut and silliness for you.  Enjoy.</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran</p>
<p>NSFW!  NOT SAFE FOR WORK!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“My Lion, <em>help!”  </em>Evie cries once the elevator reaches the main floor.  She pants, her head hanging between her arms as she pushes the cart out of the lift.  “This is bloody heavy!”</p>
<p>Cullen jogs out of the large spare room.  Blue, green, and grey paint sparkle his face and old clothes.  He tosses the paint brush back inside and races to help her.  “Maker’s breath, that’s a boatload of baby stuff.”</p>
<p>“Blame your siblings.”  Evie chuckles and leans against the hallway as Cullen pushes the cart into the living room.  “And Dorian.  I’ve never seen so many gifts in my life!  There’s more in the jeep, but could only get this loaded before losing my breath.”</p>
<p>“You should have texted.  I would’ve helped you with this haul.”  Cullen waves to the unwrapped gifts and bags on the loading cart he bought Evie last month.  After she nearly passed out from an asthma attack unloading groceries, he immediately bought her a cart to help with the long distance.  Evie wishes she thought of it sooner.</p>
<p>She pokes his exposed bicep, heat building between her legs, seeing her boyfriend covered in sweat and paint.  “<em>Because</em>, someone was sneaky and didn’t tell me about a surprise baby shower…I know you knew because everyone referenced the registry we <em>just</em> finished on Monday.”</p>
<p>Evie knows she has him as he rubs his neck and chuckles sheepishly.  No wonder Cullen was so insistent they finish the baby lists.  He knew his sisters were planning a surprise baby shower trip to Haven with her mother, Gwen.  Ever the most supportive friend, Dorian threw a terrific party.  The Chargers decorated and catered the entire event, including performing and held a game show.  Maker, Krem needs to bake more often.</p>
<p>“How was I to know…?”  Cullen tries to act innocent, just receiving a swat from his girlfriend.  “Oh, come on.  You refused a celebration.  Mia and Rosie begged me to find out what they could do, while Dorian and Gwen were already scheming.  Put those two groups together, and I knew you would have a fantastic time.”</p>
<p>Evie kisses him quickly, avoiding the paint stuck to his lower lip and chin.  “You’re right.  I had a blast.  Although, people kept asking me about your <em>size.</em>”</p>
<p>Cullen rears backs and eyes her.  “Maker’s breath!  Why?”</p>
<p>“I’m joking…ish.  That’s punishment for holding out on me.”</p>
<p>The doctor smacks her butt.  “Go and rest.  I’ll go unload the rest of this stuff.  If the damn paint colors had been right, we would have places to put it all.”</p>
<p>“You start the tracing yet?”  Evie calls, waddling towards their now shared master bedroom.</p>
<p>“No, I barely can draw stick figures.  You’re the one who agreed with Astrid Theirin to have a wall mural.  The projector is ready for you.  Since the paint odor should not be an issue now, you can look.”  Cullen hollers, patting his hip for Surana to follow.  The hound likely needs a bathroom break after their long day repainting the nursery.</p>
<p>“Do you one better?  I’ll change and help you out.  I’m too excited and wound up from the party.  You should have come.”  Evie calls back as Cullen slowly descends the lift shaft.</p>
<p>“No, thank you!”  Cullen hollers back and waves before his head disappears below the floor.  “I like my man card!”</p>
<p>Evie flashes her magic towards the elevator, knowing Cullen’s templar abilities sensed it.  “Iron Bull had the most fun!  He even wore all pink in solidary that this kid is a girl!  Grim dressed like a teddy bear.  He left with a woman on each arm.”</p>
<p>“All power to them!”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Evie sat on her yoga ball, rolling down the far wall every time she finished an outline.  Astrid Theirin heard about Cullen and Evie’s Dragon Age theme and drew a full castle scene to bring the vision to life.  Every creature and medieval person projects against the wall to first trace, then paint.  The process is slow, but Cullen and she are invested.  Bringing their ‘prince or princess’ into such a decorative room drives them to finish it.  They have plenty of time, but Evie worries not as much as they might need.</p>
<p>Cullen lives in the nursery on days off.  He stores the furniture in his own room since he sleeps in Evie’s bedroom every night.  They slept apart once since that first romantic reunion because Cullen worried about waking Evie during early morning shifts, but neither really got any rest.  They both meandered out of the bedroom, tired and restless, hugged, and vowed never to do that again.</p>
<p>The ex-templar spends most days working in the nursery, a place to unwind after a difficult clinic or troublesome patient.  Evie knows when he grabs a beer, his old paint-stained clothes, and a brush, he needs some time to think and process.  She waits for him to holler for her color opinions to finally talk about whatever is on his mind.  Living with this man is easy once she learned his little ticks and broodiness.</p>
<p>Right now, Cullen grumbles across the nursery over coloring the ramparts and a particular center tower.  The character in the scene gives him issue with its red and yellow coat and longsword.  Every few minutes, Cullen bellyaches under his breath about the armor not looking right or he would not hold his lion shield that way.  What he does not know is that Evie requested such a man to represent Cullen in the mural and purposely made him paint the figure.  She keeps sending sneaked Astrid photos of Cullen cussing about the castle’s commander.</p>
<p>“He’s missing something…”  Cullen grunts after a string of Fereldan-inspired cuss words, mainly things foul about Orlesians.</p>
<p>Evie snickers to herself before twirling on her yoga ball.  She flips her paint brush into the water pail, thankful they use non-toxic paint.  “Oh?”  He leans away for her to see.  “I think he’s supposed to have a mantle.”</p>
<p>Cullen glances over his shoulder, his whiskey eyes glaring at her.  “I saw that in Astrid’s drawing.  What military general would wear boa fur like that?”</p>
<p>“A chilly mighty Fereldan?”</p>
<p>The ex-templar’s scarred lip twitches, which just makes Evie giggle.  “All right.  I know when you played a trick, Eve.  Who is this guy supposed to be?”</p>
<p>Evie rolls back to her own project, humming to the violin singing in her soul.  “How am I to know?  I didn’t draw the damn thing.”  She can barely contain her snorts.</p>
<p>“Yeah…I don’t believe that.”  Cullen groans, pushing himself off the plastic-covered carpet.  He points to the wall with the two windows.  “I see you avoided the glowing green fire mage who waited a week to get painted.”</p>
<p>Evie grimaces to her current wall.  “Yes, the Inquisitor was a mage, but definitely wasn’t an inferno mage.”  She glances up at him as he leans over her.  “I wonder who gave Astrid that idea, hm?”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles, the piano rippling with his baritone inside her soul.  “While the Chantry might have written the inquisitor out of history, I firmly believe she was a fire mage.  Andraste’s herald as flames personified seems fitting.  Besides, a strong female character for our daughter will be a positive influence.  Cassandra would agree.”</p>
<p>“Thus why Cassandra’s the shield maiden standing by the glowing green woman’s right, right?”  Evie points to the outline, already knowing the answer.</p>
<p>“I thought you would agree.  Badarse women back-to-back fighting to save the world.”</p>
<p>The mage rolls her bright green eyes.  “You are so sure it’s a girl, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>A blond brow perks watching the sitting Evie.  “Is that the official bet from the bridal shower?”</p>
<p>Evie laughs.  “According to Varric’s betting book, most people think it will be a curly-haired boy.”</p>
<p>Cullen rests his hands on the dry wall above Evie’s head to lean over and kiss her lips.  “How much money has the scheming dwarf earned for red lyrium removals?  We both know he’s still fleecing investors with the baby pool.”</p>
<p>“The money’s for your clinics instead….to avoid you punching him into a pulp.”  Evie relents between giggles.  “I’m an open book, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses her once.  “As much as you denying the commander isn’t me.  Why aren’t I standing by you?”</p>
<p>Evie points to the two walls.  “If we set the crib there, our child will see our characters in either direction.  If <em>he </em>is facing this way, <em>he’ll</em> see you.  If the other, <em>he’ll</em> notice that unrealistic green inquisitor fire mage.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s foot rolls her yoga ball back until her back hits his thighs.  “Oh, so when <em>she</em> wakes, <em>her </em>mommy and daddy will greet <em>her</em>.”</p>
<p>Evie waves a used brush against his nose.  “Exactly.”  She leaves a streak of red paint across his face.</p>
<p>Cullen wiggles his nose, looking unamused.  “You just didn’t…”</p>
<p>“Damn straight I did.”  Evie sings proudly, crossing her arms over her growing breasts.</p>
<p>The ex-templar drops one hand behind his hip.  “Make sure you can finish what you started, my Lady.”  Suddenly, a wet green paintbrush grazes her cheek.</p>
<p>Evie gasps as Cullen backs away.  “You fiend!”</p>
<p>“You started it!”  Cullen laughs as she bounces off her ball.</p>
<p>“And I’m going to fucking finish it!”  Evie reaches for a paintbrush in a cup of paint.  She swipes with the non-toxic paint across Cullen’s dirty t-shirt like she is fencing.  Cullen jumps back, knowing not to race out into the hall with wet paint.  “Face me, Templar!”</p>
<p>Cullen brush fights against her flipping weapon, spraying green paint everywhere.  They laugh and dodged attacks much like their snowball fight.  “Only if you agree it will be a girl.”</p>
<p>“Heck no!”  Evie does not move as gracefully as she did two months ago.  She hollers when she feels wet paint smack her neck.  “Cold!”</p>
<p>“You want to name our child with the middle name Stanton!?”</p>
<p>“What name do you want, Cullen?”  Evie yelps, running away from his paint strike.  He imprints his hand on her leggings so a huge, white palm colors her butt.</p>
<p>“Why do our name discussions have to be fights!?”  He cries as she smacks him across the cheek with a thicker paint brush.  “I am just saying it’s a girl.”</p>
<p>“Because you haven’t told me your preferences!”  Evie giggles as Cullen curls his arms around her lower back and knees.  She laughs as he lays her down on the floor.</p>
<p>Cullen crawls over her, his stubble face just millimeters from her face.  “Just as long as she looks like you…Bright green eyes and freckles.”</p>
<p>Evie smacks his other cheek with her other paintbrush she grabs from a secret stash.  “Your curly blonde hair.  I want her cussing every morning about your genetics.  Humid day and those curls puff like a full moon.”</p>
<p>“Diana, then.”  Cullen declares, grinning ear-to-ear.  “A light in the darkness.”</p>
<p>The mage just stares into his whiskey eyes, flopping her hands down against the plastic.  “Bright, full, and her own woman…”  Evie laments before kissing Cullen’s still clean lips.  “Gwendolyn as a middle name.”</p>
<p>Cullen leans back, his arms on either side of her body.  “Oh?”</p>
<p>“For both grandmothers:  Gwen for mine, and –dolyn for your mother Donna.”</p>
<p>A bright smile stretches across Cullen’s face.  “I like that.  Definitely better than <em>Stanton</em>.”</p>
<p>Evie pokes his nose.  “And a boy?”</p>
<p>“William?”  He suggests.</p>
<p>“But no nicknames like Bill or Billy.  I had an ex named Billy.”</p>
<p>“Maker, I agree.  I love the name William, but hated every Billy I met!”  Cullen confesses as they both giggle.</p>
<p>“Agree.  William Stanton or Diana Gwendolyn.  ‘Helmet or Protection’ and ‘Huntress or Moonlight’.  I love it.”  Evie beams before Cullen’s lips fall over hers.  She moans, her body instantly ignited.</p>
<p>Cullen senses the shift like he too can hear the inner music.  Leaning over his girlfriend and yanking down her leggings and underwear.  Evie blasts some heat with her magic to dry any paint beneath them.  Definitely don’t want wet paint on the nether regions.  Her fingers reach for his belt loop and unbuttons his jeans.  They are like-minded now.</p>
<p>Her pants, smalls, and socks fly off first.   Cullen crawls away from her grasp to lick up her wet groin.  Evie gasps at the sensations, so ready for his member to fuck her senseless.  “Maker, I love you, Eve.”  He declares against her folds.</p>
<p>“I love you, Cullen.”  She waves to his out-of-reach pants.  “Off now.  I need you inside me!”  Evie begs, her back arching off the painting plastic.</p>
<p>“I want to taste you-“</p>
<p>“<em>Later!  </em>  Please…!  I’ll even suck you off then too, but I need you loving me!”</p>
<p>Cullen scrambles for his jeans buttons as Evie flips off her pregnancy shirt and unclasp her bra.  Her mind reviews having sex on a paint-covered floor is not wise, but her desire is too much.  Her lover keeps licking her entrance as he throws off his own clothing.  Nothing is happening as quickly as they wish.  They need connected and loved, always.</p>
<p>Cullen rolls his Lady onto his lap, but Evie’s belly has grown since the last time she rode him on the couch two weeks ago.  As soon as he attempts hitches in her, the bump knocks him over onto his own back as she sits on him.  Both adults bust over laughing at the show.</p>
<p>“Sorry…<em>he’s</em> gotten bigger.”  Evie supports, rubbing her belly.  “Like his father.”</p>
<p>“<em>She’s </em>just reflecting her mother’s growing beauty every day.”  Cullen counters as his shaft searches for her heat.  “Overpowering and strong.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls them both until her legs are in the air and she lies on her back again.  “<em>He</em> wants control evidently.”</p>
<p>Cullen tries to lean over Evie, but her legs fling over his shoulders.  “Always stubborn like her mother.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls forward to sit on his chest.  “Or like his father.”</p>
<p>Both adults wrestle for a sexual position, but her belly makes the process difficult.  Nothing is easy now.  Sitting on Cullen causes him to lose lung function, while Evie laying down does not let him near her face or exposed breasts.</p>
<p>Finally, the doctor lays down behind Evie, both covered in paint as he thrusts into her.  Both mindful to not color their bottoms and groins.  They both groan, thankful they are finally connected.  “Spooning it is…”   Cullen moans, slipping deeper into Evie.</p>
<p>“Spooning is bad…”  She groans, feeling his shaft impale her deeper.</p>
<p>“I thought that was swooping…”</p>
<p>“Whatever…fucking move, my Lion.”  Cullen compiles, hitching his hips deep inside her from behind.  Evie yelps, feeling his head graze her cervix.  “Maker, I love you.”</p>
<p>“That’s my line, my Lady.”  The man grunts into her ear.  He thrust deeper and harder inside her.  “It’s only yours, Eve.”</p>
<p>“Always…”  Evie sighs as Cullen bucks at a rhythmic pace.  It is with their musical beats.  Can he hear this symphony within?  The duet?  What sings through their child?</p>
<p>The mage reaches behind her as his body pulses in and out at an unrelenting pace.  She screams, her orgasm so easy being so pregnant with his child.  Cullen follows her into the euphoria, roaring and biting her shoulder.  Every time they make love, it is more intimate than the last.</p>
<p>What was life like before Cullen?  Evie does not want to know.  She will only exist in his arms and love, forever connected.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Diana Gwendolyn or William Stanton Rutherford for baby names.  What do you all think?  Have a better suggestion?  Let me know in the comments!  Note:  nothing against people named Bill or Billy, but every one have met weren't the greatest people.  I'm biased.  :/</p>
<p>According to many previously pregnant couples I know, sex gets complicated at a specific point.  Specific positions just don't work anymore.  So, I felt I had to write a silly smut chapter about it.</p>
<p>if my brain works, I hope to have a side piece with snippets from the baby shower because it sounds like it was a fantastic party.  *waves fist at crappy brain not working with writer*</p>
<p>As always, thank you for reading!  You all keep me going every week!  I heart you all!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Fatherhood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HELLO!  I'M BACK!  Although the real world's craziness hasn't settled, I'm at least feeling better physically.  I had to have emergency surgery after five days in the hospital, but I am on the mend.  My incisions are so so tiny and healed well.  XD!  I haven't felt this great all year.  I just wish it hadn't taken so long to figure out the problem.  As for the death in the family, Covid-19 is not allowing us to celebrate the life lost as we wish, but we are trying to support one another one day at a time.</p><p>Thank you all for your well wishes.  It was so wonderful to hear from you all while in the hospital.  It kept my spirits high and smiling.  :)  Furthermore, this story reached 5000 hits during this time.  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!  AHHHH!!!  THE HAPPY!</p><p>This chapter was actually written when I got home after surgery.  I had reread "Passing Ships" while in the hospital bored on pain medications, both the published and upcoming chapters.  I felt like I had a loose end.  The beginning idea for this chapter was not what it ended up being, and I actually like it for how it is than what I planned.  Cullen feels!  Enjoy!</p><p>Chapter Song:  "My Father's Eyes" by Eric Clapton</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie feels the mattress shift to the side, waking her instantly.  Her cousins and sisters enjoyed pranking her with smashed eggs in her hair and other disgusting jokes as a child.  So any movement or sound alerts her…if she does not have fire runes set around her.  She does not move or open her eyes, just listens.  She realizes first she is not twelve in that old prestigious middle school where her relations would torture her, but in her own safe home, happily pregnant and loved by a wonderful man. </p><p>Once that is resolved, the fire mage’s sleepy mind already concludes what actually happened.  She focuses closely for the familiar murmurs and heavy breathing.  Evie overreaches her aura, sensing Cullen’s piano tapping frantically and quiet notes barely tapping the strings.  Her love sits on his side of the bed, his breath hard and frantic before slowing, likely as Cullen counts and readjusts.  After a few minutes, the broad Fereldan stands, slipping on his sleep shorts, the only thing he wears to bed if Evie and he do not tear each other clothes off to make love.   Heavy steps patters towards the bedroom door, his bare feet slapping the hardwood until he is down the hall and in the main open living room.</p><p>Cullen had another night terror.</p><p>The fire mage barely opens her bright green eyes, calming her breath while willing her donated heart not to rush and comfort him.  She has learned over the last month what to do and not when this happens.  Since they became roommates, Cullen sat her down and explained his night terrors, what he might do, and ways she can assist him.  Her heart aches knowing he suffers from the traumas, but the best thing she can do at this moment is wait and be calm.  It takes Cullen up to an hour to center himself and return to the present after the worst attacks.  He needs time alone to work through the Fade’s terrible scenes and dissect the visions.  He wants to learn from them, process, and destroy their hold on his mind and soul. </p><p>Cullen promised her during that talk that he will let Evie know when she may aid him.  He will not push her away as he did so many others, but some things are beyond her control.  Cullen fears hurting his Lady and their unborn child.  So, he walks away until he knows he is safe and with those who love him, his cherished girlfriend and little baby still awaiting to meet the world. </p><p>Evie never challenges Cullen’s instructions, despite waking when he moans and thrashing in bed.  She recalls the screams pour from his lips, chanting of his full name, templar platoon, and identification number just as templars are instructed if captured.  Her mind envisions his scars, horrifically imagining him screaming such information as Venatori extremists maim his body and mind.</p><p>The night terrors’ actual frequency are fewer than the suffering man suggested.  Evie pointed that out to him last week.  He credits her presence and love of that, a partner, lover, and friend he never had.  They work together as Evie explains what she witnesses during such nights.  They work as a team, one who experiences and the other who observes.  They discuss common occurrences and ways to reduce their frequency despite both knowing that PTSD cannot be fully cured, only managed. </p><p>That fact hits Evie the most.  All she can do is watch, report, and assist.  It kills her insides.  Since Cullen moved in to first her loft then her bedroom, the couple shift the different spaces, add or subtract items, and other options to help Cullen recognize his environment without panicking.  Cullen gives her more information when she tells him what she witnesses, the wounds deep but healing now that he has someone so close who actually cares about what happened and does not judge.</p><p>It still does not stop Evie from wanting to jump out of bed and hold that loving man who has blessed her world.</p><p>When the geologist hears water pouring into a steel kettle, Evie knows this was a particularly bad dream.  Cullen lives in routine, a solid base that reminds him he is safe and in control.  She knows exactly how he stands by the stove waiting for his lavender tea water to boil and catch it before it whistles.  His face is stoic despite the film of sweat and tackiness left from his troubled slumber.  His palms lay flat on the countertop as he counts his breaths and centers himself.</p><p>Evie drifts in twilight, her body wishing to rest, while her heart and soul reach out to her baby’s father.  She wants to help and waits for the moment, but her very pregnant body and thumping heart say otherwise.  To keep conscious and out of the Fade, Evie imagines her strong Fereldan knight drinking his relaxing tea staring out over Lake Avvar.  His amber eyes twitch everywhere, waiting for the demons and blood mages.  However, he repeatedly glances at the reminders around their home:  the almost done mural in the nursery.  A few photos of Cullen and Evie they took at his family’s farm or on adventures in Haven.  Lady Gwen’s beautiful ultrasound collage of the baby at different stages of growth, with more empty frames for each new ultrasound until birth.  The goal is to look at the present and the future, make plans, and embrace the life Cullen lives now, not what he barely survived.</p><p>Alas, twilight and light sleep wins after a while.  Fantasizing about what Cullen does during his trigger routine welcomes hope that the worst is behind her Lion.  Suddenly, she jolts out of the dream state when she hears a clang of wood against the hardwood in the Cullen’s old room and few Fereldan-accented cuss words. The mage listens and reaches out.  The musical connection tells her Cullen is not in the nursery working, but his old room, likely cleaning up a mess from dumping the baby shower gifts in there.</p><p>A few minutes later, those bare feet flap against the hardwood as he walks back into the bedroom.  He apologizes to Surana, likely stepping on her paw on accident.  He sets something against his end stand and sits down on the bed.  Evie almost makes her wakefulness known, but stops at the last second when Cullen lays down and inches down the bed.  She feels his long controlled breaths against her face, chest, and finally her stomach?  If he is this relaxed, it means he already has done his mediation, reflection, journal writing, and walking outside.  No wonder Surana was already laying back down and not begging to go out to relieve herself.</p><p>Cullen just stays close to her belly for a few minutes.  Evie stays still as possible, pretending to sleep while her mind wonders his plans.  Sex is <em>definitely </em>not on his mind right now as he has told her during their last PTSD think tank.  Evie learned then there was a lilac desire demon that the Venatori summoned to torture him that played in his mind.  She <em>did </em>things to him that still make him quiver and go silent.  After such night terrors, sex will only enhance those distressing emotions.  He told her those confessions in hopes she would respect his wishes. </p><p>Some people enjoy sex when troubled or ill, but Cullen was not one of those people.  Evie vowed to never do that to him, only if he wished and informed clearly.  Although, it seems unlikely just out of Evie’s fear of him relating her to that demonic creature who sexually abused him on top of the physical and mental torture.  In normal circumstances, they always check if sex is what they want.  Despite their deep love, intimacy has many faces.  Cuddling and a few kisses might be all Evie may handle some nights when pregnancy makes her body feel like it rolled through a minefield.</p><p>“I’m scared, Light…”  Cullen’s baritone rumbles against Evie’s seven-month pregnant belly.  “I’m scared I will be the worst father to you…”</p><p>Pieces fall into place.  Cullen scrunched down the bed to talk to the baby.  She has awoken to him talking to the baby before, but usually on the couch, and she fell asleep during a movie.  The Fereldan believes she is asleep and does not want to wake her for comfort or to talk.  She can let her status be known now, but she stays still.  Evie can tell there is something in Cullen’s words he needs to say, but it is not for her ears, but the baby’s.</p><p>Like a light switch, Evie feels movement inside her womb.  The baby knows his daddy’s voice like hers now.  He always awakens when Cullen is nearby, excited by his husky baritone rumbling through Evie’s skin and through her womb.  Evie bites her lip and just listens and feels this conversation.</p><p>“I had a great father.”  Cullen confesses as his hand sets on Evie’s belly.  “His name was Roland Stanton Rutherford.  I thought he was a superhero with how he always carried around hay bales on each shoulder with a kid under his arms.  I believed he knew everything like he could be an astronaut or firefighter but settled for farming instead.  I absorbed his lessons because everything was a learning experience.  He wanted all his children to know everything he learned to avoid his mistakes.  I absorbed the words like a sponge.  I’m glad I did.  Those words saved me when I was at my lowest…”</p><p>The ex-templar sighs, his forehead resting against Evie’s belly button.  “I killed him, Light…It wasn’t my direct fault or direct action per se, but too much lost happened at once and his body could not keep up.  Suddenly, when I learned he died after my imprisonment, he wasn’t a superhero but fragile and infirm.  I question every time he comes to mind—which is often lately—if I had just called as soon as the Grey Wardens found me it could have eased the stress so he would have seeked help instead of just sitting there worrying and neglecting himself.  I know as a doctor, sudden cardiac arrest is what the name suggests.  It’s violent and just takes people in a blink of an eye.  I did not see that moment with my dad, but I keep envisioning it happening to your mother in nightmares…not being there when she needs me most.”</p><p>A single tear slips down Evie’s left eye, squeezing shut to not interrupt this confession.</p><p>The baby wiggles closer to the fire mage’s belly button, pushing through her skin to reach his father.  Evidently, Evie is not the only one who wants to comfort this amazing man.  Cullen jolts back when he gets kicked in the face.  He giggles and calls it a good striker kick.</p><p>“Your dad has many problems, Light.”  Cullen admits with a heavy exhale.  “Ones that won’t go away.  I know my dad did too.  His own father was not a kind man who loved to drink and beat his family.  I never met my grandfather, who died alone in a shed with his booze.  My father never let that cycle continue.  Violence begets violence.  Then look at me:  I joined the Templar Order and abused the very people your mother is…what you could be.”</p><p>Cullen shifts his shoulder to lay better on the mattress.  “My mother fainted when I announced my plans.  I remember the hard stare in my dad’s eyes.  The brown irises were full of…I don’t know…disappointment?  Anger?  But his pupils…usually the part of them that would tell us kids we were in <em>big </em>trouble mirrored pain, worry, and compassion…like he knew what could happen.  Like my grandfather’s abuse was genetic, and I invited that evil by pursuing what I thought was a noble, holy cause…a way to protect people, not harm.  Did Dad know that back then?  Maybe he said something about his dad being in the military, and I missed it.  I don’t know.”</p><p>Evie’s Lion combs his hand through his salty curls, tugging a few times, likely searching for a different pain than the one in his heart.  “All I know now is that I want to break it again within myself, but I’m scared.  I will never know how my father kept his own abusive experiences from filtering through to his children.  I would love to ask him and a million other questions right now.  I wished I listened to his conversations about his younger years instead of running off to read a book by my lake in isolation. </p><p>“However, I think he knew why I was like that.  He would ask me if I finished my chores.  When I would say yes, he would nod towards my lake, knowing it was time for me to find my own peace and quiet.  His was always among the livestock.  He would mutter to himself about things.  If he was angry, you would always find him in the barn with the animals.  <em>That</em> was his lake.  He understood I needed time to process…like he knew what would happen to me later.  What I would deny for over a decade…”</p><p>Evie’s hand grips the pillow sheet edge to contain her sniffles.  The baby moves again, swimming around.  This time, a forming hand outreaches and boops Cullen’s cheek.</p><p>“Maker, I love you with all my being.  You and your mom are everything I am and deserve so much more.  How can I protect you though when I can barely sleep a night without those scenes?  I do not have a barn or lake to center myself.  How will you interpret my sudden leaving if you make a sudden noise and jolt me into a trauma?  Maker, I don’t want to think of the outcome…”</p><p>Cullen’s breaths are long and heavy.  He struggles to keep control.  “But Maker’s breath, I will do anything and everything for you.  Boy or girl, who you love, whatever…you are my life, my remaining purity and innocence in a little form.  I’m tainted man who has committed the worst offenses.  I should rot in a prison for my crimes, but the Maker allows me to lay in this bed speaking to you while your mother sleep beside me.  How am I so lucky…so gifted with such beautiful people in my life now, after all my crimes?”</p><p>The confessing man kisses Evie’s belly button.  The baby presses towards his kiss, excited and hoping.  “I won’t be the superhero my father was, but maybe if I do this right, you’ll maybe think I am?  I’m no Inquisitor or Commander, Light, but Eve and I will be just for you.  I will be honest with you, firm but understanding.  I don’t take shenanigans well.  Just ask you Uncle Dorian.”  Somehow, Evie does not spurt a laugh.  “I’ll teach you everything I know.  How to protect yourself if jumped in an alley and which chess strategy applies to your challenger.  I’ve never fished well, but I know where to swim in my pond where the weeds won’t tickle your feet.  I will never let one of your Trevelyan family members say a single cruel word to you or your mom.</p><p>“You’ll never disappoint me.  You can play your violin and trumpet like a cat getting dragged by tracker trailer at your first concert, but I will be in the front row taking too many photos that it will blind the conductor.  When you fall, I will clean the scarps and turn your tears into smiles while teaching you first aid.  I want you to explore your world…and your potential magic…with freedom and glee.  I will be beside you until you tell me you can walk and live on your own…and open my front door when your college flat’s rent gets too expensive.”</p><p>Cullen holds Evie’s belly.  “Most of all, I will be the best person for your sake.  You are my Light, hope in the darkness and storm.  If all my troubles led me to this moment to be your father, Maker I will live that life a million times.  If those experiences were to avoid the world harming you, I will walk through the Deep Road’s darkspawn and lava flows so you can be free of pain and heartache….even if I know some will happen to you no matter what because this world is terrible and unforgiving.  When those moments happen, come to your dad and I will use your mother’s dance lessons to comfort and bring joy to your crumbling world.”</p><p>The ex-templar wipes his face, rubbing his red eyes like he fights back his emotions.  “I will stumble and <em>definitely </em>get fatherhood wrong.  I know that.  There isn’t a guidebook.  I would know.  I’ve read those stupid self-help books that would label my own father a terrible parent.  What do they know?  I hope you will forgive me when I am too brash, prejudice, or stubborn.  Maybe you already know that about me.  Maker, you probably know word for word what I accused your mother of that gala night.  You heard me be that raging monster Meredith molded in her image.  Could that happen again?  In front of you when you are so young, but just old enough to absorb it personally?  Maker’s breath…No, I won’t allow that to happen again.” </p><p>Cullen pants.   “However, we are living beings, fallible through and through.  I will never be like your Grandfather Ian, but I hope you will be like your mother and forgive me if I ever mess up as terribly.  I won’t do anything like that to you, but the future is unclear…and I’m scared.  I’ll be frighten for each day, waking and wondering if I am doing everything right.  I live and breathe for you and your mother.  My life is yours in a heartbeat.  Even shorter than a heartbeat.  A nanosecond?  I won’t be a superhero or even a worrying man who died never knowing his son still lived.  I can only be me, Light.  I hope that is enough to be your dad…”</p><p>“I love you.”  The typically strong and stolid man says with a rough throat and tears in his voice.  “I don’t even need to meet you to know that.  The moment Eve told me we were pregnant, I fell in love with you.  Maker, the moment you come into this world, I think my heart will grow so big it busts out of my chest.  I nearly do for your mother.  I want you to know this.  I will tell you all this again when you not just floating in there and jolted awake by your sleepless father talking to your mother’s stomach.  I will tell you every moment I love you.  I <em>never </em>want to you think otherwise.  You are everything I wish to be and strive to achieve.  A single life created out of the deepest love, all the best of me.” </p><p>Another gentle kiss caresses Evie’s taunt skin.  Their unborn child kicks and grabs at the sensations, knowing it is a promise.  This one-sided conversation might have began as a confession, but ended with a lifetime promise of love and support between father and child.</p><p>Evie cannot stay still any longer.  Her hand slips down from the pillow and combs through Cullen’s tossed curls.  Instantly, his head whips up, those amber orbs meeting her shimmering peridot orbs.  His mouth gaps, worry etched across his flush face.  Slowly he relaxes, reading Evie’s big smile and admiration studying him.  “Our baby knows you are already enough.  They cannot wait to meet you, my Lion…”</p><p>A tear crawls down Cullen’s cheek as he takes a settling inhale.  “I’m frightened, Eve…”</p><p>Evie cups his cheek, wiping away the tear.  “Which just tells us you will be an amazing dad.  I imagine only horrible fathers ever enter parenthood confident.  It is natural to worry and be anxious.  I’ve seen you baby proof this place three times.”  Cullen chuckles and rests his head on her belly.</p><p>Slowly, Cullen nudges himself up the mattress until face-to-face with Evie.  His callused hands comb through her auburn bed hair, one of his tics and mediations after a night terror.  Evie just leans into his light touches, the skin contact enough to ignite her love and appreciation for this fantastic man.</p><p>“I have such huge shoes to fill, Eve.”  The doctor begins, shutting his eyes.  “My dad was such an honest and good-hearted man.  Honnleath knew him, always waving and calling out when he would walk by or drive down the main street.  He would work long shifts on the farm to only eat quickly and go to another farm to help build a chicken coop or barn.”</p><p>“That day I told my family I wanted to join the templars, I feel like I punched that man’s gut a thousand times.  He voiced his opinions after a day or so, but I was stubborn and gung-ho.  I bought the Chantry’s propaganda and recruitment tactics.  I declared at eight my goal to be a knight.  Then I begged my parents at thirteen to go to those special Order schools.  They said no, thankfully.  However, they could not stop me when I was eighteen.”</p><p>Cullen rubs his face into his pillow.  “I left for basic angry.  My family let me go eventually, but that ‘disappointment’ in my father’s eyes lingered…and that long dark stare.  I know now that stare was not at me, but his own life.  Why did he not tell me?  Why did he let me leave without some last advice?  Or even say he still loved me?  I question that since his death.  I know the answer, but all I see is that conflict in his eyes.  I never want our baby to feel those worries at any moment with me.  I know they will think it is so because I still do.  Thirty-five and I know this life, but I still cannot overcome the sting that if my father just told me I could have avoided imprisonment and all my disgusting actions.”</p><p>Evie wipes a tear from his forming crow’s feet.  “I think you answered your own question, Cullen.  He thought about his own mistakes and experiences, but could not voice them to a young man full of life and vigor.  Could you tell our child about being a POW when you saw how passionate they were in something that could relate?  I think you have to also consider old world standards for men.  You all are told ‘feelings bad, suck it up, keep the bad in.’  Your dad sounds like an old-fashioned man who just learned not to pass that knowledge to his kids, but could never voice them when it could break their child’s hopes and dreams.”</p><p>The ex-templar nods.  “I don’t want to do that.  I will tell our child before such moments.  Maybe little by little to explain my actions, but my traumas are not excuses.  I want to be honest and let our child judge themselves.  I also see what you mean by potential crashing our child’s goals with my past.  I will give my opinion, but still support them.”</p><p>“Just as I think your dad was supportive of you.  That ‘disappointment’ you saw wasn’t likely it.”</p><p>Cullen huffs.  “He told me for years all first-born male Rutherfords were farmers and stayed with their families.  I was the black sheep who broke the <em>Stanton </em>tradition.  That’s why I think Branson is more Rutherford than me.  He deserves all the tradition and items that come with it.”</p><p>Evie rolls her bright green eyes.  “And some traditions must grow with the times.  Branson might have chosen that life, but it wasn’t expected for him.  Yours was.  Parents expect some things from their kids, as their parents expected from them.  It doesn’t let a child explore.  In some ways, it is demeaning for their child.  Your father might wish that for you, but that wasn’t his disappointment.  If there was any of those feelings it was likely for himself.  He swore to love and protect you, but you went beyond his reach and put yourself in harm’s way.  Could you imagine that for our child?  We would worry and feel like failures if something happened to them.  That is <em>love, </em>my Lion.”</p><p>“To just get a moment back to tell him I live happily now and love him.”  Cullen whispers, his face deep red from the deep, buried emotions.  “Tonight’s terrors were when I hang there, using any way to keep sane.  I thought of home, but all I saw my father’s stare as I left for basic.  No words spoken.  I left in a huff, still thinking only Mia supported me.  I now know my father’s silence was of dread and worry.  I should have hugged him or shook his hand.  Instead, he died of a heart attack while I laid in a templar hospital losing my mind refusing to tell my family I lived through some of the worst war atrocities.  I should have called.  I killed him.”</p><p>Cullen leans into Evie’s bosom as she combs through his tangled curls.  He does not exactly cry, but just moans and holds her like she is a life raft.  He held this in for months since finding out he will be a father.  The ice beneath him finally broke with the night terror.  He regrets these actions, but there were no one’s fault.  All he can do is promise his unborn child to not repeat the cycle.</p><p>Evie says nothing more, words wasteful when decades of pain slowly seep out of a wounded soul.  She knows in the morning, Cullen will be better and slightly relieved.  He will journal more while drinking his morning coffee.  He will say goodbye to her and her belly before going to help others who hold such grief and regret deep within that poison their hearts.  Cullen will never get to say those words to his father now, but he can avoid those pains for his patients…and later his own child.</p><p>“…That’s how I know your father loves you…”  Evie whispers into his scalp when she can tell his moans are just long breaths.  The strain and heartache allows him to sleep again, a little lighter and hopeful.  “He watches you now, Cullen.  He has always been proud.  He knows he did his job as a parent, especially as you enter your own fatherhood.  It isn’t big shoes to fill as you fear, but your own pair with touches of your own dad weaved in sole and laces.  You will get mud on the fabric and wear down the soles, but it will happen while you carry our child, then later walk beside him.  You will hold their hand, reluctant to let go when the time comes.  I think that is what that stare was for your own father.   His shoes were worn through and tattered from mistakes and arguments between you two and your siblings, but he knew he did his best to help you build your own.”</p><p>Evie hugs her love as the happy tears pour.  She does not think of her own father and his mistakes, but of this future father scared shitless for the next upcoming months.  She is too, but she has her living mother to guide her.  Cullen has no one, an adult orphan who lived through the worst.</p><p>“You father died always loving you, Cullen.  He is so proud.  When we go to Honnleath, you’ll be the one everyone waves at, the prodigal war-torn son returning to his roots.  You earned the Stanton name, what you hate so much likely because of what you think it should be, not what is actually means:  ‘stone’ or ‘stone enclosure or settlement.’  You are a strong and defendable home for your family, Cullen.  You will defend the walls like a brilliant commander with a grand lion helm under your arm.  No pain will harm your children.”</p><p>Evie kisses his sleepy head one last time.  “You will be a wonderful father, Cullen.  Your father knew that.  I know.  Your child always recognizes your dedication.  When you finally meet, you know that everything has a purpose just as a strong castle protects all inside.  You will be Cullen <em>Stanton </em>Rutherford, former templar, doctor, my love, and proud and amazing father to a healthy and happy child, your future.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I cried the entire time writing this chapter.  Some of Cullen's worries about being a good father come from the hubby and I's conversations about his own insecurities.  I felt with Cullen's struggles with PTSD and overcoming his thoughts and emotions throughout this story needed a resolution.  The future is unclear, but Cullen admitted his fears and promised his baby he will be there no matter what.  Cullen has definitely grown throughout this story.  It is difficult to admit one's deep faults while finding someone who will support and aid.  I'm so glad Cullen and Evie have each other.  HEART!</p><p>What are your thoughts?  Do/Did you or your partner ever had some worries or concerns?  Let me know in the comments.</p><p>THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND READING THIS TALE!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. A Little Luck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We are in the home stretch everyone!  Five more chapters to go!  This one is a little shorter, but sets up what is to come.  Enjoy!</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Take My Hand" by Dido<br/>Remember, "Passing Ships" has playlists on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=ncNOfS2GQziZ0rPNVDLd8g">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Cullen’s pager goes off during his weekly in-hospital rotation, he figured an addict came in via ambulance.  He rarely handles emergency room cases, usually visiting them after the hospital admits them and wish addiction care.  However, it happens, so no questions asked.  He races to the nearest available inter-hospital phone and calls the number.</p>
<p>“<em>Dr. Rutherford, thank you for returning my page</em>.”  The ER doctor replies on the phone’s receiver.  “<em>They were not sure if you were in rotations.  Your wife is asking for you, demanding your input on her care.</em>”</p>
<p>Cullen’s heart stops.  All the air kicks out of his lungs.  His stomach twists as panic sets in.</p>
<p>“I will be right there.”</p>
<p>“<em>Level 1 Emergency Care</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There are so many wires and IVs sticking out of Evie that Cullen wonders where the machines end and his girlfriend begins.  Her bruised eyes are close.  She does not move or sense someone watches her.  Usually, such moments do not rattle him as he has experienced them all in residency and specialty training.  However, viewing it with your loved one in the bed makes it personal.  A physician’s rational mind fails.</p>
<p>This scene is one Cullen never wants to see again.</p>
<p>For a moment, Bann Ian’s words ring in his burning ears.  <em>“I pray you never feel that second of loss hearing two flatlines in the operating room.  It is a sound I will never forget.”</em>  Cullen’s whiskey eyes flick to the two monitors mounted to the wall.  Two active heart beats, high but stable.  Such beautiful sounds.</p>
<p>Dorian stands up and approaches the glass door as Cullen slides it shut and pulls the curtain close.  “Cullen, thank the Maker you’re here.  Evie mentioned you were on rotation.  I’m not a religious man, but when we were so close to this hospital, I said a few thanks to the Maker.”</p>
<p>Cullen drags his listless body towards his Lady, his fingers itching to touch her and feel her warmth.  “What happened?”  He does not sound human, rough baritone like a dangerous animal with too much to lose.</p>
<p>“Evie and I went out for lunch.  She craved Rivaini, and I knew a place around here.  She complained about a headache all morning, blaming it on a restless night.  She could barely stand sunlight or the restaurant’s lighting.”  Dorian explains as Cullen just stares at Evie so still in bed.  “She stumbled a few times trying to go to the bathroom, then walking out to the car.  Finally, she just lost conscious at a stoplight.  I called 911 while en route.  The ER doctors were ready when we arrived.”</p>
<p>“Has she woken up?”  Cullen’s baritone is low and buries the dread welling in his soul.  He finally touches her fingers, slightly cool from the room’s air conditioning.  They do not squeeze or move.  He reaches out with his templar senses and tests her magic.  It is close, protecting her while in such an unconscious state.</p>
<p>“Yes, but she is confused and dizzy.  They gave her something that made her drowsy.”  Dorian takes a deep breath.  “They already took blood work…they worry it might be preeclampsia.  Evie heard that and freaked out, hollering it was too soon.  She is only 32 weeks.”</p>
<p>“If there is any organ damage, there will be no choice.”  Cullen confesses.  He did his homework on Evie’s ailments and risks.  “Babies survive that early, but there are too many issues that may arise.  Meanwhile, if Evie insists the pregnancy continues, she could easily slip into a HELLP emergency or full eclampsia, which are both extremely life-threatening.  The only way to make sure is through continuous blood work and scans.”</p>
<p>“And if she refuses?”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses Evie’s dry forehead and swipes her long auburn bangs out of her face.  “Ethically, physicians cannot do that…”  However, both men present know Evie already planned for such a choice.</p>
<p>He must convince her otherwise.  Now.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p>           </p>
<p>They keep Evie in the hospital for three days for monitoring and testing.  She stays conscious through most of it, determined to stay pregnant longer so their child has the best fighting chance.  Each doctor personally heard her yell it is too soon, and that she could handle a few more weeks no matter what the test results show.  When Cullen tries to calm her, she just cries, which just elevates her blood pressure again.</p>
<p>Thankfully, the test results indicate the mage is stable with no internal organ damage.  The proteins they feared being in her urine are normal, while scans of the kidneys, liver, and other worrisome organs are okay…for now.  As more results come in, the physicians reduce the need for emergency induction labor.  Evie calms, which in turns stabilizes her heart.</p>
<p>As for the baby, there are some signs of blood vessels narrowing to the placenta.  The baby is strong and growing normally.  However, it is a development they must monitor closely.  Evie’s body might be fine, but any restriction of oxygen to the baby can affect them both.</p>
<p>Cullen spends both nights at the hospital.  He only leaves enough to drive Surana to Lady Gwen’s apartment and grab a change of clothes.  He works from his laptop, his fellow doctors supporting him during this trying time.  Cullen feels the new clinic suffers while away, but his staff assures him they have everything covered.  He saved many from unemployment when he established the Theirin Foundation collaboration.  They remark it is time he focuses on his new family.</p>
<p>Laying in those uncomfortable hospital chairs those nights beside Evie, the ex-templar fears what Evie agonizes over since she was a young woman.  Maybe he never understood the gravity of the situation or put too much faith in modern medicine.  Cullen always told her such risks have decreased dramatically since Evie’s birth.  Technology and research assist mothers and babies more than before.</p>
<p>However, watching the fragile mage sleep connected to so many machines, Cullen recognizes that technology and time has not solved <em>everything</em>.  He researches that medical associations argue over full-term birth weeks, some following the older notion that thirty-seven weeks is enough, while new research supports term babies being forty weeks.  The research shifts constantly as new results are peer-reviewed and published.  Much of the conflict comes from how underdeveloped the infant is with most spending months in neonatal intensive care.  It takes decades to recognize the child’s full developmental limitations.</p>
<p>Still, the mother’s health comes first.</p>
<p>Cullen watches Evie sleep, memorizing how many freckles dot her pointed nose or wondering where she got that brow scar that looks like it needed stitches but never got them.  He tells his warring mind he will not lose this breathtaking woman, but doubt seeds itself in his resolved soul.  Maybe Evie’s phobia has a foundation.  No, he must be her bedrock, that deep faith that everything will be okay for both the baby and her.  This seedling fear is natural when someone struggles.</p>
<p>“Cannot sleep…?”</p>
<p>Cullen never heard the heart monitor speed up from the nurse’s station.  He kicks his feet down to push the foot rest and reclining back into a sitting position.  “Did I wake you?”</p>
<p>Evie barely turns her head.  She rubs her nose, likely from the oxygen cannula drying up her nostrils.  She has had four nosebleeds already, most unrelated to her blood pressure.  The physicians put her on oxygen for her asthma and a precaution.  “This plastic torture device keeps tangling in my hair.  I want to move my head while in twilight, but as soon as I shift, I pull out half my bangs.”</p>
<p>Cullen groans, standing up.  “Let me see if I can help you pull your hair back to avoid going bald.  Need to go to the bathroom?”</p>
<p>The mage’s eyes flick to the IV bag half empty on the bed’s attached pole.  “Not this minute, but I don’t expect that to last.  The baby’s asleep, but as soon as they hear our voices, they’ll start kicking my bladder again.”</p>
<p>“Don’t hold it in.  They’re monitoring your output.”  Cullen reminds her, finding a hair tie in her overnight bag.</p>
<p>“Just as long as they don’t give me more magnesium sulfate.”  Evie sticks out her tongue.  She grabbed her plastic water container, almost dry from her constant drinking.  “The first bag in the emergency room was okay.  Today’s bag made me so nauseous I had flashbacks to my first trimester.”</p>
<p>“Each person handles it differently.”  Cullen chuckles, bringing over her hair brush.  He combs those auburn waves upwards over the pillow.  “It will need to be an upper scalp ponytail, but not too tight since you still complain about headaches.”</p>
<p>Evie grunts, grimacing that she cannot do it herself.  Her IV makes her right hand useless, while her blood pressure cup is on her left bicep.  She compares the equipment around her as restraints like she is a madwoman in a straightjacket.</p>
<p>“I’m just done with all of this.”  Evie huffs once he finishes.  She grasps his hand and moves her leg enough to give him a seat.  First, Cullen refills his water bottle and then sits down.  Like a magnet, his hand finds hers, his thumb gently sliding over her satin skin.  “I’ve never handled being sick well.  I always snuck out of my house to play outside when I was supposed to be resting.  My mom would find me gasping an hour later, almost purple.  It would just extend my bedrest and annoy me more.  Furthermore, I have the worst bedside manner too.  When I was healthy and my brother Esme would get sick with a flu or cold, Mom would ask me to help her.  I did fine cooking chicken noodle soup or taking temperatures.  If it required actual nurturing, like reading a book or just sitting with him, I would get antsy or easily bored.”</p>
<p>Her bright green eyes gleam up at Cullen.  “I’m going to be a shitty mother.  I have my father’s tact and none of my mother’s natural nurturing.”</p>
<p>Cullen smirks and pats her hand.  “You forget I was a military man.  I may be a doctor, but my bedside care works with my patients because they need someone pushing them forward.   They are stubborn and struggle to get out of addiction.  They can be sneaky on contraband, so I have to be firm.  My patience helps during those moments, but that comes from being a military commander.  I worry about what I will do with a tantrum toddler that cannot be reasoned with.  My nurturing is not any better.”</p>
<p>“Yet you seem so calm about this.  Even before our conversation in bed.”</p>
<p>“I’m terrified.”  The ex-templar confesses, hanging his head.  “My father was a firm man, but he showed he loved us through teaching us skills.  He knew when to push and when to hug us.  He read people very well, much like you can.  My parents raised four children on a farmer’s income.  We lacked nothing, while we kids didn’t own the best clothes or newest toys.  My father set the parenting bar high, Eve.  I fear I might not even dig myself out of my hole to even be like him.”</p>
<p>“I think you’re doing fantastic.”  Evie smiles that way that leaves Cullen breathless.</p>
<p>“So are you.  Kids are unlike anything we ever faced.  We both had great parents—well, maybe not your father—that we feel we need to live up to their standard.  However, we forget that they started out just like us.”  Cullen kisses Evie’s forehead.  “That’s at least what I keep telling myself.”</p>
<p>“I wish I had your positivity and inner faith.”  Evie declares, blowing out her cheeks.  “They thrust belief on me.  Those who stood for the Maker always made me feel shameful and unwanted.  I work in a physical science field that reinforced if I can touch, observe, test, and conclude, it’s real.  Even with all the bull crap you lived through, you’re positive while my depression keeps me in the Void.”</p>
<p>Cullen shakes his head.  “My ‘positivity’ is me hiding my internal screaming.  My faith has been used, abused, and dragged through the mud.  Templars are told everything we do should rely and feed off our faith.  To believe in anything else is to slander the Maker.”  He reaches into his pocket, feeling the only physical coin he carries around.  “But I will let you in a little secret, <em>I </em>believe in luck too.”</p>
<p>Evie squints as the doctor lifts the silver coin.  He shows her on one side has etchings and the other is a crude face of Andraste.  “This is my lucky coin.  When I was about to leave for the academy, Branson raced over and slapped it into my hand.  He found it outside the Chantry after Sunday service the day before.  He said it was lucky.  I thought little of it.  I hid it in my pillow during basic and academy training.  I found a way for it to be with me during my vigil.  Somehow, the Venatori never found it on my person while a POW.  I rubbed it raw the day I confronted Meredith about her addiction and later when I put a bullet in her skull.  When I met Cassandra, I thought the seekers came to court martial me, but luck was on my side again.”</p>
<p>Cullen lifts Evie’s hand and places the coin in her palm.  “I carried this on me through airport security that special day I met you, almost losing it during the scans.  That’s why I started having a withdrawal headache and forgot about my migraine medicine in my bag on the plane.  Luck found me that evening flight when the most beautiful and enchanting woman offered me some pain reliever and bought me drinks to flip off the Chantry.”</p>
<p>Evie giggles, wiping away the few tears that trickle from her shining sunken eyes.  Cullen presses her fingers around the coin.  She stares at him, opening her mouth to protest.  He lifts his index finger and cuts her off.  “I give it to you, Eve, because no matter how this goes, you’ll need some luck and faith on your side.  Is it superstitious?  Absolutely!  Yet, hasn’t everything else since we met gone against everything we thought possible?  A baby growing healthy inside her mother who survived many medical procedures and told repeatedly she would never know pregnancy and motherhood.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I think having a father whose family’s sneezes impregnates a country.”  Evie counters with a cackle.</p>
<p>Cullen rolls amber eyes.  “This has been unpredictable and unlike anything we have faced.  I want you to have this coin.  I’m not the one lying in bed right now supporting two.  I can be the support and love you need, but I feel useless still.  It’s not much, but humor me.  I pray thousands of times that you both are well and healthy, but I cannot help but I think a little luck won’t go amiss either.  I’m scared, Eve.  I love you both.  Now that I know what this family can be, I don’t want to lose it.  I don’t want to lose <em>you.</em>”</p>
<p>Evie purses her lips, lifting the hand clasping the coin to her donated heart.  “Okay…just until the baby is born <em>at full term</em>.  Esme already gave me a lucky heart for motherhood.  For you to be the fantastic dad, you need some luck too to overcome toddler tantrums without strangling everyone.”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses her lips, leaning over her.  She feels too far away.  With her in the hospital, he cannot sleep.  He needs to hold her.  “Deal.  I love you, Eve.”</p>
<p>“I love you, Cullen-“  Evie winces, eyes squeezed shut.  She grits her teeth.  “Ouch…”</p>
<p>The doctor reviews her body, afraid he indirectly harmed her.  Before he can ask, Evie pats his arm.  “You know how you asked about the bathroom…?  The baby’s awake…”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles, leaning back and assisting unhooking her monitors.  “All right, pregnant woman.  Let’s get into the bathroom before you soil your bed again.”</p>
<p>“I told you not to bring that up.”  Evie turns scarlet, her glare warning him to make a remark.  “Maybe I should sit on you, kick your bladder, and see if you can keep your continence.”</p>
<p>“How about the first few baby diapers is my responsibility.  I heard those are the most rancid.”</p>
<p>“Deal.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cullen will not let anything happen to Evie and the baby.  However, Evie's body struggles during these last few weeks of pregnancy.   Any idea what will happen?  (Do not panic.  I might pull on your heart, but I am not evil with endings.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. *Break*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*NSFW!  Not safe for work!*</p>
<p>So....I delayed and only will post one chapter this week for two reasons.  1) It allows the last four chapters to be match together in the next two weeks.  2)  It will be a short two days between this one and Monday to reduce the wait.</p>
<p>You know in Chapter 8 I said there will only be that chapter and one other that will be tough.  Well, it's here.  Warning:  Chapter contains depression breakdown, fear of death, and heartbreak.  It is necessary.  This is the climax of the story along with Monday's chapter.  Evie must face her fear.  Some nice smut in the middle to soften everything.</p>
<p>*cries while running away*  FORGIVE ME!!!  REMEMBER I PROMISE A HAPPY ENDING!</p>
<p>*NOT SAFE FOR WORK!  NSFW!*</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  “More” &amp; “Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon  (I highly suggest listening to "More" during this chapter.  Fits well!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie never imagines just taking a shower would become a struggle.  Her life since leaving the hospital weeks ago has drastically changed.  People constantly hang around to assist her much to her chagrin.  She cannot drive anymore, everyone fearing her passing out behind the wheel.  The mage is officially on maternity leave from work.  Thankfully, the university term finished, while Varric and Dorian already planned for her absence in the next month.  She is not on bed rest, which most doctors now considered more harmful for pregnant women.  Still, her movements are drastically reduced.  Her introvert side does not mind.  Evie’s irrational stubbornness says otherwise.</p>
<p>The pregnant woman takes so many medications that she must clear out a pharmacy every time she fills a prescription.  She whispers prayers every time she takes the drugs.  The doctors promise her the fetus’ side effects are minimal, but Evie cannot help but think her body harms her child.</p>
<p>It is better than being induced and giving birth so soon.</p>
<p>Despite how much Evie hates being stuck doing little and relying on everyone, she accepts this is the only way for her baby to have the best chances.  Almost every scientific journal she read states fetal development within the womb provides everything necessary versus human recreating that environment mechanically.  So, Evie feeds herself everything this baby needs for a fighting chance.  Yes, she hates the vegetables Cullen and Gwen buy or gets bored of blandness to avoid terrible heartburn.  She bawled when her small cup of coffee officially left her diet to avoid caffeine stress.</p>
<p>Anything for this baby.</p>
<p>Which leads Evie to what she just finished with her lawyer.  She had to wait until Cullen was stuck at work and no one else could interfere.  The mage updated her assets, power of authority, and will.  Now that Cullen is a major part of her life, he should not be that ambitious person she detailed in the records before.  Instead, she leaves all funds and possession to their child and overseen by Cullen.</p>
<p>The lawyer, Morrigan, made a point the ex-templar technically has less legal connection to Evie.  The inferno mage knows what the strange mage lawyer meant.  In records, the couple are not even common law married.  Evie fired back that is why she has such paperwork.  Her harsh Free Marcher accent indicated the discussion was over.  The lawyer left soon afterwards, glancing over her shoulder suspicious and disagreeing with Evie’s choices.  Morrigan comments in the elevator she will need Cassandra to sign over her attorney role to change the legal documents.  Evie knows Rian and Cassandra took a week long newly-wed vacation to Antiva and will not be back for days.</p>
<p>Speaking of weddings, marriage, and happy endings…</p>
<p>Evie and Cullen never spoke about marriage.  While she appreciates that Cullen believes her independent, there is a bit of Evie that still thinks Cullen does not want <em>her.</em>  The doctor demonstrated constantly he is a traditionalist:  court a lady, marry for love in front of a Chantry mother, and have a child in matrimony.  Yet, he never mentions that for <em>them</em>.  Yes, their child occurred from a one-night stand, but everything could still happen, right?  Has Evie given him the impression she never wants to date and marry?</p>
<p>Does she?</p>
<p>There might have been a time where Evie dreamed of marriage.  It occurred before her magic, a little girl reenacting her wedding with barbies.  Then her magic manifested that swiftly put her into the ‘ban on marriage and children’ category.  Even when laws passed allowing mages to marry, most avoided the union, wondering when the other shoe will drop and deny them another happiness.</p>
<p>After having some many nightmarish relationships and being told having a biological birthed child would be nigh impossible, Evie just turned off those hopes and dreams.  She threw them into the cesspool with other desires that became fairytales.  People might say she gave up too easily.  However, a person can only be shat on so many times before giving up is a mercy.</p>
<p>Evie strips after the lawyer meeting.  She has not bathed in a few days, smelling how her night sweats make everything rancid.  Her unkempt auburn hair looks as she put her finger in a light socket.  She knows she should call her mother or wait until Cullen gets homes to shower, but Evie needs control of <em>something</em>.  She knows baths are out of the question to avoid vaginal infections that could harm the baby.  That means a shower, but she knows the hot water makes her dizzy.  She envisions herself falling out of the shower and explode her stomach on the towel rack or toilet.  Baby pops out of her belly like an alien.</p>
<p>So, the mage just sits on the toilet seat with the top lid down and stares at the wall.  She fights back the tears.  Oh, how things have turned in just a few weeks.  Her fingers flex, avoiding scratching her scaly skin, something many pregnancy books do not discuss.  She is covered in pimples from going through another puberty with the warring hormones.  When was the last time she shaved her legs?  Or saw her feet?  Maker, her toenails must look like claws by now.</p>
<p>Surana sits by the pregnant woman.  The mabari stays by Evie every moment, day or night.  She attunes to Evie’s heart, knowing more when Evie is pushing herself or needs to eat.  Evie relies on her when alone, the only presence who knows what she is really feeling.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to die, Surana…”  Evie whimpers as the first tears fall.  Her hand strokes the war hound’s head as she stares into space.  “I threw so many things into my trash heap.  I gave them up because to keep hoping just seems too much.” </p>
<p>Evie’s other hand cups the silver coin dangling with her amber gemstone around her neck.  She had a work friend making a holder for Cullen’s lucky coin so she could wear it all the time.  “Now, they all seem possible, but there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  How can envision this baby’s first birthday or their high school graduation when my life seems so short right now?”</p>
<p>The mage hiccups between soft sobs.  She knows she could call her therapist when she had a meltdown like this.  However, how many times can she discuss this fear before behavioral therapy fails at shifting mindsets?  She is already on anti-depressants to avoid post-partum depression.  There is only so much self-talking Evie can do.</p>
<p>“And Cullen…”  Evie bits her lip.  “Maker, how can I hope for more when I will hurt him?  I really believed him this will be okay.  Then I passed out, I woke up in the hospital, and knew I was in terrible condition.  I tried to hide the pain, but that damn heart monitor told everyone everything…”</p>
<p>Evie kicks and stomps her feet against the tile.  Surana whimpers and nudges Evie’s knee with her nose.  “I knew hoping will lead to so much heartache.  Maybe it is better we never talked about marriage.  Maybe he knows something will happen and does not want to be a widower.  Maybe I’m too broken for anything more.”</p>
<p>The mage takes a huge breath, mediating.  Her heart thumps in her ears.  “Think Evie.  You know Cullen…well, as most that seven or eight months can be.  He plans and does things with purpose.  He knows you fear why he sticks around.  He’s told you dozens of time he loves you and is there for <em>you.</em>  Maybe he hasn’t brought up marriage because he approaches it like he did having feelings for you.  He waits for me to decide on stuff.”</p>
<p>Evie rolls her blood-shot eyes.  “Ugh, the pressure.”</p>
<p>Does she want to marry him?</p>
<p>Or marriage ever?</p>
<p>All Evie can envision is childbirth.  There is just blackness and silence beyond that moment.  Her mind already determined she will not survive.  The road just ends there. Thinking about anything else is hopeless.</p>
<p>“…Eve?”</p>
<p>Evie reaches for a towel hanging on the rack and wipes her face of any tears and snot.  Cullen will see the flush and puffiness, but she does not want him to worry more.  She listens for his footsteps from down the hallway and into their bedroom.  By the time she drops the towel on Surana’s head, Cullen glances in, worry and confusion coloring his face.  First, his squints then smirks seeing her on the toilet naked and very pregnant.  Surana shakes off the towel, her little nib tail waggling quickly.  She trots to her imprint, tongue hanging out.  The greeting gives Evie a few seconds to calm down and push down the fear.</p>
<p>“You’ve been crying…”  Cullen pouts, scratching behind the mabari’s ears before walking up to the frowning pregnant woman eying the shower.</p>
<p>“I need a shower…but I feared the water will make me dizzy.  A cold shower is horrible, while a hot shower just screams I will hit my head.  I had a meltdown on what to do.”  She whimpers, hating she is partially lying to this wonderful man.</p>
<p>Cullen kisses the top of her head, then her lips.  “If you give me a moment, I’ll join you.  Mt shift was extra sweaty.  It got warm today.”</p>
<p>“Bloomingtide is here.  The Honnleath trip is next week.”  Evie remarks, watching Cullen strip out of his dress clothing.  His hair is extra curly today, meaning it must have rained around the clinic or he kept combing it with his hand.  “Spring is in full swing…along with my allergies.  I might stuff tissues up my nose to survive the countryside…if the doctor lets me go.”</p>
<p>“They want you nearby, but maybe your scan tomorrow will convince them otherwise.”  Cullen kicks his shoes into the bedroom and unbuttoning his pants.  “But Maker, isn’t allergens the truth.  I walked out to the car this morning and everything was dunked in maple pollen.  Everyone is sneezing at work.  I’m washing my hands every thirty seconds to avoid bringing anything home to you again.  Between pregnancy and immunosuppress medications, you’re too susceptible.  It scares me.”  His baritone quivers.</p>
<p>Evie just hums, her attention shifting to Surana sitting her head in the baby bump.  “I’m sorry I’m a pain.”</p>
<p>Cullen sighs, tossing his undershirt on the floor, his broad, muscular body on full display.  He bought a home gym to use to avoid leaving Evie alone.  She watches him exercise her favorite entertainment.   Dorian demands videos, but Evie comments it is a sight only for her.</p>
<p>The inferno mage’s bright green eyes want to stay staring at the floor, but Cullen’s body is just so gorgeous, pooling desire between her legs.  She stands and bites her pink lower lip.  She whines as her fingers itch to touch him.  They have not made love since she left the hospital.  Cullen fears he will break her.</p>
<p>Maker, Evie can never get enough of him.</p>
<p><em>I don’t want to leave him or the baby.  I don’t want to die.</em>  <em>I don’t want to hurt them.  I don’t want them to know loss like when I lost Esme.</em></p>
<p>They both step into the standing shower.  Cullen installed a bamboo mat so Evie will not slip on the tiles.  He sets a warm temperature, a little cold for Evie, but she understands why.  She soaks, while he stands guard just in case her blood pressure drops or becomes too much.  They have ‘business showered’ together before when they lounged in bed too long and need to get to work.  The couple pass by each other in circles to give one another enough time under the stream.  Her belly barely passes by the shower glass.  In the next month, she might be too big to do this.</p>
<p>Pregnancy makes showering feel like heavy exercise.  She barely can keep her hands over her head to scrub the suds from her auburn hair.  She cannot reach lower or behind without looking like an idiot.  Cullen just jumps in, his hands rubs her scalp like a deep massage.  Evie glares while he apologizes because he knows she hates depending on others.  Yet, he loves treating her like a princess.  He scrubs her back and legs.  He says nothing about her hairy legs and groin.  He lathers her and himself like it has always been like this.  He does not complain.  He just keeps giving, while Evie can barely breathe and walk.</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t deserve him.</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen knows her and difference between tears and the shower spray.  His arms encircle her from behind, kissing her cheek.  How can a man who only met her less than a year ago know her better than herself?  Does she know him?  Are they still in this honeymoon stage?  Can this be their every day?  What has she offered him?  It seems so one-sided.</p>
<p>“I love you…”  The mage whimpers, kissing his stubble cheek.  That is all she can do right now.  She has to concentrate on the baby, to give them the best chances.  Maker willing, maybe there will be a future beyond that black void her brain presents after childbirth.  She will make it up to him.</p>
<p>
  <em>I refuse to leave you.</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen kisses her lips once done rinsing the conditioner out of her hair.  “I love you, my Lady.” </p>
<p>The scared woman clasps his arms to her slick body.  She does not want him to let go.  She just wants to hug him properly, flesh-to-flesh.  She will exercise like a maniac once this child is born so she can be perfect for him.  Her body will never rebound, but she wants to sit on him again without kicking the air out of his lungs or cutting off leg circulation.  She will never be that thin flexible woman he gushed over in Val Royeaux.</p>
<p>But, Cullen does not care.</p>
<p>Cullen groans when Evie slides her behind across his hardening penis.  He kisses her shoulder and neck, his hand grasping a breast and pinching a nipple.  Evie sighs.</p>
<p>Then Cullen retreats.  She knows then he does not want to hurt her.  That damn depressive side of her brain whispers he is revolted by her size.  “Let’s get you out of here and dried off.”  He turns off the water, but one hand still entwines with her fingers.  He never lets go, always touching and sensing.</p>
<p>The restrained man pants as Cullen picks up her towel and slowly wipes the shower water from her swollen body.  Each glance creates gooseflesh.  Evie grabs another towel and does the same to him, doing her best without bending over or stretching to dry off her handsome Lion.  A heavy silence falls over the steamy bathroom.  Only their breathing echoes off the tile walls.</p>
<p>When Evie reaches for his hair, he steps away, knowing she will puff the twisting curls.  The mage giggles, snapping her fingers so her magic dries her auburn waves before he can do the same.  Instead, Cullen reaches and combs the strains, his nude form pressed as closely as possible to her body.  His palm cups her nape.  Evie stands on her tippy toes to kiss him.  Her fingers slip into the wet curls, tingling magic into his scalp.  Cullen stiffens then moans as he hears her magic dance around him.  He told her a month ago he loves feeling her magic on his person, no longer afraid of it as long as it comes from her.</p>
<p>“What is that song…”  Cullen whispers against her pink lips.  “I hear the violin and piano…but there is a hum there when you cast that keeps getting strong.  However, I know you haven’t touched lyrium in months.”</p>
<p>Evie smiles, rubbing her nose against his.  “That’s the baby.  The older he or she gets, the brighter and louder their presence becomes.  I’m pretty sure they are a mage.  I spoke with my mom last week.  She remembers hearing <em>something </em>with me, but never equated it to magic.”</p>
<p>“Can you do it again?”  Cullen asks, somewhat bashful.  “Kiss me and cast.  I…I want to hear it again.”</p>
<p>Evie purses her lips.  “I don’t want to scare you, Cullen.  You just had a nightmare last night…”</p>
<p>Cullen pulls her to his lips again, side stepping around her belly.  His chest brushes her skin, igniting the desire simmering inside her since he entered the bathroom.  “I trust you…I believe in you.”  That husky baritone moans against her body.  The baby definitely hears that rumble because they kick and grab towards the sound. </p>
<p>Her mind struggles to think of a safe spell that will not surprise him, while conduct that music Evie listens to all the time, especially when so scared and confused.  She releases one hand from his bicep.  An orange magelight flickers in her hand and hovers above their hands.  That hum crescendos inside her, her Fade connection projecting it into the man kissing her. </p>
<p>Cullen gasps into her mouth.  His scarred lips leave her lips, his forehead pressing against hers.  “It sounds like a child humming notes.”  Cullen suggests, his amber eyes listening to the tune beating through them.  <em>“More…</em>”</p>
<p>Evie barely holds her spell as Cullen scoops her closer.  They both grunt and complain they cannot face one another anymore.  Instead, the doctor takes her hand and leads her out of the bathroom.  He directs her to the unmade bed.  Evie crawls in, waiting for him to meet her.  The magelight hollers overhead, the only light in the room.  She drew the curtains earlier to take a nap.</p>
<p>Cullen’s warmth encircles her again, pressed against her back.  Evie arches her body, feeling his girth poking.  “Please, Cullen…”  She begs, barely glancing over her shoulder.</p>
<p>The ex-templar grits his teeth.  “I don’t want to…”</p>
<p>Evie kisses him hard, suckling his tongue into her mouth.  Her hand reaches behind and grasp his filling shaft.  Cullen moans deeply, thrusting and rubbing against her.  “You won’t hurt me…”  Evie consoles the worried man.  “I need you, Cullen.  I love you, but I cannot live in my fear…the worry.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I only have these last weeks with you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, you’ll survive, Evie.  He gave you his luck.  Believe.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But what if…No, I cannot live with any more regrets.  I never said goodbye to Esme.  Give him this last time…something to hang onto.</em>
</p>
<p>“Make love to me, Cullen…”  Evie declares, sending another magelight into the air.  She projects her magic and mana out, knowing the remaining lyrium inside him hears the music this family creates together.</p>
<p>
  <em>Remember this.</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen positions himself just against her entrance.  She throws a leg over his, just opening herself up enough with rolling on top of him.  She is already so ready, no foreplay required.  Although, she wishes for his tongue to lick her clean or suck his cock into euphoria.  No, this is about their coupling, promises and listening within each other.</p>
<p>Ever so slowly, Cullen steadily slides inside her wet heaven, stretching and hitting every pressured nerve.  Evie releases her magical control so her violin sings within to praise what he does to her.  Cullen kisses her shoulder, his left hand rolling her growing breasts in his callused palm.  His other arm encircles her neck as a pillow.  Her fingers cup the amber gemstone and coin.  Her left hand grips his firm behind to drive deeper inside her.</p>
<p>Spooning never did much for Evie, but it is so sensual now.  They are limited on positions at the moment, so they make it work.  Evie pushes back against him when Cullen pump into her so slow and methodological.  “<em>More…”</em>  Cullen hisses against her red ears before nipping an earlobe.</p>
<p>Evie releases another magelight into their dark bedroom.   The three lights dance around the bed.  Yet, Cullen and Evie do not give them much thought, only on the inner composition.  It spurs them onward, his speed growing just a bit faster as Evie expels more magic and mana.  She struggles to keep track of her lights, her whole being absorbed into Cullen’s movement and love.</p>
<p>“I love you…I love you…”  Evie sighs, as she grips him now.  He grunts and hisses behind her as they both breach their limits.</p>
<p>“I love you…!”</p>
<p>Evie falls over the edge, white flashes burst out from each magelight sparkling the room in falling stars.  She sings out, her cries of pleasure and hope this will not be the last time.  This love lasting for all her life.  Cullen hugs her behind, following her with her clenching canal.  He roars, his teeth biting into her shoulder and kissing the bruised skin.  Her nails rake his thigh.</p>
<p>She wants to live in this love forever.</p>
<p>She wants to live.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>A little girl’s giggle…a new magic…echoes through a meadow of wildflowers and swaying tall grass.</em>
</p>
<p>Tears stream down Evie’s bright green eyes as what Cullen has described for the last few months jump and sings through the grass.  Unlike his description of auburn waves, she observes a blonde curly hair and lightly tanned skin.  The Trevelyan freckles are there from too many days in the sun.  The giggling can be its own hymn.  Cullen is right about bright green eyes that echo the Fade, yet this child is still so young for magical awakening.</p>
<p>For a moment, Evie just stands and watches this little child race about like she knows no day of sadness or fear.  Surana chases after her, barking and jumping with each child skip.  She races to Cullen, her hands filled with lilies and irises.  She motions for Cullen to lift her high in the air.  Cullen complies, making her sail like a bird over the meadow.  His baritone chuckles join with her giggling song.  A piano and singing voice marries into an enchanting composition in the sunshine.  As Cullen swings her around, an amber stone and coin bounces out of her white dress hanging from her neck.</p>
<p>Evie realizes what she watches now.  She is not present.  She will never witness such a moment.  There is no violin with the voice, piano, and barking mabari.  There is no sadness or heart ache.  They recovered from her missing presence long ago.  They are together.  Their child is her only representative of Evie’s existence and their love.</p>
<p>They moved on.  They never needed her for them to be happy.  Evie is no more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Evie bolts forward in bed, tears streaming down her entire face.  She gasps and claw at the sheets.  The loss is too much, the rejection the last crumpling bit keeping her believing everything will be okay.  Damn the Fade!  Damn its demons reaching into her soul for such grief and lost!</p>
<p>Cullen and the baby will be okay without her.</p>
<p>She is the selfish one who wants to be part of that merry scene.</p>
<p>Once again like Esme’s death, Evie is selfishly wanting to live…to have a happy ending.</p>
<p>“Maker, Eve!”  Cullen hollers, his hand reaching and rubbing her back.  He sits up beside her, ready for anything.</p>
<p>Evie cannot turn to him.  She just sobs into the sheets, the heartbreak too much.  She cannot describe what she saw.  He need not know he never needed her.  He will be an amazing father without her.  Evie’s fears that he will take this child are not the truth.  It is more than they never needed her.  She will be alone in life and in death.  Once she gives birth, they will have each other and be fine, while Evie will pass the Veil alone.</p>
<p>She will always be alone.</p>
<p>“Eve, talk to me!”  Cullen begs, hugging her. </p>
<p>Evie cannot even push him away.  She recognizes these are the last moments they will have together.  She must keep his memories happy so he can tell their child about their joyful mother and not this woman who has seen her death.  She never wants this child to blame themselves for her death.  That guilt will ruin that happy scene she just dreamed.</p>
<p>“Eve, was it Esme again?”</p>
<p>A way to avoid the truth.  Her heart feels like someone stabbed her as she shakes her head in a lying yes.  Cullen rocks her, their naked bodies sharing warmth in the cold bedroom.  Surana whines and looks up over the bed at her as she just bawls.  Does the hound know she lied, or that she was part of a life that Evie never be a part of?</p>
<p>“Oh, Eve…”  Cullen kisses her temple.  “Maybe after the baby is born, we can visit the ocean.  I know you said it was stupid to say goodbye to the Waking Sea, but you need some closure.”</p>
<p>Evie’s mind reflects to her meeting with the lawyer.  Her will asks for her ashes to be spread with Esme to give back his heart, while just a bit is planted under a willow tree that their child can come and play under.  The mage wants somewhere for her child to go, not sit in limbo like she has about Esme for a decade.</p>
<p>The memory only made her sob louder, the heartbreak rising her blood pressure.  She feels like she dying.  She finally understands love and happiness.  Evie hopes for <em>more</em>.  She tastes what the future could be, but it will never be hers.</p>
<p>All that fills the room for what feels like forever.  Evie’s bright green eyes slowly dry, no more tears to give despite the despair inside so much.  Cullen never lets go of her.  He uses the sheets to wipe away the falling droplets, while he whispers love and support.</p>
<p>“Marry me.”</p>
<p>Evie is not sure if she heard that right.  She just sits still. The heartaches now turn to numbness.  She feels dead.  No soul remaining.</p>
<p>Cullen slips away.  Evie does not turn her head to follow where he has gone.  Within a few minutes, Cullen returns, but kneels at the foot of the bed where she sits.  There is a box in his hand.</p>
<p>“Eve, will you marry me?”  Cullen opens the box to reveal a simple ring.  It looks old like it is a family heirloom.</p>
<p>It just makes the pain more devastating.</p>
<p>This is not for her.  It is for the woman who follows her, his love that will not die so easily like she will.  The woman who will be the mother she will never be.  That woman will not be stubborn or broken.  Her depression will never impact this child like Evie.</p>
<p>“I planned to ask you in Honnleath…at my childhood lake.”  Cullen blurts when Evie does not respond or cry.  “I know you won’t be able to make the trip most likely.  The doctors don’t want you even outside the city.”  The Fereldan hangs his head.  “I cannot wait anymore or plan for something else.”  His amber eyes focus on her dull eyes.  “I want you as my wife, Eve.  It’s only ever been <em>you.</em>”</p>
<p>She knows what she has to do.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*from hiding*  I'm sorry for the cliff hanger!  Thus why I promised a chapter on Monday!  Only a two-day wait!</p>
<p>Actually, Evie's night terror is a dream I had about my husband with our future children.  I too suffer with tokophobia, the fear of childbirth.  During the height of the hubby and I trying for kids, I had night terrors all the time.  This chapter is an expression of those anxieties, poison still in my soul for a decade.  I needed to get it out.  Apologies for the heartache, but Evie's fears (Mine through her) are real troubles, ones I am still overcoming today.  </p>
<p>SEE YOU MONDAY!  I'll be hiding like the cowardly author waiting for the tomatoes and anger.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Go Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We are reaching the finish line.  I hope this chapter uplifts you all from the last!  Enjoy!</p><p>Chapter Song:  "Go Home" by Barenaked Ladies  (Listen to this song while reading this chapter.  It fits so well to the speed and Cullen's rushing while driving.  XD!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen can be an absolute <em>moron!</em></p><p><em>Why </em>did he think proposing while a pregnant woman weeps for her dead brother after a nightmare sound like a <em>fantastic</em> idea?  Why was he so <em>dense, </em>especially after some of the most intimate sex Evie and he ever had?  Did he really think proposing then would make Evie happy?!</p><p>They never talked about marriage.  Cullen meant to before they left for Honnleath, but Evie being in the hospital and on home rest threw all his plans out the window.  He really wanted to know what Evie envisioned for them.  The ex-templar never wanted to everything on Evie’s shoulders again, so he would approach the subject, but never did.  He never planned to marry before the baby’s birth, but at least call Evie his fiancé before she gave birth.</p><p>What a fucking mess.</p><p>Cullen slaps his steering wheel again.  He still smacks himself for making everything awkward and tense between the couple.  That night still feels like it just happened, not last week.  Evie rarely talks now, just walks through the motions of survival.  When Cullen asks how she is doing, her bright green eye dull farther.  She just nods like she a robot, on autopilot.</p><p>When Mia asks if they were still coming to Honnleath, Evie convinces Cullen to go.  <em>“You need your family.  Go.  I will be okay.”</em>  That sassy Free Marcher lilt he loves about her disappeared that night when Cullen ruined everything. </p><p>The doctor relents after asking his Lady three times.  Each ask makes Evie’s shoulder sag lower and tears fill her eyes.  He knows to stop and just leave her be.  He has done enough damage.  Cullen asks if Lady Gwen can stay with Evie while he is gone.  He tells her mother what happened, how he screwed up.  <em>“I don’t think it’s that.”</em>  Lady Gwen consoles him.  <em>“I’ve only seen her so dead one other time:  when she woke up and realized she lives because Esme died.”</em></p><p>Lady Gwen and Cullen text constantly.  She keeps him updated on her condition.  Even when they are a gravesite visiting his parents, he is texting Evie’s mother, extremely worried and powerless. </p><p>Cullen kneels by his parents’ gravestone, marking their ashes.  He prays for guidance and wisdom.  He apologizes to his father for not understanding his struggles and experiences.  He weeps he misses them and regrets worrying them while away.  Now, his present and future are in jeopardy.  He wishes his parents were there to guide him back on the path that brights Evie’s peridot orbs again.</p><p>The former templar tells his siblings how he ruined everything.  They are supportive, all worried about Evie.  They all grew to love her.  To hear she is so defeated reminds them of their father in his last weeks.  <em>“Do not lose faith, Cullen.”</em>  Mia encourages, hugging Cullen before he begins his drive back to Haven.  Their weekend adventure is only a day with Cullen’s mind focused on an inferno mage hours away.  <em>“I feel like I’m responsible for implanting the idea in your head.  We just want her and the baby to be okay.”</em></p><p>No one has any ideas to fix this.  Whatever plagues Evie is personal, a deep depression that cooks her alive that she cannot emerge.  Cullen even texts her father to ask how to find a way to release Esme’s death and that guilt.  Bann Ian admits he wishes he never burned Esme before she woke from her coma.  <em>“Maybe seeing him one last time would give her that peace.”</em></p><p>Cullen zones out on the highway, his mind filtering through everything he knows about Evie to find a solution.  She is in the middle of her eighth month.  Things will only get tougher from this moment onward.  She needs to rely on him to survive.  Being so defeated might risk her heart giving up, the mind a powerful influence on people’s health.  Cullen knows from working on his own addiction and others if the mind is not focused and distracted from a task, the results will not be good.</p><p>Cullen reaches for his phone and calls the one person who will know best.  He loves the Bluetooth connection the SUV has so he can still drive and call.  She should be home from her vacation now. </p><p>The phone rings a few times before that iconic Nevarran accent kicks on.  “Cass?  Cass, I fucked up.”</p><p>Cassandra takes a deep breath.  <em>“What happened?”</em></p><p>“I proposed to Eve, and she declined.”  Cullen just says it, hating himself for how stupid he could be.  “Now, she is a walking zombie.  She pushed me to go to Honnleath this weekend to visit my parents’ graves.  We were supposed to go together, but she is supposed to stay in Haven.  I should have never gone, but I think she wanted me away.  I’m driving back now.  I cannot stay away, but I don’t know how to fix this.  I should I have listened to you!”</p><p><em>“Come down, Cullen.”</em>  Cassandra encourages.  He hears banging like she entered another room.  Rian must be near and she does not want her husband hearing how Cullen broke his sister’s heart.  <em>“Now, what </em>exactly<em> happened?”</em></p><p>Cullen tells her about how he found Evie crying in the bathroom after work.  He glosses over them showering together, but gives enough information to explain why this sex was different.  He heard the music.  He is addicted to it, more than lyrium.  He only heard it with Evie’s magic, thus why he encouraged her to cast more despite the deep magical fears.</p><p>“I heard a child singing, Cass.”  Cullen whimpers, rubbing his pale, tired face.  “I knew then I wanted to marry her <em>now</em>.  Evie fell asleep almost right afterwards, casting magelights and everything just too much.  I laid awake, itching to wake her and propose.  I love her with my entire soul.  I wanted to share that with her.”</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, Cullen.”</em>
</p><p>Cullen pinches his nose again.  “I awoke a few hours later to her screaming and sobbing.  It was unlike any crying I ever heard.  She’s had a nightmare about Esme before, but this was more painful.  I feared she was in labor.  However, when I asked her what was going on, she just nodded it about Esme.  She was in no condition for details or talk about it.  I just hugged her, but I felt useless.  I’ve consoled and counseled dozens of knights through their nightmares, but I couldn’t do that for that for the woman I love.”</p><p>
  <em>“So, what did you do?”</em>
</p><p>“I proposed…I <em>stupidly</em> thought I could turn pain into hope and love.  I couldn’t shut off my brain to propose and give Evie something to look forward to beyond labor.  Since I knew she could not travel to Honnleath with me, I…jumped the gun.  I <em>fucked </em>up.”</p><p>Cassandra exhales on the other side of the phone line.  <em>“When did this happen?”</em></p><p>“Last week.”</p><p>“<em>Last week?!  Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?”  </em>Cassandra’s romantic side shined through her hollering.</p><p>“You were out of country!  I only told Lady Gwen because I asked her to watch Eve while I was out of town.”</p><p><em>“Oh Maker, Cullen…”</em>  Cassandra exclaims as she digs through papers on the line.  <em>“You couldn’t have picked the worst time!”</em></p><p>Cullen grits his teeth.  “What happened?”</p><p><em>“I got a carrier envelope a few days ago while gone.  I never opened it because it was from the new lawyer who has been handling Evie’s estate.”</em>  Cassandra explains as paper noises continue.  <em>“Since I set it up, I am tied to it still.  She needed me to sign off the transfer of control, but I thought it was just the usual paperwork so I didn’t open it last night.  Reading this now…Cullen, Evelyn transferred her assets to </em>you!<em>”</em></p><p>Cullen nearly runs himself off the highway.  “Wait, what!?”</p><p><em>“The day you supposedly proposed, she met with the lawyer, Morrigan Wilds, completing the power of authority and will paperwork, updating it to reflect your role.”</em>  Cassandra explains over the phone.  <em>“She</em> finalized<em> her death preparation.  She thinks she will</em> die<em>.”</em></p><p>“She said no because she thinks she will die.  I haven’t convinced her.”  Cullen whispers more to himself than for Cassandra.</p><p><em>“I think you convinced her you mean no harm.  This last hospital visit must have just escalated her fears again.”</em>  Cassandra concludes as more paper fly in the background.  <em>“Cullen, if these documents are right, you have full control of her belongings and money to raise your child.  She even transferred her life insurance policy to you.”</em></p><p>“But she won’t die, Cass!”  Cullen grunts. His foot hits the gas pedal over the speed limit.  “She is being ridiculous.”</p><p>
  <em>“I know—Rian!  I’m on a call!”</em>
</p><p>Cullen’s blood freezes.  He nearly drives off the road as his heart years for Evie.  He feels in his soul something is wrong.</p><p><em>“Do you know where Cullen is?!”</em>  Rian’s voice rings over the phone line.</p><p><em>“I’m talking to him now!  Why?”</em>  Cassandra yells.</p><p>
  <em>“Evelyn’s water broke.  Her plug failed.  Gwen is in the ambulance with her now!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Cullen-“</em>
</p><p>“I hear.  I will right there!”  Cullen screams, not caring he is breaking driving laws.  He is more than an hour away.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It is too soon.</p><p>Cullen grips the steering wheel like all life depended on it.  He just speeds passed people, praying the Maker smiles on him.  He calls everyone nearby, but no one picks up.  They all must be at the hospital with Evie.</p><p>It is too soon.</p><p>There is too much wrong.  The proposal, their relationship, Cullen not being there when Evie needs him…  On the top of the list is Evie’s lacking faith.  She is alone in her mind.  Her depression convinced her body she will not survive this labor.  Now, he is miles away and unable to tell her she will not die.  Her dull eyes make sense now.  How she listlessly went through daily motions.  She ate when she needed and monitored herself.  She acted as a vessel for their child.  She did everything to give the child the best chance.</p><p>What changed?</p><p>Cullen thinks back to that night when Cullen heard the magic play through them.  He remembers how the notes sometimes sounded sharp or flat, like she worried and lost hope.  He should have pressed her to talk and tell him what she saw in her dream.</p><p>Evie must have seen her death.</p><p>How many times has Cullen seen his own death in the Fade?</p><p>The violin waltzing with his soul sounded so solemn and defeated.  How her bright green eyes dulled and rolled into her head the longer he proposed and told his plans.  If a person believes they will die, they will not want anyone to suffer.  Her ‘no’ sounded like the most painful thing she will ever speak.</p><p>Evie does everything selflessly.  If pain is possible, she will create a situation where she will suffer the most to minimize the anguish for others.  She believes she deserves the agony because she believes she selfishly survived when Esme died.  So, by declining Cullen, he is will not feel as much pain when she dies and focus on their child.</p><p>Except Cullen will feel a thousand deaths without her.  How can he look at his child and not think about her?  Is Evie so dense to think their love child could make him happy without his Lady there beside him?  He should have told her he proposed for <em>her</em>.  If something happened to the baby, they will try again.  They will try forever just as long as Evie is okay and <em>alive</em>.  They will both mourn the baby’s death, but the mother’s health matters most to Cullen.  Evie might think the other way around, but Cullen only wants Evie in his life first and foremost.</p><p>Cullen keeps speed dialing the hospital during his high-speed driving.  There are no police to stop him, thank the Maker.  Maybe his prayers at his parents’ graves were partially answered.  The hospital keeps getting redirected everywhere despite being a doctor there.  <em>Are you family?  Is this person your patient?  No, then we cannot give out information.</em>  They do not care he is the father or he proposed.  To them legally, Evie is alone.</p><p>The doctor searches his phone for anyone he can call.  Dr. Wynne is out of town at a conference, meaning whoever is caring for Evie is someone she does not know, which will just the mage freak more.  Still, Cullen calls the OBGYN office just hoping someone will return his call.</p><p>About thirty miles from Haven, Cullen searches his phone again for anyone in his professional contacts he can call.  A name in his contacts sends him back decades.  He has not talked to this person since his first tour.  Didn’t Cassandra say a few months ago she and her wife were moving to Haven?  She is an emergency nurse, so she could-</p><p>Cullen knows he did not hit the send button as Maya Amell-Nightingale’s phone number pops up as incoming call.   He gulps and answers.  “Dr. Cullen Rutherford speaking…?”</p><p><em>“Cully!”</em>  Cullen recognizes Maya’s shy, crisp voice anywhere.  <em>“I hope you can help me with something.”</em></p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>
  <em>“Well, I work in the emergency maternity ward in Haven General now.  There is a woman here that claims you are the father of her baby?”</em>
</p><p>“Evelyn Trevelyan?”</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, how-“</em>
</p><p>“I’m the father!”  Cullen cries almost in tears.  “How is she?”</p><p>"<em>Frankly, quite pissed off!  She won’t let the emergency surgeon Dr. Gordon Blackwall near her.  Only our on-staff midwife, Cole, can even hold her hand.  His whispers keep her calm for checks, but other than that, she is nearly setting the ER on fire.  Are you on your way to the hospital?”</em></p><p><em>“Is that him!?  I want to talk to Cullen!”  </em>A distorted, familiar voice hollers in the distance.</p><p><em>"Calm down, Miss-“  </em>A gruff male advises the shouting woman.</p><p>
  <em>“Now!”</em>
</p><p>Maker, Cullen never has been so relieved and panicked to hear that strong Free Marcher accent.  “Put me on speaker, Maya.”  Cullen begs, dodging a semi-truck.</p><p>
  <em>“Okay!”</em>
</p><p>“Eve?”</p><p>
  <em>“Where the FUCK are you!?”</em>
</p><p>Cullen laughs, just so happy to hear her.  “I’m thirty miles away.”</p><p>
  <em>“They want to do an emergency C-section!  It’s too soon!”</em>
</p><p><em>“Miss Trevelyan, your water broke.  Your cervix cannot dilate with all that scar tissue.  It is the only way to save your child.”</em>  The male voice explains like he speaks through a beard.</p><p><em>"I know that!  I mean to say I don’t want to give birth to this kid until we’re married!”</em>  Evie hollers.  <em>“Cullen, I’m sorry I said no.  I thought it would be best for you, but I’m selfish.  I don’t know what will happen, but I don’t want to give birth without you.  I want to be your wife.  I’m sorry I decline.  I didn’t want to!  I’m a selfish bitch who might leave you a widower, but I haven’t wanted someone so much in my entire life.  I know I ruined everything, but please!  Please!  Marry </em>me!<em>”</em></p><p>Cullen can hear Cassandra gasp in the background, while Lady Gwen cries out happily.</p><p>Evie wants to marry <em>him.</em></p><p> She wants to marry before the baby is born.</p><p>“YES!  Maker, damn it, get it ready!  I’ll be there in the next fifteen minutes!”</p><p><em>“I know a judge who can sign off on the marriage license!”  </em>Cassandra calls out between tears.</p><p><em>“Whatever the price, I’ll pay it.”</em>  Bann Ian hollers, tears in his bass voice.</p><p>"<em>OH!  Cullen!  Leliana is here!”</em>  Maya calls into the cellphone.  <em>“She’s a Chantry sister.  She can get here as quick as you can!  We can do it before the C-section!”</em></p><p>“Call her, Maya!”  Cullen exclaims, tears rolling down his cheeks.  “I have the ring with me.  I hadn’t let go of it since that night, Eve.”</p><p>“<em>Get here, Cullen!  I’ll hold on!  I love you!”</em></p><p>“I love you, Eve!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THERE IS GOING TO BE A WEDDING...in the ER...while Evie is in labor.  O_O!  I would like to thank and cite "Lethal Weapon 4" for this inspiration.  This labor wedding will be legal though.  Introducing Cole, Blackwall, Leliana, and Maya Amell.  XD!  That is going to be a crowded delivery room...while Evie burns down the hospital.  </p><p>Does this undo the heart attack I caused Friday?  Let me know in the comments!  Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Giving Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>THE BABY IS ALMOST HERE!  LAST GUESSES ON THEIR SEX!</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Open Your Eyes" by Snow Patrol</p>
<p>Slight Warning:  General description of labor, surgery, and C-section.  Just wanted to give you all a head's up.  :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evie has never felt such pain in her life.</p>
<p>Labor is unlike any period she has ever had.  Gynecological doctors remark period cramps are prepping for labor, but that a load of bull.  Period cramps are dancing through a meadow on a sunny day compared with this muscle-tensing agony.  How is she expected to push a watermelon through her pelvis and vagina?!  Magic?!  If only…</p>
<p>When Evie woke up from her heart surgeries, she thought she felt genuine pain like an alien busted out of her chest and then crawled back in.  However, those surgeries were nothing like this.  This feels like her lower half is being pulled off and she is on the medieval rack.  It is anguishing.  The mage’s pelvic and abdominal muscles must be shocked with batteries every three minutes.  She begs for any pain medicine.  Tylenol sounds fantastic even if it does nothing.  It is the <em>placebo effect </em>that Evie prays reduces this torture.  Those mediation and breathing techniques lack any effect.  Hundreds of dollars and time wasted on Lamaze classes.  Women who use baby pools and no pain relief for natural birth?  Give them medals!  How did they do this?!</p>
<p> But Evie requires an emergency cesarean section, so no pain meds yet.   The medical team holds them hostage.  If given too early, Evie might feel the emergency surgery, and that is a huge <em>nope!</em></p>
<p>So, Evie just screams obscenities and blasts fire mana everywhere.</p>
<p>The baby comes a month too early.  It is not preeclampsia that makes the doctors want to go to surgery.  The baby decided he or she is ready <em>now</em>.  Evie’s thin mucous plug complied.  A quick bathroom trip during the movie <em>Fool’s Gold</em> turns into a waterfall all over the tile floor and on poor Surana’s back.  Before, Evie’s massive belly felt like a giant was squeezing her from the inside.  She thought nothing of it when she went to take a piss.  False contractions occur much like cramps, practice for the big show.</p>
<p>Well, here’s the grand finale!</p>
<p>More than her urine came out.  It was like a river dam exploded and ran into the master bedroom.  Surana whimpered and raced out, slinging fluid all over the walls.  She cried for her mother like a toddler who threw too many toys in the toilet and overflowed the toilet.  Evie instantly missed Cullen.  She held her hand to her crotch, worried for blood.  No, only labor.  <em>Early.</em> </p>
<p>Maker, Evie wants her Lion beside her.  <em>Now!</em>  She refuses to give birth now, waiting with all her might for Cullen.  This impatient kid better wait until their daddy arrives or there will be words!  Well, besides the creative cussing already flying throughout the hospital room.</p>
<p>Why did she push Cullen away?</p>
<p>Why did she not say <em>yes</em>?</p>
<p>They could have married over a week ago.  She thought she was being smart and fair.  Instead, she is in anguish waiting for her love to arrive from a trip she pushed him to go on.  Evie is an absolute idiot!  Cullen and Evie could be Dr. Mr. and Dr. Mrs. Rutherford already and written on the birth certificate.  Instead, she was selfless-selfish craven.  She fell on the knife only she placed on the ground.  Cullen never wanted her to take that plunge.  He only wanted to love her for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>“What was I thinking, Cassandra…?!”  Evie groans as her friend holds her hand after a contraction.  Dorian is right beside the seeker lawyer.  “I didn’t want him to be a widower.  But I want him.  I’m an idiot.  I want to be Evie Rutherford.  I’m a moron!  I want to be his wife.  <em>AND SOMEONE GET ME SOME BLOODY DRUGS!</em>”</p>
<p>“You both are stupid…but in deeply in love.”  Cassandra remarks with a grunt.  Dorian nods in agreement.  “You two are the biggest ninnies on Thedas.”</p>
<p>“I know…”  Evie groans, wishing for an epidural.  Her cervix will not open, the scarring from her LEEP procedure too much.  She avoided cervical cancer to only get screwed over during labor.  Her pelvis never separated right, while the baby is breached.  Her baby cannot come out vaginally.  They will have to cut her open.  It is all too soon.</p>
<p>Just like her mother’s childbirth with Evie.</p>
<p>Iron Bull stands guard by the door, pacing like he is the expecting father.  No one nears the maternity room without his expressed permission.  His horns scratch the ceiling every time he arches his back when someone gets too close to the sliding door.</p>
<p>“Leliana and Cullen just arrived in the parking lot!”  The nurse, Maya, cries from the hallway and giving the massive Qunari a wide berth.  She races to go after the maternity surgeon, who will deliver.  Dr. Wynne is out of town.  This gruffy bearded stranger named Blackwall will save Evie and their baby.  Isn’t that Melsi Cadash’s husband?  Eve should listen to gossip at work more.  “Everyone, get scrubbed!”</p>
<p>“Who’s that woman?”  Dorian questions as Evie’s mother and father race for the parking lot.  “She seems to be familiar with you and Cullen.”</p>
<p>“Cullen’s high school ex-girlfriend!”  Evie cries as a new contraction hits.  She screams bloody murder, wanting no penis near her ever again.  “She found out she was gay while he was serving his first tour.”</p>
<p>Both friends wince and trade looks.  Dorian eyes the blonde nurse and says, “Maybe she’ll give me more detail of what that handsome knight’s pe-“</p>
<p>“Dorian!”  Cassandra hisses, smacking his arm.  “Focus.”</p>
<p>“This is why Bull handles this nonsense!”  The Tevinter mage snaps back and thumbs towards his husband patrolling the hallway.  “I detest such situations.  I’m itching to style your hair so you look nice for your nuptials, but you burn brighter than a supernova right now, Sunshine.”</p>
<p>“YOU PUSH A BOWLING BALL OUT OF YOUR ASS, DORIAN!”  Evie hollers and slings a fireball his direction.</p>
<p>Cassandra purges the spell in time, while Dorian summons a barrier.  “Apparently, you forgot Bull enjoys beads that-“</p>
<p>“Shut it!”  Cassandra threatens in the Tevinter’s face.  “I will be smite you into the next age if I hear one more word about penises and anything sexual again.”</p>
<p>Dorian causally twists his head to Rian, blare-witching in the corner.  The big brother wants to avoid any possible sight of his younger sister’s nether region or baby crowning.  Gwen just giggles at him, while Ian just rolls his eyes.  “Did you take her Antivan romance books away again, Dear Cousin?”  Both Cassandra and Rian blush and start stuttering.</p>
<p>“NO MORE SEX TALK WHILE I’M PUSHING A MAKER-DAMN HUMAN OUT OF MY CROTCH!”  Evie declares, bright green eyes turning orange and glowing.</p>
<p>“Eve?!”</p>
<p>Evie has never heard such an enchanting, loving, husky voice in all her life.  “CULLEN!  THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”</p>
<p>Right then, Evie’s blond knight races into the maternity room.  The man looks like he traveled through time to get to her.  His curls puff like he put his finger into a light socket.   Sweat drips down his temple.  He pants like he ran from Honnleath instead of drove.</p>
<p>Maker, Cullen is the most gorgeous sight she has ever seen.</p>
<p>Too bad childbirth makes her never want to have sex again.</p>
<p>A red-headed woman in a white robe runs into the room behind Cullen.  She kisses the shy nurse quickly.  She waves an official stamped paper over her head.  “I have the license!”  Her Orlesian accent rings throughout the room.  She smirks at Cullen, her icy blue eyes piercing the panicking father.  “This is so romantic, Cully Wally.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Leliana!  Just marry us!”  Cullen hollers, ignoring the Chantry sister giggling at the foot of the bed.  Like a tidal wave, the upcoming dad shoves Dorian and Cassandra aside.  Evie outreaches her hand with wires and IVs stabbing her wrists and fingers.  He grasps it, then the lucky coin around her neck.  “I’m sorry, my Lady.  I should have been here for you from the beginning.  I love you so much.”</p>
<p>“Awwww…”  Both the nurse Maya and the Chantry sister, Leliana, coo at once.  Cassandra and Gwen cup hands, trying their best not to cry.  Rian rolls his eyes from over his shoulder, while Ian nods in approval.</p>
<p>“Marry us!  <em>Now!</em>”  Evie growls with her next contraction.  Maya jumps and races out of the room, while Leliana just eyes the laboring woman. </p>
<p>To turn Evie’s attention away, Cullen kisses her forehead and wipes her sweaty bangs behind her ears.  “You’re amazing, Evelyn Trevelyan.”</p>
<p>“She’ll be a Rutherford in a second!”  Maya calls as she comes back and throws the lyrium addiction doctor some fresh scrubs.  “I’m glad I’m not telling Mia about this.”</p>
<p>Cullen’s amber eyes nearly fall out of his head.  “I’ll panic about that later.  First, you and this impatient little Light.”  He kisses Evie’s tacky forehead and hand again.  He immediately starts changing, not caring who is in the room.  Dorian watches intently.  Even Iron Bull peaks in when gets to his boxer briefs.  Lady Gwen gives her daughter a thumb’s up. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, my Lady.  I should have known.  I should have pushed you to talk.”  Cullen confesses, his shaking hands frantically tossing clothing off and scrubs on.</p>
<p>“It’s my fault…”  Evie whines, already feeling better listening to Cullen’s piano play in her struggling soul.  “I’m selfish.  I want to be your wife, but I didn’t want you to be a widower so soon.  I thought I saw what happened if I died and you and the baby forgot about me.  Now, I don’t want to die without having your name.  I don’t want to die, period!  I want to be a family.  I wanted nothing more in my entire life.”  Another contraction hits her.  “BUT YOU’RE NOT POINTING THAT THING AT ME AGAIN!”</p>
<p>Evie grabs the ex-templar’s bicep and squeezes as hard as possible.  She must have found a tendon because Cullen kneels and grits his teeth.  It takes a few seconds for the contraction to subside.  Slowly, the aching man stumbles back to his feet again, surprised by Evie’s sudden strength.  Her hand burned a hole through his scrub sleeve.  Cullen just kisses her again, wiggling his arm and fingers.  “I don’t want to be anywhere else.  I love you, Eve.  I don’t want anyone else as my wife or my children’s mother.”  His eyes focus on the red head suiting up by her wife.  “Leliana, <em>please</em>.”</p>
<p>“I’ve already signed my name on the paper, but we’ll cover the bases.  Maya says she needs to get to surgery <em>now.</em>  Cullen Stanton Rutherford, do you take this woman as your wife for all the important specifics you guys have already lived through the last few months and will do so for the rest of your lives until you both perish, which will be when you are one-hundred and not anytime soon.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Maker, yes!”  Cullen’s amber gaze focuses on Leliana then Maya.  “You told her my middle name?!”</p>
<p>“I know everything about you, Cullen.”  Leliana’s grin grows as Dorian busts out laughing.  The ex-templar just growls and return his attention to his laboring bride.  </p>
<p>Leliana ignores the brooding man.  “Evelyn…”  She searches the room, snapping her fingers.  “Help the frazzled sister, please…?”</p>
<p>Lady Gwen jumps in.  “Evelyn Tesni Trevelyan!”</p>
<p>“Evelyn Tesni Trevelyan, do you take this grumpy templar who is extremely stubborn and too obsessed with his actual curly hair as your annoying husband?”</p>
<p>“Leliana!”  Cassandra cries, smacking the Chantry woman’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“I love every fucking curly hair on his pomade head!”  Evie screams as the baby pushes on her pelvic bone.  “Yes, Maker, damn it!”</p>
<p>“Then in the eyes of the Maker and all the people present, you are man and wife!”  Leliana waves and thrust the paper at Cullen, who signs.  Evie does not know if her own signature even looks like a person signs it or Surana did when another contraction hits.  “Kiss her, you duffus!”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses Evie happily as Maya unlocks the bed brakes and wheels her towards surgery.  Evie bawls joyous tears, ignoring the pain for a millisecond.  There is too much going on to give a damn right now. </p>
<p>The inferno still wants her drugs.</p>
<p>“I want to change my fucking name!”  Evie screams, receiving laughter from everyone present.</p>
<p>“May I introduce Mr. and Mrs. Evelyn Rutherford!”  Leliana laughs with the other labor attendants.  The whole maternity emergency ward clap and cheers as the birthing mother rolls by.  Iron Bull plays center for the gurney, clearing the hall of crowds.  Cullen laughs before Maya pulls him into a side clean room to scrub. </p>
<p>Cullen stops and runs after Evie’s gurney long enough.  He slips the engagement ring right on her finger.  “I love you…”</p>
<p>“I love you, Cullen…”  Evie waves before the double doors swing close.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Evie cannot feel anything.  She knows they cut into her, but nothing below her neck matters.  A net keeps her sweaty hair contained.  Every time she looks down, all she sees is that ugly teal blanket blocking any sign that her organs are exposed to the world. </p>
<p>So, Evie’s bright green orbs focus on Cullen instead.  She waits for <em>the</em> sound.  She listens to the heart monitors for everything.</p>
<p>The midwife, Cole, stands over Cullen’s left shoulder.  He whispers strange things that makes little sense.  <em>“She didn’t hear his voice ad worried.  She wants both of you by her constantly.  That’s why she wished to leave now.”</em></p>
<p>Cullen kisses the inferno mage and whispers he is so happy and thankful they met and fell in love.  Evie can only observe his dancing whiskey orbs, while a mask covers his handsome scarred lips.  She knows she is naked except for a hair cap, reminded of all the times she woke up nude after her heart surgeries.  The new jewelry on her left hand finger feels heavy. She imagines an additional wedding band beside the family heirloom  Blackwall allows the new accessory in the operating room, knowing the bride will never remove it again and so soon.</p>
<p>This is nothing than what she imagined.  Evie waits, her breathes controlled and as relaxed as possible as this strange doctor delivers their child.  She does not feel like she is in her own body anymore.</p>
<p>Cole continues his cryptic sentences.  <em>“Love and luck.  He planned it all.  He saw it for her.  This is why he made that choice.  ‘Everything for her.  Make her happy and healthy.’  It’s happening now.”</em></p>
<p>“You’re amazing, Eve.”  Cullen whispers down at her.  He kisses her forehead.  “Why me?”</p>
<p>“Why not you…?”  Evie wisps, thankful for the pain medicine finally.  The doctors could be sawing off her legs, and she would not know.  She still feels some contractions, but nothing major like before.  Maker, how much piss and poop falls out of her right now.  If she had horrible incontinence before. Maker’s balls, it must be a cesspool all over the surgery floor.  Nurses slip in fluids as they maneuver around the table.  “I don’t want any other.  I might have known you only eight or so months, but I want no one else.”</p>
<p>“I should have never left you a second…”  Cullen whispers, his ears attuned to what was happening on the surgery table.  His eyes swipe over the teal blanket every so often, wincing and waiting for the same sound Evie does now.  “…I should have known what was bothering you that night.”</p>
<p>“I was the idiot…I dreamed I died and would never saw or held our child…only you two lived.  You two forgot about me.  You never needed me.  ” Evie admits, the pain relievers controlling her more than her own anxious mind.  “I thought I had no place with you and our child…”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses her lips again.  “You have a place here.”  He pulls out the coin and gemstone from his scrub shirt.  “Luck, my lady.  You are my luck, my miracle.”</p>
<p>“Now!”  Dr. Blackwall calls as he removes something from her body.  Evie listens, her heart focusing on the monitor beeping in the background.  She barely notices something in the doctor’s hands just right above the blanket, but there is no sound.</p>
<p>
  <em>No.  Were they too late!?</em>
</p>
<p>A wail unlike any other echoes through the operation room.  Two heart beats continue on the monitors.   An infant cries out, taking the first painful breaths as fluid drains away.</p>
<p><em>“I’m here.  I sing with the music now.  My family awaits.”</em>  The strange midwife calls, watching the newborn flail and cry.</p>
<p>“It’s a girl!”  Cullen cries out as the doctor shows Evie briefly.  The most beautiful and slimy baby ever appears above the blanket.  Her high pitch screams can bust ear drums, but she is healthy and <em>alive!</em></p>
<p>Tears stream down Evie’s unique peridot spheres.  It is the more glorious sound and face she has never seen.  The entire staff cry out in cheers and praise as they take the child away for initial natal health checks.  Evie wishes she could reach out for Cullen, but her arms are numb.   She does not know if it’s the numbing agent or herself…</p>
<p><em>“He wants to speak.  Don’t follow him over.  He wants to help.  I want to help.”</em>  Cole consoles as his icy blue eyes glancing over Cullen head to a forming figure to Evie’s husband right.</p>
<p>…Evie feels herself floating as the room goes wild.  She watches as Cullen’s lips move, but she hears little.  The beeping becomes deafening, while Evie is feel calm and peaceful…</p>
<p>She has done her part.</p>
<p><em>"…Eve…I need you…”</em>  Cullen’s scarred lips cry when he pulls down his mask.  Tears form in his amber eyes.  <em>“I love you….Stay with us!  Stay with me and our daughter, Diana, my wife…”</em></p>
<p>Sparkling bright green eyes stay open, focused on Cullen.  Suddenly, the calm, missing pain is not what she wants.  As much as the dreamless, fearless sleep sounds tempting, her heart pulls her back to Cullen.</p>
<p>Glancing over her husband’s shoulder, Evie notices Esme, so young and silly as that day they went rafting.  Cole tilts his head and listens, his hand resting on Evie’s bare shoulder.  Compassion beam in those icy eyes as Esme steps forwards.  Her baby brother’s big brown orbs shimmer as he gives her a thumbs up.  He speaks, his bass voice like thunder, “Congrats, Evie.  I knew you could do it.”</p>
<p>Evie wants to reach out to him.  “Ezzy…I don’t want to leave them!”</p>
<p>“Then don’t.  I gave you my heart.  I live with you now.  I never left your side.  I would be a terrible little brother if I did.”</p>
<p>The realization breaks Evie.  “You never found peace?  Is it may fault?  That I’m responsible for your death?!”</p>
<p>“So much guilt…”  Cole whispers.  He waves to Esme.  “Release her burden…please?”</p>
<p>Esme shakes his head, pursing his lips for a few seconds.  “That’s not what I meant, Big Sis.  I always watch your back.  My last living thoughts were that I don’t want to leave you alone like Dad and everyone else did until her husband arrived.  However, I saw all this for you.  A loving husband, a baby…family unity you never knew.  I knew you would reject it because you always punish yourself.  Yet, this is what you prayed for you when so sick in the hospital with a heart harmed by your own birth.  Don’t you remember telling me this when you had your first surgery to get the druffalo valve?  You made it a life goal.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to be happily married and a loving mom.  I thought as a child I would never live to long enough to have it.”  Evie inhales, that memory lying in the hospital bed flowing back and into consciousness.  “I…I guess I did.  I just never accepted it…  It believed it was never possible.”</p>
<p>“Live your dream, Evie.”  Esme kisses her temple.  Tears gather in Cole’s eyes.  Cullen sits and talks to her, but she does not hear his baritone pleading.  “I approve of him.  Listen to him.  He really loves you.”</p>
<p>“I love you, Esme…I miss you.”</p>
<p>Esme shrugs.  “Quit beating yourself up.  Don’t waste this life thinking about something you had no control over.  I miss and love you too, Evie.  Take good care of that heart.  It’s an honor to keep you alive.”</p>
<p>Evie and Cole watch Esme walk away.  “Look forward, never back.”  Cole consoles with a smile.  “Listen and rejoin them.”  He points to Cullen and their baby nearby, screaming.  “She hears this exchange.  She wants to be held by you.  Don’t deny her that moment.”</p>
<p>The mage sobs.  “I want to hold Diana too.  I want to live!” </p>
<p>The surgery noise returns.  Cullen’s panic echoes around her, her hearing clearing each second.  She smiles up to him, biting her lip.  The happiest tears stream down her face.  “Hey there, Handsome…”</p>
<p>Cullen blows out his cheeks and kisses her five times.  He holds her cheeks and wipes away the fallen salt drops.  “Maker, don’t do that to me again!  You nearly gave <em>me </em>a stroke!”</p>
<p>Evie blinks up at him.  “Do what?”</p>
<p>“She’s stabilizing.”  Dr. Blackwall calls as the heart monitor slows down.  “Let’s finish sewing her up and send both to recovery.”  The doctor glances over the blanket down at her.  “You got one crazy heart, my lady.  Seen nothing like that in all my medical years.”</p>
<p>Evie grins, her mind struggling to remember what just happened.  She feels at renewed peace with no idea why.  Cole gives her a gentle smile, but no streaming thoughts to why.  For the first time in over a decade, she reflects on the past with happiness and relief instead of aching regret and crippling guilt.  She wants to live a fulfilling life, just like when she was a little girl with her barbies.  Before her magic, family, and heart denied her so much.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Esme always left us all guessing…”  Evie mentions to the surgeon, her bright green spheres locked on Cullen. </p>
<p>What a happy, wonderful life worth living.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A wedding, a birth, and some peace!  Evie survived her greatest fear!  I hope you all loved it!  Another chapter filled with all the feels.  I cry every time I read about Esme's appearance.  Cole just links it all together.  I hope you liked it.  XD!</p>
<p>Congrats to everyone who guessed Bloomingtide and a girl!  Let me know if you were right or wrong in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. ...Find a Home Harbor Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some family feels and happiness for you all!  Just the Epilogue to go!  I can't wait until Friday!</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Halcyon On and On" by Orbital</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diana Gwendolyn Rutherford is the most beautiful baby ever born.  Cullen cannot stop staring at her.  Even through the plastic incubator, she was absolutely awe-inspiring.  The first time he ran his fingers through her soft blonde curly hair, he immediately wanted to wash the pomade from his own hair.  He wanted to match her, accept a fickle quality that his newborn daughter inherited. </p>
<p>Cullen is now a dad…and he loves every minute.</p>
<p>Not has been pleasant.  The labor and delivery was hectic.  Of a millisecond, Cullen believed Evie could see the future…saw her own death.  Luckily, it was over before it began.  Thank the Maker.</p>
<p>For his little Diana, she spent a week in the neonatal intense care unit.  She required time under UV light for her liver to function on her own.  Her jaundice skin slowly transitioned to a light sun-tan cream that reflected her mother and father’s heritage. </p>
<p>Cullen’s little warrior also needed time in an iron lung to help her lungs.  He could barely handle hearing her cries while in the device, the desire to hold and protect her overwhelming.  He feared that fatherly connection would not happen or take months, but one look at her and he was done. </p>
<p>Like a champion, Diana overcame the obstacles.  Her underdeveloped organs work nearly a month too early.  Like a Rutherford, Cullen’s apple in his amber eye emerged healthy and well.</p>
<p>Evie spent the same time in the hospital.  After giving everyone a stroke during the C-section, his wife stabilized and recovered well from childbirth.  The doctors wanted to monitor her incision as they had difficultly sowing her uterus and muscles together.  As usual, Cullen’s spitfire bride gave everyone a troublesome time.  She internally breathed in relief that she conquered her own fears and traumas. </p>
<p>Actually, a strange shift occurred in Cullen’s wife.  Her outlook on life shifted to long-term goals.  She spoke about Esme with a smile and gentle gaze.  The depression still lays behinds her peridot orbs, but she can finally look beyond the darkness.  She wants a future with their child and him.</p>
<p>Alas, one limitation continues since delivery.  Her parents could not hold little Diana, so fragile and weak.  Cullen entered the nursery to comb her hair through the incubator door, while Evie’s surgery disallows to leave her hospital room.  She only saw Diana through the NICU window, unable to hold her; her last seeded fear simmers until that moment rectifies it.</p>
<p>Until now.</p>
<p>Cullen walks beside Maya Amell pushing the baby cart.  Diana just finished a UV treatment, her liver now functioning on its own.  The doctors say both mother and baby will get to go home by the end of the week.  However, both will need another month recovery period.  Cullen plans for this, working from home while on a brief paternity leave.  Alistair insisted his head lyrium addiction doctor have time with his growing family.  His clinicians agreed and shoved him out the door.  Furthermore, their family and friends finished the nursery so mother and child will come to a Dragon Age fantasy with a glowing hand inquisitor and chivalrous commander.</p>
<p>When the group arrives in the room, Evie’s head is turned away from the door likely napping.  Her heart beat is relax and calm, the first time Cullen has ever seen such great numbers for her.  Maya lets him push the cart in, waving bye instead of saying anything.  She likely fear of waking Evie, a mother still recovering from quite a heavy labor.  He closes the hospital room door, then rolls Diana closer to the bed.  Good, his little warrior is still groggy from her nap.</p>
<p>“Eve…”  Cullen whispers, leaning over his new bride.  He kisses her smooth forehead, while swiping some auburn bangs out of her face. </p>
<p>Evie’s facial color looks great, the olive tone and freckles enhancing her beauty.  The water retention finally left her, a concern a few days ago when her ankles swelled up to the size of grapefruits.  Cullen glances down at the air pump filling and releasing air wrapped around her lower legs.  She cannot handle the anti-blood clotting shots with her abdomen sewn and stapled shut.</p>
<p>Cullen cannot help it.  He leans over enough to kiss her lips, then whispers, “I love you, my wife.”</p>
<p>Evie groans, rubbing her bright green eyes bare of makeup.  Cullen always thinks her more gorgeous without her ‘war paint’.  Slowly, those bright green eyes appear.  A small smile pulls on her pink lips, her tongue darting out to wet them and taste where he once was.  “Hey there, my Lion…”  Her voice is raspy.  Cullen reaches for a plastic water cup so she can drink a few gulps.</p>
<p>“I have a few surprises for you.”  Cullen excitedly hints.  He cannot wait for this moment.  When the doctors told they could not hold Diana for a few days, both parents’ heart dropped, but they understood.  Her immune system might have Evie’s antibodies, but it is still weak from being born weeks too early.  She lies on the line between preterm and early term.</p>
<p>Evie perks an eyebrow.  “Oh?”  She pushes the bed button to rise up the back higher.</p>
<p>“I have someone to who wants to meet you.”</p>
<p>The inferno mage’s eyes widen, that genuine smile so big he never knew her lips expanded so far to her ears.  “Really?!  Are they going to let us breastfeed?  Where is she!?”</p>
<p>Cullen chuckles, standing from the bed to pick up the new apple in his eye.  “A feeding specialist will be in soon.  Since you’ve been pumping, Diana already received your milk, but they have her off IV.  They’ll help with her attaching.”</p>
<p>The new father washes his hands, then turns to the carrier.  Diana opens her glassy eyes. Blue spheres shine up at him.  Cullen has already done the test to look at her eyes from the side.  Flicks of green and gold lie on the surface, suggesting her blue will shift to green or hazel in the next few months. </p>
<p>Diana’s gummy mouth opens a few times, smacking her gummy lips.  The nurses tightly swaddled her to keep her body temperature warm without using too much energy.  Just her head covered in fluffy blonde hair and that button nose appears.</p>
<p>“I’m surprised she still isn’t asleep.”  Cullen lifts the bundle of joy, so careful and worried he will drop her or his callused hands will harm her flaky skin.  He holds her in his arms for a few minutes, his entire body vibrating how amazing and infallible this has happened.  He can just hold her and find peace.  “You want to meet your mommy?”</p>
<p>Evie’s magic puffs out of her as Cullen slowly turns back to the bed and leans over to transfer the newborn.  Evie’s arms are already in the proper position.  She slings her medical cords and wires out of the way.  She even opens her gown for skin-to-skin contact.</p>
<p>“It’s taken too long to happen…” Evie whimpers as Diana rests in her arms.  Cullen sits back down on the bed edge, watching the scene before him.  Tears trickle down Evie’s nose and chin.  Cullen is there to wipe them away before they drop on their newborn.  “Hello, Diana.  I’m you crazy mother you heard cussing for the last eight months.”</p>
<p>Cullen laughs and shakes his head.  Evie ignores him, her full attention focusing on their daughter.  “I’m sorry it took so long for us to meet.  I’ve wanted to hold you as soon as you left me, but you and I weren’t in the greatest shape.  I won’t let you go ever again.”  Her bright green eyes flick to Cullen.  “Well, maybe for your daddy to change those diapers like he promised.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I surprised the nurses earlier.  I was waiting for her to finish her treatment.  I turn towards them at the nurses’ station and remarked, ‘Can I get a refund?’  They looked at me like I grew a second head.  I waved to Diana and said, ‘All she does is cry, poop, and pee.  What’s the return policy?’  I’ve never seen so many worried nurses in my life.  It took Maya to tell them I joke when I’m nervous.”<a href="#_ftn1">[1]</a></p>
<p>Evie shakes her head, then kisses Diana’s forehead.  “They needed a friendly laugh after what I put them through the last week.  When can we go home?”</p>
<p>“Hopefully by the end of the week.”</p>
<p>Evie beams, swiping some blonde hair from Diana’s face.  “When the books mentioned baby go through puberty, I didn’t know what they meant.  She is covered in pimples!  Poor thing.”</p>
<p>“Good ole hormones.”  Cullen adds before reaching into his pocket.  “How are <em>you</em> doing?”</p>
<p>“So much better…”  Evie proclaims, her smile staying.  “I’m not enjoying all the crap falling out of me.  At least my cervix allows that.  It will be a <em>long</em> six weeks, but it will take that long for me to be in any shape to do anything.  I don’t know how I can imagine going back to work when I knew this little one is at home with her Nana in a few months.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of, they keep blowing up my phone about coming to visit.”  Cullen retorts, patting his pocket.  Yet, his hand connects to something, not his phone.  He must wait for the perfect time.</p>
<p>“Let’s wait until Diana and I are home.  I am going stir crazy in here.  We’ll do that rotation visit idea.  Only two people for an hour?  That way, we can all rest between visitors.  Also, it allows for feedings and other needs.  We only allow people who have had their DTAP shots too.”</p>
<p>Cullen squeezes her thigh under the blankets.  “Already have that covered.  Rosalie is here, but Mia and Branson said they will wait a few weeks before visiting to give us time to settle in and get a routine.”</p>
<p>“Who won the work pool?”  Evie asked, smirking towards the door.</p>
<p>“Of all people, my assistant Jim, the biggest idiot in the world.  He nailed her size, day, and sex. The man has enough money to retire now.  Dorian and Varric threw a fit.”</p>
<p>Evie giggles before glancing back to the baby.  “Serves them right.  Uncle Dori might say he doesn’t want to get near you, but I know he is itching to meet you.  Uncle Iron Bull is already talking about adoption.”  Evie’s gaze flicks to him.  “Dorian is afraid of turning into his father.  He wants to avoid rejecting anyone like he was.”</p>
<p>“Bull and I spoke about that.”  Cullen admits, swiping some of Diana’s hair out of her face again.  Her twisty curls are as annoying as Cullen’s.  “It’s his phobia.  I mentioned yesterday I am terrified of being a dad to him.  Yet when I hold her, I would do everything to make sure she is loved and cared for.”</p>
<p>“We’ll do this together, Cullen.”  Evie uses one arm to cradle Diana, while the other reaches out and takes his shaking hand.  She keeps adjust her hand to support Diana’s weight.  “Maker, she’s heavy.  I better build some arm muscles for when she gets twenty pounds!”</p>
<p>Before Evie retracts her left hand, Cullen holds it and pulls out the gift in his pocket.  “I have another gift…”</p>
<p>“Mr. Houdini over here.”  Evie giggles as Cullen opens a rectangular velvet box.  Her eyes brighten and sparkle.  “Already!?”</p>
<p>“They are quite simple, Eve.”  Cullen chuckles as he displays their matching wheat husk milgrain wedding bands.  “It took them no time to adjust the sizes.”</p>
<p>Evie looks at Cullen’s ring, reading the inside.  A tear rolls down her cheek.  “I love the engraving:  <em>Passing ships…find a home harbor together.</em>”</p>
<p>“I thought you would like that.”  Cullen smiles as he slips the ring on Evie’s finger right by his family engagement ring. Both fit and just look right on her.  “I love you, my Wife.”</p>
<p>Evie kisses his ring and boops Diana’s little nose with the gold jewelry.  She slowly slips it on his finger, kissing the digit once it is snuggly on.  She gives Cullen that unique smile, reserved for him alone. “I love you, my Husband…”  She kisses Diana’s head.  “We love you, my Light.  Thank you for bringing us together…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>[1] True story.  The hubby’s dad did this in the maternity ward when the hubby was born.  Of course, he was joking.  He loves telling that tale anytime to embarrass the hubby.</p>
<p>They have their wedding rings now!  All a happy family.  I can't believe this is almost done.  Thank you all for coming on this journey with me!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Growing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, we are at the end of the line.  If you didn't see, I added a new one-shot called, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943/chapters/65588437">"Whole New World"</a> under <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312943">"The Port Authority"</a> on Wednesday.  Check it out!  As I said there, I may add more one-shots on that part of this series when I need some happiness or break some writer's block.  Maker sure to bookmark and subscribe to it to keep up to date.</p>
<p>Chapter Song:  "Something That I Want" by Grace Potter (from the "Tangled" OST)  Remember to subscribe to this story's playlists on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iOINwiJrvl7fKiwhTpBJE?si=twlYp859TtaQtJNHOu0rjw">Spotify</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw4onCkm8zQYR-1aDuwe1kfgbL40DY9CD">YouTube</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Five Years Later</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, I hollered, ‘Hey, get you grimy hands off her!  Then I kicked him in the c-“</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>, Sera.”  Evie warns, her bright green eyes flicking between the nearly five-year-old sitting on an outdoor table and the blonde elf reenacting a story.</p>
<p>“I was gonna say <em>chin</em>!”  Sera hollers back, then winks to Diana.  Instantly, the little girl giggles and covers her mouth.  Her curly blonde hair bounces with each laugh.</p>
<p>Evie shakes her head and returns to review the paperwork for the twentieth time.  Everything must be right for the trip to be a success.  If they felt comfortable driving, they could have brought Surana to keep Evie’s anxiety down, but the mabari is several months pregnant.  That is the last time they have a dog play date with Astrid’s mabari, General Barkspawn.  For being old, that war hound seems to be as fertile as the Rutherford Clan.  Maker, and don’t get Evie started on Cullen’s baby sister!  One IVF treatment and Lysette and Rosalie were pregnant!</p>
<p>If only those three rounds of assisted fertilization worked on Evie.  Evie shoos the last few years’ losses and decisions away.  Today is a new chapter of their lives.  Grow from the hurt and live life to the fullest. </p>
<p>The mage’s bright green eyes dance to where her loving husband speaks on the phone with Cassandra.  It is a nice warm summer morning in Val Royeaux, a city both adults absolutely hate but appreciate for bringing them together.  This is Diana’s first trip there, although she begged to come for the other trips over the last few months.  Her parents did not think it wise to give the little girl hope for something that could easily fall through.</p>
<p>Now, things finally line up and work out.</p>
<p>Cullen presses the red button on his smartphone and wanders back to the restaurant's outside table.  He clicks his tongue.  “Di, mind your dress.  Don’t flash the whole alienage.”</p>
<p>Diana leans back so she stares at her father upside down.  “Sorry, Daddy.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Weirdy already did that, eh?”  Sera remarks, 1sending Diana into another fit of laughter.</p>
<p>Cullen leans over his wife and kisses her forehead softly.  “Do I want to know <em>that</em> drunk time?  Or is it every drunk expedition here?”</p>
<p>“Only once…”  Evie lifts a single digit and gives her husband a challenging look.  She blushes and hides behind her auburn waves.  “…that Sera would know about.  That time, she stole my pants and underwear…and put them up the tree.”  Evie points at the Vheandahl, while her husband chuckles.  “Just like seeing my discarded silk underwear hanging on out living room wall now.”</p>
<p>Cullen instantly sinks in his chair, grumbling about his head nurse.  Anyone who knows the story scolds Cullen when he tries to take down framed silky pair of underwear he found on a hotel lamp shade.  Evie thinks it hilarious.  The old undergarments actual matches their new house’s decor perfectly.</p>
<p>“Besides, you know I like to strip when drunk…”  Evie adds with a sexy smirk.</p>
<p>The handsome Fereldan wiggles his eyebrows.  “Don’t I know it…and <em>quite </em>enjoy the view.  Lake Avvar has seen you skinny dip one too many times.  Thankfully, my charm calms down the neighbors before they call the police.”</p>
<p>“No, it is because you <em>too </em>are doing it and takes one look at your fine behind, my Lion.  I’ve never seen so many women glare at me since middle school.”  Evies as her husband turns beet red.  “Oh, the fun we have when Diana stays with her grandparents once a month.”</p>
<p>On cue, Cullen rubs his neck, mumbles to himself, and flops down in the seat across her.  “So, everything looks good?”</p>
<p>“The sisters can’t bitch that Diana and I are mages now.  With this letter from several grand clerics supporting us, they will have to give up that limitation or be called out for their bigotry.”  Evie slaps the folder down on the table by their breakfast.  As usual, Diana raced off before finishing her toast and eggs.  The girl cannot sit still for five minutes, too much like her antsy mother.</p>
<p>“You would think Bull’s threats when Dorian and he adopted from them would shut them up.  Cassandra just confirmed child welfare are investigating that one case we noticed last time.  The sooner the little one is out of there, the better.”  Cullen sighs and pinches his nose.  “I didn’t think this would be such a nightmare.  IVF was its own can of worms, but adoption should not bankrupt people too.”</p>
<p>“At least we can do this.  Think about the barren families who don’t have our resources and connections.  Remember what that one agency said:  just because I had a heart transplant and medical condition, I was physically disabled and thus could not give any child enough love and care required.  So, I never considered any baby-making or adoption before meeting you.”  Evie grits her teeth.  “It’s IVF or shit out of luck for most people.  What about people who don’t have our money or support?!”  This topic always burns her to the point she advocated for a Theirin Foundation office to help such families. </p>
<p>Evie’s bright green eyes follow Diana running around the alienage square until Dagna shows her donuts.  “Diana is a miracle child.”  She meets Cullen’s soft amber gaze.  “You gave me all I ever wanted, Cullen.”</p>
<p>“I think that’s my line.”  Cullen smirks and reaches across the table.  He holds her left hand, his fingers glancing over her wedding and engagement bands.  His attention flicks to the lucky coin and amber focus stone hanging between her peeking cleavage.  “I thank the Maker every day of meeting you and having this family…a family that will be a plus one today.”</p>
<p>“He should have come home with us last month…”  Evie bites her rosy lip, her other hand on her stomach.  “The hormones, then the miscarriages…how many nights did we just bawl, Cullen.  I thought the last straw was the hysterectomy since the scarring after Diana caused too much damage to have a safe, full-term pregnancy.  All those trials…I kept telling myself having her was <em>enough</em>.  She was a miracle.  Why try for more?  I just feel those mother urges and seeing how lonesome she can be.  Her magic manifested, and she desperately wanted to share it with someone.  Then you remarked wishing she had a sibling…just like we had.  Huge families to share all of life’s moments!  I thought I <em>failed </em>her from not giving her a little sibling like Esme.”</p>
<p>“You must know I never meant to make you cry that day.”  Cullen consoles, his lip twitching.  “It had been something I had been pondering when she would get bored or complain her cousins lived so far away.”</p>
<p>“Then Dorian and Bull brought home that enchanting little girl.”  Evie smiles, remembering how wonderful both men looked holding their adopted elven daughter, Elena.</p>
<p>“We instantly started searching.  It seems neither one of us were ready to close that chapter.”  Cullen knows what she was thinking.  His amber eyes study the morning elven market, a gentle smile tugging his scarred lips.  “What better place to look than the city that conceived Diana.”</p>
<p>“You know he’s half Orlesian, right?  An Orlesian will live with us.”  She giggles, knowing it will not be an issue.  She cannot help but poke at Cullen’s Fereldan disdain for the empire.  Cullen rolls those amber gems and frowns.  “…He’s elf-blooded and precious, even if his heritage is why his horrible father abandoned his pregnant mother.”  She rubs her scarred tummy again.  “I wished we could have met her, but not everyone makes it through childbirth.  No one searches for blood clots after labor…even after six weeks.”  Evie exhales and shakes her head.  She wipes away the sorrowful tears before they ruin her makeup.  She shifts them to happiness and fulfillment.  “William is such a wonderful baby.  I cannot <em>wait</em> for this appointment, Cullen.”</p>
<p>Cullen hops chairs to sit by her.  He kisses her slowly, lingering on her lips for a few extra seconds.  He does not care if everyone notices their public display of affection.  After all, they gave the whole alienage a make-out session just five years ago.  He still grips her hand leaning back.  “I can’t either.  The only one more excited than us is Diana.  She scolded me a few days ago for leaving dirty boot prints in his nursery.”</p>
<p>Evie rest her head on Cullen’s shoulder.  “That’s your influence on her.”</p>
<p>“No, she got that unrelenting stubbornness from you!”</p>
<p>The mage lightly slaps his shoulder lightly, chuckling.  “Hush.”</p>
<p>Diana trots over their outdoor table, her hair frayed and puffy to the point Evie should just take down her pigtails.  “Is it time to <em>goooooo</em>?  I wanna meet him!”</p>
<p>Cullen tugs Diana into his lap.  “Very soon, Pup.  William is still napping.  We don’t want to wake him.”</p>
<p>“I want to make sure he likes me.”  Diana pouts, flopping her head against Cullen’s chin.</p>
<p>“Of course, he’ll like you.  What is there not to like?”</p>
<p>In the meekest whisper, their daughter whimpers, “I do magic.”</p>
<p>Cullen kisses and blows on her cheek.  She instantly giggles and bats his face away.  “There is nothing wrong with magic.  Just as long as you listen to Mommy and your teachers, magic is safe and beneficial.”</p>
<p>“Then why did he not come home last month?”</p>
<p>Evie leans towards her daughter, swiping some blonde curls from her daughter’s bright green eyes.  “Because some adults are silly and think they know everything.  We must have patience with such narrow-minded people and show them we are good, kind people who can give cool light shows.”</p>
<p>“Or kick them in the chin!”  Diana hollers, rewarding the girl a Sera thumbs up, who stands and watches about ten feet away.</p>
<p>  “<em>No</em>, violence solves nothing.”  Cullen corrects, glaring at the laughing elf and her quirky dwarven wife by the restaurant door.</p>
<p> “Then why does Mommy threaten to throw fireballs up Mr. Varric’s butt all the time?”</p>
<p> Evie and Cullen give each other looks with the ex-templar just blinking unamused by his wife’s abrasive, cursing mouth.  The inferno mage still forgets her daughter is a tape recorder and remembers <em>everything </em>at the worst times.  Maker, trying to explain to the kindergarten teacher last week why Diana knows Tevene curse words was a nightmare! </p>
<p>The young mother sighs, “Mommy doesn’t <em>actually</em> do that.  Varric knows I’m joking.  I would hurt no one.”</p>
<p> “And maybe your Mommy shouldn’t say such things.”  Cullen warns with a pointing stare as he picks up his daughter and stands himself.  “Even if that dwarf deserves it after that last betting pool.”</p>
<p> “And this comes from the man who had a full, threatening lecture with Lysette right before she proposed…”  Evie retorts with an eyebrow perk.  “<em>…at a shooting range!”</em> </p>
<p> “I think it’s close enough time that we can get to the orphanage.”  Cullen mumbles, handing his credit card to Sera.</p>
<p> “Can I tell Will his full name?”</p>
<p> Evie kisses her daughter’s other cheek before gathering her massive purse and papers. “Of course, my Light.”</p>
<p> “Awesome!  I will say, ‘Hi, I’m your big sister, Diana Gwendolyn Rutherford.  You are William Stanton Esme Rutherford!”</p>
<p>"<em>Stanton?!”</em>  Sera laughs, while running the card.  “You want this kid get toilet swirlies in high school?!”</p>
<p>Evie thumbs to Cullen, who rubs his neck.  Diana giggles, poking his stubble cheek.  “It’s a family tradition.”</p>
<p>Sera wrinkles her nose and offers the credit card once finished.  “Eww….dump it.”</p>
<p>Cullen snatches back his credit card.  “Good thing you’re not naming him then.”</p>
<p>“I should!”  Sera yelps, her hands on her hips.  “Every time I see you two, you’re creating a kid or adopting one!”</p>
<p>Diana pokes her father’s cheek again.  “Daddy, can I tell him where babies come from?  I brought my book!”</p>
<p>Both Evie and Cullen jump forward.  “No!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>When I started this story, it was from inspiration seeded by my writing sisters and a way to mend the broken pieces of miscarriages, infertility, and the financial and medical inability to have IVF and adoption.  Those personal wounds are still large, but you all with your comments, returning reading, and kudos help pat away the pain and give me lots of love.  I thank you for this opportunity to share my own hurts in a constructive happy way with its many ups and downs.  </p>
<p>Not all lives turn out as great as Evie and Cullen's adventure, but that is the great thing about being a writer:  you control that journey.  We don't control our own real lives, but we can create happy worlds for our little labors of written characters and share them with others who may relate or enjoy the ride.  Thank you for this opportunity.  :)</p>
<p>...As for my next project.  Oh nelly, has writer's block been horrible!  I've been working on FIVE different stories over the last several months, bouncing between them when I cannot break the block.  The one with the most written chapters is my 1940s World War AU that features little Diana!  My Avvar short story (planned 15 chapters) has not been working with me despite everyone voting they want that next.  (I'm trying!  Promise!)  I have a Monster AU idea that will be a short story for the end of October, but I might just need to take a break and shelve it for next October.  </p>
<p>In the meantime, I do have some new chapters of <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990486">Danse Macabre</a> ready that I may post over my little vacation.   I wish to begin the new parts for <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/13231014">Marry Your Best Friend</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691371">Rebalance, my Soulmate AU</a>.  In any case, make sure to subscribe to my <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejeeperswife">AO3 Jeeperswife Page</a> to read my many other DA fan fictions and to be informed of many latest chapters and works.  </p>
<p>THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!  YOU ARE MY DRIVING FORCE TO KEEP WRITING AND POSTING!  THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!  XD!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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